How Do You survive A Broken Heart

[TLSnell1981]

My great grandmother suffered a lot of heartache in her life but was one of the most positive people I've ever know. She always told us "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" way before Kelly Clarkson had the hit song. Although KC's words are very empowering.

 

[goofyernmost]

My wife walked out after 29 years. No serious warning. I just went to work one day and when I came home, there was a single piece of paper sitting on the kitchen counter that read... "I have left". She had years of mental illness but never brought the leaving subject up. She filled for Divorce the very next day. She also told my grown married daughters that she never loved me and just needed a strong looking DNA to merge with her own and give her children. To my knowledge she never had an affair but did have a very strong fantasy about a person from her past that she was really fond of that died in a boating accident right after their first date. It was strong enough that shortly after she left she also had her middle name change to his last name. I kind of knew that she was carrying that flame, but how does one combat a dead guy? Remember this was a good 32 years past that date with him.

I was initially very hurt. My hurt turned to anger and eventually I realized that I was much better off now that the burden of the relationship was over. She maintained until her death 16 years later that she didn't want to see me but tolerated it at family gatherings like holidays or grandchildren's birthdays. Combined with my relief came a matching reduction in my anger due to the fact I was able to realize that she was being led by her obsession with a past love lost and her accelerating mental health issues.

I only wish I had known early on what was ahead, I might have found someone that cared about me as much as I cared about them. If he was cheating on you early on it would not have changed later down the road. It will take a little while to get over the hurt, but before long you will start to realize the this might have just allowed you a much happier, better life. Don't give up on that, just be more cautious.

 

[CdnCarrie]

My wife walked out after 29 years. No serious warning. I just went to work one day and when I came home, there was a single piece of paper sitting on the kitchen counter that read... "I have left". She had years of mental illness but never brought the leaving subject up. She filled for Divorce the very next day. She also told my grown married daughters that she never loved me and just needed a strong looking DNA to merge with her own and give her children. To my knowledge she never had an affair but did have a very strong fantasy about a person from her past that she was really fond of that died in a boating accident right after their first date. It was strong enough that shortly after she left she also had her middle name change to his last name. I kind of knew that she was carrying that flame, but how does one combat a dead guy? Remember this was a good 32 years past that date with him.

I was initially very hurt. My hurt turned to anger and eventually I realized that I was much better off now that the burden of the relationship was over. She maintained until her death 16 years later that she didn't want to see me but tolerated it at family gatherings like holidays or grandchildren's birthdays. Combined with my relief came a matching reduction in my anger due to the fact I was able to realize that she was being led by her obsession with a past love lost and her accelerating mental health issues.

I only wish I had known early on what was ahead, I might have found someone that cared about me as much as I cared about them. If he was cheating on you early on it would not have changed later down the road. It will take a little while to get over the hurt, but before long you will start to realize the this might have just allowed you a much happier, better life. Don't give up on that, just be more cautious.

Thanks for sharing your story. What a sad one. Hope you have found happiness since.

 

[EilonwyWanderer]

There's nothing wrong with you.

 

[disneychrista]

For me I cry, listen to music, get tipsy and dance.

 

[Dan Murphy]

My wife walked out after 29 years. No serious warning. I just went to work one day and when I came home, there was a single piece of paper sitting on the kitchen counter that read... "I have left". She had years of mental illness but never brought the leaving subject up. She filled for Divorce the very next day. She also told my grown married daughters that she never loved me and just needed a strong looking DNA to merge with her own and give her children. To my knowledge she never had an affair but did have a very strong fantasy about a person from her past that she was really fond of that died in a boating accident right after their first date. It was strong enough that shortly after she left she also had her middle name change to his last name. I kind of knew that she was carrying that flame, but how does one combat a dead guy? Remember this was a good 32 years past that date with him.

I was initially very hurt. My hurt turned to anger and eventually I realized that I was much better off now that the burden of the relationship was over. She maintained until her death 16 years later that she didn't want to see me but tolerated it at family gatherings like holidays or grandchildren's birthdays. Combined with my relief came a matching reduction in my anger due to the fact I was able to realize that she was being led by her obsession with a past love lost and her accelerating mental health issues.

