How much child support is too much? Is there such a thing?

[minniecarousel]

I didn't read all the replies - but my take on say..an athlete who pays a lot in child support is helping to pay the mortgage on a home also. It wouldn't be right if the kid goes to daddy's 6 million dollar home for a week - or weekend, then has to go back to Mom's working, middle-class neighborhood. It wouldn't be fair to the kid or the Mom.

JMHO

 

[jennyanydots]

Originally posted by LadyAurora
No, the point of the trust, to me, is to assure the child's future. Because even millionaires can lose their money, athletes retire or are injured, etc. But then, who is to say that if the athlete and his ex were still married, and spending big bucks on their child, that they would save any for a rainy day. Maybe they would still blow it all. And I don't know that the mother isn't saving some of the money for later, but many of the previous posts were quick to point out that the mom/child would need that much money to support the child's lifestyle.

bottom line is, he wouldn't have to pay the money into a trust if the parents were living together. it would be smart, but not mandatory. so why impose it on him because he doesn't live with his child.

$10,000 amonth is $120,000 a year. if rent is $2500 a month -- which is kind of low around here -- that's $30,000 a year, and that doesn't include utilities, food, educational expenses, transportation...

in NYC and environs that's a comfortable lifestyle, but not a rich or luxurious one.

 

[momof2inPA]

Originally posted by Shugardrawers
I am a second wife who cheerfully pays at minimum the court ordered amount and frequently more than that and here's why:

....

My DH makes a decent living. Frequently there is lots of overtime to be had and he works it cheerfully. At times he brings home what amounts to triple a normal weeks pay for him. Those times I have been known to add in an extra $100 because we have it and we can afford it. The court says we only have to pay 15% but in a month when he brings home $6000 that extra $400 I send isn't going to kill us. If she lived with us we'd be doing extra things for her anyway wouldn't we? I don't begrudge her mom a dime or worry about how it's being spent. She's a single parent and has enough problems without us hassling her about the money.

No offense toward you (maybe toward your husband), but didn't you say your husband doesn't like kids? All the money in the world won't make up for a dad that doesn't like you or spend time with you.

 

[momof2inPA]

Originally posted by cgcw
I met my DH when he had just gotten divorced back in 1985. At the time, he was paying 43% of his income to child support for his daughter.

Sounds fair to me. It's not over 50%.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Originally posted by momof2inPA
No offense toward you (maybe toward your husband), but didn't you say your husband doesn't like kids? All the money in the world won't make up for a dad that doesn't like you or spend time with you.

I did. But I think you missed the post in which I said he has a daughter he adores and who adores him and that they spend a great deal of time together. It's other people's kids he doesn't care for.

 

[graygables]

Originally posted by PattnFmly
I think people tend to think of the custodial mom as in desperate dire straights just because the FOB is not there anymore. But what about those women who remarry, have more children, and then complain that they don't get enough child support from the first father? The 2nd husband works, the woman does not, because her share of the household expenses comes from her first husband. Our perception in this country is always that the woman is the shafted one, but often it is just not true. Don't forget, that often the poor father isn't allowed to see his child, because the ex is so spiteful that she won't allow it. Not to mention the fact that she fills her child with hateful thoughts of the father, just because she hates him. Father's rights in this country are woeful and no one even cares.

Why should my DH be financially responsible for children who are not his? It is not *my* "share of the household expenses", but it *IS* my DDs share that comes from the ex. My share is paid by my contributions to my household as a SAH/HSingM.

Perhaps the perception of the woman being "shafted" is there b/c so frequently, SHE IS!!! My original divorce decree agreements were just thrown out b/c I live in a different state now. What good are "agreements" then? You bet my DDs hate my ex, but he inspired that hatred himself and I didn't have to do a thing. Kids are smart, they don't need their Mom to tell them that their bioF is a jerk.

As far as CS goes, there is an income cap and I personally see to it that my ex's head is crammed as far into it as possible (no, I'm not bitter . I'm not going to begrudge a little kid a wealthy lifestyle (I won't even get into the whole "grossly overpaid sports figures who could feed an entire nation on a week's salary") b/c it's really none of my business.

 

[momof2inPA]

Originally posted by Shugardrawers
I did. But I think you missed the post in which I said he has a daughter he adores and who adores him and that they spend a great deal of time together. It's other people's kids he doesn't care for.

No, I didn't get that impression at all from the other thread. You gave me the impression that the two of you liked pets, but not kids, and planned to remain kid-free. Hmmm. Glad to know he at least likes one child.

 

[Octoberbeauty]

Originally posted by graygables
As far as CS goes, there is an income cap and I personally see to it that my ex's head is crammed as far into it as possible (no, I'm not bitter . I'm not going to begrudge a little kid a wealthy lifestyle (I won't even get into the whole "grossly overpaid sports figures who could feed an entire nation on a week's salary") b/c it's really none of my business.

