How do you handle your teen's first "break-up"

[DisneyFan32WI]

8

 

[Agri]

Handle it the same way you would if your best friend's bf dumped her. I don't have children, but I *hated* the way my mom would treat me, so I hardly ever told her anything. So I'll share how I *wish* my mother had gone about things. (For the record, my mom and I are very close, but she was frequently of the "he was a jerk who didn't deserve you" mentality which did me no favors and was the last thing I wanted to hear).

If she wants to talk about it, let her. If she doesn't, just offer to do something with her - like see a movie or go shopping - just so she can get out of the house and change her surroundings for a bit and her frame of mind. Don't make comments like "Well, he didn't deserve you anyway" or "I never liked him anyway." Just offer quiet support - let her come to you if she wants to talk about it.

Just give some time for the smoke to clear - then give her some advice. Let her know that breakups are never easy, but the important thing is to learn from the relationship. Tell her she doesn't have to talk to you about it if she doesn't want to, but that she should analyze the relationship and why it didn't work out. Maybe now she knows that some aspect of his personality didn't work well with hers in a more intimate relationship (being friends with someone who is into something you're not is much different than dating that same person - the expectations are different). Or any of a million reasons - the important thing is to gently guide her into trying to look at what didn't work for her so she knows that won't work for her in future relationships.

 

[shortbun]

I agree that you should quietly be there and comfort her but not offer advice unless she asks for it. Also, do not disparage the boy-he could be back tonight begging forgiveness. They are children and just finding their way in the world. My son is a freshman too. Hard watching them negotiate their social lives isn't it? I'm so sorry for your other losses!