How Involved is your DS/DD in the College Search Process?

[lacrosse_lady72]

I know there was a question about children entering the work force and the parents charging rent.

I entered the workforce after high school, semi-by my own choice (I chose to work as it would be a more lenient schedule to help my grandma take care of my grandpa, she was working at the time still and he's still on in need of a lot of care but now she's finally retired. Anyway, that's not the point. As I chose to not go to college (although I'm going now), I was charged rent. And I understood, I was using a lot the utilities and space.

My mom charged me $200/month while living at home. Which isn't a lot, but still a significant enough amount as it was only about 1/6 of my monthly income but it still helped out with the little things.

I don't think it's harsh at all. It's completely reasonable to charge something... one of my friend's mom will charge $350/month rent or a clean drug test. No, he's not a tweeker or anything- just the artsy fartsy/frat boy type... that's a double whammy for pot-smoking.

 

[AristocatFan]

DS is a senior so we are currently in the middle of all this college stuff! We didn't start anything until this school year. He was just not interested at all during his junior year, just knew that he wanted to go to Purdue for engineering. He took his SAT's this past summer, didn't mess with taking the ACT. This has been a learning experience for all of us. (DH and I didn't go away to college) I'd say the "work" towards it has been 50/50. I've been scouring the internet for scholarships. If it doesn't require an essay and he qualifies, I apply him. If it's one that I really think he should apply for and there's an essay, I nag him until he writes it.

He was accepted to Purdue and today he and his best friend (who also was accepted) were online applying for their housing. It was nice watching them make their "plan" about sharing a dorm and things. But figuring out which meal plan to get was rough. So much to learn!

 

[mominwestlake]

DS is a senior so we are currently in the middle of all this college stuff! We didn't start anything until this school year. He was just not interested at all during his junior year, just knew that he wanted to go to Purdue for engineering. He took his SAT's this past summer, didn't mess with taking the ACT. This has been a learning experience for all of us. (DH and I didn't go away to college) I'd say the "work" towards it has been 50/50. I've been scouring the internet for scholarships. If it doesn't require an essay and he qualifies, I apply him. If it's one that I really think he should apply for and there's an essay, I nag him until he writes it.

He was accepted to Purdue and today he and his best friend (who also was accepted) were online applying for their housing. It was nice watching them make their "plan" about sharing a dorm and things. But figuring out which meal plan to get was rough. So much to learn!

Congrats to your son! Purdue is a great school and I wish we could afford it for my ds. Let me know if you are successful finding scholarships. DS will probably get one or 2 from our local community but they aren't renewable or anything.

 

[autumnpalm]

I'm a college student myself, and my parents were not very involved in the application process. In Canada we do not have standardized tests like the SAT or ACT (unless you are planning to go to school in the US) and there is a fairly simple application process where you basically enter your code # and you can apply to all the universities in the province with your transcripts being sent by the high school. Some programs require additional portfolios, but many don't.

My parents offered to drive me to any schools I wanted to visit within the province. They paid for my application fee as well, I think. But I did the research of which schools and programs I was interested in, then narrowed it down and applied.

The American application process sounds somewhat exhausting!

 

[AristocatFan]

Congrats to your son! Purdue is a great school and I wish we could afford it for my ds. Let me know if you are successful finding scholarships. DS will probably get one or 2 from our local community but they aren't renewable or anything.

Thanks. I'm not sure how we're going to afford it. Wing and a prayer, I guess. He did win a 15k a year scholarship to U. of Evansville, which he happened to apply for one day on a whim. I hate it that he's turned it down, but that school is even more expensive! But he's wanted to be a Boilermaker since he was a kid.

My advice is to stay on top of things yourself. DS's guidance counselor failed to tell him he needed to take Physics in order to get into the School of Engineering at Purdue. Therefore, his first app. was denied. So, he just changed his major to computer science(instead of engineering) and got into the School of Science. All the schools are very competitive to get into!

