How Involved is your DS/DD in the College Search Process?

[disykat]

I'm having to "nudge" my junior as well. He has great grades and has already chosen a major. He is just now starting to think about specific colleges - because I've been pushing. He's usually mr. prepared, but I think it's stressing him out and he's putting the brakes on a bit.

He's ready and he'll be doing stuff himself, but his timeline in his mind is different than mine. He knows he won't have great difficulty getting accepted since he probably wants to go to state schools and his grades are good. However, I'm much more anxious about his ability to get some merit based aide than he is.

He could get accepted and be ready to go if he applied in the Spring of his senior year - however merit aide would be gone! So I looked up the merit aide dates of the local schools (generally way before the FAFSA date), gave them to him, and told him I'm expecting his apps to be in before then.

He has a day off school at the end of January and I dh and I already have set aside the time, arranged a place for his brother and our dog, etc. I'll need to start nagging again to get him to make the appointments, but right now we're waiting on the 10day weather forcasts (mountain passes!) before making any reservations etc.

I find it interesting that this is a kid who has never had to be nagged to do homework etc. He is very anal. But this is scary stuff and I think he NEEDS me to do a bit of pushing.

 

[mominwestlake]

He could get accepted and be ready to go if he applied in the Spring of his senior year - however merit aide would be gone! So I looked up the merit aide dates of the local schools (generally way before the FAFSA date), gave them to him, and told him I'm expecting his apps to be in before then.

I wasn't aware of this- that merit aid dates were before FAFSa dates. Can anyone else give me more information about this?

Maybe that is what is also going on with my junior- they know they'll get into where they want to go and it is a big step to move in. DS is enjoying H.S. so much he probably never wants to live. He really enjoys the band, his band friends, a number of his teachers...

 

[disykat]

I know one of our state schools starts giving out their merit aide in November to students that are already accepted for the next year - FAFSA isn't due until February (? I think ?) My understanding is that when merit aide is gone, it's gone, and that they might be more generous early on.

I could be way off since I'm working on hearsay, but I'm going on the understanding that the early bird gets the worm.

 

[geffric]

OK I have a jr in high school.. so far he has visited - u of Fl ( gainesville) not very interested in ILL students, The Ohio State, Miami of Ohio, U of Indiana, Perdue, u of Ill and U of IA..took act in december got a 28..

so he is in the final stretch.. U of Ill, U of In and U of IA are the ones..I need to take him to Northern Ill, UIC and western Ill before he settle on a few and applies.. will take the ACT again in April..hopefully he will get a better score.

my orlder DS is a college freshman and has a great fit. - loves the school he chose and fits in .. he is with other kids like him and he is having a great time and doing well..he looked at small schools in his jr year - konx, earlham, beloit, roanoke,bradley and cornel college. of course he has a 34 ACt, 4.5 gpa and 5 on all his AP classes - there were 6- he is an Eagle scout and vigil honor at OA.international relations, debarte club, venture president for the troop and counsel,etc. .

 

[vavalynn2]

I know one of our state schools starts giving out their merit aide in November to students that are already accepted for the next year - FAFSA isn't due until February (? I think ?) My understanding is that when merit aide is gone, it's gone, and that they might be more generous early on.

I could be way off since I'm working on hearsay, but I'm going on the understanding that the early bird gets the worm.

Different schools will have different dates for FAFSA. I would HIGHLY recommend for anyone to get the FAFSA done asap. I know many do not have the 2009 taxes done yet, but use estimates and update later.

I see it as getting your place in line for financial aid.

 

[tar heel]

We've been fairly involved with both our kids, especially in arranging visits and reminding about applications and deadlines. They did the applications themselves. The first knew what field he wanted to go into (he did NOT major in the field ultimately) and that he didn't want to go real far from home. We visited seven schools starting President's Day junior year. DH and I helped choose the schools but we would have gone anywhere DS was interested in. It was an interesting process -- two schools were essentially eliminated by DS during the visit. The process helped us as a family clarify the financial decision of college, and DS and us ultimately decided to go to one of the schools where he would graduate debt free. He applied to four and we revisited two of those four to help him make his decision. He did NOT choose the school I preferred!

