How long do you wait to RSVP to a wedding?

[dcgrumpy]

I' don't recallever beinginvited to a wedding as an adult that didn't include a guest. I didn't get married until I was 35, so I got a lot of Ms.____ and guest invitations.

 

[Rutt and Tuke]

I' don't recallever beinginvited to a wedding as an adult that didn't include a guest. I didn't get married until I was 35, so I got a lot of Ms.____ and guest invitations.

Me neither, except when I was included on invites with my parents. At our wedding we allowed guests, except for the young daughter of a co-worker who really wanted to come.

 

[simpilotswife]

It is of course your wedding but it seems a bit petty to me to not allow your future MIL a guest no matter who it is.

 

[katerkat]

We got the majority of our RSVPs right before/after the due date.

And, FYI - my FIL was not invited "with guest" and never RSVPed. Three weeks before the wedding, he met the best man's mother at their (best man and DH) graduation and invited her. We decided to let him - he was the only "important" "adult" (I use both terms loosely in reagrds to him) who did not have a date. She was not escorted down the aisle but he had someone to occupy him during the reception.

 

[disneynutt1225]

It is of course your wedding but it seems a bit petty to me to not allow your future MIL a guest no matter who it is.

I guess it does seems petty not knowing the whole story, but if you knew the reasons why it probably wouldn't seem so petty after all. I just don't feel compelled to share the drama at this point. Maybe some day - because Lord knows I'm almost at the breaking point, LOL. But not today.

 

[annegal]

Unless he is a loud drunk or a criminal, even if you hate the guy, your future MIL should be allowed to bring whatever escort she wishes, even if its her 6th fiancee in 6 months.

 

[disneynutt1225]

Unless he is a loud drunk or a criminal, even if you hate the guy, your future MIL should be allowed to bring whatever escort she wishes, even if its her 6th fiancee in 6 months.

I'm going to have to firmly, but respectfully, disagree with you on that one.

 

[jipsy]

Honey I barely know what I'm doing next weekend, much less 4 weeks from now. I did receive a wedding invitation for July 22nd around the middle of June. I sent in the RSVP last week, although I verbally told them we would be there before that.

When do you have to give your headcount to the caterer? If you needed a specific headcount, you should have stated on the RSVP form that they should have it back to you by a certain date, or they wouldn't get dinner.

And hopefully your "no-shows" will be made up by "those who didn't RSVP at all but came anyway".

 

[*Fantasia*]

Call her up and say, "You are coming right.. cause we already arranged a table for YOU to sit at." "Maybe she will open up and say to you that she is bringing someone with her. Then tell her that the seats are limited to so many guests and that you are inviting HER. Maybe she will get the hint that her friend can't come and if you get the RSVP that says ..."and guest" on it, then call her again and tell her that you are inviting her and her only.

 

[ducklite]

We generally respond immediately, unless we have a reason to believe that there is going to be a conflict with something else that will have to take priority.

I have a friend getting married soon, and had to wait until almost the last minute to RSVP because DH is on a huge project at work, and wasn't going to know if he could get the time off until a few days before the cut off date.

I had told my friend that I would be there no matter what, and we were just waiting on DH, and she certainly understood. We talk a couple times a week, so she knew even before the invites went out what the scoop was.

Anne

 

[need_a_Disney_fix]

As a mother of the bride in 2002 that spent hours and hours and hours planning the dang wedding...PLEASE RSVP ASAP!!!!! Aww...I feel better now and that was years ago. No wonder I am medicated.

 

[dcgrumpy]

Honey I barely know what I'm doing next weekend, much less 4 weeks from now. I did receive a wedding invitation for July 22nd around the middle of June. I sent in the RSVP last week, although I verbally told them we would be there before that.

When do you have to give your headcount to the caterer? If you needed a specific headcount, you should have stated on the RSVP form that they should have it back to you by a certain date, or they wouldn't get dinner.

And hopefully your "no-shows" will be made up by "those who didn't RSVP at all but came anyway".

August 5th is the RSVP date, not the wedding date

 

[DVC Sadie]

Oh no! That would be terrible! Of course, I'm sure that happens once in a while for extenuating circumstances, but I'd expect that if I said I would be there, I would be there! 17 people?! That's an awful lot of no shows! I can't even imagine.