 

[MrsPete]

Here's what I suspect: High school is an experience that sort of "happens to you". You don't have to do much, and everything just rolls along . . . your teachers tell you when it's time to register for next year's classes, the announcements tell you when the prom's coming up, the grapevine lets you know when it's homecoming. If you get too far out of line, your parents whip you back onto the straight and narrow. If you DO NOTHING, you can still drift along, and high school still happens.

But college is different. If you do nothing, nothing happens. No one magically fills out your applications, no one registers you for classes, no one helps you decide about majors, and no one fills out all that financial aid paperwork. But your son doesn't have the life experience yet to realize that.

I suspect he's on the immature side and hasn't stopped to consider that college is SOON, and NOW is the time to make these choices.

OR -- on the flip side -- perhaps he DOES realize just how important these things are, and he's afraid to make these decisions. At his tender age, he has not yet made a decision this life-altering, and perhaps he's (subconsciously?) putting it off because he's afraid to make it.

As a senior teacher, I assure you that when he comes back to school next fall, his classmates will have already visited colleges, and they will have concrete ideas about just where they're going to apply. He needs to have his applications filed by mid-November. And that means he needs to visit now and during the summer so he knows where he's applying. Spring break of junior year is prime visiting time.

I think you have to walk a fine line between being overly-involved and ignoring what's best for him. I'd suggest that you come up with a list of things he needs to do / decisions that need to be made, and give him deadlines for each of these. Examples:

By March 1 -- Make a list of things you want in a college (for example, here's my daughter's criteria: large school, in-state, offers nursing major, 2-4 hours from home, must have a football team, must have nice dorms, hopefully friends are going there too).

By April 1 -- Pick out the two schools you want to visit over spring break (try to make these very different schools; aim for a big school and a small school to give him impressions of very different places -- this'll give him a chance to decide just what he likes. I'd also suggest allowing him to take a friend on these visits, but YOU need to go too.)

By May 1 -- Make a list of X-number of schools to which you're going to apply; number them according to preference. Discuss these with you to narrow down.

By June 1 -- Discuss money seriously. Talk about cost, financial aid, scholarships, spending money, books. Let him know what you can pay and what you expect him to pay. When does your high school offer a financial aid workshop? Plan to attend.

By August 1 -- Visit the top three schools.

By October 1 -- Have paperwork filled out for the schools that "make the cut".


I knocked these out quickly, and they may not fit your ideas at all. But I'd suggest that you give him a couple deadlines, and don't nag him about it. Give him time to do these things on his own . . . but IF he doesn't do them, he can't go out anywhere 'til he's accomplished those tasks.

 

[DMickey28]

I feel like the entire context of the this question is way off. Shouldn't it be ... How involved are YOU in your DD/DS's College Search Process?

I think that the kid needs to take the lead here ... you can guide, answer questions and be there for what they need but they are the one that should be doing the searching/processing etc.

***This is coming from someone who had very little parental guidance when it came to the college search as well.*** I plan on being there to help and guide my DS's but I won't do it for them.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I feel like the entire context of the this question is way off. Shouldn't it be ... How involved are YOU in your DD/DS's College Search Process?

I think that the kid needs to take the lead here ... you can guide, answer questions and be there for what they need but they are the one that should be doing the searching/processing etc.

***This is coming from someone who had very little parental guidance when it came to the college search as well.*** I plan on being there to help and guide my DS's but I won't do it for them.

Having gone thru it this past school yr., I can say that there things that happen that change this rule. In my case my dd was MAD we moved back to MO. She wanted to go to UT and we can not afford out of state.
Reality is she has a BF in TX so this issue is on going.
It is working out, so far. However she needed to be pushed.

My youngest, who is in 7th is already trying to get out of MO to go to school.She knows that she has to get scholarships in order to do that otherwise it is a state school. She just got her results back from the ACT and she got a 24. So she is on her way. She is planning on going to scholar programs over the summer, if she gets in.

