How do you justify the cost..

Discussion in 'Disney for Adults and Solo Travelers' started by danjoealexis3006, Apr 9, 2018.

  1. danjoealexis3006

    danjoealexis3006 Mouseketeer

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    How do you justify the cost of going on a solo trip if you have a family? My DH doesn't mind going with me but does not love Disney the way I do. My kids are busy with there own lives, my friends and family don't have the time or money. I would love to go solo but I can't get past spending the money on just me. How do you do it?
     
  2. Firebird060

    Firebird060 Kilted in Disney

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    Well your question is just like how do you value your health. A vacation is supposed to ideally be a reboot and a calming event, which is good for your overall physical health as well as mental health. If Disney is the place where you can take that deep breath release stress and just be without the worries of life, then it has alot of health value. Stress is bad for you stress can kill you, any opportunity to release stress is good, so yes Disney is expensive and yes you could vacation at other places, but the question is more if Disney is the place that releases the most stress for you? If so then consider it a investment into your mental and physical health, much like visiting a expensive specialist for a important operation. Thats just my 2 cents
     
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  4. Shanti

    Shanti Momketeer

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    I can't justify it right now.
     
  5. BrianL

    BrianL Doom Buggy Driver

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    Well, my method is to not have a family, so that works. It's lonely, but you do get all your money to yourself! Ha ha...ha? Yeah.

    Anyway, I would just check with your husband and if everyone is okay with you going for it, then why not? I imagine that most families budget for things that are really for only one member, so maybe you are shifting some of that money toward your vacation. As long as it's not straining the overall finances then you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I hope you can work something out to get that Disney fix in.
     
  6. bryanb

    bryanb DIS Veteran

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    I'm probably not the best person to answer this yet, but every family's situation is different. Assuming you can afford it financially, and you can afford taking the time away, there is probably room for compromise.

    Maybe your DH wouldn't mind accompanying you for a split vacation that includes a few days at Disney and a few days at a different destination of his choice. Or maybe you get to go on a solo trip every once in a while, and he gets to put money toward something else that he's wanted for himself that he doesn't share with you (golf clubs? guy's trip? car?). Everyone deserves to spend money on themselves every once in a while.

    Of course, if you're putting strain on the family's nest egg or the marriage, that's probably a bigger question. But if both people are okay with it, then you need not second-guess it or feel guilty.
     
  7. Lilsia

    Lilsia Mouseketeer

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    I have been going solo for years and the hubby stays home with the kids. I go in the fall for the food and wine fest and the kids are too old to take out of school. This is what I love to do. I can "justify" it because I am an adult and I have a job. There are plenty of things that people spend money on but more on a daily basis. Does your husband have any hobbies like golf that he spends money on? We all spend money on our "luxuries" one way or another. Most of the year I work and then go home make dinner, clean, take care of the kids and an elderly grandmother, etc. I am not a shopper so I don't spend extra money on clothes, shoes, jewelry. 1 time a year I go and do something for myself. I go and participate in the seminars and enjoy some of the food and wine events because that is what I like to do. What you are feeling is a BS guilt trip that woman seem to put on themselves for no reason. A lot of men go on their fishing/hunting/golfing, whatever trips and I guarantee you that most of them don't feel a lick of guilt about it.
     
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  8. danjoealexis3006

    danjoealexis3006 Mouseketeer

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    Thanks everyone for responding. My dh isn't really into anything but working (he has his own business and loves his job!). He doesn't golf or hunt, he's pretty much a home body so he really doesn't spend money on himself with hobbies. I am not much of a shopper either. I am a stay at home/ homeschool mom. I have one left to graduate next year and then a new season of our lives will start. Our finances are good as well as our marriage so no strain there. I am thinking the guilt comes from not working (bringing in a pay check). I have worked hard to raise two good kids (heck I even homeschooled and graduated them) but I do not contribute $$.


    I think you are right! It is BS guilt.

    When I asked him about going he said "are you kidding me!" he thinks its too much money and I am crazy to want to go alone. I told him to think of it as my Birthday gift and mothers's day gift and he and the boys would be off the hook. I only wanted to go for 4 days (2 full days at parks 2 travel) and stay at Pop or another value. I asked him to go but he doesn't want to (I can't blame him he just took off a week at the beginning of March for a family vacation and a week cause he had the flu) and he has no desire to go this year. So here I am.

