How Much Should Parents Pay?

[HayGan]

I can't believe how many times this comes up and people don't set everything on the table at the very begining. When I went to Europe with a friend, we all (me, her, her parents and my parents) and discussed everything before anything was booked or planned. It was a little bit different of a situation since it was her and I alone but I can't imagine planning a vacation without planning.

When my kids get older and want to take a friend on vacation, I would first approach the parents and propose what we would like to do as well as the total estimated costs and what those would include. I can't imagine inviting someone as a guest and then going back at a later date asking for additional money. If my kids were invited on a vacation, I would want to discuss the same issues with the other family. I will say that I can't imagine sending a child away without any money. I will likely send my kids with some cash and a prepaid credit card for additional money needed.

As for the OP's situation, if I were you I would be expecting to pay for everything for the guest except souvineers. $300 is more than enough for spending money for any child for 2 weeks. I would maybe suggest talking to the kids at the begining of the trip about budgeting money and resisting buying things until the end of their trip. Maybe even talk about having a daily spending limit so that the money can last the entire trip.

 

[Reflection]

Where I come from is if you are invited somewhere then you are the guest and therefore do not pay anything. Of course we as parents offer but then the person inviting always declines! It isn't your guest if you make them pay. I certainly wouldn't invite someone if I couldn't afford to pay all costs.

This is my experience as well. And, like the above poster, I always ask the cost for their inviting and including my child but most of the inviting parents decline 'stating no your daughter is our guest and does not have to pay.' I also always provide my daughter with her own spending money.

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

I agree that a budget should be addressed in the very beginning. In 2004 DH and I took my little brother (6 at the time) to FL. Yes, we did invite him, but my mom paid for mostly everything. We drove down and stayed with my inlaws, so there was no transportation or hotel expenses (and had we stayed at a hotel, I would not have wanted her to pay anything, as he didn't add to the expense). She did however send money for his food and extras. She also said to let him buy anything he wanted and if he went over budget (he did by a little) then she would reimburse us (I didn't make her).

DH and I are hoping to go to WDW again this year and have discussed my brother going again. If he does, my mom will be paying for him (we will be on the dining plan, so it will be easier to budget). This is known well in advance and she will be prepared for it.

My point is, that everyone's circumstances are different and need to be discussed in depth before any plans are made.

To the OP, I understand that you are concerned about the friend not having enough money, and you should be open with the parents. You do need to find out what they are comfortable spending and how to handle the money for their child. You may be surprised about how the friend wants to spend (or not spend) her money. My brother always thought long and hard about what he wanted to spend his money on (when we did MK for a day, all he wanted was a jacket, because it was useful- his words.) Not all kids just want to spend, spend, spend. However, we did know how my mom wanted to handle his spending (we kept all the money, he bought what he wanted, and if he went over she would reimburse us).

 

[siobhan1997]

I think you are being reasonable, but I do think you underestimated spending money. Its going to be hard with an eleven year old anyway, since many kids that age don't budget well. Perhaps you should sit down with her mother and figure out how her daughter handles money - will it be best if you hand her $15 each day? Can she keep all $300 and still have money left. If she runs short, what would her Mom like you to do - cover her reasonable requests? Say "tough cookies, you spent it."


BTW are you talking Canadain or U.S. dollars? I'm impressed you can do Disney, waterparks, Universal, Disney Quest, etc. on $300 U.S. for an eleven year old.

Of course I know we can't do it on $300 for her (US) that would be just the portion we will pick up the rest.

She never really has alot of money to spend so I think a budget for her would be the best. I would keep her money separate and advise her each time how much she has left and how many days until we go home.

 

[siobhan1997]

I have been following this thread as well. I think that $300 is plently of money to buy a few special things for the child and her family. If you think that clothes shopping will be a problem then maybe you save shopping of that type for when you are not on vacation with the exception of t-shirts, sweatshirts, etc. If it is something you really want to do then let the parent and child know of your plans.

On another note, I would not feel comfortable letting my children go on vacation with another family nor would I let another child come with our family. One reason is that this is a family vacation.