17 no shows is nothing anymore. My friend had a big wedding for her DS and between the no shows and other people who did not deem to respond they ended up paying for over 40 meals that did not get served/eaten.

 

[disneynutt1225]

When do you have to give your headcount to the caterer? If you needed a specific headcount, you should have stated on the RSVP form that they should have it back to you by a certain date, or they wouldn't get dinner.

Well, the RSVP card says August 5. The wedding is August 26, so we have to have the head count in 2 weeks before that. There's plenty of time, I'm just getting antsy, I guess.

 

[disneynutt1225]

Maybe she will open up and say to you that she is bringing someone with her.

Maybe she will get the hint that her friend can't come and if you get the RSVP that says ..."and guest" on it, then call her again and tell her that you are inviting her and her only.

Oy, if she puts and guest on her RSVP card it would open up a whole 'nother can of worms and probably start an even bigger revolution than the one that's going on. I certainly hope she's not going to pull that card, though I wouldn't put it past her at all. If she hasn't gotten the hint that he's not invited at this point, after being told MANY times point blank that he's not invited - in every possible way - I don't know what to do with myself anymore. DFi and I can't possibly be more direct than we have been with her. I really hope she doesn't pull any crap.

 

[disneynutt1225]

17 no shows is nothing anymore. My friend had a big wedding for her DS and between the no shows and other people who did not deem to respond they ended up paying for over 40 meals that did not get served/eaten.

Wow, that just seems a little wild to me. As I said, I can't imagine responding yes and just not showing up unless there was an emergency of some kind. But then again, you never know what you'd do unless you were in that situation.

 

[swea_pea1]

Oy, if she puts and guest on her RSVP card it would open up a whole 'nother can of worms and probably start an even bigger revolution than the one that's going on. I certainly hope she's not going to pull that card, though I wouldn't put it past her at all. If she hasn't gotten the hint that he's not invited at this point, after being told MANY times point blank that he's not invited - in every possible way - I don't know what to do with myself anymore. DFi and I can't possibly be more direct than we have been with her. I really hope she doesn't pull any crap.

I know you don't want to share the drama and I respect that.

The fact is though, it sounds like there are some hard feelings on both sides, and now your future MIL is creating a stale-mate. So you have to ask yourself if it's all worth it. Is all this worry, pain, anguish (which is likely nothing compared to what may come after the wedding) worth saving the cost of the meal?

It's been my experience that married life goes much smoother when you give in on the small stuff. Unless he plans on bringing a whole slew of people, it's your future MIL just bringing one guest. If it were me, I'd suck it up, invite him, and save the MIL/DIL conflicts for something much bigger.

 

[disneynutt1225]

If it were me, I'd suck it up, invite him, and save the MIL/DIL conflicts for something much bigger.

Honestly, aside from the fact that it's drama which she does seem to thrive on, we've given in so much to her over the years that is IS important we stick to our guns on this. If it turns out that she doesn't come to her oldest son's wedding because she couldn't bring some guy she was dating for a few months...well...that's beyond sad.

At this point, he doesn't even care if she comes to the wedding - in fact he sometimes goes as far as to say he hopes she doesn't come to the wedding because she's that much of a menace. He thinks it would be better if she doesn't show. It hurts to hear him talk that way, but what can I do but be a sympathetic ear.

If it was a matter of inviting this guy to the family barbecue, I'd be reasonably ok with it (providing DFi was ok with it as well). But, we both feel that our wedding is not an appropriate venue to make the introductions with her latest guy.

I don't know. It's complicated. I wish a few paragraphs could explain it all. I wish none of this was even an issue. I wish his mother wasn't behaving the way she's behaving. It's just far deeper than the words I've typed on this post.

 

[helenabear]

I RSVP as soon as I know if we can make it and how many of us can that were invited. Most of the time that means I RSVP immediately. In some cases though, it involves some planning on my part and I like to get that all worked out before I reply if I can go or not.

IMO, you are being a bit "childish" on how you are handling her. I think that if she is engaged (don't care how long or anything like that) he should be invited. Engaged is almost family and it is insulting when you do not invite a long standing S/O of someone else.

I think "sticking to your guns" is actually creating more drama than needs to be.

 

[PaulaSue]

about 2 minutes after I get it. I LOVE a PArTy!