How involved were your parents in your education?

[LisaR]

Talking to a group of mid 40 to early 50 y/o friends and the subject of parental involvement came up. The thread about firing teachers reminded me of our conversation.

There is always talk about education starting at home but I am not sure what my parents did to make them "involved" when I was young (and my friends had similar situations). My parents made it clear not to back talk to our teachers and they definitely subscribed to "the teacher is always right" theory. I never flunked but I brought home plenty of C's and I didn't get grounded, lectured or tutored. My parents never helped with projects. Occasionally I needed my dads help with math but it wasn't often. I don't think my parents ever read a single book to me. They didn't check over my homework. They asked if it was done and I said yes. End of story. While education was important, I venture to guess my parents thought it was just as important as doing my chores.

Sports in the schools were similar. We took the bus to our games. Parents rarely came. My dad came to a few home games but my mom never saw me play a single game. We came home, they asked how the game was and we moved on. They never called the school to complain about lack of play time or ask what time we would be home.

My parents were loving and caring and I had a great home life. But to say they were involved in my education would be a stretch.

Reading the other thread, it is repeated over and over that education starts at home. That is certainly the case with my kids. DH and I have read to them from day 1, taught them nursery rhymes, alphabet, how to write their names and tie their shoes. I learned all of that in kindergarten.

What has changed? Were your parents as involved in your education as parents seem to be today? Why do we say that education begins at home when many of us weren't raised that way and the schools weren't in this bad of shape?

 

[MushyMushy]

My parents had no involvement other than rewarding us for good grades and punishing us for bad ones. No help, no checking up on us, none of that.

 

[NY Disney fan]

My mother *tried* her darndest to be involved but she was so busy with her job that she couldn't. My parents really tried but just didn't have the energy. Me? I'm very involved (to the extreme..helicpoter parent anyone?) with my daughter and her education. I come home from work tired and drained but I'm all over her reading and writing. (She's 3 but attends school programs).

I know parents who work so hard all day long and go home and put on HGTV or Food Network and zone out. They let their kids play video games just so they could get an hour of two of rest. I have compassion for these people but I do not want to fall into this rut. I'm not trying to stereotype but in my neighborhood the immigrant parents work like crazy, at the restaurants or in stores and they work long hours. They go home and to them, rest and relaxtion is helping their kids learn. That is what I want to do. Think like an immigrant! Viva la immigrant

 

[brockash]

Talking to a group of mid 40 to early 50 y/o friends and the subject of parental involvement came up. The thread about firing teachers reminded me of our conversation.

There is always talk about education starting at home but I am not sure what my parents did to make them "involved" when I was young (and my friends had similar situations). My parents made it clear not to back talk to our teachers and they definitely subscribed to "the teacher is always right" theory. I never flunked but I brought home plenty of C's and I didn't get grounded, lectured or tutored. My parents never helped with projects. Occasionally I needed my dads help with math but it wasn't often. I don't think my parents ever read a single book to me. They didn't check over my homework. They asked if it was done and I said yes. End of story. While education was important, I venture to guess my parents thought it was just as important as doing my chores.




Sports in the schools were similar. We took the bus to our games. Parents rarely came. My dad came to a few home games but my mom never saw me play a single game. We came home, they asked how the game was and we moved on. They never called the school to complain about lack of play time or ask what time we would be home.

My parents were loving and caring and I had a great home life. But to say they were involved in my education would be a stretch.

Reading the other thread, it is repeated over and over that education starts at home. That is certainly the case with my kids. DH and I have read to them from day 1, taught them nursery rhymes, alphabet, how to write their names and tie their shoes. I learned all of that in kindergarten.

What has changed? Were your parents as involved in your education as parents seem to be today? Why do we say that education begins at home when many of us weren't raised that way and the schools weren't in this bad of shape?

I'd say my parents were pretty involved in my education. In grade school, they made sure I studied my spelling words with them every night. They always checked my homework, and explained it to me if I didn't "get it" fully. I remember having to read almost nightly (which I hated.) In high school, I don't remember them checking my homework, but they always asked if it was done, and I'd have to do extra studying ect. if I had bad grades. One of my parents were always at games/practices of any kind (same with all my friends.) I'm in my late 20's and I do the same with my kiddos.

 

[MdmMim]

Absolutely no involvement at all. No encouragement or praise; no punishment for a bad grade. Nothing. We were on our own.

 

[PeterPan09]

I'm about the same age and this is something I wonder about too. It seems like there was involvement, but it's different than what I see parents around me doing now.

My parents were readers, so they read to me until I learned how to read myself. There was no TV on school nights in our house, so if I was done with HW I had library books to read and sometimes we discussed them. I did my homework on the dining room table at night so if I had a question they were both right there. The "new" math that was popular at the time drove my Dad completely nuts, but he did try and help me with it if I got stuck. If there were major projects to do they would assist. I was responsible for getting the assignments and completing them, so if I said I was done they expected that to be true. If they found out later that I had done something half way or left an assignment out, I heard about it. I was expected to do my best and they knew when I was trying to slack off and when I really was struggling. They conferenced with teachers and communicated with phone calls and notes if they thought I was having a problem.