Also, I would worry the entire trip about my child's safety. I am very over protective and don't let my kid's out of my sight. My kids don't drive with others and I don't drive other kids. My kids are only 6 and 8 so I'm sure that will eventually change as they get older. But right now, the comfort level is not there. If I were to take another child, I would still not be able to relax on vacation. It is a huge responsibility and I would watch that child more than I do my own to ensure their safety. While you are reading this, please keep in mind that I do have five children so I do have my hands full and my children do not need a playmate to keep them compay. I am not trying to offend anyone. :

The funny thing is if this was my DD 11 being invited for 16 days away from me I would probably say No. I would go crazy with worry. When she goes to the city with her older sister and her family, I worry like crazy until she is back home. I guess I just love her and miss her when she is not home.

 

[cmrules]

I would say airfare and park tickets and souvenier money. I would have given exact guidelines when I invited though. I would probably be comfortable paying accomodations, food, and other expenses.

 

[jeancbpugh]

So tell me something when you as parents invite other adult family members with you, you all cover all of their costs ?

Depends:

if I invite them as my guests, we pay.

if I say, "hey, let's go to WDW together", they pay for themselves

 

[robsmom]

In your case, I think you need to stick with the $600 that you told them. Help the girl to make reasonable decisions about what she buys and how to budget. You judge how it is going and decide as you go what to pick up. You want her to be able to buy about what your daughter buys and not feel left out. If as the week progresses she looks like she is going to run out of money, you can find ways to help subsidize her a bit (pay for a snack, pay for something and "forget" to deduct it from her money, etc.)

I have an only child and I think we will probably get to the point that we ask a friend sometimes on a vacation. I would not let me son ask the friend but would ask the parents first, so as to not put them on the spot. I would offer to pay for 100% including spending money. If they want to send their child with some cash or give it to me to hold for spending money, that would be ok, as i encourage my son to save and having "his" money is a good learning tool. I would not accept money for meals and probably not for airfare. I read one reply about someone who would "want their daughter to have a dream vacation". I think everyone wants that but they want to have it with their kids - not spend their vacation budget to send their kid with someone else.

 

[Stepht5]

My DD friend age 11 shall be coming with us this March on a 16 trip to Disney and Orlando? Her parents have already paid for her flight. How much and for what else do you think her parents should be responsible for paying? We will be doing four theme parks, both water parks and Disneyquest as well as a few other things. We are renting a car for 15 days, staying 2 nights at the Nick Hotel and then on to timeshares. But everynight we eat supper out.

Opinions and help please

'When my older dd (now 22) was 11 and went to WDW with a friend. Dh & I paid all of her expenses. We bought the same AMEX package that her firend and the mom bought plus we gave her enough money to cover all of her meals, snacks & gifts. I gave her a small notebook to write down how much she spent each day and how much she had left each day. I didn't want dd to cost them any money at all -- and this was someone that we had known since our dd's were born.

 

[janette]

It really just seems to come down to what works for the people involved. I'm taking my great-niece and while I could afford to pay her way completely I can't afford to pay for my 30+ other nieces & nephews so I'm doing for her what I could do for any of them. I've let my entire (large) family know they are welcome to go with us on any trip and I'll arrange the housing. So far this is the first to take me up on it, since I'll be planning the trip we will be doing some things I'm sure her parents wouldn't do like cindy's and other character meals. Her mom even mentioned that it is one advantage of sending her DD with me.

Isn't it more about how you ask or make the offer? If I asked a 10yo if they'd like to go to Disney and then later let the parents know that I expect full reimbursement that's rude. Or worse invite them and present the parent with an itemized bill on return. If I ask a parent if they'd allow their child to go on a trip and let them know that they'd be expected to share costs that isn't' rude.

It's great that some are able to take guests and cover the costs, not every one can and I'd hate to see someone be afraid to offer a child a chance to go on a trip because they can't cover the entire costs. Many of the parents I know would be thrilled to send their kids on a WDW trip for the cost of airfare & tickets.

The only time I've minded taking and paying for my girls guests are the few I've had that can't even be bothered to say Thank you. They aren't someone I'd invite to WDW.

