How old are your kids and what all can they do for themselves?

[mamacatnv]

This will probably vary depending on what type of kid you have. My 3 year old does more to ease my workload than my 7 year old. I started requiring things of DD7 early on, and so now she sets the table, makes her bed, cleans her room, and things like that. DD3 saw her big sis doing it and won't be outdone. She does the same things. Usually, it's a fight for who gets to set the table.

But actually, DD7 has no interest in doing things for herself, where DD3 wants to do everything on her own. DD3 will get herself ready in the morning and set up her stuff for school the next day, fix lunches and snacks, dust the house, sweep the floor . . . she's 3 going on 13. I pretty much can't do anything around the house without her stepping in to do it first.

SO I say, "yes, sweetie, if you're a good girl, I'll let you clean the toilet."

I remember the helpful days - its a very distant foggy memory but I kind of remember bits and pieces

 

[JMNE]

My kids are on the younger side- 4 and 6, but they are capable of doing so much- it amazes me!

Cooking: both can use the microwave to make themselves hot dogs and hot chocolate; they can make their own sandwiches; my 4 year old showed us that she can make pancakes (if the batter is already made) and she loves to help make all kinds of things (the 6 year old isn't into helping much in the kitchen); I could see the 4 year old actually cooking/baking on her own in the next couple of years

Laundry: the 6 year old can do an entire load start to finish on his own; the 4 year old can put stuff in the washer and dryer and helps fold and puts her own clothes away

Bathroom: they are responsible for cleaning their bathroom- toilet, floor, sink, and mirror (I will typically wash the tub)

Bedrooms: they are expected to keep their room clean- beds made, toys put away after playing, no dirty laundry on the floor

Both do other chores as required.

 

[disfan07]

I'm not a parent yet but for me this is what I remember..

I started babysitting at 11- 6th grade
I started cooking in 2nd grade. In 3rd grade we had to do a project where we had to cook a meal for our family and I made beef tenderloin...at age 9. I LOVE cooking
I started staying home alone at 9.
I started doing laundry at 10

I have to say, when I got to college I was AMAZED at how many people did not know how to cook or do laundry. It was astonishing to me. I just always thought this was stuff that was taught while still at home. And I just graduated college so this is recent. My advice....make sure they really know how they do these things before they go to college.

And for the OP...my brother and I are 3 years apart and we have always fought like cat and dogs....however, we always got along much better when my parents were NOT home. You might be surprised on how capable they are of getting along when you are not around.

 

[kkandaj]

My kiddos help with folding laundry, sweeping/mopping/vaccuming, feeding/watering the dog, keeping their rooms picked up, putting away all their own items that they leave around. They are required to clear their plates from the table, rinse them and put them either in the sink or dishwasher. DD(7) is responsible for wiping down the table after meals.

She helps me cook--measuring ingredients/following recipes, about once or twice a week. Both kiddos help me cut up veggies/fruits--with an appropriate knife and supervision of course. I was never taught to cook--anything--and swear that God decided I needed to learn to cook for my family, so blessed me with a son with so many food allergies that I had to learn to cook from scratch. (DH did 95% of the cooking before DS was born.) I am determined that my kids know how to cook.

They love to help clean the bathrooms so I give them a bottle of vinegar water and let them have it. I do go over cleaning from top to bottom with them, but at their age, I just feel lucky that the bathroom is getting sterilized by someone other than me.

I also HATE matching socks, so they get paid $.05 per match. And I don't leave them home alone at their age, though I do take naps. They are required to stay in their rooms and play quietly if they don't want to nap, and only wake me up if there is a fire, they are bleeding or throwing up.

ETA:I only get to nap maybe twice a month. Though I wish it was daily, it's rare.

 

[KAMLEM]

DD is 18 and she can do everything but load the dishwasher or do dishes, apparently.

I have one of those, too! She's almost 17 and constantly tells me "I'm not 3 years old" yet she doesn't know how to feed the cats. She's grown up, though . I guess she better never have her own pets.

 

[smitch425]

DD10 started staying home alone earlier this year, but just for a hour every other week. My kids are in taekwondo two days a week and DS gets his allergy shot every other week-- all of those are right after school. DD stays home on shot day to do her homework. This summer, we have left both kids home a few times when we run errands like going to the pharmacy or the grocery. They stayed home for a couple of hours on Saturday while DH and I went shopping. We don't go far from home, though. We are only 10 minutes away when we do leave them. They also have strict rules of staying downstairs (main floor, not our basement) and no eating or drinking. That way there is no choking on anything, and if the house caught on fire they could easily get out.