Our second son had been along on some of his older brother's college visits, but, alas, his field of interest was very different. The decision-making with the oldest clarified for DH and I that state universities were what we and the 529 were paying for. DS had a school in mind, we visited it, and he liked it. I thought he would probably get in there, but it wasn't a slam dunk. I researched other state schools and came up with safety school. DS thought visiting it was a waste of time, but he fell in love with it and decided that was where he was going before the day was half over. He transferred after two years and did all the work involved himself.

Our youngest is a sophomore and he says he's going to UNC-Chapel. It is once again Kiplinger's #1 value in state universities and the alma mater of both DH and I, so he won't get any argument from me! I'm on the fence about whether I will drag him to visit other schools (words he would use to describe it).

As Mrs. Pete said, when senior year starts most of the kids have done visits and already know where they want to go.

 

[Donnainnj]

Mrs Pete,
Thank you so much for your outline. I have a junior who really hasn't shown much interest in the college choice. She has a few ideas about possible majors, but hasn't done any of the work needed to choose a school. Well I started with your "by March 1st list" and told her she should think of a couple of schools within driving distance that we could visit over spring break. (before I mentioned within driving distance she wanted to go see her cousins school, University of Hawaii, Hilo ) I also gave her an idea of what our budget is, and told her that anything over that she will have to take care of with scholarships, loans or cash. She got right to work online with a list of all 4 year schools. She is weeding out based on her criteria, and budget. She is then looking at their websites. Thanks for helping me get her a little more excited about the process.
This has also pushed one of her friends to think a little more about it, and of course she wants to join us on the spring break tours. I am surprised how little her friends are doing. They are all honors/AP kids, one was 6th in the class the last time I heard. (class of over 600) and other then PSAT's and prep courses they haven't done much. So you didn't just help me and my daughter, but may have got the ball rolling for a couple more young ladies.
Thanks again, Donna

Here's what I suspect: High school is an experience that sort of "happens to you". You don't have to do much, and everything just rolls along . . . your teachers tell you when it's time to register for next year's classes, the announcements tell you when the prom's coming up, the grapevine lets you know when it's homecoming. If you get too far out of line, your parents whip you back onto the straight and narrow. If you DO NOTHING, you can still drift along, and high school still happens.

But college is different. If you do nothing, nothing happens. No one magically fills out your applications, no one registers you for classes, no one helps you decide about majors, and no one fills out all that financial aid paperwork. But your son doesn't have the life experience yet to realize that.

I suspect he's on the immature side and hasn't stopped to consider that college is SOON, and NOW is the time to make these choices.

OR -- on the flip side -- perhaps he DOES realize just how important these things are, and he's afraid to make these decisions. At his tender age, he has not yet made a decision this life-altering, and perhaps he's (subconsciously?) putting it off because he's afraid to make it.

As a senior teacher, I assure you that when he comes back to school next fall, his classmates will have already visited colleges, and they will have concrete ideas about just where they're going to apply. He needs to have his applications filed by mid-November. And that means he needs to visit now and during the summer so he knows where he's applying. Spring break of junior year is prime visiting time.

I think you have to walk a fine line between being overly-involved and ignoring what's best for him. I'd suggest that you come up with a list of things he needs to do / decisions that need to be made, and give him deadlines for each of these. Examples:

By March 1 -- Make a list of things you want in a college (for example, here's my daughter's criteria: large school, in-state, offers nursing major, 2-4 hours from home, must have a football team, must have nice dorms, hopefully friends are going there too).

By April 1 -- Pick out the two schools you want to visit over spring break (try to make these very different schools; aim for a big school and a small school to give him impressions of very different places -- this'll give him a chance to decide just what he likes. I'd also suggest allowing him to take a friend on these visits, but YOU need to go too.)

