How involved were your parents in your education?

[runwad]

So, as little as most of our parents were involved in our education, why is the current expectation that the parents be more involved? We did better than fine without our parents helping us for hours every night. What has changed to force parents to become more involved for their children to succeed in school?

Great question, its puzzling isn't it? I'm another one who's parents didn't really take part in my education. Didn't ask about homework, projects, quiz for tests...but it was always expected I'd get good grades. I remember trying so hard because I wanted to get straight A's so bad but would always have that occassional B in there. I went to college and did all my applications and college visits myself. I even filled out the financial aide papers for my dad.

DH and I are more involved with our kids' education but we don't hover...we do check out progress book to see what their grades are and that they've turned in homework assignements. We're lucky our kids are responsible and do get good grades...but they usually come to us when they need help or quizzed and we do. We tell them school is their job and we expect them to do well at it and give it their all. So far it's working.

 

[NAB]

I think a huge difference is that many kids today are undisciplined or just plain spoiled. I would have never told a teacher that I didn't want to do something when I was in school. I've had kids before tell me that they didn't want to do a particular activity or assignment that we were doing. Um, don't remember asking if you wanted to do anything, but thanks for sharing.

Also, I know when I was in school, if the teacher had to call your parents, you knew you would be in trouble not only at school, but at home as well. With some kids now, if you tell them you are calling their parents, they say "SO" or "Do you want their cell phone number?" They know there will be no consequences for their behaviors and mommy will come defend anything they do. Because we're in the business of picking on children

I'm not asking for parents to do any more than raise their children to be respectful, to check their bookbags and to understand that while they might be the center of their parents universe, they are not the center of mine. I want parents to understand that I want their children to be successful, but if they don't believe what I am telling them about their child, it doesn't do any of us any good.

I agree with this ....I have a son that says to us all the time "I don't Care" We did not bring him up like this. He did his homework after school everyday. He hit grade 7 this year and I am always getting notes for unfinished work . It drives me crazy. And in his school they can hand in project , even late and it has to be marked and not given a "0" Kids know this too. I really pity the teachers these days.

Not sure how to get my son to "care" He thinks he can just get a job testing Video games or be a professional baseball player no problem. All he cares about it socializing with his friends. But that is another whole thread.

But my dd in grade 4 comes home does her homework no hovering need only if she asks for help.

 

[gm]

Not one bit so and I never got to go to college because I was not smart enough to get scholaships and my parents could not afford it and I was not motivated at all so got married young and promised myself that I would make sure my kids went to college.

I would take all the tests and papers my ds brought home and I would make a new test with the answers he got wrong, I would make sure he competed in every academic tournaments, brought home A's, and reviewed the material for tests. I did not know how to do the work but I knew how to review,encourage,etc.

I also told him that for college, I expected him to get scholarship,grants if he wanted to go to a great college or else community college it is. He made sure he did good and was top 10 of his class plus got into an ivy league on scholarship and grant. He is a freshman this year at Columbia university.

My dd who is in middle school is following her brothers footsteps.

 

[LisaR]

I think a huge difference is that many kids today are undisciplined or just plain spoiled. I would have never told a teacher that I didn't want to do something when I was in school. I've had kids before tell me that they didn't want to do a particular activity or assignment that we were doing. Um, don't remember asking if you wanted to do anything, but thanks for sharing.

Also, I know when I was in school, if the teacher had to call your parents, you knew you would be in trouble not only at school, but at home as well. With some kids now, if you tell them you are calling their parents, they say "SO" or "Do you want their cell phone number?" They know there will be no consequences for their behaviors and mommy will come defend anything they do. Because we're in the business of picking on children

I'm not asking for parents to do any more than raise their children to be respectful, to check their bookbags and to understand that while they might be the center of their parents universe, they are not the center of mine. I want parents to understand that I want their children to be successful, but if they don't believe what I am telling them about their child, it doesn't do any of us any good.

How often did any of us get phone calls home from our teacher back in the day? I think my parents had a total of one phone call from the school in 13 years. Now it seems that teachers and parents are in constant communication. Maybe that is part of the problem. If I forgot my homework, the teacher dealt with me, not my parents. If I got a zero, I didn't have a note sent home. When my parents found out, they didn't call the teacher.

Do kids today really behave that much differently? We used to have this storage space in the ceiling in chemistry and at least once a week someone would stick the teacher's chair up there. The teacher was very old and had a hard time getting it down. In Calculus, someone stole the tests and made copies for all of us. In gym, the teacher was regularly locked out by a group of students. Spit wads were very common at the time and some kids didn't mind hitting a teacher with one. My generation wasn't exactly full of angels.