DD can use the microwave, but DS is too short to reach. I do most of the cooking, along with DH.

 

[mickeyboat]

As for staying home alone, this is the second summer they have stayed home all day by themselves. They do fight when they are not busy, and I do get calls at work on occasion. But most of the time they do o.k. They know that when they are getting on each others' nerves, they need to separate. They are not allowed to answer the door or the phone, and we have several neighbors who are home all day and available to help if they have a problem (called them once when there was a hornet in the house).

I think it would be a perfect time to start testing the waters. Make your rules and expectations clear, make sure they know safety rules, and know that you are not all that far away if they need you.

Good luck!

 

[Conservative Hippie]

My kids are 5 and 3. 5 year old makes beds, sweeps the kitchen, folds and puts away her own laundry, can make peanut butter sandwiches for lunch, puts away toys, can get little brother dressed but he doesn't want her to, puts away silverware from the dishwasher, dusts, cleans windows. 3 year old can help sort laundry, is learning how to sweep, puts away toys, somewhat get himself dressed, dusts, cleans windows.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

How big if a mess are we talking after they do a given task?

Mine are six(boy/girl twins) and they are pretty wild so I do supervise them, but here's what they can do with minimal intervention:
Brush teeth(I check after)

Shower

Get dressed

Clean their rooms and make their beds(for the most part)

Sometimes I can get them to fold some clothes


They can probably do more, but I have issues relinquishing control of chores and things like doing DD's hair.

 

[PrincessV]

My 11yo DS has been pretty limited by being short for his age - I'd trust him to cook on the stove... if he could actually reach the dials. Ditto for laundry. And our gigantic vacuum. And the far corners of his mattress to put fitted sheets on. He knows how to do these things, so he'll be good to go when his reach gets a little longer, lol!

But he can and does dust, empty and fill the dishwasher, gather laundry, feed/water the cat, scoop the litter pan, take out trash, get the mail, help me make salads and cut vegetables, make himself meals and snacks. No set chores with us, either; I just expect him to do his part to help.

 

[NHdisneylover]

When they ask to stay home alone, I would remind them why you don't. Also, IMO by giving the youngest an audience in which to tattle on the oldest, you are perpetuating the tattling problems. I'd put my hand up with a firm, "I don't want to hear it, sort yourselves out" type of response. My brother and I are 8.5 months apart, I am very familiar with sibling issues

Also at 12 & 13 there is no way they should be disturbing your nap to tattle on each other unless the house is on fire or someone needs a trip to the ER.

OP, I have to agree with this. It sort of sounds like you are inadvertently encouraging the younger one to be a tattle tale, which encourages all kinds of ******* between the two.

Did you see the other thread on here where the grandmother asked how to handle tattling? Someone said they define tattling as telling to get someone INTO trouble as opposed to telling about something to keep someone OUT of trouble ( ie: telling if something dangerous is going on). That is a goo, simple definition that kids the ages yours are could understand. If yours are really prone to tattling one poster took it a step further and told her kids that if they tattle (not tell to keep someone out of trouble, but tattle) the tattler will have the same consequence as the person they are telling on.

Also--my kids are 2 years apart. They do bicker at times. Both tell me that they don;t really do that when DH and I are not home DD16 has flat out said that there is no fun in bickering if it isn't driving us crazy

 

[disney1990]

DD is 18 and she can do everything but load the dishwasher or do dishes, apparently.

Apparently, I can't load the dishwasher either. Every time I do, my DH takes the dishes out and rearranges them.

 

[indimom]

I am curious how old are your kids and what all you have them/let them do for themselves.

My 2 youngest are 12 and 13 and I have them make themselves easy food items like microwave stuff or grilled cheese sandwiches, quesadillas, easy stuff, cereal, ramen noodles, etc. But I do not have them actually COOK food for themselves. At what age should I have them actually cook stuff? I have let DS assist me in cooking but I was right there supervising what he did. I let him actually do all the work but I was right there. I am more concerned about them either making a big mess or burning themselves.

Mine are 13 and 16.
My oldest does any and all cooking. She looks up recipes, has me buy the ingredients, and takes off. She's been doing that for several years, at least since 12 or 13.
My youngest isn't as interested, but he can cook in a pinch. He prefers to use the stove top or the toaster oven to make convenience foods.

I do not make my kids do any laundry but I do realize they need to know how to do laundry as they get older. Do you make your kids do their own laundry? If so at what age did you start making them do it? I make my kids put away all the clean stuff and come get all the stuff from the laundry room and hang it up, but that's it.