    Sorry I guess I needed to vent!
     
  9. drinkme

    drinkme DIS Veteran

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    As another poster said, I’m an adult and I have a job. I am no longer married so I have no spouse to consult. I only have one child left at home & he’s in high school & totally capable of getting himself off to school everyday & make food to eat. But I do want my teens to be there with me. So I am planning on flying them out for the weekend I’m at Disney. My daughter’s campus is 15 minutes from a large airport & my teenaged son has a car so he can drive himself to the airport & back. Having ME makes it’s easy for the kids to get to the resort & back to the airport.

    The kids grow up so fast, so I do want them to spend time at Disney with me. But I like taking a few days alone. Someday I’ll meet Mr Right & have a companion to go with. But for now I am not waiting around.

    I can see your dilemma if you do not work outside the home & the guilt of spending money. But I bet you deserve the trip. As long as you aren’t taking your grocery money to go then go for it! You only live once & you never know if you will get back there again.
     
  10. SgtTibbs

    SgtTibbs RunDisney'er

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    For me, I don't think "justify" is the right word. I do budget for it in terms of both time and money. The room is the only real expense where you pay a solo tax so I'll go value resort if I'm flying solo rather that a Deluxe if I'm with family.
     
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  11. DLgal

    DLgal DIS Veteran

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    Sounds like your husband likes being a control freak. If your finances are good, and there is "no strain there," then why the heck does your husband feel it is okay to basically tell you that something that you would really LIKE to have (in lieu of presents throughout the year) isn't reasonable?

    Whatever. I would plan a trip anyway and tell my husband he needs to get over it.

    I go on trips solo or with my friends/sister every other year or so. My husband often goes on long weekend "guys trips" with friends. I am a SAHM (although I work a very part time job for a couple months every year, but that pays for our family's Disneyland APs). We don't dictate to each other how to spend "leisure" money. My DH also has a toy collection habit that he spends money on. Disney is my "habit." I don't buy expensive clothes, I am not into purses or shoes or makeup, manicures, pedicures, hair color, or any number of things women spend lots of money on. I literally only spend money on groceries, clothes for the kids, and household things. I NEVER ask for presents and I never spend money on myself "just because." I save it up for the Disney trips, and that is how I justify it.

    Let me ask you this? If your husband came home and said "honey, a bunch of guys are going to Vegas next month for a long weekend and I'd like to go." What would you say? Would it even cross your mind to say "are you kidding me?" If not, then I am going to come out and say your marriage isn't an equal partnership and your husband is being a jerk.
     
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  12. Tiki_Sara

    Tiki_Sara Mouseketeer

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    You don't have to justify anything, but I do know where you're coming from.

    How about a happy partner and parent is vital to the family dynamic, and a little bit of time for yourself doing something you want to do and feel you need to do, is only going to be beneficial to the family in the long-term? Not only are you a parent and a partner, but you homeschool too. I know you do that out of love but it is work too. You are entitled to a break. When individual family members are happy, it greatly benefits everyone. Hope you manage to work this out, OP xx
     
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  13. Nakkira

    Nakkira DIS Veteran

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    My husband and I have our money split 3 ways. Mutual, him personal, and me personal.
    all Mutual expenses Come from the Mutual budget (house, food, utilities, also there is savings and discretionary) which we both put the same portion of our incomes into.
    But we each pay our own cars, phones, and luxuries.
    If I have saved enough for a solo trip, I don't have to justify it any more than he has to justify the $300 he just spent on a New Tweed Suit. As long as our bills are covered and we keep contributing to the Household, we are free to do with our pay as we wish.
    FTR. We NEVER argue about money this way.
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2018
  14. YawningDodo

    YawningDodo DIS Veteran

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    Several others have said it, but it really does come down to how you and your significant other negotiate your finances. I see how it's hard from your particular angle, since you don't have a salary and he doesn't have equivalent expenses...but there must have been some level of negotiation and recognition of the value of having you be a stay-at-home mom. Just because you're not directly pulling in money doesn't mean you're not contributing!! I'm sure you're already aware of all the work you do to keep the household running; while you may not be getting a paycheck, there is a very real value to that. In most relationships with combined finances there's going to be at least some inequity in terms of who's bringing home what amount of money, but the point of combining finances in the first place is to look beyond that to how you can function together.

