How old would you consider to be too old for siblings (opposite sex) to share a bed?

[SaraJayne]

I'm wondering what kind of childhood they had that would cause the sister finds comfort in her brother like that.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Well, at least I have the comfort of knowing that if I am a prude, I have the rest of the Dis to keep me company in that category.

 

[ImDMous]

Flowers in the Attic?

I am part of a huge family, both boys and girls. While we were younger it was very common for us kids to "pile" into bed together.. but as we got older (I think 7/8ish) we individually started sleeping alone... as adults, I would rather sleep on the floor then share a bed with my brother, and I love him dearly. Shoot.. my 9 year old boy and 12 year old boy don't even share a bed anymore..



First thing I thought when I read OP's post is Flowers in the attic!

That book is totally the first thing that came into my mind too. Ewwwww!

 

[disykat]

I agree it seems odd. On family vacations for our family of 5, once my brother was about 8 we switched to Dad/son and Mom/2 daughters, then to two doubles and a rollaway as we got older.

No way would we have slept together as teens or young adults. If, for some reason, my brother and I (both in our 50's) found ourselves in a hotel room with only one bed, we'd probably shrug and make the best of it for one night. Then he'd probably randomly kick me all night to relive our childhood. However, we'd never plan it that way. I can't imagine any reason I'd be too scared if I had my own bed, but if there was an ax murderer in the next room I might prefer to be with someone I trusted, brother or anyone.

 

[Andtototoo]

My first thought was Flowers in the Attic.

I never had a brother, so it is fair to say that I don't really understand the relationship between a brother and a sister. I know a family who has a son and a daughter. She is 22 and he is 19. They still share a bed quite often. By quite often, I mean anytime that they are on vacation together and occasionally at home if she is feeling in her words "scared or lonely". Now personally, I thought that was a little odd, but they said that it is perfectly normal, that I don't understand the relationship between a brother and sister, and that I am being prudish by thinking it is inappropriate. Now, I know that parents often have their son and daughter share a bed on vacation when they are kids, but is it common for adults to do this, as well?

My 2nd thought was a letter to Dear Prudie from earlier in the year about two adult brothers who, shall we say, live together and share a bed and have no desire for outside companionship. In a follow-up to the original letter, the LW told Prudie that he and his brother sought therapy and realized their physical relationship started when they shared a bed for emotional comfort. The physical closeness translated into more intimate behaviors and then they "fell in love". They no longer have that physical intimacy, but they also have no desire to connect with a significant other outside of their relationship.

My third thought was that it's crossing societal/cultural boundaries that, for the sake of mental/emotional health, should not be crossed. I honestly don't think, aside from the broken taboo, that a relationship between post-pubescent siblings that involves that sort of physical closeness is a road to emotional well-being because I can see how boundaries and wires get crossed and how the combination of a sibling AND love relationship can become so overwhelming as to exclude one from developing healthy outside romantic relationships. And if one of the siblings IS able and willing to develop an outside relationship, can you imagine how that's going to go over with the sibling who's now excluded from the sibling's bed? Talk about toxic ILs!

 

[SandrA9810]

Vacations? not that odd.
At home? Really weird.

 

[pixiewings71]

My brother is 5 years younger than me, we never shared a bed. My youngest sister is much closer to him in age, they are 22 months apart, they shared a bed but not after the age of 10 or so. I can tell you with all certainty that they would never share a bed as adults.

 

[RadioNate]

I don't see anything wrong with it at 5 years old either. 19 & 22? Whole different story.

I agree. Ewwww.

My 4 year old DD will occasionally climb into her 11 year old brothers bed in the middle of the night. Presumingly after a nightmare. Frankly, I think it is convenience. His room is closest to hers & he has a double bed. She also knows that I'll walk her back to her bed & he won't even notice she's there!

We discourage it & it's infrequent. I think he's getting too old for her to do that.

19 & 22??? Weird. Completely inappropriate.

 

[FlyingDumbo]

Vacations? not that odd.
At home? Really weird.

My thoughts exactly

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I agree. Ewwww.

My 4 year old DD will occasionally climb into her 11 year old brothers bed in the middle of the night. Presumingly after a nightmare. Frankly, I think it is convenience. His room is closest to hers & he has a double bed. She also knows that I'll walk her back to her bed & he won't even notice she's there!

