How old?

[Mickey's Minion]

DD12 has been begging to be able to text message on her cell. We've have not allowed it as we don't have any real texing package on our phone since DH and I don't really text. I've also told her she's too young to need to text message. I've heard horror stores of kids having hundreds and thousands of texts a month. She is using the usual claim that "everyone" texts and she's the "only one" that can't. Of course I don't fall for that arguement but since she's my oldest I'm clueless on what might be the norm out there.

So my question is:

At what age/grade did you allow your child to start text messaging?

10

If you allow it do you have limits?

Our plan comes with unlimited for all phones. The only limits are if grades start falling, I get called from the school that rules regarding cell phones are being broken, or the cell phone becomes stuck to thumbs. Regular etiquette still rules - no texting at dinner, church, etc. Although DH does not set a very good example as he is always texting for work, no matter where we are (he is required to respond in x amount of minutes) So far, so good. Most kids are way more responsible than we give them credit for.

Do you ever read their texts?

No, at least not yet. It wouldn't do any good. If there was anything to hide, those texts would be deleted immediately. Frankly, if they are making bad decisions, a "no delete" rule is not going to stop them from deleting incriminating evidence. So far we have not been given any reason to not trust them. Although, it is understood that we have the right to snoop at any time we care to snoop. I do check the cell phone bill monthly to see the number of texts to make sure it is not becoming a huge problem.

This is one area where the argument that everybody does it is pretty much spot on. I know my kids would miss a whole lot of the preteen/teen life without texting as texting is as much the norm to them as the calls for hours on the rotary phone was for us. Whether we want to be dragged into the 21st century kicking and screaming or not, that is the way our children communicate.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Same here. I know where my children are and everywhere they go there are phones. There has yet to be a situation where I just had to get intouch withDD12 urgently and haven't been able to call where she was. My children will get one when there is a need. If we find ourselves in a bind where the kids having a cell phone would have been warranted then they will get one otherwise it is a distraction.

This is just pure curiosity, not trying to be sarcastic...

You say that there is a phone available everywhere your kids go? Are these public use phones like a pay phone or are you also relying on coaches, parents' and/or friends' cell phone availability? Just curious because at least two places/fields my kids play sports there are no public phones anywhere to be found in a few mile radius, so unless they borrowed a phone they couldn't reach me. Even in their school, the only available public phone is in the office and the office shuts up tight shortly after the last bell.

Just curious if public phones are more common in other parts of the country. That may be why there is such a difference in parents feeling like their kids have to have one to keep in touch (mine) and other parents who don't feel they are necessary at all.

I do know that it is always the same kids that are begging to borrow a cell phone at practice because they need to call their parent for weather delays, illness, forgot their glove, bat, mouthguard, etc.

I don't mind, but it is often a subject of conversation in the parent group about how these parents refuse a phone (in our area where there are no public phones) for their children, but then expect the friends and other parents to use their minutes on their child. But that might only be unique to my area.

 

[ORMom2Four]

My dd may have been one of the oldest. She was 16. We had to keep upping her minutes because of texts like this:

Text 1: OMG
Text 2: bored
Text 3: ahhhhh
Text 4: lalala
Text 5: i m still bored

Texts like these were sent to dd constantly. Believe me, they add up quickly!!! I would only get your dd texting if it's unlimited, because once kids start texting, they STOP TALKING on the phone. These kids will even text each other as they sit next to each other. It's crazy.

 

[legs22]

DD12 plays sports and I drop her off now. There aren't any pay phones around and she would have to ask someone to use the phone if she needed to call me. I feel better that she has a phone to contact me.
Also in middle school there are more school functions like dances and if she wanted to leave early she could text me that she wanted to leave and not be embarassed that she had to call her mom. They will also have many out of county field trips and she can text to let me know if they are running early/late.
She also texts me daily on the bus that she actually got on the bus in the morning because I've already left for work (it is too loud to talk on the phone and she says it is too embarassing to call her mom!).
And I've been in the middle of meetings where she needed to communicate with me and it is so easy to text instead of leaving to make a call.
Oh, and at her middle school registration, the dean said to those parents who feel like they must get their child a cell phone.....those parents better be checking frequently to see what is on their child's phone. The kids can have phones at school but they must not be seen or heard or they will confiscate the phone and the parents have to retrieve the phone from the school. The dean actually looks at what is on these phones....texts, pictures, etc. and he said it would shock you.

