How do you handle a friend who always has to be right?

[goofinoff]

I have that said of me also, but it isnt I got to be right, I would gladly admit if Im worng, but Im not

You spelled "wrong" wrong. Irony?

 

[Luvchefmic]

You spelled "wrong" wrong. Irony?

That's just typical low-key. You must have missed this thread:

http://www.disboards.com/threads/do-you-rotate-your-underware.3401270/

But we love him anyway.

 

[goofinoff]

That's just typical low-key.

Oh I know! I know he can take a joke that's why I did it. There are some on here that wouldn't take it as a joke!

 

[low-key]

You spelled "wrong" wrong. Irony?

That's just typical low-key. You must have missed this thread:

http://www.disboards.com/threads/do-you-rotate-your-underware.3401270/

But we love him anyway.

 

[Luvchefmic]

to YOU not that Office Guy !

 

[goofinoff]

Bahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

 

[U-No]

I just come here, where it's confirmed over and over again.

too funny!

 

[U-No]

At least here on the DIS we can block people like that.

OP, just make sure you are getting what you want out of the friendship. Over time it's easy to build resentment when you just let it all go.

If only we could block people in real life

 

[pryncess527]

DH's grandmother habitually corrected people on their pronunciations. She lived til nearly 109 years and was sharp as a tack for the first 105. She wanted to know if she'd mispronounced something, so she figured she was actually doing friends a favor when she corrected them.

Meanwhile we just pronounce quesadilla as cheese crisp.

I think this is where it comes from, for me. If I am wrong (factually incorrect, not just you disagree with my opinion) then I WANT to be corrected. I do not want to walk around believing something to be true, when it is not. And so, in turn, if I hear someone say something that is factually incorrect, it is my instinct to find a way to inform them. Because I like to be informed.

This is the problem with the Golden Rule. Sometimes people do not want to be treated the same way I want to be treated

 

[ThistleMae]

I work with someone like this and she started grating on all our last nerves. It was dumb little things. Someone might say, "I'm looking forward to the weather today, it's supposed to be 70 degrees." She'd pipe in and say, "Nooo, it's supposed to be 72." Like 2 degrees matters enough to correct a person?? We all decided to point out when she was wrong but in a different way. When discussing the date of our principal's birthday, she corrected the person. Well, she ended up being wrong one of us said, "Oh, XXX was wrong. She's NEVER wrong. Mark this date on the calendar!" We did it in a fun and teasing type of voice. After that happening to her a few times she caught on and asked a friend, "Am I that bad at always correcting people?" and got an honest answer. She still works with me and still likes to be right but it isn't as bad as it once was. And like your friend, she is right many times but she felt the need to take on things that didn't really matter.

There are some folks that have a need to fill an emotional space....by doing exactly this. It is most likely a self esteem issue of some kind. And yes...it can be annoying. If you two are close...try a candid conversation. Humor is another way to point out a flaw....then instead of it being constantly annoying, it can be a time to have a good laugh. Or, you can just ignore it, recognizing that we all have flaws...try not to take it personally. But...if it is one of those things you just can't let go of....talk to her. Maybe she doesn't even realize she's doing it. Good friends should be able to talk to each other.

 

[ThistleMae]

I am like this. My father is like this. My oldest son is like this as well. It's an inherited personality trait. It's probably a little bit autistic. (My son is autistic and I'm fairly sure my father is too, and I have some traits of it).

Imagine how you feel when you are annoyed to the FULLEST and you are ready to scream. THIS is how I feel internally when someone says something inaccurate or flat out wrong. I have to say something or I will lose my mind. It physically causes me distress. I hate it. I know people hate that about me. It gets really interesting between my dad and I when we BOTH insist we are right. Trust me, no one wants to be this way but it is like a sneeze...you can't stop it without a huge effort. It bothers me to my core when people give bad information. I was an avid reader as a kid and have a subsequent large bank of pointless knowledge. I think that has a lot to do with this. My dad read the entire encyclopedia Britannica one summer. And I swear he remembers every word he read. It's just the way some brains work and it can feel like a duty to correct bad information. It's completely socially awkward. However, a lot of social conventions are nonsensical when you really examine them.

Next time your friend corrects you, assume she is probably right and thank her.

Here's a thought....if you realize that this trait may annoy someone...and I sympathize with your dilemma...why not say "oh, I've read something about this...would you like me to tell you what I found out?" It just seems like a workaround for both parties involved, especially if this occurs regularly. Thoughts?

 

[HM]

My DH used to say that I always had to be right. It wasn't that I corrected people but that I usually had to have the last word on things. I've worked to cut that out.
My new thing I have to work on is interuppting people when they are talking. I find that I do that quite a bit (and he's pointed it out). Mostly I think it's because I'm afraid I'll forget what I want to say by the time they finish or that when someone says something and it makes me think of something and I just say it right then.