As for sports and other events-they never missed them. At least one parent was at every meet or event. They didn't always stay for the practices, but they made sure I was there on time and prepared. I don't remember them ever interfering with what was going on-like complaining about the coaches or whatever.

If they had issues with a particular coach or teacher, I never knew it. Those discussions didn't take place in front of me. Knowing my parents the way I do, I would think that they would have felt that airing their issues in front of me might cause me to show less respect for that teacher/coach and that wasn't acceptable behavior. If it came to a "me vs Coach/teacher" situation, the adult was assumed to be right, and I can't remember a single time when the adult wasn't truly right! My discipline issues were my own fault and I knew it even then.

 

[Piecey]

They asked about things but that was about it. My brother and I would occassionally ask for help but our dad is an electrical engineer... and he thinks like an engineer.

We would try to get help from him but we could NEVER understand the weird ways he would explain things to us. We did not inherit his engineer mind!
It always ended up frustrating all of us more than it helped so we gave up.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I am 42, will be 43 in less than a month. None other than offering love and support. No expectations, no help - nothing. That used to be the teacher's job...

 

[Pakey]

I'm in the mid 50's age range and I'd say my mother was involved with our scholastic education, my father worked a lot of hours and didn't help daily but was always involved in the big projects.

We were expected to do our homework at the table together as soon as we got home from school (my mom was a SAHM). My mother sat with us and helped us; she was always there to quiz us for test prep, review our written reports, etc.

My parents went to every extra curricular activity we were involved in. That would include sporting events and science fairs. My mother was always on the PTA Board and a chair person for the school carnival. Both my parents coached little league baseball and were involved in the scouting programs.

As far as our education after high school, my parents didn't get too involved. Our career choices were our own; we were never groomed to follow a particular path. Additionally, we paid for our own. We all got jobs starting at about the age of 15 and paid for our own college. Neither of my parents were college graduates but both of my brothers and I are; two of us have masters degrees. I'd like to think my parents had something to do with this.

 

[golfgal]

What changed-honestly I think it was sports figured making millions and millions of dollars is what changed parental attitudes in this country. All of the sudden my child has to be "THE BEST" and forget everyone else.

Were my parents involved in my education-when we were small they read us books, we also saw them reading books, they were college educated and expected us to be as well. If I needed help on an assignment, they helped IF ASKED. They didn't check papers because by doing that you only HURT your child because the teacher never really knows where you stand if mommy corrects your mistakes and they knew that. If there was a problem at school they expected ME to deal with it first. If I couldn't they would help.

My sister needed more help with homework and she got that help but they certainly didn't do it for her. They went to parent/teacher conferences and would go to some of the home games for sports but that was about it.

You just didn't see many helicopter parents when we were growing up and that is a VERY GOOD thing. I really feel sorry for kids these days that the parents are involved in EVERYTHING they do. How are they going to learn to deal with things on their own???

 

[Crystal0608]

I lived with both parents until 7 and my mama was most of the time a SAHM and got me ready for K and helped with my homework and reading and I remember my mama went to conferences in kindergarten. From age 7-8 I lived just with my daddy and I was on my own with everything. From age 8-13 I lived with my grandparents and I was on my own except for my grandpa or mama would show up for awards sometimes. From age 13-15 I lived with my mama and once in a while I would have her test me on index cards I made. From age 15-17 back and forth between grandparents & my mama, no involvement except picking me up after school if I couldn't find a ride. In college, my mama had to help me with the basics in Accounting Principles I and came to my Phi Theta Kappa induction. I also chose all my courses and did the college financial aid paperwork myself . Luckily I was self-motivated and a straight A student. I'm total opposite with my kids.

 

[DawnCt1]

My father taught me to read, spell and print before I started school. He used to drill me with spelling words. I started kindergarten at 4 and a half and I was reading before that. Once I was in school, I was rewarded for good grades, punished for bad grades, but my parents never went to a parent teacher conference; they both worked, nor a PTA meeting. I turned 17 two months before I graduated from high school.

 

[Anna114]

Absolutely no involvement at all. No encouragement or praise; no punishment for a bad grade. Nothing. We were on our own.

I second this parental interaction between my parents, me and my education. The only thing was if I went to a community college instead of going away I would get a car.... turn back to 1981 my father purchased me a 1966 Volvo that he had Earl Shibed (painted) for 69.99. Total cost for the car.... $169.99 I still miss that car dammit!

 

[MosMom]

I am 42, will be 43 in less than a month. None other than offering love and support. No expectations, no help - nothing. That used to be the teacher's job...

While I do homework with my daughter every night and have worked hard to help her as much as I can, I get frustrated when it seems like I'm supposed to be a co-teacher. I'm not a teacher, this is why I don't homeschool. I know my limitations.