 

[allboyz]

Wow...I've been checking this thread out for days now. I am amazed at how many of you take friends on these amazing trips ...and how many of those parents let you eat the bill!!!! I can't imagine sending either of my DD's on a 16 day trip without me in the first place (they're 9 and 11), much less expecting someone else to pay for it. It is just not in my realm to comprehend and I've been trying really, really hard!! I could not accept such a "gift" nor would I allow my DD's to...a $1000+ vacation (tickets, airfare, food) is way more than I would feel right accepting. I did go on a beach vacation once with a friend's family...my parents gave them several hundred dollars for my food up front and I took my own spending cash.

Anyway, you guys are very, very generous...I would appreciate an offer from any of you, but I would never accept it. I would consider letting a teen go on such a trip, but we would cover most or all costs or she wouldn't go.

To the OP...my DD's would never get $300 to spend however they chose, even on vacation. I think if that money is not for food, only for extra purchases, the kid should be grateful and enjoy what she has. Again, this whole thing is out of my realm of understanding, so I'm just letting you know that $300 sounds like more than enough money for a young girl to me. I also don't see anything at all wrong with "suggesting" to the mom that now that you've finalized everything, the little girl might want a little more cash if you feel she needs it. That leaves it up to her.

Good luck and enjoy your trip!

*Edited to add...As far as dinners out, movies, etc...sure, we treat the girls friends often and vice-versa....that's different!

THANK YOU! I was beginning to think I was the only one. I can't see sending my child on an extended trip like that. I don't see myself offering to take my son's friends on a trip like that. Even though his friend said he wished he could go. I mean I take them to the movies, chuck e cheese, Jeepers, skating and stuff like that all the time. However, a family vacation in not only a different state but a different country is a bit much.

 

[allboyz]

I have been following this thread as well. I think that $300 is plently of money to buy a few special things for the child and her family. If you think that clothes shopping will be a problem then maybe you save shopping of that type for when you are not on vacation with the exception of t-shirts, sweatshirts, etc. If it is something you really want to do then let the parent and child know of your plans.

On another note, I would not feel comfortable letting my children go on vacation with another family nor would I let another child come with our family. One reason is that this is a family vacation.

Also, I would worry the entire trip about my child's safety. I am very over protective and don't let my kid's out of my sight. My kids don't drive with others and I don't drive other kids. My kids are only 6 and 8 so I'm sure that will eventually change as they get older. But right now, the comfort level is not there. If I were to take another child, I would still not be able to relax on vacation. It is a huge responsibility and I would watch that child more than I do my own to ensure their safety. While you are reading this, please keep in mind that I do have five children so I do have my hands full and my children do not need a playmate to keep them compay. I am not trying to offend anyone. :

I know! I have 3 young boys too so I have my hands full and feel the same way. On top of that I have been called over-protective by many people...........

 

[MrsPete]

If I invited a child to accompany our family on vacation, I would absolutely expect to pay for everything (except any souveniers she might choose to buy). If you invite someone, that's just the way things are done. It's good manners whether you're talking about a cup of coffee or a trip. If you invite, you pay; if you can't pay, don't invite.

Having said that, I wouldn't invite another child to go on a Disney vacation with my family. Why? First, it's awfully expensive! Second, since a Disney vacation is a go-go-go type of vacation, I'd rather keep our group small -- personal preference. Then, you do get into the problem of "we took your kid, now you owe my child a vacation".

I would, however, allow my kids to invite a friend for a rent-a-house by the ocean type vacation. I wouldn't mind having another child around for a lazy, sleep-in and cook big meals type of trip. There'd also be more space and privacy for such a trip.

Finally, even if you disagree with my opinion on this, it's absolutely unquestionable that the money should be discussed up front with the parents -- if it's not mentioned at the get-go, I think the other parents are going to assume it's a gift. Yes, they should think to ask, but as the person extending the invitation, it's your responsibility to explain your plans.