We discourage it & it's infrequent. I think he's getting too old for her to do that.

19 & 22??? Weird. Completely inappropriate.

I think that is why kids do it too. It's just easier to hop into the next bed, plus I'm not there to tell them not to.(Because I'm sleeping)

 

[jaminmd]

Ewwww

Agreed. That sounds gross to me on a couple different levels.

 

[RitaE]

Well, at least everybody is of consenting adult age.

 

[Social Worker Sue]

Vacations? not that odd.
At home? Really weird.

Really weird in both situations.

 

[Styx Fan]

My kids shared a bed while we were on vacation up until they were like 14 and 7. We actually fight about who will share a bed with the younger one as she turns every which way in bed, all night long. We have started to take an air mattress with us to hotels if we are sharing a room just so everyone can get some sleep.

At home they don't ever share a bed. No reason to. When she was really little she would sometime crawl in with big bro first thing in the morning for a bit, but that hasn't happened in years. Heck, he is so stand offish at 16 that she is lucky if he will give her a quick hug goodnight every so often.

 

[married2mm]

i agree with pp's ew,odd and just plain weird.

my ds has gotten into dd bed before, when she was not even in the house (her bed is bigger) and dd was horrified!

i can not begin to understand why they would want to share a bed under any circumstance and to tell people too!?

 

[dismichelle]

I have a friend from India and she sometimes does inappropriate things like this with her kids. She would have her 10yo DD and 11yo DS bathe together on vacation to "save time" and because they "don't mind it". She also still wiped their bottoms after going to the bathroom up until the age of 9 or so, and of course they still sleep together any night they want to.

I've told her that all of that was strange to me as an American. I'm not sure if those were things she was raised with/her culture or if it's just her.

 

[pls5286]

There are two occasions where my 9 y/o dd sleeps in the bed with her 16 y/o brother. Our 13 y/o and 16 y/o are too big to share a regular size bed so if we are on vacation, DD and 16 y/o share the bed and 13 y/o on the floor if it is only for one night, such as before we left on our cruise on Oct. If it is for more than one night, we get more than one room.

DS13 is not with us full time and the boys share a room. DD is deathly afraid of storms. If a bad storm comes up, she gets up in the middle of the night and runs to her brothers' room and says "I'm scared Bubba! I am sleeping with you." This translates to pull out your trundle bed because I am moving in for the night. He is a good big brother and will pull out his bottom bed and she crawls under the cover and goes back to sleep. DS16 is very protective of his brother and sister and would do anything for them.

 

[minkydog]

Yikes! Wonder how long it takes her to turn up pregnant?

 

[KayTom]

That's just creepy and weird. I've got a brother, 8 years older than me, and we've never shared a bed. We had baths together when i was a toddler, but that was about it.

I could maybe get around them sitting in one bed if they were having a chat in the morning or evening, but to sleep in the same bed and for her to give those reasons just gives me the heebie jeebies.

In a word Uggh!

 

[bookgirl]

I never had a brother, so it is fair to say that I don't really understand the relationship between a brother and a sister. I know a family who has a son and a daughter. She is 22 and he is 19. They still share a bed quite often. By quite often, I mean anytime that they are on vacation together and occasionally at home if she is feeling in her words "scared or lonely". Now personally, I thought that was a little odd, but they said that it is perfectly normal, that I don't understand the relationship between a brother and sister, and that I am being prudish by thinking it is inappropriate. Now, I know that parents often have their son and daughter share a bed on vacation when they are kids, but is it common for adults to do this, as well?

eww. I have a brother, we shared a room until I was around 7 and he was around 10. We never shared a bed past that time and vary rarely before that.

Saying that,nephews slept with me a lot when they were younger and recently it stopped maybe a year or two ago around 11-12. I'd say once you hit those double digit years it's probably time to split up by gender.

I've shared a room with relatives who were male but in seperate beds that's not weird, but sharing a bed, yep weird.

(I do understand the hotel situation and my nephews would probably still share a bed with me if we had no room but honestly at least one of them would make a pallet on the floor before he choose to share with a relative who was a girl, one does have some issues and he does not like to sleep in a ROOM alone and will bunk down with anyone but he wants his own bed when he does)