 

[taximomfor4]

only my oldest has a cell phone, for now. She got it at 14 1/2 yrs old, for Christmas. We added text when she was 15 1/2. Before we got texting, she was advised to notify each and every friend of hers that she does NOT have a texting package, and that she would be held responsible if anyone texted her. One girl texted her "Hi!" 2 days in a row, but once she told the girl the third time, it stopped. Actually, she was only allowed to use her cell after 9pm on weekdays, and all day saturday/sunday(free Night/weekends)...EXCEPT to call me or dh. Oh, and her phone had to be out in the kitchen at 10:30 (bed time) every night.

She did great, and now we relaxed everything. She still can't talk during weekday daytime hours, but since we've added text, she texts everything anyway. I spot-check online that she isn't abusing the freedom of keeping her phone in her room overnight. I made it clear that if she doesn't self-moderate, I will do it -- and she won't like HOW I do it.

She did sneak and use her phone late at night once, and it was taken away for a week (or 2, I forget). 8 months later, she's not done it again.

 

[auntie]

Adding the texting package was the smartest thing we did to upgrade our package. Honestly..your daughter is absolutely right. Texting is the way kids communicate with one another. She is out of the loop if she's not texting.
Personally for me...I hate texting. Yet..I know if I text my kids..they're gonna text me right back. If I call the kids. Somehow..someway, they "didn't hear the phone".."it was in my purse", any number of excuses. I used the typical parental threat of "I pay for the phone, and they'll be no phone if you don't call me back"." Only,frankly...that got old as well.
That being said, from the very first day we added the texting to the plan..I've never had to resort to threats again. I text them...and they text me right back. No one is the wiser, and they don't have to be embarrassed that they're getting a call from mom in front of their friends. It really is a win/win situation. The additional cost to the plan isn't that much and well worth the money.

Honestly, in my opinion, your daughter is 12..and she's getting older. She wants to communicate with her friends and peers in the same manner they do. Don't fight it..be happy the technology is there, and use it to your advantage as well. You can't turn the clock back..so go with it. Choose your battles...and this shouldn't be one of them. As your daughter get's older she may find herself in situations that she isn't comfortable with. She will be able to use the texting to reach out to YOU... Without those around her having any knowledge of who she's texting. Trust me..it comes in handy, and can be as valuable to you as it is to her.

 

[scrapquitler]

My daughter was 11 when we got texting for her (she will be 13 next month). We all got unlimited texting plans at the same time, and I will say it is MUCH easier to text her than to call her to tell her whatever I want to tell her. Mostly she texts me and DH, and she has a couple of friends that she texts. I do sometimes read her texts, and the friend she texts most often is a friend of mine, and she also reads her DD's texts regularly, so I'm not concerned. Usually my DD uses between 700-1000 texts per month. I use way more than that (thanks to Facebook updating me on friends statuses!).

My DD is homeschooled, so we don't have the cellphone in school issue to deal with.

 

[Katie]

Ok, now I'm curious - why different requirements for the two kids?

I am the one that said that originally. It is because both of my kids are different and they have different abilities and different levels of commitment to learning.

My daughter is a B student (with a few A's and C's), but she has to work for her grades that she recieves. She could get straight A's I suppose, if she did nothing buy study, but she studies an average amount and does okay.

My son is a straight A student. He studies less than most, and retains everything he reads. I expect him to get A's because he doesn't have to put hardley any effort into getting great grades. He struggled last year in keyboarding a bit, he still got an A, but I actually saw him work at his grade. Otherwise, he can do very little and still do well. He is extremely lucky.

I do not feel that it is fair that my daughter be held to that "level", because honestly, she is not as talented in school work as he is. However, she is more talented in other aspects of her life. It's a balance....and it works for us!

I expect them both do be respectful, polite, and get "good grades". I do not expect him to be able to cartwheels, and flipflops...and I do not expect her to shoot 60% at the 3 point line, and pitch 75 mph. Why would i expect them to do the same at school?