My kids also do laundry. I just found six smallish laundry hampers, labeled them Whites, Darks, Brights, Towels, Jeans, and Work Clothes, then added the directions for the washer and the dryer according to the clothing type. If they want their clothes clean, they have to be in those hampers (I do not gather them from the bathrooms or bedrooms) and whoever (mom, dad, daughter son) has the time does a load or two.

My oldest can iron, but I primarily do that. I don't let my youngest touch the iron. I'm afraid he'd ruin something or leave the iron on. He's a little absent-minded.

I make them keep their rooms clean and keep the front bathroom clean but other than that I do not make them clean the house. I do that myself.

My kids clean any room in the house from bedrooms to kitchen to bathrooms, but I typically have to tell them to do it. The oldest does keep her room clean by choice (she's picky about her own space and it's rare that it gets messy).

I'm wanting to know HOW YOU DO IT with your kids compared to how I do it with my kids. Just curious if I am waiting too long to make them start taking more responsibility.

I just have always had the notion that moms cook, clean and do laundry until you get out on your own then you do it for yourself. That's how my mom did it with us and we all grew up knowing how to take care of ourselves once the time came.

I was raised by a mother who believed "many hands make light work" and I've basically raised my kids the same. We are all busy so it only seems fair that we all take part in the day to day tasks around the house. Between work and school, there is no way I could keep up with it on my own.

I also never leave them home alone. Do you?

I left mine home alone around 10 and 8, give or take. Prior to that, I wouldn't have trusted them to get along and cooperate. I would have left my oldest home alone at a younger age than 10 if she was alone because she didn't "get into thing" or forget things.

ETA, my youngest does most of the mowing (we decided that was only fair since the oldest does a good amount of cooking). But, they both can run the mower.
The youngest also helped us out a LOT this summer when we were re-siding our house. He helped with demo, as well as hanging new siding. Some of the work he loved, some he didn't, but he was a big help to us since we didn't want to spend the entire summer getting the job done! They both helped with landscaping this year also. It was heavy work, but they did a great job.
Both kids babysit and have since they were about 12. They've watched babies to 10yos. When they were first starting I always made sure either dad or I were nearby (around town) and accessible by phone in case they had a situation they didn't feel they could handle, but it was never an issue.

 

[indimom]

OP, I have to agree with this. It sort of sounds like you are inadvertently encouraging the younger one to be a tattle tale, which encourages all kinds of ******* between the two.

Did you see the other thread on here where the grandmother asked how to handle tattling? Someone said they define tattling as telling to get someone INTO trouble as opposed to telling about something to keep someone OUT of trouble ( ie: telling if something dangerous is going on). That is a goo, simple definition that kids the ages yours are could understand. If yours are really prone to tattling one poster took it a step further and told her kids that if they tattle (not tell to keep someone out of trouble, but tattle) the tattler will have the same consequence as the person they are telling on.

Also--my kids are 2 years apart. They do bicker at times. Both tell me that they don;t really do that when DH and I are not home DD16 has flat out said that there is no fun in bickering if it isn't driving us crazy

I love that. I've always had a hard time breaking that down into such simple terms. Very well put. I'm going to store that one in my brain for future reference.

 

[Aliceacc]

My kids start staying home alone from the age of middle school. At that point, unless they're scary sick, they can spend a sick day home by themselves. (My job is 15 minutes away, my husband is 20. And 3 friends on the block are home all day.)

Unless he's home alone, my 15 year old son has full access to the stove and oven. (If he's home sick, he can make eggs or something, but I want a text when the stove is off. Otherwise I normally don't want them used if there's not an adult home.) But if we're home, he'll make himself an onlette without supervision. He mows the lawn (gas mower, not one you ride) and used the weed wacker. He's in charge of cleanng up after the dog. He does a good job of keeping his room clean. He also takes out the garbage.

As of this summer, my 13 year old is in charge of laundry. She also uses the stove and oven without help (same rules if she's home alone.) She's not a real creative cook, but will throw on some pizza bagels or chicken nuggets and fries. She's so-so about cleaning the room she shares with her sister.

My 10 year old is the one I have to get on. She sets and clears the table, and for some bizarre reason loves cleaning the bathrooms. But she is the least neat person in the family; she will take off her jacket and leave it where she drops it if I let her. She can use the toaster or micro without supervision, but not the stove or oven.

 

[Poohforyou]

When they ask to stay home alone, I would remind them why you don't. Also, IMO by giving the youngest an audience in which to tattle on the oldest, you are perpetuating the tattling problems. I'd put my hand up with a firm, "I don't want to hear it, sort yourselves out" type of response. My brother and I are 8.5 months apart, I am very familiar with sibling issues

Also at 12 & 13 there is no way they should be disturbing your nap to tattle on each other unless the house is on fire or someone needs a trip to the ER.