Bottom line......some kids are sure of themselves and some are not. Some need help from parents and some need real guidance like Mrs. Pete suggested. Not that my oldest is stupid or anything she is a bit "lost" on what major she wants.

If she did not go to college she would have to have found a full time job with insurance and that is just not happening in this economy.

 

[Art 1]

Very much, she has been excepted at 3 schools so far for next year.

 

[mominwestlake]

Thanks. I'm not sure how we're going to afford it. Wing and a prayer, I guess. He did win a 15k a year scholarship to U. of Evansville, which he happened to apply for one day on a whim. I hate it that he's turned it down, but that school is even more expensive! But he's wanted to be a Boilermaker since he was a kid.

My advice is to stay on top of things yourself. DS's guidance counselor failed to tell him he needed to take Physics in order to get into the School of Engineering at Purdue. Therefore, his first app. was denied. So, he just changed his major to computer science(instead of engineering) and got into the School of Science. All the schools are very competitive to get into!

That stinks about the guidance counselor not telling him about physics. Luckily I have been looking at the various schools we might visit and checked requirements for the engineering and pharmacy programs. Physics was on all the schools' lists. I told ds he needs to take physics next year and he is not too happy about it. He wants to take AP chem or anatomy (likes the teacher). And he won't take AP physics because he heard "it is next to impossible". I think the junior year science teachers should tell kids what they need to take the next year if they are going into certain programs in college.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

That stinks about the guidance counselor not telling him about physics. Luckily I have been looking at the various schools we might visit and checked requirements for the engineering and pharmacy programs. Physics was on all the schools' lists. I told ds he needs to take physics next year and he is not too happy about it. He wants to take AP chem or anatomy (likes the teacher). And he won't take AP physics because he heard "it is next to impossible". I think the junior year science teachers should tell kids what they need to take the next year if they are going into certain programs in college.

I am going to say this once and hopefully it clicks for you.

The HS guidance counselor is there to make sure you graduate from high school. They are not there to guide you into college. Now you have to get their help to sign papers, fill out xyz & send it off, etc. Some counselors are better than others and some are overwhelmed with the amount of students they have to counsel for HS.

The burden is on the student to find out the requirements necessary for the college they want to apply to, not your HS guidance counselor. Mark and remember.

 

[mominwestlake]

I am going to say this once and hopefully it clicks for you.

The HS guidance counselor is there to make sure you graduate from high school. They are not there to guide you into college. Now you have to get their help to sign papers, fill out xyz & send it off, etc. Some counselors are better than others and some are overwhelmed with the amount of students they have to counsel for HS.

The burden is on the student to find out the requirements necessary for the college they want to apply to, not your HS guidance counselor. Mark and remember.

Thank you Mystery Machine! DS already seems to know this since he volunteers in guidance and hears a lot of complaints in there.

 

[Becky2005]

I'm curious about the rent thing. What if a child decides that college is not for them and they decide to just enter the workforce. Would you still charge them rent? That doesn't seem exactly right to me. That's kind of forcing them into college.

How is that forcing them into college? That was pretty much the deal with my parents when I grew up. IF you went to college you could stay home free/IF you didn't you paid rent.

They counted trade school as "going to college" too. For that matter, we had to pay for our own college tuition.

I think we did get the summer between Senior year/Fall of Freshman College time as free rent (I don't remember because I was taking college courses that summer).

I'm struggling now with my DD as a Sophmore.

She wants to go into theatre and I would like to at least start attending some college fairs so she even knows what is out there. I know it was up to us to figure what college, etc... out but I didn't even know of some of the possibilities. I'm especially wanting to find those local hidden colleges that you may not know exists. I found one in Iowa not too long. I found it purely by accident because they happen to have the Beverely Hillbillies truck on display there and DH had mentioned going to take a look at it, etc.. I was looking at that information, found the museum was on a college campus & I decided to see if they have any theatre programs there. I'm 99% sure we would have never heard of this college in general.