Wanna come cram my soon to be ex's?? I'm not bitter either, but I gave up our home (because I wanted to be near my family where we were from), he got the good auto, etc and all he's done is complain about what he's giving up. IE child support!!

 

[momof2inPA]

Originally posted by Shugardrawers
I did. But I think you missed the post in which I said he has a daughter he adores and who adores him and that they spend a great deal of time together. It's other people's kids he doesn't care for.

Found it! Page 5. Back to child support.

 

[Keli]

Originally posted by Shugardrawers
I did. But I think you missed the post in which I said he has a daughter he adores and who adores him and that they spend a great deal of time together. It's other people's kids he doesn't care for.

Your dh sounds a bit like mine. Our family's have always tended to think that dh just isn't a 'kid' person. Actually he likes well-behaved kids pretty well but I never point that out to them because it would be rude. But our dd has been the apple of my dh's eye since the day she was born. He may not spend time with other's kids but he certanly did with our dd.

 

[jrydberg]

http://www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/08/25/gay.child.support.ap/index.html

Anyone think a dad would not have to pay child support for this?

 

[EdiePA]

Child support is just that, for the CHILD !!! The custodial parent is not "living high" off of this money!

Yes, I get support from my ex for DS#2 -- none for DS#1 since he was already 18 when his dad decided to move on. The money I receive can be used for our home -- but only for DS#2's expenses. AND I can be called to give an accounting of how the money was spent at any time. (And have been made to do so by a vindictive ex over 20 times in the last two years!)

I didn't ask for this, I didn't have the affair, I didn't even WANT the family home, but I kept it for my sons to have a "home" to come home to.

Walk a week in my shoes and you'll have a new perspective -- working 10 hour days, taking PB & J for lunch so that your son can have the lunch meat, waiting and waiting for late checks that were supposed to be sent on the 1st of the month and your son needs new shoes now, and on and on.

You've no idea what it's like until you've been there
Edie

 

[ajksmom]

LadyAurora
If the courts believe that is a reasonable sum to pay I won't disagree.
However, my DH, myself, and 3 children live very comfortably on less than half of what is paid to that child yearly. So yes, the sum paid does seem quite excessive.

FWIW, when my ex and I split 12 years ago he was ordered to pay xxx amount per week. He can now afford 3 times that and I have never asked for an increase. It is not up to him to guarantee a lifestyle for 18 years. I have 8 weeks left of CS and I feel rather good knowing I never burdened his new family. The amount he paid to me always took care of the necessities, and quite often some extras. Exactly what a parent should provide.

 

[AllyandJack]

I have mixed feelings about this. A good friend of mine has a stepdaughter. She lives with them 4 nights a week and with her mother 3 nights a week. Her DH covers not only the daughter, but the ex-wife, too on his health insurance. He pays for the child's schooling. He takes her on vacations. He buys her school supplies, takes her shopping. He's setting up her college fund. Not that I think he's some kind of hero for doing this, but this sets up the rest of the story.

He still has to pay his ex-wife over $3,000 a month in child support. He makes good money, so they take a percentage out. Why? Why should he have to pay her all that money when he has her 4 nights a week, pays for her insurance and her school and her vacations and her shopping?? Shouldn't the amount be reduced? What exactly is this woman using the $3,000 for??

 

[Cruise04]

I don't think there should be a maximum. If he didn't fight it then that's his problem.

I just wish it wasn't so hard for custodial parents to get their child support. The things I have had to go through the past 4 months to try and get enforcement has been a nightmare. Because I don't live in the county I was divorced in (but live in the same state) no on in my county will represent me. Then I went to a lawyer in the county that it took place and was told someone in my county should be able to represent me and she wouldn't because of the cost to me for travel (an hour away from where I live). Then I went to the state child support enforcement and got the run around there and said I had to do it by phone. Called on the phone and have not been able to get through (in 4 months) so went online and found an application that could take months to get processed.

I get $50 a week (not a percentage of his take home pay because he doesn't keep a job long enough to establish that) and I have never had it raised. He doesn't pay insurance or anything. He is responsible for half of her medical, dental, orthodonture, and eye care but owes me over $1100 for that becuase he hasn't paid anything for almost 3 years and yet I can't get a lawyer to represent me to enforce it. It really sucks to be the custodial parent and the other parent is suppose to help take care of the child. And for me it is a fact that I do NEED that child support from him. It just really sucks that WE can't be taken care of but yet they get away with anything they want!

