How much financial responsibility should a 20 year old have?

[FINFAN]

Just had to pop back in to say: "We call that the M-R-S Degree".

hee-hee-heee....and I guess there is also the International MRS degree...In case she likes to travel. JK, to the OP, I do not mean to offend, I hope you guys can get some practicle financial progress for your DSD.

 

[arminnie]

She's 20 not 10. Let her manage her own finances. Which includes letting her sink or swim. Give her what you want as a lump sum period. Then it's her business.

I know a 55 year old college graduate who has never worked. She has a husband who is a factory worker that is often laid off for years. She has sucked money out of family members for decades. A sister bought her a house (cash) in an expensive area- she was only required to pay the taxes. Never did - almost got repossessed.

The parents are now gone and siblings have basically waved bye-bye. House was sold and they were evicted. Have no idea where she is or what she is doing. What a waste of a life.

 

[hereyago]

I had this long answer all typed. I think your husband and her mother should have a meeting of the minds. He-not you-should present her mother with all of his daughter's expenses and let her know that he is not willing to underwrite all of her activity. It's up to her parents to decide how her finances are handled.

Skip the mom, the girl is 20 years old. Surely she can grasp it. The mother doesnt help with tuition or anything except cellphone and contacts, so since she isn't "part" of the paying, then there is no way i would discuss it with her.

 

[hereyago]

You would think...but we have been going on two years of kind of "cutting her off" and it has only made the "woe is me" mentality even worse...

And this. She knows how to work ya'll. Get ear plugs if you must, but if you are really going to lower the amount of "helping" her, then do it.

 

[C.Ann]

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a 20 year old to pay for their own entertainment or clothing.

As to the not working during summer or breaks.....I always did and I would probably want my kids to but I would just take the stance of "this is what we are paying for, this is what we aren't paying for. If you want XYZ or to be able to do this or that, you will be paying for it". If they work to earn the money, great. If they don't, they just don't get XYZ or do what they want. Sometimes going without is a great motivator.

ETA: I'm assuming the loans are school loans? If I knew my child was blowing portions of their student loans on frivilous things, I wouldn't be paying any of those loans for them.

I agree with the above.. It sounds to me like you are going above and beyond already.. This may be one of those times where the family is just going to have to stand firm - tears or no tears.. At 20 yrs. old, it's time for the life lessons to begin..

Good luck!

 

[xCourxCorex]

I'm 21 and going into my second semester of junior year.
I go to a private college paid for by:
a merit-based scholarship for $6500/year
a student loan for $5500/year
a grant through the school for $8000/year
and my parents pay for the rest of the bill (which is tuition, fees, room & board).

I am responsible for books, supplies, parking sticker, transportation costs (I'm in nursing school and we have to travel off campus for clinicals at least once per week), any essentials like toiletries and clothes, as well as entertainment. I have a separate bank account from either of my parents - have since high school. I also have credit cards that are solely my responsibility - my expenses and purchases, my bill each month.

I have a part-time job throughout the school year, working Fridays Saturdays and occasionally Sundays. Over the summer I pick up more hours and typically work Monday-Friday with occasional weekends.

My parents pay for my car insurance, health/doctors/dental visits, food and such expenses when I am home on breaks, my line on the cell phone bill.

I see no reason why your step daughter can't be held responsible for her finances. I know lots of people my age and older who still get allowances from parents, are on completely joint accounts where their parents have 100% control over their banking, no idea what it's like to have monthly bills (even if it's just everyday purchases on a credit card) ... it blows my mind. I would hate to be really dependent on my family when I am entirely capable of handling it on my own.

I think a previous poster had it absolutely right when they said if she has a work study job and doesnt care to do more, she should go without. Aside from absolute essentials that you and your DH decide she NEEDS (half of the car insurance, food expenses, etc), if she doesn't have money for her WANTS, you shouldn't provide them for her. When she realizes that she misses such luxuries, maybe she'll consider adding more hours through work study or getting an additional job to pay for those things.

 

[RangerPooh]

As my husband says, Bingo!!!! Her mom has already told her that she will live in their basement and take care of her house for her and take care of her kids for her...All aboard the GRAVY TRAIN!!!! Poor boy!

We refer to that as the MRS. Degree I've come across plenty of undergrads here that seem to have a similar mentality. Where mom and dad pay for everything which means they don't have to work and can spend money as they please.

I have not read the entire thread but it seems like you are helping her too much. It might sound harsh but at some point you're going to have to cut the purse strings and let her fail, maybe then she'll see the importance of money, budgeting, and working. Perhaps she should do work stud over the summer in order to pay for school? That will give her some money and value the importance of earning it.

When I was 20 I was enrolled in 15+ credits a semester, worked May-November as a seasonal employee with the forest service, attended school year round, paid for my own tuition and books, paid my rent, and bills, and had a roommate. My parents paid for my car and medical insurance and that was about it. I had to learn how to budget/save my money well, and received almost no financial aid from the school as they felt that my parents income should support me (as if that was going to happen). All this and I remained on the Dean's list every semester.

