How old?

[irish dancer]

DD12 has been begging to be able to text message on her cell. We've have not allowed it as we don't have any real texing package on our phone since DH and I don't really text. I've also told her she's too young to need to text message. I've heard horror stores of kids having hundreds and thousands of texts a month. She is using the usual claim that "everyone" texts and she's the "only one" that can't. Of course I don't fall for that arguement but since she's my oldest I'm clueless on what might be the norm out there.

So my question is:

At what age/grade did you allow your child to start text messaging?

If you allow it do you have limits?

Do you ever read their texts?

 

[2cats1kid]

Mine has been texting since she got her phone age 10. She pays for her top-ups so is careful how she uses her phone. She does a £10 top up and it will last her several months. We have never looked at her texts.

 

[bananda]

im 18 and my parents let me start texting when i was 15. i thought 13 was a good age, but they had other ideas. lol.

i have pre-paid credit which is good because if i had a plan, i would probably go over the limit. i have been buying my own credit since i was 15.

and i would not recommend reading your daughter's texts. it will feel like an invasion of her privacy and will most likely cause alot of friction between you. i know i would be really cut if my parents decided to read my texts, even though there's nothing bad in them.

 

[powellrj]

My dd is 13 and has had texting for a couple of years, we have her on pre-paid so when she runs out of minutes she is done. She wants unlimited texting but the deal with that is she can have it when she pays for it herself like her DB does. DH and I both have plans you can't add any lines to so thats why she is on prepaid.

I have never read any of her texts, but I do know most of them are things like what r u doing type things.

Yes, all of her friends do have texting and have had it for quite a while.

 

[aprilgail2]

We have unlimited texting (and unlimited internet but the internet is just on my phone) so there is no problem with her going over- she is 9 and in 5th grade and last month she did 10 texts LOL (8 were to me!)

 

[legs22]

My dd12 got her first phone for her 12th birthday. It had a full qwerty keyboard and I know that the majority of kids communicate mainly through text so I didn't want to block texting all together. I did have concerns about texting. To start, I had her on 200 texts per month but the very first month those were getting used up with her and me texting so I knew once she started with her friends she would go way over. I can't even keep track of how much I text so I wouldn't expect her to keep track. I quickly changed it to unlimited so neither one of us has to worry about it. Talk minutes are not a concern since she mainly texts so I got the cheapest family minute plan.
I have internet blocked on her phone so she can't send/receive pictures or video either.
She just started middle school and it does seem like most kids have a phone by then or get one for middle school and all seem to communicate by text.
And yes, I have read her texts. Not all the time. Every once in a while. She doesn't know. I haven't read anything bad.
I told her the phone belongs to me and it is a privilege that can be taken away if she doesn't follow the rules. For example one of the rules is her phone is shut off by 9:00 pm and it charges in my room. She has told me stories of girls she knows texting at 1 or 2 in the morning and one got her phone taken away.

 

[::Snow_White::]

My parents and I all have a family plan without text messaging. I could text message when I got my first phone at 13 but didn't start until I was about 15, I'm 16 now. My texts are 25 cents each, the rule is if mine go over $5 I pay for them. The most I've sent was 30 a month, but I think that's because I hate texting and the way kids in my town have been rude with them. (As in using them in resturants, at school, while talking to someone, etc.) It just grates on my nerves they can't give it up for an hour. It's cheaper for us just to pay for the texts instead of paying for unlimited texting.

Oh, and I almost always delete my text messages after a few days. I wouldn't like it if my mom read them, even though there is nothing for me to hide. It just makes me uncomfortable and I would feel like it's an invasion of privacy.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My almost 13yodd has her own phone and we have unlimited texting. She has not gotten into it yet.

Since I have an 18yodd in college we use texting alot. I have a full keyboard.

It is really up to you and when you want to pay for it. There is no magic age really.

 

[golfgal]

Our oldest got texting in 9th grade because he didn't ask for it before then. The twins got it in 7th grade because they wanted to start texting then. They never actually call anyone on their phone, they just text.

As for the horror stories-yes, kids will have a LOT of text messages but generally they are "hi' "how are you" "ok" "yes" "syl"--this kind of stuff. Get the unlimited texting if you do. You also have to pay for incoming text message so if she gets 5 texts a month from friends that will cost you more then paying for an unlimited plan.