 

[shortbun]

I know a guy who quit his job and lived in his car so he did not
have to pay child support. Really.
I agree that some Dad's get shafted. I don't think the shaft enters
the Dad's life nearly as much as the Mom's though. I think men
should encourage each other to take responsibilty for their children. Instead-lots of guys sit by and let their friends get away
with hiding assets, lying about income they get in cash, cheating
on their wives. Some men are stepping up. The rest need to.
Being the custodial parent is hard. I have two friends that let
the fathers of their children slide because they don't want to
take them to court in front of their children. Another lets her ex
slide because she wants nothing to do with him and is afraid
he'll ask to see his daughters; they are afraid of him. All of these
men take advantage and do not pay support. I'm not blaming
all men for the sins of some but I'm just saying that if men held
their friends, brothers, workmates up to a certain standard and
it was considered "manly" to take responsibility for ones children,
things would be different. On the other hand, my neighbor pays
way more than the courts require. HE takes the kids to the doctor
and pays the co-pay, HE buys the school clothes, pays for camps,
dues, car insurance, hair cuts, sports equipment. He also still
pays the child support he's required to pay. His ex loves him
and they have a great friendship.

 

[PattnFmly]

Quote: "I personally see to it that my ex's head is crammed as far into it as possible (no, I'm not bitter . I'm not going to begrudge a little kid a wealthy lifestyle"

You still seem to be missing the point. Not all fathers are wealthy and not all fathers are the ones who left. Sometimes its the woman who slept around and ditched her husband. But the courts almost always go for the mother regardless of her actions (unless it's an abuse case) so the poor father loses his child, his house etc. You can't lump all non-custodial fathers together. Many many men in this country don't even make over $20,000 year after taxes. Here in the northeast, that doesn't even allow you to live comfortably. But the courts automatically grant to the woman, regardless of circumstances. Being a non-custodial parent can be hard too. Just think of all the fathers denied access to their children because of a spiteful ex. And don't say they can go back to court, because if they're paying out all they make between child support and trying to keep a roof over their own head they certainly can't afford a lawyer!

 

[jrydberg]

shortbun, I agree that more men should take responsibility for their children. Frankly, I don't understand why they don't.

On the other hand, precisely because of some of the biases that PattnFmly notes, I had to waive an awful lot to make sure custody of my daughter was not decided in court (where, despite all evidence, I stood a significant chance of not getting custody).

I guess my basic philosophy is take responsibility yourself -- regardless of which side you sit on.

 

[aprincessmom]

But the courts automatically grant to the woman, regardless of circumstances.

Having gone through a divorce in the MA courts recently (within the past 3 years) that is not the case. In addition, child support in MA is based on a non-biased formula that takes into account all expenses and incomes of both parents and applies a standard formula to determine the child support amounts given to the custodial parent. The parent who receives the amount can be asked at any time to account for the spending of those support payments if the parent paying support requests it of the courts.

Just think of all the fathers denied access to their children because of a spiteful ex. And don't say they can go back to court, because if they're paying out all they make between child support and trying to keep a roof over their own head they certainly can't afford a lawyer!

You don't need a lawyer to get a divorce in MA nor do you need one to go back and fight for custody or visitation. You just need a strong, well documented case and the ability to prove to the courts that this isn't just two parents who are using their child or children as pawns in an ugly, unwinnable battle. The courts can and will appoint child advocates for children in those cases to ensure the welfare of the child is the deciding factor.

Child support and custody are not about who wins or who gets what they want. It's about providing as normal and stable an environment for the children as is reasonably possible. Because the reality of divorce is, even if it's for the best, everybody loses.

Divorce is hard enough on children without having to be dragged into the fray by parents who aren't grownup enough to do what they are supposed to do...be parents to the children they had. For all you parents who have to provide support...don't make your children feel bad about it. They didn't ask to be brought into this world. You made that decision for them. And for all the parents who rely on child support to provide for your children, don't make your children feel the wrath of late or missed payments. Part of them is part of that parent you are maligning and they know that.

 

[ca859093]

Personally I don't care for the whole CS situations; and yes I receive CS and my DH pays it out. In most states a new wifes income is not counted in determining CS. I know in our situation my SS's live better after the divorce then before.BM married a wealthy man, she doesn't work(did when was with DH) and went on to have 4 more kids. Well, even though her DH is wealthy with all those kids (6) her DH doesn't like to pay for all the kids because only 1 is his,(only 2 are ours) so you do the math. So our BM feels we need to pay CS plus we should buy everything that the kids need. UM hello, no that is not how CS works. Each parent is responsible for their % that is determined in court. She feels since she doesn't work, we are responsible for it all.
Now I receive waaay less then the courts say I can receive, but what I get for CS covers what I need to cover for my kids, that money doesn't go to my SS's to pay for something they want to do, like BM does with the CS we give her.
I know with most people that receive and get CS it is a touchy subject.
Usually on both sides they complain that they don't get enough. There is just so much more then fighting with each other about all things MONEY!