 

[sunny_medford]

I would NOT under any circumstances allow either of my my children to go on a trip longer than 4 days without being present under the age of 14. I have 5 y/o girl and 8 y/o son and taking them to the beach where there is a lifeguard on duty is too much stress for me. It is impossible to watch each child all the time, and my children are low key, that being said, I would consider taking a child to go with us for the weekend but not under the age of 14. Since this child has already been asked, there is a "verbal contract". I agree that the "asker" assumes responsibilites for payment of everything. The thing is, her parents paid for the flight, so at some point that part of the trip was discussed. I can't imagine that the parents would allow the child to go without some spending money but it's individual as to how much they feel is appropriate. Everyone's priorities are different and expecting someone to cough up $600 just for spending money isn't appropriate. Why do you have to eat dinner out everynight if you'll be in a timeshare, what's wrong with pizza nite or spaghetti or something, sometimes it's nice to enjoy the company your traveling with, not attempt to show them the vacation of a lifetime, AlwAYs remember......It's the little things that count.

 

[mikesmom]

We have taken a friend with DS several times starting when he was 16 through the age of 19 (after that college schedules pretty well blew up the group vacations). Anyway, we covered the room, airfare (we had frequent flyer points so no out of pocket for us) and all meals and incidentals. The deal was "if your friend's parents can cover park tickets, we will cover everything else". We even handed out spending money to both of them for snacks in the park, etc, although as they got older, they both had spending money from jobs, etc. Souvenirs were their responsibility.

I felt like a guest is a guest, but we couldn't quite swing another set of park tickets. They knew months ahead that the tickets needed to be covered and the friends parents were thrilled that he could get a WDW vacation for just the cost of park entry.

As has been mentioned before, everyone had a better time with DS having someone to pal around with.

 

[jessica52877]

I am not asking the parents for any extra. My concern is I wonder if $300.00 spending money will be enough for her for 16 days. The other $300.00 is for park passes and her parents are fully aware of this. That works out to being about $18.75 per day. We do not spend all our days at the theme parks. There are many different things to do in Orlando, but we do like to shop!! BUt we also like to spend time lazying around the pools (has to do with being Snowbirds).

I think next time I will definetly think twice before allowing my DD to bring a friend.

I cannot imagine letting my own child spend $300 on vacation on just extras. So to me the $300 sounds like plenty. I am even taking into account say $100 for ice cream, soda, snacks, etc out and about, leaving $200 for spending. It doesn't seem like much if split over the 16 days but there should be days where nothing is purchased pretty much. $200 will get a sweatshirt, couple of t shirts, photo album, picture frame, stuffed animal and some mickey ears! I guess I am also not a bring back for family type person.

 

[budbeerlady]

I wanted to add I also issue the invitation directly to the parents and put the details in writing. Of course the trip has already been discussed between my son and his friend but I think it's best to make sure the parents have the correct details. I include the dates of the trip and ask them for a decision by a certain deadline since airfare must be purchased. I remind them the airfare is not refundable so this is a serious commitment. I also request a notarized statement giving me permission to travel with their child and to seek medical attention if necessary. I remind them the child needs to bring insurance cards and id cards.

This is also what I would do. I traveled with a few friends families growing up and my parents always paid for my park tickets and food as the families drove down for spring break. I would have no problem putting it in writing and asking for airfare and or park tickets.

 

[kayebee]

As has been mentioned before, everyone had a better time with DS having someone to pal around with.

Not to hijack this thread, but I did want to explain to the posters who are having a hard time imagining anyone paying for the vacation for another child, that life is different when you're the parent of an only child. Paying for another child to accompany yours on a trip isn't so hard to imagine from that perspective, and yes, the trip is more enjoyable for everyone when your child has someone his/her own age to do things with.


Anyway, I've enjoyed reading the thread, and, as a parent of an only, I imagine we'll encounter this dilemma as our daughter grows older. I don't think the OP's concerns are way out of line; everyone's financial situation is different, and while it would be nice to have clear cut rules on who pays for what when, in reality, the situation gets more complex (a perfect example is the poster who mentioned the friend who was brought along on vacation with meals included and proceeded to order the most expensive items on the menu to "try" them. I can imagine another dozen scenarios where the 'The friend is my guest I will pay for everything' philosophy will cause problems.)