How much harder are 2 kids vs. 1?

[lecach]

Our DS is 20 months old. I am 37 (will be 38 in March) and if we're going to have another, we want to start trying by the first of the year. We always thought we'd have 2, but we had no idea how hard the first one would be. He was colicy for the first few months, and up until about 3 months ago he still woke at least once a night. We're just wondering - are 2 really that much harder? I've heard different things - like two are just as easy as one. And then other parents say that having 2 kids is 10 times harder. Space isn't an issue - we have a new larger home. Finances may be a bit tricky right now but DS's daycare cost will drop a lot soon. Really time and energy are the big factors. Any advice?

By the way - I am an only child and I had a great childhood. DH has a sister and also had a great childhood.

 

[tuckerkeys]

i am wondering this too....i am only 32 and we have a 3.5 yo boy who is awesome! we always said we'd have another when Lo turns 5, and that time is quickly sneeking upon us!!! I kind of dread the whole baby thing again, but i don't want to have just 1 in my life! i so love my freedom now that he is so independent, and sleeping issues are so long gone....I just fear i don't have the uumph to do it again....and with 2 it seems so much harder!!! We love being a family and having 1 more seems like it would just make our family time so much more fun...But then again the whole baby thing freaks me out AGAIN!!! we had an EASY baby with Logan, and i DO fear the whole colic thing too...I guess we'll just never know until we do it right??

 

[mytwotinks]

Some things are harder, but actually some things are easier so I think it evens out. You will have to buckle two car seats and take more snacks and things like that, but after a while you don't even notice. Seeing how they interact with each other is so cool though! They'll fight sometimes and you will want to lock them in seperate closets so you don't have to hear it anymore (you won't really do it, you'll just wish you could!), but really the moment you bring the new baby home you all just fit together!

 

[tms295]

I AM NOT A PARENT YET... but I am a very involved active aunt to 2 wonderful nieces.

In my opinion 2 kids are harder than 1... The biggest challenge i have observed is that that both children LOVE YOUR ATTENTION and with 2 the attention has to be shared. Now add to the situation if you will be a working parent that now has even less time to divide between the 2. My plan is to space out children so #2 would arrive as #1 is starting school... that way #1 is beginning to develop more a independant personality and #2 will have the quality attention while #1 is in school. This does involve being a Full Time MOM. Part time everything else.

 

[hidmickey:myantidrug]

I can't help advice wise since I don't have children but I have 8 cousins who I all watched grow up (I am the oldest by 9 years)and watched my aunts and uncles raise and babysat since the very first one was born. You do notice a change (and obviously it's different because they're not my kids...although I subconsiously treat them like they are ) but you find that it just clicks. You don't notice that one is 'deprived' of your attention (at least from the outside parental group) eventhough the parents may feel that way.

I would say for your son's sake to have another child. I noticed that you said that you said that you had a wonderful childhood as an only child as I'm sure you did. I, too, am an only child and my childhood is amazing but there are SO many times that I wish I had a sibling, too many to even begin to name. For that reason I vowed to have no kids over just one (mind you, I would rather have 3) because I hate being an only child and having great parents and other family couldn't change that. Now this is obviously just my opinion but if you're ready to have another, I would definitely do it.

As far as time goes, you are already spending time with your son so adding another will definately not be the same 'wasted' (well, wasted is definately the wrong word, time is not wasted with your kids but I really couldn't think of the right word so you know what I mean) time that you initially experianced.

Energy, I see going down the drain but I'd think it's well worth it for your kids!

Hope your decision starts to come easier to you and good luck!

 

[treboats]

I have a 7 year old and a 21 month old and am going to add a 3rd anyday now hopefully next week sometime. The one thing I can tell you is if you want another don't wait it is our biggest regret we wish that we had them closer together but at the end of the day they still play together sometimes and they really love each other. I once had someone tell me you may regret not having another kid but you will NEVER regret the ones you have.

 

[Jessd]

I have 3 kids, 11, 9 and 2. My boys are fairly close in age, closer than yours would be. I don't think it was twice as hard. It wasn't easy, no kids are, but I think the age difference really helps, especially with yours if you had another. By the time the new baby comes, your DS will be more independent. My boys are very close, they hate to be apart even though they fight sometimes. I am glad that we had them so close in age. I think it was easier in the long run because we already had everything, all the baby stuff, clothes, etc.