By May 1 -- Make a list of X-number of schools to which you're going to apply; number them according to preference. Discuss these with you to narrow down.

By June 1 -- Discuss money seriously. Talk about cost, financial aid, scholarships, spending money, books. Let him know what you can pay and what you expect him to pay. When does your high school offer a financial aid workshop? Plan to attend.

By August 1 -- Visit the top three schools.

By October 1 -- Have paperwork filled out for the schools that "make the cut".


I knocked these out quickly, and they may not fit your ideas at all. But I'd suggest that you give him a couple deadlines, and don't nag him about it. Give him time to do these things on his own . . . but IF he doesn't do them, he can't go out anywhere 'til he's accomplished those tasks.

 

[allison443]

Mrs. Pete gave a great checklist!

Having gone through the process twice so far, I would say a very important thing that parents need to do is discuss finances with their kids. Some parents are shocked at how college costs have increased exponentially since they went to college! Most private colleges run between $40-$50K with room and board. Be upfront with your kids about how much you are planning to contribute. How much is actually available in the "college fund". You can run an online EFC calculator to see what your family contribution is going to be calculated as. Research loans and how much is reasonable debt for the student to incur, if any. How much will the student be paying back after graduation?The schools do not have limitless financial aid funds, especially now. Also be aware that loans are considered to be financial aid.

The other thing I would say is regarding college visits. We always found it helpful to visit while the college was in session (as opposed to summer visits, etc.) We went on Columbus Day, Presidents Day, Saturdays during the school year, spring break that didn't coincide with the colleges spring break, and random days that the high school had off. Especially with large schools it really helped get a feel for the atmosphere. Plus it was helpful to see the students, etc.

We also usually made a point to eat a meal in the college cafeteria, and to pick up copies of the school newspaper (sometimes that was an eye opener ) Most of the newspapers are available online as well.

Good luck to everyone-this is such an exciting time!!

 

[allison443]

I might have been able to sort of answer my own question above. I poked around on collegeconfidential and it looks like DD's score (even though it is quite high percentile-wise) won't be quite high enough for recognition...probably just one more point would have done it.

agnes!

Or if you lived in a different state....my dd was in the same situation-her score would have been high enough in many other states but we live in one where the cutoff is one of the highest!

 

[allison443]

The other advice that is repeated endlessly on collegeconfidential is "love thy safety." Especially if the student is applying to schools that don't give admissions decisions till April 1. It's great to get a decision from a rolling admission school, say in October or November of senior year, and it's a school that the student likes, would be happy at, and you can afford.

 

[agnes!]

I might have been able to sort of answer my own question above. I poked around on collegeconfidential and it looks like DD's score (even though it is quite high percentile-wise) won't be quite high enough for recognition...probably just one more point would have done it.

agnes!

Or if you lived in a different state....my dd was in the same situation-her score would have been high enough in many other states but we live in one where the cutoff is one of the highest!

Yeah, if only we didn't live where we live...
The cut-off I'm referring to is the percentile that kids usually get a letter of commendation for (the top 50,000 scores I think...). Historically it is the top half of the 96%.

agnes!

 

[disykat]

Different schools will have different dates for FAFSA. I would HIGHLY recommend for anyone to get the FAFSA done asap. I know many do not have the 2009 taxes done yet, but use estimates and update later.

I see it as getting your place in line for financial aid.

I think a lot of us are talking about juniors, not seniors. We'll do the FAFSA nice and early - but next year!

