How much child support is too much? Is there such a thing?

[LadyAurora]

I'm afraid to start a debate, but I've been thinking about this for a while. DH and I pay child support for his two sons. He said the other night that he heard an interview with some kind of professional athlete, and the athlete stated that he paid $2,500 per week in child support.
Now, child support is based on a percentage of earnings, so this athlete probably makes a ton of money, and it's not a hardship for him to pay this. That's not what has me wondering.
What I keep thinking is, that mom/kid receives $10,000 per month, and $120,000 per year in child support. What about that child really costs $10,000 per month? I mean...some parents barely make $10,000 per year. Why would the athlete's son be sooooo much more expensive to raise?
Should there be a maximum amount? Maybe the courts could mandate that the athlete put a certain percentage in a trust for his child/ren, rather than pay it in child support. I mean, if the athlete was still married, would he be spending $10,000 per month on his child?
I know a lot of this is just envy, I wish someone would spend $10,000 a month on me! But really...what is going on with that money? Please, first wives, don't kill me, I am not bashing custodial parents or implying that this particular mother is not spending it on the child, but where does that kind of money go?

 

[grinningghost]

I would never kill you, as DH and I were in the same position of him paying child support for years and the system was really unfair to the non-custodial parent as far as I'm concerned.

The rule of thumb in New York is the child must receive enough money to enjoy the same quality of financial life as the non-custodial parent. In other words, if DH could afford to buy a new truck, then his son should be able to buy a new truck too. Think I'm kidding? I'm not. It was really getting ridiculous toward the end. In fact, I'm probably going to have to cut this post off now, or I might get too worked up.

Oh, and as a sidenote, the courts didn't give a rat's behind that DH had another child with me, his second wife. As far as they were concerned, she could starve.

 

[monarchsfan16]

Well I'm the kid with divorced parents but my dad talks (complains) a lot about child support. According to the courts the child support is paid to allow the child to maintain the same lifestyle that they had before the divorce. A professional athlete's kid would have had quite a bit of money pre-divorce. The goal of child support is to not change the financial status of the child. The point the courts seem to make is that the kid should be as unaffected by the divorce as possible and they think that the money will allow that.
And $10k a month is a lot. But yes it's based entirely on income.
ETA: Here in NH it's percentage of income. For one kid the parent pays 25% of their income. For 2 kids it's 33% of their income. And it keeps climbing although it does cap off at a certain level if I remember correctly.

 

[MagicalMom]

Originally posted by grinningghost
I.

The rule of thumb in New York is the child must receive enough money to enjoy the same quality of financial life as the non-custodial parent.


Oh! That explains why my ex-DH is $22,000.00 in arrears. Just teasing, please don't flame me.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

no I would have to disagree.
I don't think that the lifestyle of the child should have to decline dramatically just because he does not live with his athlete Father.

For instance, if he lived with his father he would have a bedroom in a large house, probably get to go to Private School, have tutors, get to take all kinds of classes... etc etc etc It's not the kid's fault that his Mother and Father do not choose to be together and I think that all those obligations still exist. Divorces and break-ups are between the adults, not between the child and his parents.

I know that many non-custodial parents resent the other parent enjoying some of those benefits along with the child....but you know those are the choices you make when you make a child with somebody.

 

[momof2inPA]

I have yet to hear of a child support payment that is out of line with the non-custodial parent's income.

 

[LadyAurora]

I'm not saying it's out of line with the athlete's income, but more like out of line with reality. That athlete would not be spending $2,500 per week specifically on that child if he still was married, in my opinion. Even figuring in that the mom still needs to have a house to raise him in, and nice clothes...


edited to say...I meant nice clothes for the child.

 

[Mad4Mickey]

Well I can tell you what is "NOT ENOUGH" I get $43.00 per week for each one of my kids . My oldest just turned 18 so no more for her . I am sure my ex is doing a little tiny dance with his little tiny feet .

My son gets $25-30 a week for lunch money ( he eats off campus) $25.00 a week for gas . He drives a Camaro and I have full coverage insurance on it ( we wont even talk about how much that cost) We spend a ton of money on Wrestling camps, shoes, clothes , cell phone the list could go on and on .

I dont care if my ex never sends me another dime , I just want him to pretend to be thier Dad Just a call on thier birthday would be great he lives in the same town we do >

I am the one who keeps giving them all the extras it is not his choice so I wouldnt ask him to pay anymore . BUT he should at least call !

 

[luv2nascar]

I just heard on the radio one of puffy's babies mommies took him back to court for more support because she found out he is paying $35,000 per month for his other kid

judge awarded 2nd mom increase from I think $10,000 per month to $35,000 per month plus $40,000 per year for kids tuition just outside of manhattan

wow thats alot of dough if you ask me
good luck

 

[LadyAurora]

Good grief.

 

[kasar]

Why shouldn't the child have all the luxuries of life? The dad that created him sure does.