Now with DD, she is quite a bit younger than the boys are. She is the baby of the family and there will be no more to come. I have my girl, I am stopping. Sometimes I wish we would have another to give her someone to be close to, but I got my princess to spoil.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

There are lots of things to think about. We had twins so we didn't have to think about whether to have another. Our two have a nice, special relationship even though they are a boy and a girl. Good luck with your decision.

 

[mom*to*2*princesses]

This is one of those questions that I'm sure you could ask 100 people and get 100 different answers. It depends on how you parent, it depends on your kids' personalities, it depends on lots of other things.

But...I can give you my experience as a parent of two. After we had #1, our lifestyle had already adapted to working as a family unit and not as a couple. That's a huge adjustment. Also, we had one so we knew pretty much what to expect with #2. That's a generality, of course, since siblings can be vastly different. We have two girls, and they are similar in many ways. Having #2 enriched our family and just felt right. I wouldn't say that having #2 was no big deal, but I also wouldn't say that it was terribly hard. It was another adjustment. On the practical side, it is more work. There are two kids who can get sick in the middle of the night, two kids needing your attention, twice the laundry, twice the food, twice the tantrums, and IME, when you add sibling issues into the mix, it can feel like there are twenty kids instead of just two. OTOH, there are twice the kisses, twice the happy memories, twice the fun, twice the milestones, and so much more than that because you see them interact with each other, too.

I think it also depends on your own emotional health and how you handle stress. Some women just seem more capable of handling more kids. I'm not one of them. In my house, "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." The stress must be managable. I don't want to feel that I'm shortchanging anybody--including, or really especially, myself. I feel that I have a great balance right now. I work in an office 3 x week and am home with my girls 4 x week. We have family close by for support and practical help with watching them. With two kids, there is a parent for each. And now, if we had #3, I think the stress would go up exponentially. I love our family just as it is. And I also have to add that I have a phenomenal husband. He's a wonderful father and we truly parent as a team.

Our girls are exactly 3 years apart (minus 5 days!). Generally, they get along great and are good playmates. Other times, I swear they want to do each other, or me, in. I think that kids can learn a great deal about life from their siblings, and DH and I both had siblings and felt that it was important. We initially felt we wanted three, but always planned to defer to real-life experience, and so far that's working for us. Good luck with your decisions!

 

[gris gris]

We just had #2 (he's 11 weeks old). DD is almost 4. We agonized quite a bit about having another child because as DD got older it just got so much easier. Like we can leave the house with nothing but her blanket and a drink. I really didn't have a problem with her being an only child. But in the end we decided that it would be best to have 2. We're glad we did because our family just seems so much more complete now. But it's a ton of work.

I have to admit that I am not a baby person - I really love my son but I do not like the baby stuff. So it has been very hard for me to get through these first couple of months, but easier the 2nd time around because at least this time I knew what to expect. I'm guilty of wishing his first few months away because I can't wait for him to get bigger so we can interact more and DD can play with him a little bit more. Right now everything is just busy and I feel like we don't get any quality time with anyone.

I totally miss my relationship with DD but I know it will come back. Right now she and DH spend a lot of time together and he does most of the things I used to do (baths, tucking into bed, playing, etc.... - this is all good, but I miss it). I have to focus on the baby but it gets easier every day.

For all the moms who have kids closer in age, you must be saints. I could not have done this if DD was any younger!

OP good luck with your decision!

 

[disney09]

Yes I know, it depends... but let me tell you something: I have 2 kids (almost 5 and 7 ). The first year was very hard, very. My youngest was very demanding and my eldest was suffering from lack of atention (fortunately DH is a wonderful parent and he played with her a lot). But now, I'm so thankful that I did it! They play a lot together and keep each other in company. My dad was an only child and I have a niece and a nephew both only childs, so I also know about this. My nephew is only 5 years old and he has a happy childhood, no doubt about it, but he gets lonely sometimes.
You cannot go wrong with 2 kids (specially when their ages are not that apart), they keep each other company and have someone to play when parents get very tired. Yes they fight (that's a must for siblings) and always yell "Mommy!! look what my brother/sister did!" but they also love each other and care for each other, and I know they will have each other when they became older, so it's great.
You cannot go wrong.
And about your question that if it's harder? No, it's easier after you pass the most difficult first months ( which are always harder anyway).
Good luck!!!!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

We have 2 kids. DS is 8 and DD is almost 3.

