How do you handle the "backtalk"

[alldiz]

Hi,
My DD6 is driving me crazy....I'm about to lose it with the daily battles over normal things...ie brushing hair, teeth, getting dressed.....Is the sky Blue

She just is always arguementative and I don't know what to do.
Besides grabbing her by the short hairs and putting her in her room I am at a loss.
Some days I want to BEAT HER SENSELESS.....I would never do it because I know it will make it worse....but I just want to knock her teeth down her throat when she starts her baloney.
Thanks for listening....Vent over.
Kerri

 

[HonestAbe]

Certainly sounds like you have your hands full! Good luck with this!

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

Make it a game instead of a battle? Set a timer and challenge her to beat the clock. Maybe offer extra TV time for every minute that she saves. No sense in getting into a battle of wills with a 6yo. They can be the most stubborn creatures that God created.

 

[alldiz]

Certainly sounds like you have your hands full! Good luck with this!

Thanks....she is soooo strong willed.

Make it a game instead of a battle? Set a timer and challenge her to beat the clock. Maybe offer extra TV time for every minute that she saves. No sense in getting into a battle of wills with a 6yo. They can be the most stubborn creatures that God created.

You are right......I will NEVER win.....She will NEVER give in....soooo stubborn.
Don't know where she got that from

I like your idea.....DH is up there now....she seems over it...I'm talking Jeckyl and Hyde here.
Other times though you can put her in her room.....go back in 10 minutes....and she tells me to leave....I'm not coming out
I love her to death....but she drives me CRAZY
Kerri

 

[Kimmielee]

I feel for you. My friend is going through the same thing with her DD (8). She has decided to continually take away things that the daughter enjoys for each and every time that she back talks. She couldn't go to the movies with a group of us yesterday for her behavior on Friday.

I have a son that is 8 - I do the same thing with him. He KNOWS that he loses privildeges when he acts up.

As for you... speaking from a Mom that has had those feelings too... WALK away. Go to a quiet place and find your balance BEFORE you lose your temper. Once you do that a few times and deal with her in a more rational manner yourself... she'll fear the time that you walk away! I find that when I am disappointed with him he responds much better than when I'm angry!

Best wishes!

 

[JR6ooo4]

WoW! Kind of graphic, and scary.

Mikeeee

 

[alldiz]

I meant the hairs at the nape of her neck
Kerri

 

[Master Mason]

Learn to pick your battles. If your on them about little things, then when you need them to listen about big things, they have already tuned you out.

Also, I have found that I actually have very few rules, but the ones I have are not flexable or negotiable, the rest of the stuff just doesn't matter that much so you have to let them make their own mistakes.

If she doesn't brush her hair, well the kids at school will make enough fun of her that next time she will do it herself etc.

 

[JR6ooo4]

well, if she has half the testosterone that kerri is exhibiting....


Mikeeee

 

[alldiz]

I feel for you. My friend is going through the same thing with her DD (8). She has decided to continually take away things that the daughter enjoys for each and every time that she back talks. She couldn't go to the movies with a group of us yesterday for her behavior on Friday.

I have a son that is 8 - I do the same thing with him. He KNOWS that he loses privildeges when he acts up.

As for you... speaking from a Mom that has had those feelings too... WALK away. Go to a quiet place and find your balance BEFORE you lose your temper. Once you do that a few times and deal with her in a more rational manner yourself... she'll fear the time that you walk away! I find that when I am disappointed with him he responds much better than when I'm angry!

Best wishes!

I do usually do that.....today I just had to put her in her room....and I did walk her up holding her hand. It was just that DH wanted to take her out....and she threw such a fit to brush her hair that we decided she needed to spend some time in her room instead of going.
I work soooo hard to keep myself calm when she is not....They do push those buttons though.

WoW! Kind of graphic, and scary.

Mikeeee

Didn't mean to scare ya

well, if she has half the testosterone that kerri is exhibiting....


Mikeeee

Everything in my post was written when I was angry. Do I think those things when I am angry.....YES
Will I ever actually do those things....NO...
I think you don't have kids.....or you wouldn't be so "scared" by a vent.
Most people have "thought" of not so nice thoughts when their kids are acting up....if they admit it

Learn to pick your battles. If your on them about little things, then when you need them to listen about big things, they have already tuned you out.

Also, I have found that I actually have very few rules, but the ones I have are not flexable or negotiable, the rest of the stuff just doesn't matter that much so you have to let them make their own mistakes.

If she doesn't brush her hair, well the kids at school will make enough fun of her that next time she will do it herself etc.

I think she will go to school on Mon looking a little funky
Kerri

 

[MushyMushy]

Wait until puberty.

Practice your evil eye. The more you argue with kids, the more power you give them -- don't try to get the last word. What I do is say MY final word and then give the stink eye. Then they go stomping to their room. Mission accomplished.

 

[CathrynRose]

Dont ever let them see you get mad, or that they got under your skin.

There were times with my (gonna be 17 NEXT MONTH!! ) that I would 'bicker' with him. Back and forth. And it just riled me up - and let him see he could get me.

