How do you know when divorce is right?

[grlpwrd]

I think when you know you will be happier/better without the other person than with that is when divorce is right. If your marriage is toxic to you and your kids then you know it isn't working out.

My parents are still together, but there have been a lot of problems. The biggest were infidelity, but now they are very unsupportive of each other almost as if they are deliberately trying to make each other miserable. Why stay together?

My mom won beauty pageants and when she married my dad her life dreams went down the tube. Spouses, I think, are supposed to support each other and make each other better people and be like the ying to their yang.

Best wishes to you all, especially your kids!

 

[jajuan]

I am in the same position...but I have already filed. We "worked on it" for years and I wish I had those years back with my children in a happy home. DH and I are still living together until the divorce is final and I feel like crap anytime I am in my home and he is around. I have been a stay at home mom for 15 years and I am scared to death about how I will make it with my children...but I can't live feeling this way anymore...I am very happy that I have made the decision that I have even though I know we have tough times ahead. We did try counseling...but it was so far gone, I couldn't continue. Good luck and hugs in your decision.

 

[wdw4us]

I read your post yesterday and didn’t have time to respond. I have a sister in law that was married for 32 years. The last 6 years of her marriage were hell. He demanded a lot of her both financially and physcially - she stuck it out in her unhappiness because of financial reasons. I think a lot of people do that because they just can’t make it on their own. In the end he left her. That was September 13th 2001, yes 2 days after 9/11 because he was sure the world was ending and he wanted to be with his lover. He left her a note saying she was the perfect wife – and she was but still not good enough for what he wanted. He wanted her to run and hide from the world, leave their children because “the end was near”. A real nut case.

She was devasted and struggled, in the end she met someone, married him and feels loved and wanted – well as much as we can tell since she never told us how awful things were with her ex. until he was gone.

I agree with the counseling. I also agree that you are just trading problems – she now has other problems to deal with. But I also agree that life is way too short to be unhappy, you deserve to feel cherished, beautiful and loved. To be with someone who enjoys the same things you do. To help by folding laundry when your busy, to the clean the cat box without being asked, putting sugar in you coffee cup – just the way you like it so when your ready all you have to do is pour. All those little things when added up mean that he loves you so very much.

I hope you choose counseling and I hope it works and he realizes how much he will lose when your gone. You both need to clear up those issues but if he doesn’t I hope you have the strength and courage to carry on without him.

Take care

denise

 

[MAKmom]

oh ultimatims are a WONDERFUL thing to have in a relationship- I'm not suprised he let you file!

Communication and compromise are the key to relationships- both intimate and friendship- if you dont have those 2 you have nothing. Saying to someone you either do this or i'm leaving is certainly not the way to stay married...sitting down and discussing the issue before you feel that way is!

I'm so suprised by the amount of people who do not communicate with their spouses or SO....I know communication doesnt come easy to everyone, but without that- what do you have???

Branyd

Well I did communicate with him for 5 years. I asked him to stop drinking & doing drugs. I asked him to come home at night & stop going to bars & standing me & our child up. Holidays & family events he did not show up. I gave him a year to get his act togather. He thought I would never leave.

Now miss smarty pants tell me at what point do you stop Communicating.

 

[Disney Doll]

I disagree with the statements that divorce destroys everyone involved and that divorce is simply trading one set of problems for another.

That said, I think the counseling is good -- at the very least, so that you know you tried everything.

I'm in a similar situation, although not married. DBF does about 0.5% of the work around the house -- inside or outside. He feels since he works a lot of hours (by choice -- not necessity) he gets a pass from that and that I should pick up the slack. When he is home, he watches t.v. and is cranky, crabby, yelling, etc.

He feels work is more important than family. Does not see the need to "make memories", etc.

I'm about at the end of my rope. I honestly don't know that even if he totally changed everything, if I would have any interest in staying with him.

Well then why are you still there??

 

[Disney Doll]

I would go to counselling for several reasons:
1. because your child requested it...that speaks volumes.
2. because even if it doesn't save your marriage, it will help you be able to deal with the end of your marriage
3. because it will help your children, who sound as if they are experiencing/reacting to the chaos that is in your home now
4. because it might save your marriage if you and your husband really work at it, take the counselor's advice and try and truly effect a change

Actions speak louder than words.

I am always amazed when I hear the stories of folks who say "I wanted to do counselling but my souse wouldn't". I can't imagine if my DH ever got to the point in our marruage that he said "either we do counselling or it's over" that I wouldn't move heaven and earth to try and fix it. But, of course, I am in a happy marriage, and I guess if you're in an unhappy marriage, it's kind of like "who cares".

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[cardaway]

I think when you know you will be happier/better without the other person than with that is when divorce is right. If your marriage is toxic to you and your kids then you know it isn't working out.

IMO everyobdy involved is always better off with a divorce than dealing with everything that comes with staying in a broken marriage.

Counseling is great at extending marriages but that's about it. If it's broke there isn't mcuh anybody can do.

 

[sweet angel]

Well then why are you still there??

Because of the history. Honestly, I'm getting there...but it's not easy and it takes time. And yeah, I feel bad. But I'm getting there...