DS was very easy. Easy pregnancy, not so bad labor and good good baby.

DD was difficult to conceive. 2 miscarriages and almost 3 years later she arrived. I was hospitalized twice during my pregnancy but her birth was easy. She was colicy and cried non-stop until she fell asleep, slept 2 hours then it started again. She was placed on Hypo-allergenic formula at 3 months and all has been well since then.

Like you, I was 38 when I had DD. Both of them fight almost constantly but love each other also. Its more difficult having 2, especially since DS was pretty much independent when DD was born. Sometimes. I say....what were you thinking?

I am an only child and wanted my DS to have a sibling. Though DH has a sister and they aren't close at all. I do love having 2 children though. Don't think I'd want any more.

I think its a personal choice though. You know what you can handle. Two of my friends have 4 children. They love it! Not me!

Good Luck

 

[mistaroo]

My boys are only 20 months apart so the beginning was a LOT of work because they were both so young and needed me to do everything for them. Having one that was older/more self-sufficient along with an infant would have been "easier" for me in terms of workload. Of course there is more work with two littles ones compared to one but the tradeoff is worth it. Now that my kids are 2 and 3.5, I don't think it is much "harder" than if I had just one child. They are so close and play together all the time. They amuse each other all day long. I can't imagine my boys without each other and I can't imagine life without them so I am very glad I had two kids.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Here's my 2cents.


We have 3 kids. DS 4, DD 2.5, DS 10 months (all 20 months apart!). I LOVE IT!!!!! I want another one! Is it crazy some days? You bet! Do I want to lock myself in a closet once in a while? Sure! Do they make me happier than anything else in the world? Without a doubt! Maybe I am lucky but my kids love to play together and rarely fight with each other. Except for the occassional squabble over a toy for about 2 seconds they are very sweet to each other. My oldest son keeps telling me he wants more brothers and sisters! A previous poster mentioned stress levels. It is true that some people are better in a stressful environment than others. I don't get ruffled by chaos. I try to find the humor in it. My kids are not deprived for my attention. Sometimes they may have to wait a minute but as much as I used to feel bad about it I now realize that it's okay for them to wait because they will not always be able to demand that the world stop for them. I cherish every minute with them.
On the other side of the coin I was an only child for 7 years. I wanted a sibling so badly. I was so happy when my Mom was pregnant with my sister. We always wished that we were closer in age. We get along great but we did have some years where it was rough for us. In the end you have to do what is best for you. I wanted my kids close and I wanted alot. I am so happy with what God has blessed us with.

 

[wrldpossibility]

Want another opinion? Like another poster said, for each 100 people you ask, you'll get 100 answers. That said, I have 3 children, ages 7, 5, and 20 months right now, and I think you have to look at how you envision your family in the long term, not the short term. I think that in some ways having 2 is just as hard/easy as having 1...you are already a parent, and have already adjusted your daily life to parenting. You already live that lifestyle, so to speak, so it's not such a big adjustment as your first. Two sippy cups vs. one or two soccer team fees vs. one is no big deal, for instance. You already have your schedule and finances adjusted to accommodate childcare, etc.

The hard part of going from 1 to 2, or 2 to 3, etc is exactly what you already mentioned...the ENERGY it takes to go back to the start...diapers, sleepless nights, bottles, colic, what have you. Will it be hard? YES. Will it be hard forever? NO. I'm not a huge "baby person" so going back to those baby months was hard for me. After three kids, I feel our family is complete and I do not want to got through it again! Like your son, my boys did not sleep well for almost the first 2 years each...so that's about 7 years that I have not slept through the night. We're finally sleeping again now that the 20-month-old is getting better.

So yes, it's hard to start over, and your attention is divided...there will be times you feel guilty that you don't spend as much time with your oldest, and then with your youngest, etc. But in the long run, everyone will be sleeping, eating, etc on their own, and that's what you have to look to. What do you see your family looking like in the long run? One child? Two? It's awesome to see siblings love each other, IMHO. I wouldn't make the decision based on a few hard years, since you'll be a family for the rest of your lives. Good luck deciding!! It's SO hard, I know!