 

[golfgal]

Mrs Pete,
Thank you so much for your outline. I have a junior who really hasn't shown much interest in the college choice. She has a few ideas about possible majors, but hasn't done any of the work needed to choose a school. Well I started with your "by March 1st list" and told her she should think of a couple of schools within driving distance that we could visit over spring break. (before I mentioned within driving distance she wanted to go see her cousins school, University of Hawaii, Hilo ) I also gave her an idea of what our budget is, and told her that anything over that she will have to take care of with scholarships, loans or cash. She got right to work online with a list of all 4 year schools. She is weeding out based on her criteria, and budget. She is then looking at their websites. Thanks for helping me get her a little more excited about the process.
This has also pushed one of her friends to think a little more about it, and of course she wants to join us on the spring break tours. I am surprised how little her friends are doing. They are all honors/AP kids, one was 6th in the class the last time I heard. (class of over 600) and other then PSAT's and prep courses they haven't done much. So you didn't just help me and my daughter, but may have got the ball rolling for a couple more young ladies.
Thanks again, Donna

One thing I would change is do NOT look at schools because of cost. Don't weed anything out because of how much tuition is right now. Keep in mind, generally higher cost schools are private schools and private schools have larger endowments thus more money to hand out. It was SIGNIFICANTLY less expensive for me to attend a private school vs a public school and our friends and their kids are finding out the same thing. Also, if she has a descent GPA, scholarships will pay for a good majority of her costs. You can weed out schools when you get your aid package, don't do it before. She may pass up a full ride scholarship by doing that, you never know.

Heck, if you make under $100,000, Harvard doesn't cost you a dime.

 

[mominwestlake]

Thank you for your checklist Mrs. Pete. That is very helpful and I'm going to give it to my ds.

One question I have is when should he start asking his teachers to write him a recommendation? He is looking at pharmacy so he'll need a minimum of 2. He says he has at 5 teachers right now that he feels know him very well and would write one for him.

Also, for those who have gone through this and don't have "brilliant" children- has your child taken an ACT/SAT prep course? If so, where? And do you think it was worth the money spent?

DS hasn't taken the ACT or SAT yet, however in general he doesn't do well on standardized tests. I don't know why. He gets good grades in his honors courses. Right now he has a 4.3 gpa. He is a very hard worker. But those test scores really seem to matter.

 

[Christine]

Also, for those who have gone through this and don't have "brilliant" children- has your child taken an ACT/SAT prep course? If so, where? And do you think it was worth the money spent?

DS hasn't taken the ACT or SAT yet, however in general he doesn't do well on standardized tests. I don't know why. He gets good grades in his honors courses. Right now he has a 4.3 gpa. He is a very hard worker. But those test scores really seem to matter.

Hmmmmm...I think I'm going to put him up there in the "brilliant" category!

My DD who was FAR, FAR from brilliant did an SAT prep course. Not sure it helped. She really does have some sort of problem when it comes to testing (she does great with assignments/projects/presentations but absolutely will bomb a test). I'm thinking that with this sort of problem, some type of coaching needs to be done to work on actually "coping" during testing and good strategies. The prep courses touch on that a little bit but don't really address issues when kids have problems testing. There are even more specialized courses for that and I would probably look into those.

 

[redsunfish]

One thing I would change is do NOT look at schools because of cost. Don't weed anything out because of how much tuition is right now. Keep in mind, generally higher cost schools are private schools and private schools have larger endowments thus more money to hand out. It was SIGNIFICANTLY less expensive for me to attend a private school vs a public school and our friends and their kids are finding out the same thing. Also, if she has a descent GPA, scholarships will pay for a good majority of her costs. You can weed out schools when you get your aid package, don't do it before. She may pass up a full ride scholarship by doing that, you never know.

I second this! I applied to both a private school that I really really wanted to go to as well as the state school that I figured I'd end up at because of our financial situation (plus 4 other various schools). My parents were feeling really bad figuring that I wouldn't get to go where I really wanted to go because of money. When the financial aid packages came in, the state school ended up being more expensive for me than the private college and by a lot too! The private school offered me a lot of money in scholarships that the state school couldn't. My parents ended up paying very little for me to go to school and I graduated with a very manageable amount of student loans. I think applying to a variety of schools that you are interested in is the way to go.