I only wish I had known early on what was ahead, I might have found someone that cared about me as much as I cared about them. If he was cheating on you early on it would not have changed later down the road. It will take a little while to get over the hurt, but before long you will start to realize the this might have just allowed you a much happier, better life. Don't give up on that, just be more cautious.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[VandVsmama]

I'm so sorry.

Maybe it's empty to you now but I tell my kids all the time that there is someone meant for them out there and until they find that right person there is no way for things to go with anyone else but wrong. At least this is how I see it. Some people find their person young and some when they are older.

I like this, it makes sense for friends too:

Madea always has lots of wonderful & sage advice!

OP - I'm sorry for what you're going through. You can and will get through this.

 

[BayouQueen]

Funny you should ask, BadPinkTink...
This is fresh in my mind right now because my Big Heartbreak just passed away and I spent a lot of time thinking over what happened, how it happened, and how the path not taken affected my life. The final analysis is that I was well rid of him.

But...it was horrible, and I remember how I coped some 40 years ago. I knew in truth that I really wanted a kinder, more honest person, so decided to go through the steps TLSnell mentioned -- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, bargaining and acceptance -- but do it very quickly. I gave myself three days to really wallow in it. I cried, I called friends and bored them about the heel, I didn't go out of the house. And then after those three days of hard grieving, I said, "He gets no more of my time." And I started to make other plans.
That's what worked for me. I hope this passes quickly for you BadTink. Breakups are very, very traumatic.

 

[fly girl]

I know we have had disagreements on here, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. A broken heart hurts. Hurts badly. And most likely, it will for a while.

You are strong. You are strong enough to leave and not waste one more day with someone that didn’t deserve your love.

Hard to see through the fog, but you’ll grow stronger. Take care of yourself. Do little things that make you happy, even if only for a brief few moments.

 

[Silver saucer]

I am so very sorry you are going through this. Breaking up this way is just the worst.

 

[SueInBoston]

Lots of good advice already given, time will heal

 

[pigletto]

I had a heartbreak that I truly thought I wasn’t strong enough to overcome. It was agony at the time.
Yet here I am , happy , whole , loved , and better for it. I’m here to tell you that one day it won’t hurt like this anymore. I promise you it will get better and you are not alone.

 

[Lumpy1106]

I have only one thing to say,

TURN IT UP - ALL THE WAY

 

[ScottOKW2K]

When the time comes forgive him and forgive yourself. Forgive does not mean forget but simply means then you have accepted that what happened is in the past but should not color your present or change your future. You won't feel that way right now and that is completely normal and expected. The pain is very fresh and real and you will need to work through it. In time you will. What you will find is that every day it will hurt a little less and you will think about it less until one day you will realize that you didn't think about it at all than day. Just try to let the negative emotions go - keeping hate and anger in your heart because you were wronged is like taking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.

Use this time to look at yourself and the past and see if you can find out what brought you to this point. I'm not going to blow smoke up your you-know-what and tell you how amazing you are - I don't know you. And I'm not going to say how bad he is - I don't know him either. I don't know if there were any warning signs that could have forewarned you of what was coming or what he was hiding. One thing I do know - at some level You picked Him. Why? Were there signs that you missed then that you can see in hindsight? Now, don't tell us - we're just random strangers on the internet. But it would help you to have a good long talk with yourself once the blizzard of emotions you are likely going through have passed.

I wish you well. Going forward you will have to determine if this will be one of your Defining Moments In Line™ or simply a part of life that you will look and and realize you learned something useful than made your life better going forward. Your choice.

 

[BadPinkTink]

Big hugs across the internet to everyone, thank you all, I am reading everything. Its now been a week since everything came crashing down. Im still so raw, still in shock that it happened. I cry a bit less every day but I still see his face in my head, I still hear his voice and things he said to me. The hardest thing is knowing he was with someone else the whole time, long before he met me and that he made the first advances to me, he was the one who took things to the next step. This is very different to other relationship break ups. I would never have let things get so far if I knew he was with someone. Now I question everything and all the memoires are tainted.

 

[Miffy]

Big hugs across the internet to everyone, thank you all, I am reading everything. Its now been a week since everything came crashing down. Im still so raw, still in shock that it happened. I cry a bit less every day but I still see his face in my head, I still hear his voice and things he said to me. The hardest thing is knowing he was with someone else the whole time, long before he met me and that he made the first advances to me, he was the one who took things to the next step. This is very different to other relationship break ups. I would never have let things get so far if I knew he was with someone. Now I question everything and all the memoires are tainted.