 

[mareed]

I agree with many other comments that "it depends". I think it depends so much on the temperament of the baby. My first was a very challenging baby (perhaps like yours). He was unhappy if he wasn't being nursed or held and walked around. Forget sitting and rocking in place. He was also a poor sleeper until about 9 months old when we sleep-trained using Ferber method. We weren't sure we wanted a #2 because we had thoughts of why would anyone do this to themselves again?! Then, at 9 months when he was sleeping through the night and started walking, he became a much happier baby! He could see the world somewhat on his own!

We did have #2 when #1 was 3, and the transition from 1 to 2 was a breeze. #2 was an easy baby from day 1 at the hospital. We could tell he was different at that time. He slept great from the beginning, and was content to lie back and watch his big brother playing or watch his activity gym (#1 would NEVER have layed there watching anything!).

If I'd had DS#2 first, I'm sure we'd have had another sooner, and if #2 had been difficult, I'm sure it would have been a harder transition.

So, I say it depends - largely on temperament of the baby! Sounds like you may have gotten your "difficult" one out of the way first! Not that it's any guarantee that #2 won't be difficult, but I just told myself that it really couldn't get much worse than what we'd lived through, and I'd be able to cope better.

 

[va32h]

Every pregnancy is different, every baby is different, every toddler is different, you get my drift!

I have three kids, 10, 6, and 2. Yes, life was easier when I had two that were potty trained and quite independent, and we wouldn't even need a stroller at WDW anymore. But can I imagine life without my youngest child? Heck no.

I wanted my children to have siblings because I wanted them to have each other when my husband and I age. Not just to share the burden of our care, or grief in our passing, but someone with whom to share their family history.

I have four siblings - we talk and joke and share stories about our growing up years. When my parents are gone, I know there will be someone else who remembers (for example) the time we went to Flagstaff and tried to build a snowman, but we just couldn't get one to stay up, so we found this snowman that another family built, and we all posed for a photo around it, and passed it off as our own, and it proudly sits in our album today, our stolen snowman.

My mother is in her 70's and ill, and I worry every day that I won't get to see her at least one more time - there are only four other people in the world who understand who my mother was and can remember her as I do. I'm just so grateful that I have them, and I hope my children feel that way too, someday.

 

[Oceana]

Its so hard to say. My first was so challanging my second was a walk in the park... I want a third but its going to wait another year or two (I am 34 by the way)

In many ways its harder... In many ways its easier

Its more about what I invision when I close my eyes and see myself in 10 years

goodluck
julie

 

[loopner67]

For me, the second child was easier. I learned so much from the first child and had always wanted more than one. I have two boys - they are 2.4 years apart. I had my first son when I was 31 and my second son when I was 33.

I think the MOST important thing is that they have each other. They don't always get along perfectly, but they love each other so much. Watching them interact and love each other is such a wonderful thing. They can't get that anywhere else - that whole sibling thing. I couldn't see my boys not having this huge connection thing all throughout their lives. It's so interesting to see them interact and experience things together. I listen to them commiserate about our last trip to Disney (March '06) and all the things they did together. So sweet!

Good luck with your decision.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I certainly would not say that having two is the same as having one! It is harder, because of having to do everything by two, and the sibling rivalry. But for us it wasn't as big an adjustment as it was when we had the first child.

My first pregnancy occurred at age 37 and was pretty easy, but DS was colicky and had some serious health issues, so we had several trips to the hospital in his first year, and he caught every bug that came his way. This was very stressful when both parents worked full-time, but you just do what you have to do.

My second pregnancy occurred at age 40, and involved a couple scares. Fortunately DS was delivered healthy, and overall was a much healthier baby than his older brother. Still, two kids and their bugs and toys and moods and squabbles.

Last year I was able to quit my job, which I was no longer enjoying, and stay home with my boys. DS(now)6 began kindergarten, and so I was home most of the day with DS2. I love it.

Both boys are very different in personality. DS6 is quiet, thoughtful and usually very well behaved, very much a stickler for the rules and fairness. (Just like me!) DS2 is a little Houdini, looking for every opportunity to get into something or escape into the world. He's mischievous, loud, at two very demanding and mercurial, and we tell ourselves it's a good thing he's so cute! They are both very affectionate, and yes they do fight, but they also play together, and DS2 just adores his older brother, follows him everywhere.

While I would have loved the opportunity to mother a little girl, DH was in no way interested in a 3rd child, and due to my age and the scares of the last pregnancy, our family is complete.