I'm not much help for the OP on the main question here. I was the first of my family to go to college and my parents had no clue. I figured out how to fill out the forms and what I needed to do on my own. My parents paid the application fees (Although at that time a lot of them were free if you did them on the internet to encourage people not to send in paper ones....man, I'm actually getting old!) and took me to visit where I asked them too. I then helped my younger sister with the process a couple of years later.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thank you for your checklist Mrs. Pete. That is very helpful and I'm going to give it to my ds.

One question I have is when should he start asking his teachers to write him a recommendation? He is looking at pharmacy so he'll need a minimum of 2. He says he has at 5 teachers right now that he feels know him very well and would write one for him.

Also, for those who have gone through this and don't have "brilliant" children- has your child taken an ACT/SAT prep course? If so, where? And do you think it was worth the money spent?

DS hasn't taken the ACT or SAT yet, however in general he doesn't do well on standardized tests. I don't know why. He gets good grades in his honors courses. Right now he has a 4.3 gpa. He is a very hard worker. But those test scores really seem to matter.

Go get a book and have him take the ACT test at home. It is easy to mimic it.

My oldest did do a prep course that was free thru school for the SAT and it did help her a lot. Boosted her score about 600pts I think.

However she said the prep course helped her overall with test taking. She was in all AP and the SAT prep course helped her with the AP tests.

Now she did not make enough of the number to get scholarships but she was close.

Conversely my 7th grader who just took the ACT test scored a 24 and that is pretty much taking it cold. She did do a practice test just to run through the timing and process. She will be getting scholarships, thank goodness.

However she is driven, more than her sister. It drives me batty sometimes.

 

[golfgal]

Thank you for your checklist Mrs. Pete. That is very helpful and I'm going to give it to my ds.

One question I have is when should he start asking his teachers to write him a recommendation? He is looking at pharmacy so he'll need a minimum of 2. He says he has at 5 teachers right now that he feels know him very well and would write one for him.

Also, for those who have gone through this and don't have "brilliant" children- has your child taken an ACT/SAT prep course? If so, where? And do you think it was worth the money spent?

DS hasn't taken the ACT or SAT yet, however in general he doesn't do well on standardized tests. I don't know why. He gets good grades in his honors courses. Right now he has a 4.3 gpa. He is a very hard worker. But those test scores really seem to matter.

The ACT site has an online prep area that is something like $20 or $30 for a year's subscription. DS used that a little but it is a nice site for someone that will actually use it more than the night before the test . Some of those prep classes can be hundreds of dollars .

 

[golfgal]

Go get a book and have him take the ACT test at home. It is easy to mimic it.

My oldest did do a prep course that was free thru school for the SAT and it did help her a lot. Boosted her score about 600pts I think.

However she said the prep course helped her overall with test taking. She was in all AP and the SAT prep course helped her with the AP tests.

Now she did not make enough of the number to get scholarships but she was close.

Conversely my 7th grader who just took the ACT test scored a 24 and that is pretty much taking it cold. She did do a practice test just to run through the timing and process. She will be getting scholarships, thank goodness.

However she is driven, more than her sister. It drives me batty sometimes.

Our district has the middle school kids that want to take this take the test. It is nice to get an idea of where they will score. It isn't the same test at the real ACT, it is geared toward middle school learning, but I guess it is pretty accurate as to what the kids will score on the real one within a point or two.

 

[mominwestlake]

DS took the psat sophomore year and score 98% higher than other sophomores for critical reading and also for mathematics. In the writing skills area he scored 89% higher than other sophomores. I would have thought he'd do well when he took the test as a junior. Not so. He went down in all the areas. This is why I'm concerned he won't score well on the actual SAT or ACT but we shall see in the near future. Some of his friends score a 30 their first try but I don't think that will be him. Just now I told him to go do the practice software that I purchased and he acted like I was nuts.