 

[MrsPete]

I still think you are trying to control her money too much. Pay for what you are comfortable with and let her make or break it on her own for the rest. If she borrowed $1400 for summer school and blew in on pizza and beer ... that was her decision. She's the one who will have to pay in back. There is no better time to learn these life lessons then when you still have a bit of a safety net.

I disagree that a college student in this situation is going to learn a lesson. Rather, if she borrowed $1400 for summer school and then spent it on pizza and beer . . . hey, she had pizza and beer! It was fun! The consequence hasn't hit her yet. Given that she's a sophomore, it won't hit her for more than two more years. She isn't paying back that money yet, and she doesn't grasp that it's going to affect her life.

If anything, I could see her saying, "Why not borrow $2000 next year? After all, it worked out great for me last year, and I don't have to pay it back 'til after graduation when I'll be making $$$, driving a company car, and have my great fiance (with his great new job and his company car) helping me out!"

I don't think Dad is trying to control her so much as he's trying to help her look farther down the financial road. He's trying to make things easier for her in the future.

Of course, I recognize that I am much more anti-loan than most people, but I'm not convinced that a college sophomore who has little experience with money is going to learn any lessons from seeing her debt pile up. To a person who's never re-paid debt, they're just numbers, amounts that'll easily be repaid with little sacrafice.

She works a "work study" job, right? That's working.

Absolutely, the work study job is working. If she were my child, I'd be perfectly satsified with that during the school year. Although she could absolutely make more money at an off-campus job, she would also have to spend gas money to get there, and they'd be much less flexible with her class schedule.

What WOULD bother me is her refusal to get a job during the summer months. And borrowing more than is necessary for her tuition, etc.

 

[Frye7127]

Well, I am back. Let's just say our discussion was full of eye rolling, huffing and puffing, and petulance (and a little defiance). I thought her daddy was going to kill her, but he kept his cool.

We figured that she had burned through over $800 a month over the past three months . We broke down a budget for her which she thought was more than reasonable (as an afterthought though DH and I think she thought we were going to give her that amount of money each month ). She then realized that we were budgeting the money that she will have available.

She was shocked to realize that she had spent that kind of money and had nothing to show for it. Instead of charting out for her what we spend, we charted out what her life would look like if she actually was paying for everything. She quickly backed up, but her attitude did not change.

Her attitude was very eye-opening for her daddy and I (I can honestly say that we have never seen the attitude we saw from her on Saturday). She left very shortly after we talked with her and she was not happy. Oh well. She knows that if she does not have money for summer school, then she is out of luck. She also knows that if she cannot pull it together up at school, then coming home is her next stop and we both thought she was going to lose it. Better to learn now than later, like it or not.

I appreciate everyone's advice and opinions. It is nice to see others viewpoints, although I do realize that everyone's experience and circumstances are different. Thank you again for your input!

 

[eliza61]

Well, I am back. Let's just say our discussion was full of eye rolling, huffing and puffing, and petulance (and a little defiance). I thought her daddy was going to kill her, but he kept his cool.

We figured that she had burned through over $800 a month over the past three months. We broke down a budget for her which she thought was more than reasonable (as an afterthought, though DH and I think she thought we were going to give her that amount of money each month ). She then realized that we were budgeting the money that she will have available.

She was shocked to realize that she had spent that kind of money and had nothing to show for it. Instead of charting out for her what we spend, we charted out what her life would look like if she actually was paying for everything. She quickly backed up, but her attitude did not change.

Her attitude was very eye-opening for her daddy and I (I can honestly say that we have ever since the attitude we saw Saturday from her). She left very shortly after we talked with her and she was not happy. Oh well. She knows that if she does not have money for summer school, then she is out of luck. She also knows that if she cannot pull it together up at school, then coming home is her next stop and we both thought she was going to lose it. Better to learn now than later, like it or not.

!

LoL. sadly she is really not that much difference from quite a bit of america.
When you read or hear any financial guru from Dave what's his name to suzie Orman to any paper speak about getting financially fit, what's the first thing they say" Track all your expenses".
A few years I started tracking how much my family spent on take out.

 

[MrsPete]

Well, I am back. Let's just say our discussion was full of eye rolling, huffing and puffing, and petulance (and a little defiance). I thought her daddy was going to kill her, but he kept his cool.

We figured that she had burned through over $800 a month over the past three months . We broke down a budget for her which she thought was more than reasonable (as an afterthought though DH and I think she thought we were going to give her that amount of money each month ). She then realized that we were budgeting the money that she will have available.

She was shocked to realize that she had spent that kind of money and had nothing to show for it. Instead of charting out for her what we spend, we charted out what her life would look like if she actually was paying for everything. She quickly backed up, but her attitude did not change.

Her attitude was very eye-opening for her daddy and I (I can honestly say that we have never seen the attitude we saw from her on Saturday). She left very shortly after we talked with her and she was not happy. Oh well. She knows that if she does not have money for summer school, then she is out of luck. She also knows that if she cannot pull it together up at school, then coming home is her next stop and we both thought she was going to lose it. Better to learn now than later, like it or not.

I appreciate everyone's advice and opinions. It is nice to see others viewpoints, although I do realize that everyone's experience and circumstances are different. Thank you again for your input!

