How much to give for nephew's wedding gift?

[Rootskate]

I think the best amount to give is what you can comfortably afford. Im sure it will be appreciated.

 

[C.Ann]

The "going rate" - no matter what part of the country you live in - is whatever you can afford - and whatever you feel comfortable giving.. You could also choose to send a gift rather than money - regardless of the folks who will tell you "that isn't done around here".. You are the one giving the gift and therefore it is your choice as to what "type" of gift you give..

 

[the Fidge]

I am originally from LI, NY. I am also here in rural PA country. FUnny thing they don't "DO" weddings like the ones I am used to down on the island. Few things to consider, Where are they holding the reception??

Lots of folks here throw them at their home or yard or VFW halls. WE attended a wedding of DH's coworker and it was an eye opener!

Mac n chesse and similar dining fare. I gave a gift of $100 for the both of us and was shocked to learn that the bride wanted to be my new best friend??? Why, well most of the family gave 25 a couple.

I could never do that and felt terrible as we just moved here and had so many expenses and could not do the 200. Thankfully I was good!

SO just consider where they are having the reception and take it from there.

Happy thoughts for the to be couple!

 

[BarbWB]

We just got married back in Sept. We had a formal wedding (floor length gowns and open bar all night). The gifts we got really ran the gambit. We had close relatives that came to the wedding and gave us NOTHING and then we had 2nd cousins that bought us $400 in dishes. It's really hit or miss.

I believe that you should give the same amount you would spend on an evening out. If it's a casual wedding (think dinner for 2 or more, casual entertainment, etc. etc) Probably around $125.00 If it's a formal wedding (think fancy dinner, dancing, theater or opera night) Probably $250 for a couple.

Are you SERIOUS???? Do you realize that most people don't really enjoy going to other people's weddings???
And, if you had out of town guests, they paid airfare, hotel, car rental, etc. to be there???
On a fancy dinner, dancing, theater or opera night, DH and I get to pick what we do, what food we eat and who we spend the evening with. At a wedding, we don't get those choices.
Seriously, I can't even believe that position ...

 

[PaDisney02]

Every wedding I go to I give $50.

I got married 2 years ago and every1 gave diffrent amounts. In fact, my mom coworkers and people I'm not too close with gave more then my real close relatives. Most of my hubby's side gave nothing! That made me mad cuz my wedding was expensive and I apid alot for each guest to be there and then for them not to give me even a card! (Dont get me started!). Just give what you can, and even if you cant give anything at least give a card.

 

[a1tinkfans]

This is our first in the family getting married - some info, don't see him very often - a couple times a year and we are average middle class folks! I just have no idea what the going rate is nowadays! I bought two shower gifts already and we were not able to attend the wedding.

Give what you can afford to give.
We have had three yes 3 weddings in a VERY short period of time, 2l nieces and 1 nephew. Each got $500.00 BUT I "hear" this is a Northeast thing , I don't know, I always feel like we should be covering the "plate". Fortunately we could afford to do it, so we did.
Whatever the case, BEST WISHES to the happy couple!

 

[Inigo]

I got married last september and couldn't have cared less who even brought presents. In our area(southern Indiana) most people are not well off and it's not uncommon for you to only receive 20.00(sometimes just a card) or so for a present. We didn't really care, all that mattered was the people showed up to support us. Now I will say there were quite a few well off people who gave next to nothing presents, while people that struggle gave amazing presents. The people that gave beyond their means, I felt bad about. Their presence was so much more important to me than a present. So basically like others have said it's up to you. Good luck with it, although I'm willing to bet that most couples just prefer you to show up and support them. Any present is really just a bonus!

Jill

I guess we southern Hoosiers just have a different view of weddings than a lot of people.

That said, I've been invited to weddings where I felt like I was invited to a special part of the couple's life together. I've also been invited to weddings where I felt like the couple only got married to see how much stuff they could get from people. The first type are usually those who end up having the happiest marriages. The second type seems to be more interested in the wedding than the marriage.

 

[Worfiedoodles]

This really is regional. When I got married 15 years ago in Missouri, we spent about $6,000 and had about 200 guests. We had a buffet and dj at a VFW hall, and I didn't feel like my wedding was inferior in any way.

Fastforward to now when we live in Boston, and one of my young co-workers who makes the equivalent of what I did back then (entry level salary in a non-profit, not the big bucks!) just had a wedding where the parking alone was $47...I guess this girl's family either has hidden assets, or her charge cards are maxed out. The point is, she would never have been satisfied with my wedding, and I've already heard her complain (she got married last Friday), about some of the gifts not being enough to pay for her costs.

That said, if you are expecting people to cover your costs in gifts, perhaps you are getting married with unrealistic expectations, and putting more emphasis on one day than the rest of your marriage. If you can't afford to hold the wedding without being reimbursed, you should be responsible (this is the Budget Board) and scale it back.

If you are an invited guest to a wedding, shower, or receive a graduation announcement, you should give what you feel you can afford and what is equitable. We just gave my graduating high school niece $300. When her sister graduates in 2 years, she will get the same. When my other niece graduates in 11 years, she will get more, because hopefully it will be worth less. I only have 3 nieces, so it's easy for us to allow for that. If we had more family, the gifts would be less.