 

[mom2of2]

I've had to sit and think about how to word this without sounding witchy.
Child support is meant to support the child, it puts a roof over their heads, food in the stomach, keeps the utilities turned on, a car and gas for it, day care, whatever pertains to the needs of the child. It's not meant as a "free ride for the custodial parent". I honestly do not know of any single mom who can survive on child support alone without holding down some type of job herself. Yet I know of many non custodial parents who drive expensive cars, take extravagant vacations and are in arreas simply because they don't want to ex to get any of their money. IMHO if the non custodial doesn't want to pay for their child then they should sign over all rights so that the custodial parent can get assistance. Arreas doesn't pay the bills and the child is the one that suffers.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Even figuring in that the mom still needs to have a house to raise him in, and nice clothes...

you don't think so?

$10,000 a month is $120k a year. For that much money the child and Mom will live a nice - upper class lifestyle. The Mother would probably choose to stay home rather than use daycare or babysitters. They probably could afford a decent private school, but not many of the upper echelon Prep schools.

A nice life, but still a far far cry for the multi-millionaire lifestyle of his father.

 

[LadyAurora]

Maybe I should rename the thread..."Is it possible to spend too much on a child?" and take the divorce/custody issue out of it.
My point was, I didn't think anyone really spent $10,000 per month on a child.
Posted by mom2of2: "Yet I know of many non custodial parents who drive expensive cars, take extravagant vacations and are in arreas simply because they don't want to ex to get any of their money. IMHO if the non custodial doesn't want to pay for their child then they should sign over all rights so that the custodial parent can get assistance. Arreas doesn't pay the bills and the child is the one that suffers. I'm not signaling out the OP's hubby, just stating my own personal opinion"
No one is saying the athlete didn't want to pay, or didn't pay. And my hubby has nothing to do with it, in fact I never even asked him my question, it was all "in my head." No one is in arrears, in the OP. And taking extravagant vacations or driving expensive cars will not get you out of paying child support...as far as I know.

 

[kasar]

My point was, I didn't think anyone really spent $10,000 per month on a child.

Regular people don't but I can assure you, certain people do. Some do plus much more. I'm not saying a child "needs" that much, it's just the world they were born into.

 

[LadyAurora]

OK, I give up. I guess I really didn't realize how expensive it is to raise a child to be a little millionaire, what with fancy schools, stay-at-home moms, designer clothes, etc. He probably would have spent $10,000 per month on the little one, and more.
Bu tI still think that some of that $10,000 would be better off in a trust for the child, rather than being spent on a lifestyle, because eventually the athlete will get hurt, or old, and his lifestyle will change drastically. And where will the child be then? Guess his child support will be refigured.

 

[powellrj]

most pro's careers are very short and only make the great money for a few years. I would think you would have to factor that into it so there is money saved for when the career is over.

 

[danacara]

Originally posted by kasar
Why shouldn't the child have all the luxuries of life? The dad that created him sure does.

Ya, I totally agree. My father was, oh, $120K in arrears when I turned 18, plus the college fund he looted in direct violation of a court order four years earlier? He's now in deep trouble for something totally unrelated, but it was like getting blood from a stone. Everything turned out OK, but there but for the grace of God go I ...

Lady Aurora, when you say:
"My point was, I didn't think anyone really spent $10,000 per month on a child."
What we hear is:
I don't think the custodial parent should benefit, so unless they spend $10K on the child directly, they shouldn't get the money. I should get the money for our new family.
What many of the posters are telling you is:
We disagree. The custodial parent is raising the child that the supporting parent saw fit to create, plus she should be working to support herself, by your logic. Is that fair to the child, in a case where the father clearly has means? If the child's parents were together, and income was exceeding $10K net/month, chances are, that child would have a lovely home, a savings account, maybe private school, certainly lots of lessons, all the benefits of upper-middle class life in the United States. Even though his or her parents are divorced, the courts take the position that the child should retain those benefits. And yes, a stay-at-home-mother can be a huge benefit - ask half the posters on this board Mom is going to benefit when the kid does.

Of course second wives hate that. Who can blame them? But to be fair to that first set of children, they deserve what they get. If they're lucky, they'll be able to use the assets to offset a more fundamental disadvantage, Dad is not home with us, one that the children of second marriages don't have to overcome.

And I guess my last point is, barring extreme circumstances, second wives know what they're getting when they marry men who already have children. That money never belonged to the second wives or their families at all. It was gone the day those first babies were born.

 

[Microcell]

Originally posted by momof2inPA
I have yet to hear of a child support payment that is out of line with the non-custodial parent's income.

Try this one- I will be generous and say my dad made 25,000 in 1984. He had four kids to support at $200.00 a month. When the new wife came into the picture it was easily $50,000. We lived at poverty level. The lesson for all you child support payers, move to Michigan and save money!!!


I think a kid without a dad or mom is a pretty horrible thing, so yes, the more money the better. My standard of living went down when he left. No my mom didn't discuss money with me, but after my dad flew the coop with his new wifey my mom started having health problems that affected her ability to function (we think small strokes), yes my dad knew about it, he did nothing. Anyway, not knowing what was wrong with her, my sister and I took up the slack and paid bills, went to the bank to deposit any checks- including child support. Just wanting to explain how I knew how much we were getting before my mom got flamed!

BTW Why did you make more kids with your husband if you felt it was so much of a strain to support the ones he already has?

 

[IceQueen777]

If this is a famous athlete, I would think that bodyguards may be needed. I'm sure that would be expensive. Also, the child would have to go to a very exclusive private school. If this is my child, I would insist upon it....they have some crazy fans out there!