how often to visit "home"

[eeyore65]

I'm in a disagreement with my sis. I moved away from "home" 17 years ago. The rest of the family stills lives up north. I have lived about 1200 mileas away for the last 5 years. I also had a baby, run a division of an international bank (extensive travel), have a husband, etc. in the last 5 years. The last 2 years I have not been "home" and I'm taking a lot of grief for it and the comments really hurt me. When I have precious time off - I like to spend it with DH and DS usually on a trip to get away from the day to day stress. Sis wants me to go home for all holidays. I struggle with this because it really isn't my home any more even though my dear family is there. I stay in close contact with the family via phone and they visit me, although less frequently then I have voisited them in 17 years. We also go on trips together.

So for those who moved away...how often do you visit "home" and am I being selfish for wanting to be with my immediate family?

 

[caitycaity]

1) no you're not being selfish

i see my parents and sister once or twice a year.

after we were grown up, my mom only saw her parents and siblings like every 2-3 years. she though going there for the holidays was too much of a hassle.

recently however, my grandma (mom's mom) passed away. my mom spent a lot of time with her after she was diagnosed, up to the time she died. now my mom makes more of an effort to see her dad. i don't know if she feels regret for not spending more time with her parents.

i guess what i am trying to say is that i don't think you are being selfish, but i think it is important to make time for your family too. you never know when people are going to fall ill or have an accident.

 

[NMAmy]

I used to live across country but recently moved back because my father was very ill. It was always difficult trying to decide whether to go on vacation or go to visit family. We would usually split it up--one vacation doing what we wanted, the next one going home. Luckily, my ex's family and mine were all in one location so we could visit everyone in one shot.

My DH's family lives in England which makes it even more difficult to visit. His mother is not in the best of health so them travelling here is out of the question. We went a year ago last July and had planned on going again this summer but we bought a house and time just got away from us. We'll go again next summer. When DH spoke with his parents last week, his mother was wanting a definite date. We love them and love to visit but time is the biggest factor in planning our visits. It's a long way to go for less than a week. I really feel for his mom, though, and understand that she wants to see her son and I try to make a real effort to get him over there more often than he's been in the past. Our last visit was the first time he'd been there in 8 years.

 

[Disney Ella]

We usually see my parents twice a year - once we go there and once they come here. Visiting the family is nice, but it's not the same thing as a stress-free vacation (at least not for me), and sometimes you need a vacation. I see no reason for you to spend every holiday 1200 miles away, especially since you have your own family.

 

[chrissyk]

My family of origin is in NH, and DH and I are moving to FL. I have no idea how often we'd go back up there, but my feeling is that it won't be all that often. Maybe once every several years, if that. There is no way that my parents will ever be bothered to come visit me, so the feeling will probably be mutual. Their view is that I should have always been conveniently located with respect to where they choose to live They've been very clear that they won't come visit us in FL. Oh well...their loss.

My sis will likely visit us in FL regularly. I'll gladly make time to recriprocate with visits to wherever she ends up living (right now she still lives with my parents).

 

[Crankyshank]

I see my parents weekly. DH sees them every couple of months.
I see my sister while she's on school breaks and my brother 3-4 times a year.

DH saw his parents last August, but I haven't seen them in almost 4yrs.

I don't think you're being selfish at all, but I would try and see them at least once a year

 

[eeyore65]

I most certainly see them all at least once a year. usually more for my parents. I have taken my and Dh's parents on many, many trips with us. It is just this holiday thing...

Really my sister and I are just different people. I grew up moved away and have my own life. She still is very entwined in my parents life for both emotional and financial support.

I love them all - sometimes wished I lived closer - and sometimes not.

 

[justhat]

.

 

[disykat]

We don't go "home" for holidays - Thanksgiving and Easter are too short for the drive and for Christmas we have it in our own home and then go to visit our parents and siblings between Christmas and New Years. DH's family had a hard time with this at first, but grew to accept it.

It actually works out well. Dh's workplace basically closes down between Christmas and New Year's so we use that vacation for traveling to see family and save our summer vacation for somewhere else.

We only live 400 miles away and some years we only make it once. I can see why 1200 miles would be very difficult.