 

[mvazul]

My son is a sophomore in high school. He has been looking at colleges since the 8th grade. He took the Pre-SAT's in October and got a 1710 on them. He was upset, because Ivy League starts looking at 1800. I only took the ACT's, so I have no idea what is "good" on SAT's. From what I have been told 1710 is nothing to sneeze at. (He, too, is in all honors classes and in the "gifted" program.)

Since he took the Pre-SAT's,he has been getting bombarded with information from schools. He has looked at all of them on-line, but none of them interest him. He has been seriously looking at Cornell for genetic engineering (he wants to work with DNA, help find a cure for cancer, etc.). However, he has been talking about Astronomy lately. He still isn't sure exactly what he wants to do. I told him that is fine - so many people change their majors once they get in school.

I'm really not sure how much to help him. I knew exactly what college I wanted to go to. I applied, got accepted and my father took care of all of my financial aide forms. I didn't make it two months before I quit. I have recently gone back to school and am one of the oldest freshman in my class!!

Good luck with your son. I don't think it hurts to nudge them along. And, no, I don't believe the junior year is too early to start looking.

Michelle

 

[agnes!]

Does anybody have an idea about where the various levels might be for the PSATs? DD took it this past year and all the scoring levels don't come out for *forever*.

Thanks,
agnes!

Depends on your state because it varies. Here is College Confidentials postings. It is a large thread and it beats it to death. Nothing is set in stone but here is the jist of it. Note the minimum score (first number).

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com...erit-semifinalists-2009-h-s-class-2010-a.html

I don't know her raw PSAT score right off the top of my head, but I do know the percentile she scored at...are there any percentiles posted online from last year's test?

agnes!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I don't know her raw PSAT score right off the top of my head, but I do know the percentile she scored at...are there any percentiles posted online from last year's test?

agnes!

Not sure what you mean. You are just going to have to wait for the raw score. Hopefully that helps you a bit.

If you want to go digging at college confidential, you are more than welcome. It is certainly a good site for those that are applying to high tier schools. It is a bit intimidating for sure & take everything with a grain of salt just like any other message board.

 

[agnes!]

I might have been able to sort of answer my own question above. I poked around on collegeconfidential and it looks like DD's score (even though it is quite high percentile-wise) won't be quite high enough for recognition...probably just one more point would have done it.

agnes!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I might have been able to sort of answer my own question above. I poked around on collegeconfidential and it looks like DD's score (even though it is quite high percentile-wise) won't be quite high enough for recognition...probably just one more point would have done it.

agnes!

That stinks. Well you never know. I will think good thoughts for you.

 

[taximomfor4]

My dd will be young (16) when she graduates high school and starts college, so I am sure her choices are more limited than others. She is a senior this year, and took her ACT in the fall, had it sent to commuting-distance schools.

My involvement is minimal. If she wants to run some ideas by me, she does. If not, I stay out of it. She has apparently gotten scholarship applications from the LEAF person at her school, and has been working on those. She researched which area schools have her chosen (most l;ikely) major. She has pretty much settled on the local community college for a year or 2, then transfer to a local university for the Bachelors & Masters. The only thing I will do for her is to help her register for classes (if she asks me), and fill out the FAFSA for her next month. The rest is all on her.

 

[golfgal]

I am going to say this once and hopefully it clicks for you.

The HS guidance counselor is there to make sure you graduate from high school. They are not there to guide you into college. Now you have to get their help to sign papers, fill out xyz & send it off, etc. Some counselors are better than others and some are overwhelmed with the amount of students they have to counsel for HS.

The burden is on the student to find out the requirements necessary for the college they want to apply to, not your HS guidance counselor. Mark and remember.

Our high school counselors are VERY involved in helpings kids find the right college, getting information on scholarships, taking interest surveys, having informational meetings for parents, etc. I am glad we have the assistance we do. I feel sorry for those that do not have this help because it is a process.