 

[charming23]

I am 25 and throughout my school years my mom volunteered a lot. She was always going on field trips, being a class mom when I was in Elementary school. When I reached Middle school she backed off in that aspect and started in on the community PTA and doing more Band mom stuff all throughout high school.

My dad was less involved but was always at award ceremonies, school plays, talent shows, band concerts, and football games when I was in marching band. It was nice that he had a job that allowed him to make his own hours so he could come see those events.

As far as school work went they would ask about my day and I knew that if I had homework questions I could go to them but they did not hover. Also they let me take the lead when it came to deciding classes in high school and when I decided I wanted to leave my old school to attend one that was more fast paced and focused on independent studies more my senior year they allowed me. I graduated fron High School with a 3.8 and went on to college where they allowed my to explore different classes without being pressured to pick a major.

By them doing this it prepared me for college in a way that I would not have gotten any other way.

 

[AlleyKat]

My parents had no involvement other than rewarding us for good grades and punishing us for bad ones. No help, no checking up on us, none of that.

Ditto.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

So, as little as most of our parents were involved in our education, why is the current expectation that the parents be more involved? We did better than fine without our parents helping us for hours every night. What has changed to force parents to become more involved for their children to succeed in school?

I think that when teachers (I'm one) talk about parents who aren't doing their part, we aren't talking about the parents who don't sit with their child and do their homework or sew the costume for the school play.

We're talking about parents that don't get their children to school until after reading period is over 3 or 4 times a week. Who let their kids stay up until 2 a.m. so they're falling asleep at their desk. Who talk to their children so little that they come to Kindergarten unable to string together a sentence etc . . Who don't answer the phone if the caller ID says it's the school (I can't tell you how often teachers have come to borrow my cell phone because "Johnny has a fever, but his mom won't answer if she sees my number on the caller ID"). . .

I'm guessing that if we went back and asked those people who are saying their parents never did anything, whether their parents fed them, and put them to bed, and backed up the teacher if she called to complain about their behavior etc . . . that the answer would be different.

I am actually a big believer in the idea that all children can learn, and that it's our responsibility as educators to set the same standards for all children, and vary the kind and quantity of instruction. However, there's no denying that parents play a critical role in getting their children ready for school.

 

[pigletz]

A lot of people here have mentioned that their parents weren't involved in their education. After 13 years of teaching, I've come to realize that parental involvement means a lot more than checking homework and attending parent teacher conferences. Leave the content to me since that is my job. Teach them that your first response to any problem shouldn't be to curse people out or punch them. Teach them to take responsibility for their mistakes and not blame everything on everyone else. Your child took a zero on the quiz because she wouldn't stop talking. Threatening to report me to the superintendant isn't going to do you or your child any good. All you did was teach her to continue to ignore the rules and that bullying people is ok. Get your child to school on time. I understand that occasionally there are problems in the morning but really how am I supposed to do my job when I have 5 out of 37 students in my room when first period starts. Talk to your child. You would be amazed at the difference it makes in a child's vocabulary and the ability to express themselves. Want to know something crazy. Whenever I show a video in class, my students ask for me to turn on the subtitles. All of my students are native English speakers but they have a very difficult time following any kind of discussion because they often aren't exposed to it at home. Most of us do these things without a second thought, but as parents we wouldn't label them as parental involvement or being the child's first teacher. We would just call it doing our jobs. I would guess that most of the people who said their parents weren't involved had parents that did these things.

I think that there is a pretty big difference between what parents and teachers think when they hear parental involvement. We say come to conferences and check over homework but what we really mean is support and encourage your child. I don't think it would go over very well if I suggested to a parent that they might want to take more of an interest in their child.

 

[HsvTeacher]

I think a huge difference is that many kids today are undisciplined or just plain spoiled. I would have never told a teacher that I didn't want to do something when I was in school. I've had kids before tell me that they didn't want to do a particular activity or assignment that we were doing. Um, don't remember asking if you wanted to do anything, but thanks for sharing.

Also, I know when I was in school, if the teacher had to call your parents, you knew you would be in trouble not only at school, but at home as well. With some kids now, if you tell them you are calling their parents, they say "SO" or "Do you want their cell phone number?" They know there will be no consequences for their behaviors and mommy will come defend anything they do. Because we're in the business of picking on children

I'm not asking for parents to do any more than raise their children to be respectful, to check their bookbags and to understand that while they might be the center of their parents universe, they are not the center of mine. I want parents to understand that I want their children to be successful, but if they don't believe what I am telling them about their child, it doesn't do any of us any good.

Amen!