Exactly, I can't imagine the world of hurt my brothers and I would have been in if we were still bothering our mother at that age. I'd leave them alone with a clear understanding of the consequences if anything went wrong while you were gone.

As for my own dd13, she can do a lot of things but what she chooses to do is a whole other story .

She'll cook simple things like scrambled eggs and microwave stuff. She can do laundry, run the vacuum, dust, clean up her room and bathroom, take care of the dog and guinea pigs. She'll also go up to town and hang out with friends, get pizza etc. With a cell phone I let her go just about anywhere she can get on foot or bike.

She's been staying home alone with greater frequency and length of time since she was 9. It began with me just running to the store with a neighbor knowing she was alone to now my going to work and her being home for the day.

 

[mamacatnv]

Exactly, I can't imagine the world of hurt my brothers and I would have been in if we were still bothering our mother at that age. I'd leave them alone with a clear understanding of the consequences if anything went wrong while you were gone.

As for my own dd13, she can do a lot of things but what she chooses to do is a whole other story .

She'll cook simple things like scrambled eggs and microwave stuff. She can do laundry, run the vacuum, dust, clean up her room and bathroom, take care of the dog and guinea pigs. She'll also go up to town and hang out with friends, get pizza etc. With a cell phone I let her go just about anywhere she can get on foot or bike.

She's been staying home alone with greater frequency and length of time since she was 9. It began with me just running to the store with a neighbor knowing she was alone to now my going to work and her being home for the day.

I'll bet that is an issue that most of us parents face. My kids CAN do all sorts of things, choosing to do so without prompting is a whole nother thread topic!

 

[aprilgail2]

I am curious how old are your kids and what all you have them/let them do for themselves.

My 2 youngest are 12 and 13 and I have them make themselves easy food items like microwave stuff or grilled cheese sandwiches, quesadillas, easy stuff, cereal, ramen noodles, etc. But I do not have them actually COOK food for themselves. At what age should I have them actually cook stuff? I have let DS assist me in cooking but I was right there supervising what he did. I let him actually do all the work but I was right there. I am more concerned about them either making a big mess or burning themselves.

I do not make my kids do any laundry but I do realize they need to know how to do laundry as they get older. Do you make your kids do their own laundry? If so at what age did you start making them do it? I make my kids put away all the clean stuff and come get all the stuff from the laundry room and hang it up, but that's it.

I make them keep their rooms clean and keep the front bathroom clean but other than that I do not make them clean the house. I do that myself.

I'm wanting to know HOW YOU DO IT with your kids compared to how I do it with my kids. Just curious if I am waiting too long to make them start taking more responsibility.

I just have always had the notion that moms cook, clean and do laundry until you get out on your own then you do it for yourself. That's how my mom did it with us and we all grew up knowing how to take care of ourselves once the time came.

I also never leave them home alone. Do you?

I do not have my 13 year old do her own laundry- I don't want her running the washer for 3 pairs of pants and 3 shirts-its just easier to do all at one time rather than each person their own!
As far as leaving her home alone she has been babysitting since she was 12 years old so if she can be left alone in someones house until midnight watching their kids then she can stay in her own home alone too.
My daughter cooks eggs, bakes, microwaves but doesn't really cook much other than that- she will cook pasta and rice too.
She keeps her own room clean but other than that from Sept-June her job is school and homework which takes up most of the day and evening up until the time she goes to bed! This summer she has performing arts camp during the day and then the evenings are spent working on her summer homework projects!

 

[Piper]

I began teaching my children how to do things for themselves when they were toddlers....of course what they actually did by themselves was age appropriate. As they got older, I involved them more in the menu planning, shopping, cleaning and they both learned how to do yard work.

Once when they were around the age of the original poster's kids, I was teaching them how to cut up a chicken. They each had one and were following my instructions. A neighbor dropped over and begged us to wait while she ran to the store to get a chicken so she could learn how. I continued the lesson and then had the kids show her how to do it. Sometimes you learn more from teaching someone else. (It didn't hurt that she told them how lucky they were to learn how to cook and care for a home!)

By that age, they were responsible for their own rooms, made sure their bathroom was clean and did their own laundry. They also made breakfast on Saturday every other week and dinner one night the other week.

My son was usually elected Patrol Leader in Boy Scouts because he knew how to plan a menu, shop, and cook.

They are grown and can do anything they want for themselves!

 

[SydSim]

DD started doing her own laundry when she was about 11ish. Soon after, she started doing some light cooking like grilled cheese.