This is the way kids communicate these days. It is no different then email used to be or instant messages were 5 years ago, etc. It really isn't a big deal. Set some rules about when they can text if it bothers you but why not let them fit in with their friends?

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd13 has had unlimited text for over a year. Hate to say it, but your dd is right - remember how, at this age, we spent hours on the phone with our gf's? Trust me - dd spends WAY less time texting than I spent talking (they don't do this anymore). You know how us grownups have email distribution lists, to organize activities? That's how tweens/teens arrange their social calendar. Your teen doesn't text? Unfortunately, your teen is not in the loop. It's relatively new, so it's scary for us parents. Around here, not having text is social suicide. BTW, my dd13 does not spend hours texting. However, it is how she keeps in touch with her gf's.

 

[elgerber]

My dd is 13 and we have unlimited texting. Over the summer she actually racked up over 5000 texts in one month. She does text a lot, obviously it's gone way down since school started, but she still does quite a bit. It's true, their texting, is the way we used to talk on the phone. They never call each other, but they text to communicate. Mine only has a few good friends that she texts with, so I know who she is texting with and if needed I could monitor them through Verizon online.

 

[EthansMom]

My kids are younger still, but DH and I plan to get them pre-paid phones when they hit Middle School. Personally, I think that texting is best left until a child is 15/16 and, even then, I'd go for a prepaid plan so they can't rack up several hundred dollars in charges.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

My daughters, 11 & 13, are not allowed to have cell phones. I just don't see the point at all. When they start driving, they will get a phone for safety purposes.

 

[MIGrandma]

My granddaughter is 16 and she is on her Dad's plan for her phone, unlimited texting. One month she had 14,000 texts. To me, that is a lot. I think kids are spending way too much time texting, that could be spent in better ways. But that is just me, and I'm old so...

 

[mjkacmom]

My daughters, 11 & 13, are not allowed to have cell phones. I just don't see the point at all. When they start driving, they will get a phone for safety purposes.

I can't imagine dd13 NOT having a cellphone. She can call me after school to ask if she can go places with her friends, she can call me for a ride, I can call her and tell her to come home... I feel much better that she has a phone, so when she's riding bikes with friends, walking at the track, etc., we can still get a hold of each other. Ds11 has one, because he plays a lot of sports, and practices never end when they are supposed to, so he just calls me.

 

[IDoDis]

My DD got her first phone when she started middle school at age 11. I bought her 250 texts per month. I checked her text amounts online and she checked through her phone. When she got to 250 she knew not to open any more texts and she didn't.

After about 8 months, I upgraded her to 500 texts a month and she got unlimited verizon-to-verizon texts. She is still on that plan right now (age 13) and does quite well with it. I told her when she starts high school next year and her DS starts middle school, I'll get unlimited texting for them since he'll get his first phone, and it will be cheaper for two people to get unlimited texting vs just getting it for her (DH and I don't text).

Has she begged for unlimited? Sure, but like anything else, all good things come to those who wait for it. Right now she is learning to be responsible with her amount of texting. Luckily, lots of her friends also have Verizon, so those texts don't count towards her 500.

I have read her texts in the past, but don't do it anymore. It was mainly for my own curiosity, not for lack of trust.

 

[laurie31]

My DD13 got a phone when she was 12. We allowed limited texting. She got 400 messages a month.

We initially shared the OP's belief that it wasn't really necessary, but have discovered there are times when it is VERY convenient. We don't read her texts but know that most of them are either simple chat, or actual necessary information (such as "we're on our way to pick you up - be waiting outside in 3 mins").

She has been very responsible with her texting (not exceeding her limit) so for her 13th birthday, she got unlimited texting. It's on all our phones now, and is actually cheaper for us to all have unlimited, than to have the 400/month package for each phone. I'm still not very good at it, but I'm learning. I like doing things like sending a simple text to multiple contacts instead of having to make several phone calls. For example, if I'm traveling, I can text "arrived safely" to everyone who would care, and I'm done, instead of calling my DH, parents, etc. when I land. It's also nice to get a quick text when you're in a situation where talking on the phone would be inappropriate but you need to communicate.

DD homeschools, so using the phone at school is not an issue, but she does get dropped off many places, so the phone has been very handy. There isn't a phone accessible to her in the building where she takes ballet, or ballroom dance, nor at the barn where she takes riding lessons. She also goes to many youth functions with the church. Many of these are Christian concerts in outdoor ampitheathers (no phone). It's likely the adult in charge has one, but if they get out early/run late, and EVERY kid had to borrow the teacher's phone to contact a parent, it would take too long. It's good for her to have her own.