 

[alexandria674]

It is weird, because at first my mom and dad were concerned with my education. But when I hit my high school and middle school years, it all changed. I don't really want to get too much into what was going on, but basically parental involvement was nil.No homework checks, no checking to see if I studied or even went to bed. I got into trouble but then again I made my own educational decisions, I may not have made the right decisions but I was answerable to myself about it.My mother really didn't care about my schooling at the time. My dad was annoyed but I thought he had other things to think about. I snapped out of it when I was sixteen years old and got my grades into shape because I didn't want to make the same decisions that I saw others make around me.

My dad was annoyed with my choice of military school as a senior in H.S., but I showed him how the school classes were small, it would save on money (no buying school clothes, I wore two types of uniforms.) so he supported that decision. In college, he wanted me to be a psychologist and at first I went through the classes to please him until I realized I was unhappy so I basically made it clear that I was going to go into Education. Since then I have never looked back.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

none. Every time grade cards came in the mail, my mom would say "her grades came today" and my father would say "did you do your best?" and I would say "yes" and that was the end of that.

I was expected to bring home A's, period, end of discussion.

They never went to college. They never took me to look at colleges. I picked a college out of a brochure.

It makes me really sad to think of that -- but I think they did what they thought they could do at the time.

Times have changed and I'm doing differently with my kids.

 

[EllaM]

How often did any of us get phone calls home from our teacher back in the day? I think my parents had a total of one phone call from the school in 13 years. Now it seems that teachers and parents are in constant communication. Maybe that is part of the problem. If I forgot my homework, the teacher dealt with me, not my parents. If I got a zero, I didn't have a note sent home. When my parents found out, they didn't call the teacher.

Do kids today really behave that much differently? We used to have this storage space in the ceiling in chemistry and at least once a week someone would stick the teacher's chair up there. The teacher was very old and had a hard time getting it down. In Calculus, someone stole the tests and made copies for all of us. In gym, the teacher was regularly locked out by a group of students. Spit wads were very common at the time and some kids didn't mind hitting a teacher with one. My generation wasn't exactly full of angels.

I think the only time my teachers talked to my parents was on those parent-teacher conference nights. Then it was usually a general "She's doing well but could be doing much better". That bit drove me nuts. How much better did I need to be?!

I was shocked last Fall when I learned my 11 yo nephew hadn't turned in his homework for a week. Not that he didn't turn it in. His dad did that too at his age. Something about turning 10-11 for a boy means they suddenly get very apathetic about school and are much more fascinated in their projects (sports, games, books, friends, etc.). What shocked me was how his parents found out he didn't do his homework. His school maintains a website where parents can log in daily and check his assignments. His mom is in the habit of doing just that. My father heard that and said that was the child's responsibility not mommy's.

To my parents, going to school and getting an education was the kid's responsibility. If they failed then the teacher would correct by failing them. And if you flunked out of school then you got a job as a day laborer. My grandparents had plenty of experience with that. My grandmother stopped school after 8th grade and went to work. My grandfather joined the army to learn a trade and make something of himself. Only those who went to college got to have decent jobs and a good lifestyle.

 

[Planogirl]

My father gave me money if I made certain grades. He also told me often how important education was and why. My mother never paid attention.

 

[sunnyday123]

Nada. I started school when I was 4, simply because my Mother "needed a break." I could read and write but only because my Grandfather ( who had like a 8 grade education ) taught me and I picked up thing very quickly. I did get help with projects in elementary school so I didn't "mess them up."

After my brother came along, involvement dropped. No one ever came to sport events-in fact they were suprised to find out I played tennis in high school. Never asked about homework, projects, etc unless it was to berate me about a bad grade. Expected me to go to college, but refused to pay for it. At 17 I knew nothing about requesting financial aid, so I took 1 course at a time and eventually dropped out.

I'm very involved with my daughter, but never, ever make excuses for her-not that I need to, she's a straight A student-help when it's needed and support her in whatever she needs support. She also realizes school is her job, and I expect her to do her best, be respectful and responsible.

 

[aprilgail2]

Talking to a group of mid 40 to early 50 y/o friends and the subject of parental involvement came up. The thread about firing teachers reminded me of our conversation.

There is always talk about education starting at home but I am not sure what my parents did to make them "involved" when I was young (and my friends had similar situations). . My parents never helped with projects. Occasionally I needed my dads help with math but it wasn't often. I don't think my parents ever read a single book to me. They didn't check over my homework. They asked if it was done and I said yes. End of story. While education was important, I venture to guess my parents thought it was just as important as doing my chores.