@BadPinkTink: From a devastating experience of my own, I know how you feel, and I was with this person for 20 years. Yes, all the memories are tainted. When you've been deceived and lied to, it's different from any other kind of breakup. I've had both kinds.

The thing that might be challenging to understand right now is that you're well rid of him. Imagine spending another day or week or year or two with him and his lies and you'll realize that it's so. He's not the person you thought he was, the person he pretended to be when he was with you. If he's anything like my ex, he's a very good actor.

Right after I found out about my ex's deceit, I was walking out of the building where we lived to get away from the situation and, as crushed as I was, as I walked down the stairs I had a stunning realization that I was going to find someone else, someone good and true. That the way had been cleared and I just had to get through the hard part. The feeling just came over me--and I was right.

Concentrate on the future, on what you want, on who you want in your life. Don't blame yourself for what happened. In hindsight, it might seem like you should've known, but in fact you had no experience with someone like this guy, so you couldn't know. But you will in the future.

And you can trust again, but if your experience is anything like mine, you'll be much more selective about where you place your trust.

Sending you love and support. You will get through this and move on to better and brighter days.

 

[Jonfw2]

Time. Just time. Also, wounds like this don’t go away. They scar over so they don’t hurt but they’re always still there.

But you know what? As crazy as it sounds, this hurt makes you a better person. It’s impossible to see it now, but I promise it’s true.

 

[PollyannaMom]

...keeping hate and anger in your heart because you were wronged is like taking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.

This is so true. Let yourself be mad...sad...everything for a little while, but then "refuse to rent him space in your head". He's not worth it, and someone way better is out there.

 

[slo]

Big hugs across the internet to everyone, thank you all, I am reading everything. Its now been a week since everything came crashing down. Im still so raw, still in shock that it happened. I cry a bit less every day but I still see his face in my head, I still hear his voice and things he said to me. The hardest thing is knowing he was with someone else the whole time, long before he met me and that he made the first advances to me, he was the one who took things to the next step. This is very different to other relationship break ups. I would never have let things get so far if I knew he was with someone. Now I question everything and all the memoires are tainted.

I’m very sorry you are going through this - sending hugs your way
I pray that every day life gets easier for you.
Remember our lives are like a book with many chapters and this moment for you is a very sad chapter, but you’ll have a new chapter - a better chapter. Stay strong! Stay the course! And days will start to get brighter and your next chapter will be happier
Take care & God Bless


(disclaimer - I didn’t make the picture, it’s something I saved a long time ago to show my DD)

 

[LovesTimone]

I'm really sorry this is happening to you... hugs and love across the miles, my friend...

I had this happen to me...and it sucks... Have a good cry for yourself, not for him for you, don't wallow in it... he just isn't worth your tears, or love... or any more of your time...

At first you blame yourself... and cheaters always blame you, for their actions... If you would have done this or that, or whatever non-sense trash that they are trying to sell... I would not have had to go else where.... this is a crock of poo!!! He is a lair, a cheat, he is dishonest, scum and trash... Take him out to the bin with the rest of the trash... I think that they enjoy this game, and honestly get something from hurting others..

Take your power back... stand your ground... move on, move around him... What ever you do don't believe a word his lying, cheating butt is telling you... You will know he is lying... why.... because his lips are moving...

A very good friend said to me when I went though this... so I am passing it on to you... Living well is the best revenge!!! So when your ready dry your eyes, take a long shower, go to the spa get a massage, try a new hair color, or a new cut...nothing drastic or he will think that you are doing it for him, heck a new nail polish can do wonders... a cheater always thinks that everything is about them.

Change the locks, throw away his stuff, get new sheets, and if you can a new bed, move the furniture around, paint "your" room a color that you love, re-do your bathroom something that you want...buy something that you love trust me when I say shopping can help... or new art for the walls, take him out of your life, ... swiftly... like a band-aid just rip it off... if you pick at it, it only hurts more... think of him as a weed in your garden... pull him out root and stem...

Go out, even though you don't want to... go to the store, the movies, the library, church if you are religious, shopping, hang out with your girl friends, and family, volunteer,... Foot one foot in front of the other...

We are all here for you!!!