 

[Robinrs]

Both of my parents were drop outs. My Dad, born in 1919, was the oldest of 14 children, and had to work to support the family after his Dad died.

My Mom ran away from home and married my Dad when she was 16. She had an abusive mother.

Both of my parents let ME take the lead in everything I did educationally. My mother supported me by giving me the belief that I can do anything. And I believed her.

I was skipped in elementary school in the 60s and graduated from high school at 16. I graduated from college at 20 with two degrees.

My parents were involved as much as they could. They couldn't help me with my homework or read a book to me. I do all of this for my son and remind him that I didn't have any of this.

 

[emma'smom]

My parents were somewhat involved in my immediate education and my mother worked for the school system, so she had a "big picture" involvement that didn't directly affect me. They certainly read to me. I know my mom volunteered occasionally when i was in preschool because that particular program required each parent to volunteer. My dad came in for "career day" in elementary school.

They also made sure that they found a good elementary/middle school for me to attend (a magnet school instead of our neighborhood school). They let me pick my high school (among the magnet high schools) and provided me some guidance, but let it be my decision in the end.

However, I never really felt a huge amount of pressure from them over grades and homework. They would help me if I asked questions (7th grade Latin!)....and I do remember asking my mother to have the teacher call her about my Chemistry class in high school (because I felt the teacher was unfair and I wanted my mother to know what was gong on). I did all of my homework independently/with friends, studied for exams, etc.

When my grades were good, I got a "Good job! Nice going...we're proud of you." When they weren't so great, I got a "Well, have you thought about how you are going to bring this grade up? Go talk to the teacher." However, usually I had already been to the teacher before bringing the grade home. When I needed a math tutor, they hired one-- but I was the one to ask for one. There were never upset about poor grades, but very matter of fact about recognizing there was a problem and expecting me to address it.


I ended up going college (which they paid for) and then on to earn my master's and doctorate (which I paid for). So, while they didn't push, I got the message that education is important and felt empowered to keep going and ended up working in the field of education.

One anecdote: In 3rd grade, we received the name of our teacher in the middle of summer and I was horrified to find out that I had been placed in a different class that I had hoped. I begged my mother to call and have me changed to the other class, but she told me that she wouldn't fix every part of school I didn't like and that there wasn't any good reason to switch. However, she did tell me that if I was really concerned about it, I should go talk to the principal myself--but to be polite.

So, on the first day of school, I went right up the principal and told her that I was upset with my class assignment and that my mother had told me that if I was that concerned that I should talk with her (the principal) myself to see if anything could be done. That principal immediately walked me down to the class I wanted and told the teacher to sign me up! She later told my mother that she wanted me to understand that if there is a problem, there is often a solution if you are willing to go to the right people to talk about it patiently. My parents were quite surprised that I had managed to get permission to switch classes---but I learned a valuable lesson and had a great year!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

While I do homework with my daughter every night and have worked hard to help her as much as I can, I get frustrated when it seems like I'm supposed to be a co-teacher. I'm not a teacher, this is why I don't homeschool. I know my limitations.

Same here - we sometimes get material to be covered as homework that was not covered in class. The teacher's instructions to my son - "Have your mother help". We have a pretty good school, too. But it is not unusual for my 4th grader to come home with 3 hours of homework...

 

[NY Disney fan]

Both of my parents were drop outs. My Dad, born in 1919, was the oldest of 14 children, and had to work to support the family after his Dad died.

My Mom ran away from home and married my Dad when she was 16. She had an abusive mother.

Both of my parents let ME take the lead in everything I did educationally. My mother supported me by giving me the belief that I can do anything. And I believed her.

I was skipped in elementary school in the 60s and graduated from high school at 16. I graduated from college at 20 with two degrees.

My parents were involved as much as they could. They couldn't help me with my homework or read a book to me. I do all of this for my son and remind him that I didn't have any of this.

That is very impressive and you should be proud to be gifted in that sense. You were able to chart your own course. I have to say, with people like me (and others), I needed as much guidance as possible and didn't get it. Most people just end up being like their parents, including thinking like them. So I think your situation is unique or rather, not usual.

 

[DawnCt1]

Both of my parents were drop outs. My Dad, born in 1919, was the oldest of 14 children, and had to work to support the family after his Dad died.

My Mom ran away from home and married my Dad when she was 16. She had an abusive mother.

Both of my parents let ME take the lead in everything I did educationally. My mother supported me by giving me the belief that I can do anything. And I believed her.

I was skipped in elementary school in the 60s and graduated from high school at 16. I graduated from college at 20 with two degrees.

My parents were involved as much as they could. They couldn't help me with my homework or read a book to me. I do all of this for my son and remind him that I didn't have any of this.

Your life story is evidence that anything is possible. You set your goals and you worked hard. You are a terrific example for your DS.

 

[stashbin]

My parents couldn't do the work so they couldn't help me.