Sports in the schools were similar. We took the bus to our games. Parents rarely came. My dad came to a few home games but my mom never saw me play a single game. We came home, they asked how the game was and we moved on. They never called the school to complain about lack of play time or ask what time we would be home.

My parents were loving and caring and I had a great home life. But to say they were involved in my education would be a stretch.

Reading the other thread, it is repeated over and over that education starts at home. That is certainly the case with my kids. DH and I have read to them from day 1, taught them nursery rhymes, alphabet, how to write their names and tie their shoes. I learned all of that in kindergarten.

What has changed? Were your parents as involved in your education as parents seem to be today? Why do we say that education begins at home when many of us weren't raised that way and the schools weren't in this bad of shape?

Starting about 3rd grade when I joined softball I would get on my bike and ride myself over to the softball field for games-mom didn't drive and dad didn't get home until after 6...he would show up after work to pick me and my bike up since it was getting dark by then...
As far as school- "did you do your homework" -yes "ok " there was no checking homework or having them help me with projects (now the teacher sends home projects for my daughter AND me!!!). When it came to JHS only a handful of parents went to parent teacher night, mine didn't. In high school when it was time to pick the areas you were going to study the kid went down and picked--now they have your mommy and daddy down there to do it. Even when it came to applying to colleges- you sat down with the guidance instructor and did that- now your parents are there for that too.
Back then your education was the teachers job- now more of it is put on the parent.

 

[Sleepy]

When mom was involved, she just checked to see if we did homework. We could also go to her if we needed help, but that was rare. Lessons were not done in lightening speed like they are now. Parents did not have to teach class when they got off work in the evening. Kids were not spending 3-4 hours a night doing homework. Ahhh...the good ole days.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

So, again, it seems that the parents on this board are doing all of the things that the teachers on this board require. Sure, there are parents that don't care - but from reading this board, there used to be a whole lot more parents that didn't care.

I still don't get it, and am not sure that I buy it. I am really beginning to think that the issue is NOT parental involvement. Maybe teachers need to be able to discipline kids in school again. Maybe the abandonment of corporal punishment has led us to this...

 

[PeterPan09]

One comment I do see consistently here, even from those who say their parents weren't very involved is "expectation". Even if there wasn't a lot of hands-on participation, there were evidently clear expectations set about behavior and performance.

Is that what has changed? Do adults expect less of children today in terms of what they can achieve?

 

[NAB]

So, again, it seems that the parents on this board are doing all of the things that the teachers on this board require. Sure, there are parents that don't care - but from reading this board, there used to be a whole lot more parents that didn't care.

I still don't get it, and am not sure that I buy it. I am really beginning to think that the issue is NOT parental involvement. Maybe teachers need to be able to discipline kids in school again. Maybe the abandonment of corporal punishment has led us to this...

I think you hit on the nail right there. The kids these days walk all over the teachers.

Sure people can say teach your kids respect , now a days respect goes out the door I never taught my child to talk back but he does. The other day my grade 7 son got in trouble at school for this. He didn't care. My husband said he needed the strap like the old days his response, you can't do that it is illegal I will call the cops! We have taken electronic away, dances you name it doesn't matter.

Kids are not afraid to go to the principal office , heck they may get a few days off. Thank goodness I haven't gotten that far yet because I know I will blow then.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

What has changed? Were your parents as involved in your education as parents seem to be today? Why do we say that education begins at home when many of us weren't raised that way and the schools weren't in this bad of shape?

When they (the school systems) decided that Kindergartners should come in already reading.

It is truly sad.

Overall I think my parents could have been much more inolved in embracing a positive academic environment (kid you not--they didn't force me to do homework...b/c I was smart. Never mind the long term effects of that in having to struggle with developing study skills.).

Parents should be involved. I don't recall story times when I was little...but I was also in daycare since infant hood where I could almost guarantee that they were dong that stuff with me. So while mom may not have been doing it at home--she effectively was paying someone to do that. We played and did various things.

I actulaly skipped Kindergarten. It was not required in my state and I'm guessing my mothers work schedule (Navy) had a lot to do with her delaying it. I was placed directly into first grade when school became compulsory and I excelled and was in the highest reading and math groups. I don't say this to brag or claim myself a genius--b/c I am far from that.

I would be doing my parents a disservice if I claimed they did nothing and I turned out fine anyway--b/c I did have 6 years of daycare that did much of what is suggested to parents to do for their little ones.


But why has it changed?

B/c Kindergarten changed.

Everything I know I learned in Kindergarten..will one day become "Everything I know, I learned in PK4/PK3".

And IMHO--it won't amount to a hill of beans in overall long term educational improvement b/c we are trying to fix education the wrong way.