OP, the best advice you have received is to give what you are comfortable with. And, since you already gave shower gifts, I really don't think another big cash gift is warranted. I would definitely send a card, perhaps with $25 and a note that you'd like to buy the newlyweds dinner...I'd also send it about a month after the wedding, so it isn't lost in the fray since you won't be there.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

This really is regional. When I got married 15 years ago in Missouri, we spent about $6,000 and had about 200 guests. We had a buffet and dj at a VFW hall, and I didn't feel like my wedding was inferior in any way.

Fastforward to now when we live in Boston, and one of my young co-workers who makes the equivalent of what I did back then (entry level salary in a non-profit, not the big bucks!) just had a wedding where the parking alone was $47...I guess this girl's family either has hidden assets, or her charge cards are maxed out. The point is, she would never have been satisfied with my wedding, and I've already heard her complain (she got married last Friday), about some of the gifts not being enough to pay for her costs.

That said, if you are expecting people to cover your costs in gifts, perhaps you are getting married with unrealistic expectations, and putting more emphasis on one day than the rest of your marriage. If you can't afford to hold the wedding without being reimbursed, you should be responsible (this is the Budget Board) and scale it back.

If you are an invited guest to a wedding, shower, or receive a graduation announcement, you should give what you feel you can afford and what is equitable. We just gave my graduating high school niece $300. When her sister graduates in 2 years, she will get the same. When my other niece graduates in 11 years, she will get more, because hopefully it will be worth less. I only have 3 nieces, so it's easy for us to allow for that. If we had more family, the gifts would be less.

OP, the best advice you have received is to give what you are comfortable with. And, since you already gave shower gifts, I really don't think another big cash gift is warranted. I would definitely send a card, perhaps with $25 and a note that you'd like to buy the newlyweds dinner...I'd also send it about a month after the wedding, so it isn't lost in the fray since you won't be there.

I must be really dense. My SIL is getting married this Sept and she is planning a pretty big wedding. She doesn't make nearly enough to cover the kind of wedding she is having and her fiancee makes even less. She is asking for either cash or give it to her friend who is coordinating the purchase of a 3,000 TV. I just realized that my SIL...probable the coworker you mentioned...and many other people are wanting the gifts to "pay for the plate" literally.

 

[tar heel]

The Dis wedding threads are some of my favorites b/c I learn so much. Until I started reading them, I thought the only people who gave big cash gifts at weddings were in the mafia! I know I've watched too many movies!

I also have learned that my gift was probably wrong for the the lavish wedding of two New York natives DH and I attended a couple years ago. They did get married here, so perhaps it was appropriate that I treated it as a Southern wedding. I bought something from their registry -- spent about $75 which makes it among the most I've ever paid for a wedding gift. Their thank-you note was nice -- maybe they did just want us there!

Seriously, I'm very grateful that in my circle, you attend a wedding to celebrate with the couple and stand up for/with them. Your gift is for them, not payment for an evening out.

 

[jennwndrlnd]

Are you SERIOUS???? Do you realize that most people don't really enjoy going to other people's weddings???
And, if you had out of town guests, they paid airfare, hotel, car rental, etc. to be there???
On a fancy dinner, dancing, theater or opera night, DH and I get to pick what we do, what food we eat and who we spend the evening with. At a wedding, we don't get those choices.
Seriously, I can't even believe that position ...

I agree with you wholeheartedly! The people that choose to have an extravagant wedding need to take into consideration that if they don't recoup their costs of the wedding that isn't anyone's fault but their own. If you can't afford to have a big wedding then you shouldn't. No one should feel entitled to a gift/cash commensurate to what the per dish (plus rentals, dress, photography, flowers, etc...) came out to per person. When that becomes customary I will stop attending these functions. The sense of entitlement that is happening in America never ceases to amaze me.

On another note to the op- Congrats to your niece!

 

[Mom B]

Wow! We had 2 weddings this month on the same day, 150 miles apart, so DH went to his cousin's near home and I went to our friend's daughters in the Cities. The cousin's reception was at a nearby hotel/restaurant/type facility; the out of town wedding was in a huge downtown cathedral and the reception was in a pavilion/viewing area at the local zoo...great food, nicely done, but it was rather unique to have the smell of the animals and the monkeys going bananas every so often. I gave a shower gift of about $30-$35 for the out of towners and each couple got $40 in a card for the wedding. Seems pretty small compared to many others but it's pretty standard for us...and when our kids got married in 2000/2001 I don't think that was unusual...probably a little higher than most, but not as much as some. Actually, if you consider what I spent in gas driving 150 miles to the wedding, 30 miles around town between the church and the zoo, and 150 back home...well, anyway. It's none of my business what they spent on the respective receptions, they served what they wanted to and didn't ask for my opinion; it was their party. I don't know what the other guests gave, and I don't really care. As far as I know, we're still speaking to each other and enjoy each other's company, and I feel closer to them because I shared their celebration with them. Now as for my husband, who ended up forgetting the card at home when he went to his cousin's celebration, he had a good time visiting with his relatives that he doesn't see so much and...well, they'll probably forgive him as soon as I get it in the mail! Emily Post? Who's that? Guess we're pretty backwoods, comparatively, around here!

