How do you keep your kids from fighting? HELP!

[minnieandmickeymouse]

I am a SAHM to 4 kids. My 8, 6, and almost 4 year old fight ALL the time! I don't know what to do. Is this normal? I don't just mean arguing, they will hit and kick eachother. I was an only child, so I didn't growup fighting.
Please I need some advice.

 

[Lars624]

I asked my MIL this exact same questin when my kdis started bickering........she said "It's normal...just dont' let em hurt each other"
I had a brother & a sister but they were both married & outr of the house before I was 5 so I never had anyone to fight with either.

 

[NMAmy]

I feel your pain but this is one reason I have an only child. My sister and I STILL bicker and I'm over 40! It's sad, really.

Just don't let 'em kill each other is great advice. Pretty soon school will start back up. Remember that Office Max commercial where the dad's riding the shopping cart up and down the aisles while you hear "It's the most wonderful time of the year" in the background? That was my mom at the end of a long, long summer!

 

[phorsenuf]

Let me tell you a great story. Now mind you, this is based on our beliefs so I hope not to offend you or others.

My boys 12 and 14 fought all the time. Bickered constantly and just loved pushing each others buttons. It drove me and my DH crazy. No matter how hard we tried or what we did we couldn't get them to stop!

So, last week they went down to The Wilds camp in NC with our church. Over 150 kids from our church went. During that time there was a sermon on sibling rivalry. Well, after that service my boys went out and sat down together and cried. They apologized to each other, HUGGED and then prayed together. This is something they had never done before!

Well, let me tell you these children are changed! They are repectful of each other, the speak nicely to each other. If they start to get testy they stop and correct themselves. It is an amazing sight. My DH and I could tell that something was different from the time they stepped off the bus. Then to top it all off my son (14) normally shy and reserved got up in front to the entire church and told the congregation that the best thing about camp for him was getting to know his brother better. Talk about a tear-jerker!!!

So, I guess the point is, don't give up...have faith and it will work out. I don't know what your religious background is, but if you want to know what was preached, please let me know and I will try to help. Sorry, I can't give any more advice than that, but that's all I got! LOL

 

[cabmom]

I feel your pain! I have boys 8, 6, and 4. When it's just 2 of them they are fine together, but when it's all 3 of them they fight constantly!

That is my rule as well, no physical fighting. They push our buttons, but we do not let it escalate.

When they play they play well!

That's a great story phorsenuf! I hope mine all see the light one day.

Marilynn

 

[jeleebeene]

It is normal - and while it is a pain, unless it gets out of hand, it is best to let them be.

My brother and I fought all of the time. I am not sure if it was because of our age different (we were almost 5 years a part) or what, but we drove my parents nuts. I never physically hurt him, but we always bickered and fought over things. Now that we are older, our relationship is better - they will grow out of it in a few years. Hang tight

 

[Trish Bessette]

I have two daughters 10 & 7 who bicker quite often. Never have they hit each other.

Drives my DH and myself crazy! Resolution...send them to their rooms.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

They'll grow out of it. My brother and I were ALWAYS fighting. We're now 25 and 22 and we never fight. In fact, we get along great. When they're young, there's not really much you can do to keep them from wanting to rip each other's heads off and spit down their necks.

This is my secret to having kids that don't fight : I only have 1 kid!

 

[Bob Slydell]

Two words -- only child

 

[minnieandmickeymouse]

Remember that Office Max commercial where the dad's riding the shopping cart up and down the aisles while you hear "It's the most wonderful time of the year" in the background? That was my mom at the end of a long, long summer!

I LOVE that commercial! That will be me by the end of this summer
I want the summer over so much, yet that means bye, bye to the warm weather too

I think it will be camp for the oldest boy next summer.

 

[holycow]

I would make them do chores everytime they start fighting ....your house will be REALLY clean!


Holycow

 

[minnieandmickeymouse]

Two words -- only child

Anybody want three of my kids???

Some days I wish I only had one. What was I thinking?? hehehe

 

[Broken8ball]

I've got another two words: Duct tape


I usually send my two outside and tell them I don't want to hear about it unless one of them is bleeding. And if they are bleeding, go see their mother the nurse.

 

[RNMOM]

I can certainly relate. They still fight but now it is just in "fun" to show off their teen age strength.

I read an article when they were little and the advice sometimes helped me. Can't remember the psychologist who wrote it but he had recently passed away and this was included in a story about him.

1. Don't take sides. Punish equally and refuse to listen to the reason/cause/start of the fight. ( I would walk over, turn off TV and send both to their rooms, for example)

2. Kids fight only when they have an audience. If they are picking on each other give yourself a timeout. Really, I noticed my boys would play all day together for hours in the basement with their action figures but when they came up around me, BAM.

3. Keep your calm. If you need to, go in the bathroom and take a bath, in your bedroom, just walk away. It is kind of a shock to them that you won't stay there and participate that they often forget to continue the argument.

This too will pass. Honest. Just try to keep it in perspective. They have to learn how to argue, win or lose, so they can handle conflict as adults. Don't you know people who get really weird when they are confronted by conflict? I do. I guess that is why families with lots of kids seem to be pretty well adjusted. If you look in nature, baby bears, tiger cubs, monkeys all tussle and wrestle.

 

[bjgrazi]

I found that when I stepped away from their fights and didn't get in the middle they stopped.

When they came to me and did the MOM HE DID THIS OR SHE DID THAT, I ignored them and told them to settle it. That was it no screaming or anything. When they found they couldn't get each other into trouble they ended the fighting. It worked with my 2 stepchildren also. His fought something terriblely. His daughters favorite pass time is to start trouble. Now that she knows she can't do it anymore they've stopped. Many times it's just an attention getter.

 

[BWVDenise]

some days I wonder what it would have been like had I stopped at one! But I have 3, and I have no one to blame but myself. My 6 y.o. gets into so much trouble that I am constantly telling him he's going to go to military school soon!

 

[liznboys]

I have 3 boys, but mine are younger-4.5, 2.5 and 4 months. The 4.5 yr old and 2.5 yr old have small "fights" at this stage, but I'm sure it will only get "better"... I figure it helps them learn how to deal with others. (Gotta look at it in a positive way! LOL) I fought like crazy with my two older brothers growing up. It was fun.

 

[missypie]

I interfere in the physical fights but not bickering. I find that when I get involved I prolong the fight...if it's just them it's over very soon.

You should relate to this: One time a lady spoke to us at church about parenting. She was an only child who had six children. They fought all the time...like normal children. Because she was an only child, she didn't know that this was normal and went around for quite a while thinking that she had somehow managed to raise the most evil children in the world!

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Originally posted by minnieandmickeymouse
I am a SAHM to 4 kids. My 8, 6, and almost 4 year old fight ALL the time! I don't know what to do. Is this normal? I don't just mean arguing, they will hit and kick eachother. I was an only child, so I didn't growup fighting.
Please I need some advice.

Aside from the 8 yr old, this is me to a "T". Being an only child, I can't understand why they have to fight all the time. And like you said, bickering isn't enough, it has to be taken to a physical level. It seems like sometimes the only time they (DS6 and DS4) are united is when they are "against" me!

I keep waiting for the day they will grow out of this and become close. That is why we had them so close together-22 months apart. When I read some of these posts, where it is still going on at 12 and 14, I don't know if I can make it that long!

BMVDenise, what military school would you recommend for a 6 yr old? Maybe we can send them together!

 

[onecoolmama]

Wow..the fights my brothers and I got into. A lot of times..we took trips to the hospital. Hang in there...they really do love each other even if they do fight.