The times I remained as calm as possible - but firm - is when I could break him.

Good luck. Its HARD!!!!

If its any consolation - my younger son (gonna be 13 in July) is not at all, as bad. At all. HOWEVER - he may just have learned all I want is "Sorry, I know. Youre right" And I lay off - cuz he uses that a lot.

BUt at least he aint talking back.

Good luck OP!

 

[CathrynRose]

Wait until puberty.

Practice your evil eye. The more you argue with kids, the more power you give them -- don't try to get the last word. What I do is say MY final word and then give the stink eye. Then they go stomping to their room. Mission accomplished.

Agreed. Evil eye.

I found when he would be looking to argue a 'gee, youre out of your mind' laugh could provide stomping off, as well.

 

[alldiz]

Wait until puberty.

Practice your evil eye. The more you argue with kids, the more power you give them -- don't try to get the last word. What I do is say MY final word and then give the stink eye. Then they go stomping to their room. Mission accomplished.

I tried the evil eye.....she asked me why I was winking at her
I need to work on that.

Dont ever let them see you get mad, or that they got under your skin.

There were times with my (gonna be 17 NEXT MONTH!! ) that I would 'bicker' with him. Back and forth. And it just riled me up - and let him see he could get me.

The times I remained as calm as possible - but firm - is when I could break him.

Good luck. Its HARD!!!!

If its any consolation - my younger son (gonna be 13 in July) is not at all, as bad. At all. HOWEVER - he may just have learned all I want is "Sorry, I know. Youre right" And I lay off - cuz he uses that a lot.

BUt at least he aint talking back.

Good luck OP!

You are soooo right....When I do stay totally calm....and actually talk in a lower than normal voice.....it definately helps.
It is sooo hard to stay calm when you have a 6yr old yelling at you.
Off to practice my "evil eye"......hopefully she won't laugh at me
Glad to hear I'm not the only one with "backtalking monsters"
Kerri

 

[JR6ooo4]

I think you don't have kids.....

Kerri

No human kids.... hehehehehe

Our problem is getting our biggest kid (Freddie) to stop being a bully at the dog park.

Mikeeee

 

[slo]

I feel your pain!!!!!

My oldest DD has had her share of soap in the mouth, and now when she gets out of line, all I have to do is threaten it. I have also found that standing in the corner is a wonderful punishment, of which my DD has done quite a bit.

Both of these punishments are totally harmless and they get the point across real quick!!!

 

[alldiz]

No human kids.... hehehehehe

Our problem is getting our biggest kid (Freddie) to stop being a bully at the dog park.

Mikeeee

I'm practicing my "evil eye"......maybe that will work

"Freddie".....no biscuit for you....be a good boy
Kerri

 

[npmommie]

Our problem is getting our biggest kid (Freddie) to stop being a bully at the dog park.

Mikeeee

 

[alldiz]

I feel your pain!!!!!

My oldest DD has had her share of soap in the mouth, and now when she gets out of line, all I have to do is threaten it. I have also found that standing in the corner is a wonderful punishment, of which my DD has done quite a bit.

Both of these punishments are totally harmless and they get the point across real quick!!!

I did the soap and the corner......I guess it is my fault....I let that slip a little
They digress so easily....without continued reinforcements.

Funny.....when we were in WDW last month. My DD asked for a cookie for bkfst. I told her you know we don't eat cookies for bkfst.
She says...."Well Grandma is eating one". DD suggested that Grandma...
Sit in the Corner Well she did....and we took a picture
Kerri

 

[barkley]

i've posted before about what i did when ds was behaving this way (and still use as a threat when he does now).

one day after the umpteenth argument with back talk i just flat out asked ds if he ever behaved that way with his teacher (i knew he did'nt-never would dream to) and he said 'no'. i asked him why and he said 'well, she's THE TEACHER'. so i told him that if the only way i could get him to behave at home the way he behaved at school was to have a teacher direct him so be it. i then told him that until further notice i was 'mrs. barkley' and we would be operating home like school. if he wanted to ask a question he had to approach me with his hand raised and i would call on him if he wanted to go out of the area i had already designated (like from the house into the backyard) he would need to request a 'hall pass'. i also told him that i would be keeping track of his 'performance' and as such grades would be assigned that would determine if he qualified for certain privledges (tv, gaming...). the kicker was he could only call me 'mrs. barkley'.

this arrangement lasted about 4 hours one day during which ds got very frustrated because 'mrs. barkley' did'nt operate the way 'mom' did. there were set times to do things and consequences were swift and firm (and he did'nt like seeing them reflected on the 'classroom' fridge wipeboard for his sister to see ). by the time dh got home that night and asked ds 'where's mom', ds wailed 'i no longer have a mother, mrs. barkley lives here now' (dh's reaction ). BUT it worked. mrs. barkley had to come back on a few occasions and now we're to the point that i have only to suggest it and start making the motions of putting the 'class schedual' on the wipe board-and ds straightens up pretty quickly.

don't know if it will work for you but for my ds it at least got him to realize that he could'nt pick and choose who he was on his good behaviour with.