 

[cheebiecat]

This points to, I think, the problem in our country: we equate money with love; we understand 'value' in terms of gift card balances; and we believe that others use cash to determine if we are (or are not) doing 'life' right.

 

[kelleigh1]

Ok, I live in Massachusetts too and am absolutely shocked that people here are saying $500 as wedding gifts. I don't know anyone who gives that much, but I guess maybe I've never really talked to that many people about it. But that seems awfully high. That's more than my car payment and when we're pretty much living paycheck to paycheck, there is no way that anyone is ever going to get $500 out of me as a wedding gift.

 

[starann]

OP I Live in Eastern PA and the standard is about $50-100 (at least when I got married 3yrs ago, that is the bulk of what we got). From close family and a few NY friends that we invited we got $250-500, but in NY (even though it is only a hour and 20 mins away) the standard is much different!

Knowing that you are not going to the wedding (and they don't have to pay for your dinner), a gift of a $100 is nice. I know the whole idea of a wedding is not to get gifts...the gift of $100 is a nice 'size' gift esp when they think that they didn't have to pay for you and hubby to eat....kwim?

HTH!

 

[Tink113]

I agree with you wholeheartedly! The people that choose to have an extravagant wedding need to take into consideration that if they don't recoup their costs of the wedding that isn't anyone's fault but their own. If you can't afford to have a big wedding then you shouldn't. No one should feel entitled to a gift/cash commensurate to what the per dish (plus rentals, dress, photography, flowers, etc...) came out to per person. When that becomes customary I will stop attending these functions. The sense of entitlement that is happening in America never ceases to amaze me.

On another note to the op- Congrats to your niece!

Sorry if I was misunderstood. I was not complaining about what we got in gifts or cash for our wedding. I just wanted people to come and have a good time! I was simply stating what I give at weddings. My only rant was on people who RSVP and don't show!

We have fun families and our dance floor was PACKED all night. Knowing that everyone was having a blast was good enough for me. Trust me, I spent more time and energy planning things so that everyone had a good time then anything else. I hate boring weddings.

 

[krcit]

I'm from Long Island where weddings are crazy expensive. That being said, I give what I can afford. Thankfully, we aren't invited to a lot of weddings but when we are I usually give $300. Does that cover our plates? Probably just barely but that's all I can give. When I got married 15 years ago, the average gift we recieved was around $150-$200 a couple. We attended 14 weddings the year we got married and I gave the same gift to all whether it was a chi-chi reception hall, a VFW or in one case a bungalow on the beach. I give a gift that I can afford b/c I want to, it is not my responsibility to pay for a big, expensive wedding. I had the wedding that I could afford so any gifts we recieved were a great starter to our savings. One cousin of mine came to the wedding ands gave no gift but he gave us a beautiful card- I was so glad that he knew that we wanted him there even if he couldn't give a gift and I have some great pics of him and I tearing up the dance floor!!

 

[Sandy321]

I agree with you wholeheartedly! The people that choose to have an extravagant wedding need to take into consideration that if they don't recoup their costs of the wedding that isn't anyone's fault but their own. If you can't afford to have a big wedding then you shouldn't. No one should feel entitled to a gift/cash commensurate to what the per dish (plus rentals, dress, photography, flowers, etc...) came out to per person. When that becomes customary I will stop attending these functions. The sense of entitlement that is happening in America never ceases to amaze me.

On another note to the op- Congrats to your niece!

AMEN!!

Went to 2 family weddings...
1 in Northern Ohio (mom works at Cedar Point, Dad a preacher) - their venue was like my son and future dil venue - and they wanted ALL of my kids AND their dates/so/fdil - I called to make sure (you know that's SEVEN of us!! - yes, my son just wants your kids there - please, I know its a lot to ask... ) I gave them $200, + for their shower $150 from their registry (6 months prior to wedding)

Well, they were SHOCKED we gave so much!! and I knew we didnt "cover" our plates, and I felt guilty giving so little!!

(so its not just southern hoosier!!)

 

[ReneeA]

I am from Northern Michigan originally where a really good gift was $25-50. We invite the entire family - not just adults, so we have families of up to 6. Most common was for a family to throw a 10 or 20 dollar bill in a card. I never thought anything of it...if you know the economy of the area, you know that people do what they can and are more concerned with feeding their kids than making sure they look okay to the rest of the population.

I moved to Detroit when I was 19 and married here 10 years ago. I did NOT have an adult only wedding since children are just as important to me as the adults. My DH's extended family is from Kentucky. We received gifts from them. We received $20 or so from most of my family. From our friends here in the metro Detroit area we received $100 on average. (which I thought was way too much due to my upbringing )

Needless to say, we spend much more on the wedding than we received in gifts, and we had a very reasonably priced affair. What I received meant very little to me, I was just happy that the people that I love were able to come to my wedding.

 

[Frankiesmom]

we always give $150 to everyone; regardless if it's family or not. And then their's the shower gifts- so I figure each wedding costs us about $225.