I think the OP should point out the problem to her friend. She may be taken aback by it, but when she stops to think about it, she'll realize that the OP was right and hopefully thank her and work on changing.

 

[msjprincess]

Would you prefer to keep incorrectly pronouncing it as kay sa dil la? I'm surprised people don't know it's pronounced kay sa dee ya.

Or were you intentionally trying to set her up to correct you?

All I keep picturing now is Napolean Dynamite's grandmother. LOL

 

[JanaDee]

All I keep picturing now is Napolean Dynamite's grandmother. LOL

LOL We intentionally mispronounce it (in private) just because of that movie. It's oft-quoted in our house.

 

[msjprincess]

LOL We intentionally mispronounce it (in private) just because of that movie. It's oft-quoted in our house.

DH and I say it to the kids all the time. LOL

 

[aaarcher86]

Well, we went to supper last night, and she corrected me on the pronounciation of "quesidillas." The two "ll's" are pronounced as "Y" . But I decided it is her habit to correct people so I took it in stride. I can take things in stride except her knowledge of a certain religious group. When she corrects me on my knowledge of my religion, it's gone too far. But if I see her as being duty-bound to be right and to correct people, I realize like some of you said, she can't help being herself. In response to being corrected, I am going to relax. She is entitled to her opinion and I am responsible for not letting things get to me.

She was being a good friend here. This is what you sound like when you pronounce the double L....

 

[sunshinehighway]

Dang K-sa-dila.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This thread is too funny!!!!

I can handle it when there are differences of opinion.
And, sometimes what is 'right' might not be so black-and-white.

I agree with the others who mentioned 'respect'.

I can be very disrespectful to constantly be correcting others.
Even if one is actually 'right'.
And, the catch is, the two go together. The person who is correcting is usually, like 99% of the time, RIGHT.
Sometimes people hate to be told that they are wrong. (as in the case of the OP, who was actually kind of in the wrong on the two examples)

And, about being 'judged'.
It is not that I am judging others because of some little annoying thing.
It is not that I would be judging others over most differences of opinion.
It is not that I am trying to be 'tolerant' while actually being judgemental on everything.

The thing I DO actually find that I judge people on.... Is whether they treat others with respect.
Treating others with respect and some basic decent moral values, those are things that I will judge another person by.

Every little thing does not have to be a hill to die on!!!!

NOTE: I think I have been seeing a pattern here on the DIS in the past few weeks, where people are like... "I am just the way I am...", "I do not really place a lot of importance on others opinions of me." ( not general differences of opinion on some issues, but whether they think I am behaving acceptably), etc... etc... And then wonder why others might back away from them. It is kind of like, I am going to do, say, act, the way I want, because that is just the way I am... and screw you... and then all offended if anyone has a negative reaction or 'judges' that.

Maybe this is what happens when the whole "I am okay, you are okay, everything is okay" mentality replaces the time when social skills and 'niceties' and etiquette, and consideration that were once taught in schools, homes, and public.

 

[LuvGoofy6]

There are some folks that have a need to fill an emotional space....by doing exactly this. It is most likely a self esteem issue of some kind. And yes...it can be annoying. If you two are close...try a candid conversation. Humor is another way to point out a flaw....then instead of it being constantly annoying, it can be a time to have a good laugh. Or, you can just ignore it, recognizing that we all have flaws...try not to take it personally. But...if it is one of those things you just can't let go of....talk to her. Maybe she doesn't even realize she's doing it. Good friends should be able to talk to each other.

I'm not the OP and wasn't looking for solutions~thanks though. I was telling the OP how we handled a similar issue at work. For the record, my post was about a coworker, not a close friend.

 

[Hrhpd]

Well, we went to supper last night, and she corrected me on the pronounciation of "quesidillas." The two "ll's" are pronounced as "Y" . But I decided it is her habit to correct people so I took it in stride. I can take things in stride except her knowledge of a certain religious group. When she corrects me on my knowledge of my religion, it's gone too far. But if I see her as being duty-bound to be right and to correct people, I realize like some of you said, she can't help being herself. In response to being corrected, I am going to relax. She is entitled to her opinion and I am responsible for not letting things get to me.

Have you talked her and told her that it bothers you when she corrects you? If you haven't, how is she ever to know it is an issue in the friendship.

What kind of friend are you to her? I wouldn't want a "friend" that starts not one, but two discussions on a chat board behind my back, telling thousands and thousands of people how horrible a friend I am and how irritating and annoying I am. If she is so irritating that you have to start two threads complaining about her, why in the world would you let the friendship deepen?

And I see nothing wrong with mentioning the correct pronunciation of quesadilla. She was helping you not look like a fool when you ordered.