Sounds like it was a positive step, especially having her realize that she's spent so much and has nothing to show for it. Don't expect ONCE to be enough. You'll have to have this talk again, but the first time was certainly the hardest.

Good luck.

 

[lustergirl]

this whole thread reminds of an older woman who I used to work with. She was 62 years old and worked lots of overtime to pay her 22 year old daughter's way in life- yes I said 22 years old. The daughter lived at school, had no job and paid for nothing. This lady paid her car note, care insurance, health insurance, rent every month, living expenses, cell phone bill, and college tuition. Yea that would be the day. I felt bad for this lady in a way because she was getting up there in age and shouldnt have to worry about these types of things- but I was amazed that she did all of this???

 

[Trish Bessette]

I solely put myself through college while having my own apartment and working 2 jobs

I would have loved to have half of the luxuries your DD currently has at that age.

I will instill my work habits in my DD's as well as I feel it molded me to be what I am today.

 

[daisax]

Oops - x post

 

[tvguy]

this whole thread reminds of an older woman who I used to work with. She was 62 years old and worked lots of overtime to pay her 22 year old daughter's way in life- yes I said 22 years old. The daughter lived at school, had no job and paid for nothing. This lady paid her car note, care insurance, health insurance, rent every month, living expenses, cell phone bill, and college tuition. Yea that would be the day. I felt bad for this lady in a way because she was getting up there in age and shouldnt have to worry about these types of things- but I was amazed that she did all of this???

Well, the flip side is, pretty soon she will be depending on her daughter to pay her way.

 

[Cindy B]

Lets see:

At 20, I was married, bought my first house, worked full time and went to college in the evening (part time). I paid all my bills and began paying all the bills at an early age.

I think I am a rare case.. my first mortgage at 20 with all the bills that go with it (taxes, insurance, etc.)

 

[Frye7127]

Well, rest assure, our DS will be working and he and I talk about it alot. I asked him what he would like to do when he is old enough to work, he used to say an ice cream scooper, today it was work at Chick-fil-a, and knowing that I think he is smart, I told him he might invent something and make a bajillion dollars and he told me that he didn't think he would like to do that at such a young age because he has a lot to look foward to learning and having all of that money would take some of that away. My sweet boy - sometimes I think he is an old person in a young man's body.

My sweet girl will just have to learn the hard way - and I don't know why I am surprised. Nothing has ever comes too easily for her and apparently this won't either. But, nonetheless she will learn and be better for it.

 

[hereyago]

Well, the flip side is, pretty soon she will be depending on her daughter to pay her way.

Like the DD22 would take care of her DM at this point, or even a few more years down the road.

 

[mamacatnv]

My DSD is a sophomore in college. Due to her FASFA filled out by her mom, she gets complete coverage of her college expenses. Last year she had to take out some loans (which we will pay for once she finishes school, most likely). This year, she has taken about 1,500 in loans to help pay for some summer school this summer. She also does work study that provides her about 220/mo. She lives on campus and drives around only rarely. All of her food is covered.
So, what do you think? Too hard on her or not enough?

You want to know what I think? I am amazed that the Dis'ers have not picked up on the fact that your DSD is getting a proverbial free ride because Mom fills out the FAFSA and I am assuming on the way you have worded comments on this thread that your DH's income is not part of the equation and thus "She gets complete coverage of her college expenses" oh and she gets work study to boot!
MUST BE NICE!
DH and I along with DS are paying for his college education and based on what you have said some of your DSD's also.
Honestly, this ticks me off.

I know people who do this, I'm not sure it is legit, but I guess it is and IMO it stinks.
How about Dad fills out the FAFSA and then whines about his princess who won't get a job. She see's her parents work the system, why would she do anything different?

My kid takes a full load, works part time, pays 1/2 of all associated costs of his education and is not eligible for a single subsidized loan let alone work study and all expenses covered because we declare all our income on the FAFSA. We are not rich and there is no way we will be able to pay off his loans as we will have them for him also via Parent Plus Loans.

 

[bluesaturn]

You want to know what I think? I am amazed that the Dis'ers have not picked up on the fact that your DSD is getting a proverbial free ride because Mom fills out the FAFSA and I am assuming on the way you have worded comments on this thread that your DH's income is not part of the equation and thus "She gets complete coverage of her college expenses" oh and she gets work study to boot!
MUST BE NICE!
DH and I along with DS are paying for his college education and based on what you have said some of your DSD's also.
Honestly, this ticks me off.

I know people who do this, I'm not sure it is legit, but I guess it is and IMO it stinks.
How about Dad fills out the FAFSA and then whines about his princess who won't get a job. She see's her parents work the system, why would she do anything different?

My kid takes a full load, works part time, pays 1/2 of all associated costs of his education and is not eligible for a single subsidized loan let alone work study and all expenses covered because we declare all our income on the FAFSA. We are not rich and there is no way we will be able to pay off his loans as we will have them for him also via Parent Plus Loans.

It does stink. And I don't want to tear the OP apart for doing it because apparently the government allows it, but it does stink for the rest of us.

I hope everyone involved in this situation realizes how lucky they are that the girl is currently getting mostly a free ride.