    Now, keep in mind that I'm saying this as someone with a housemate rather than a spouse--most of our finances are separate apart from mortgage and other house-related funds, so it's never been an issue I've had to deal with directly. So take my advice with that grain of salt. But I think it might be time to negotiate, as @Nakkira and husband have, a funds split. If you do that and your husband just lets his personal fun fund sit and does nothing with it, that's his choice. But I think it may help you if you both stop thinking of it in terms of a gift he's giving to you and work toward it being your own personal share of the family's resources, to which you have already contributed by relieving him of the burden of all the things you do. I think it's healthy to have things that are just your own, and it goes a long way toward not feeling like you have to "justify" spending money on yourself. If it's in the budget, it's fine to spend. End of story.
     
  15. georgina

    georgina DIS Veteran

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    Every one is different. I would not have been able to justify the cost (or that much time away) when I had kids still around. (I was a SAHM since my first was born in 1990.) I didn't start going solo till the last one was in college, and I take my solo trips while DH is on a scuba trip. My very first solo trip was in 2014, and DH and my 2 DDs were leaving on a scuba trip together on my birthday. He retired last year so I have taken solo trips in August, February, and have one coming up in April.
     
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  16. MikeNamez

    MikeNamez Mouseketeer

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    Disney / Universal make me happy = Justified lol
     
  17. Nakkira

    Nakkira DIS Veteran

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    Amen, Stay at home Mom's are some of the hardest working individuals I know. That is justification enough! Enjoy your trip and your much needed "me-time"
     
  18. bryanb

    bryanb DIS Veteran

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    That's a really unfortunate and frustrating answer. Although there's a whole board of solo Disney travelers here, I think that a significant number of people don't get it. If you told him that you and three girlfriends wanted to take a trip to WDW, would he say the same thing? Or if instead of a guy's trip to Vegas, he told you he wanted to take a solo trip to Vegas, would you consider that weird?

    Just looking at married couples that I know, though, many probably wouldn't get one person taking a vacation without the rest of the family. Probably a lot of men would also get the "are you kidding me" if they asked to go to WDW without the wife and kids, and that makes me pause for a moment about what relationship means (I recently dated a woman who thought Disney was for kids... and she'd never want to go to WDW on an adult trip. The relationship didn't work out). Ultimately, if your family can afford it, and this is something that makes you happy in life, and you're being fair to your family, then it seems like the occasional solo trip is absolutely "justifiable."
     
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  19. cedricandsophie

    cedricandsophie DIS Veteran

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    I go on two long weekend trips a year with girlfriends.And an annual dude ranch trip with a daughter. And this year I’m taking another daughter on a Christmas market cruise on the Danube. my husband is visiting Mexico City on his own and taking our other daughter and grandson to DW while I’m in Europe.

    My husband also goes in a couple boys trips. I’m retired. My husband is still working which is completely his choice. We are blessed that money is not an issue. We never ask permission from each other to spend money. For me it’s not a matter of justifying anything it’s a matter of both of us doing what we like to do (I love riding and the ranch, my husband hates it; he has always wanted to go to Mexico City while I have no desire). We enjoy ourselves and come together again to share our experiences.
     
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  20. Lilsia

    Lilsia Mouseketeer

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    Yes! That is a very healthy relationship. My husband and I are like that. We each have different likes and hobbies and respect that about each other. My dad was a complete control freak and would not "allow" my mom do do anything or spend any money. She talked about going on an Alaskan cruise her whole life and he always said no. Well she died of cancer at 62 and never got to do the one thing she wanted to, she never even got to retire either. That is not what life is supposed to be like. After growing up in this environment, I would rather be alone then be with someone like that. Thankfully, my husband is amazing!
     
  21. DLgal

    DLgal DIS Veteran

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    It is sad when people allow themselves to be controlled this way their entire lives.
     
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