DD10 is now begging for a phone and has been for over a year. There is no NEED for her to have one (she is not dropped off anywhere yet), however, to kids now it isn't just a utility like a phone is to DH and I. We didn't bat an eye at buying her a Nintendo DSi, and it's way more expensive than a phone (even including the annual cost of another line!) and it can connect to the internet, while any phone she got would not do that. (we only get the free phones - lol) So, we're having a hard time coming up with a reason for her not to have one, other than she doesn't NEED it. Of course, the reason that we say no is good enough, but she has now saved up enough to pay for an entire year of service, so she wants to know why, if she is allowed to buy other things she wants with her money (she did pay for half her DSi), why not a phone?

So we are thinking about it.

If she gets a phone, I have no problem with her texting, but she will not be allowed to take her phone to school (she attends public school).

 

[clutter]

Dd13 has had unlimited text for over a year. Hate to say it, but your dd is right - remember how, at this age, we spent hours on the phone with our gf's? Trust me - dd spends WAY less time texting than I spent talking (they don't do this anymore). You know how us grownups have email distribution lists, to organize activities? That's how tweens/teens arrange their social calendar. Your teen doesn't text? Unfortunately, your teen is not in the loop. It's relatively new, so it's scary for us parents. Around here, not having text is social suicide. BTW, my dd13 does not spend hours texting. However, it is how she keeps in touch with her gf's.

I'm going to have to agree here. My dd is 12, 7th grade, just started middle school.

I took four soccer players home the other night. 3 had their phones with them. One had learned how to have her phone read the texts aloud. They spent the trip texting silly stuff to listen to the 'voice'. From the driver's seat, it was pretty funny.

With a new school this year, I've found that my dd is keeping in touch with a lot of new friends via text. I'm so happy that she's made so many new friends and can keep in touch with them.

She has hard and fast rules, and she knows that the phone goes away when she doesn't follow them. (She lost her phone the first week she had it when she got home from school and started texting... instead of letting the dogs out!) But whenever she gets someone's phone number, her first question is 'do you have unlimited text?' If not, she won't text them as she doesn't want to make them go over. And yes, one conversation can be about 50 texts, so they add up.

 

[worm761]

My DS got his phone when he turned 10. So did my niece. Mine and my sisters rules are simple. No texting during/at school. DS is homeschooled, DN goes to school but is permitted by the school to have the phone on her. She is allowed to text on her hour long bus ride to/from school. No texting after a certain time. For DS it is 9pm, for DN that is 1030pm. The biggest rule is NO DELETING texts! As the parents we reserve the right to read any and all text messages. Do I? Not always. My sister does. But she had some problems with her daughter so that is why. I spot check my sons. There isn't much there. We are the ones he texts the most and his cousins and grandfather. He has Asperger's so isn't really too social. I know kids say it is an invasion of privacy. My rule is when you live on your own and pay your own bills...you can have all the privacy you want. Until then, under my roof, you get to live by my rules. DS is a good kid and I have no reason to not trust him. But even the best of kids make bad decisions. I would rather know he made a bad decision than to find out down the road that it has snowballed into a mountain of bad decisions.

 

[carone0318]

Dd is 13 and has been texting since she was 11. We have Virgin Mobile pre-pd and she has an unlimited text plan. I think that coupled with the cheapest minutes plan is about $35 a month, well worth it. I do not read her text, but will often ask who she is talking to and I expect her to answer me (which she always does.)

As PPs have said, many conversations are hey, response - hey. Really not too much at all.

I do have 2 golden rules. #1 - don't curse, you never know who is looking at the phone (parents). I would like to think she doesn't do this, but I have seen incoming texts with curse words and it just isn't necessary. #2 - don't ever talk bad about another person. You just never know who is with the person you are texting or if you are being baited. Sad isn't it, but girls are girls and we all know what they are capable of.

Oh, no phone at the dinner table either - it can wait. I have to say that I am pretty proud of dd, I think she is very responsible with her phone.

I also started texting too, since this is her main form of communication. Hoping that yrs down the road when she is off at school, that we will still have a form of communication that will keep us linked! She says I'm getting better!