How do you get out of the Jewelry/Tupperware/Pampered Chef/Arbonne/CandleLite Parties

[Taja]

I'm among the "Just say no" crowd!

I used to attend the odd Tupperware party to help close friends when we were young and very broke, but that was my limit! I also occasionally purchased something from a catalog without attending the party, if I needed a gift for someone and it was something they wanted. The nice thing about middle age is people finally begin to realize that you really do have just about everything you need and purchase only if something needs to be replaced!

Children are harder. I used to limit it to $10 per child per school year for family and close friends (usually about 30 children at any one time). No food items. They could decide which things to offer me. If I really couldn't use the items (or didn't know anyone who could), I would make the check payable directly to the organization with the child's name noted in the memo section. That was my preference in most cases, but I gave the child the option if the items sold were viable.

Purchased gift wrap from a colleague's children once, and it was very nice! I actually need it at the time, or I wouldn't have bought it. She didn't pressure anyone to participate, which was wonderful!

 

[lbgraves]

I got tired of going to other parties & having noshows at mine so I stopped going to the PC & Tup parties. IMO most of the stuff they have is overpriced so I wouldn't buy it anyway.

With the fundraising I have seen both sides of the issue. When I worked in an office EVERYONE else except me had kids in school. I didn't buy from anyone because there was no way that I could buy from everyone. Now that my kids are in school I don't buy from the fundraisers. I am on the PTO board this year & will be running the fundraisers & taking care of the paperwork & receipts like I did last year. I feel that I am contributing more than enough with my time for doing all that & what goes into the planning. We are raising money for playground equipment for the school, which is VERY expensive. We get 50% of the total from the sales. We will need another 10000 to get everything that we would like to have for the three sections of playground and that is only with the school board matching that 10000 when we place the order. It is a title I school so that makes it even more challenging. I have designed an opt out program this year and I hope that everyone who has requested this will participate in it.

 

[skiwee1]

I hate those parties! Whenever I am invited to those, which seem to crop up at least once a month, I just tell the host the truth. I tell them that I don't buy that junk anymore. I have enough useless stuff in my house and perfer not to waste my money on any more of it. They have all been very nice about it. Personally I think those Candlelites parties are the most overpriced pieces of junk I've ever seen. I can't believe they try to sell that stuff and people actually buy it.

 

[kaytieeldr]

For the parties- "I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to come." You don't owe a rason."

For the fundraisers- Some causes I want to support. For all others, I simply say "no, thank you."

.

This is a difficult habit to break, but an article I read several weeks ago indicates that we (women, usually) apologize too much, whether the issue is our 'fault' or not.
Anyway, the original poster simply needs to say "Thank you for inviting me, but no". Any reasonably polite 'hostess' would stop there, but if pressed simply repeat your original statement. With a smile, of course.

 

[lisajl]

I went to an Arbonne party about 2 months ago. I thought, yea, I need some stuff. Then I saw the price, then I saw what the scrub did to my face, then I walked out with nothing in my hands.
Sorry, when the stuff just about melts off my face, no thanks.
Another co worker had a party about a month after that and I said, No way!

I am getting really good at that.

Just say No!

Lisa

 

[powellrj]

I hate that the schools make the kids get out and sell that crap! My dd is starting PreK this year and I know that the school will send her out to sell. She's not going to do it, I won't let her! So can I ask what amount of money would be good for a cash/check donation?

I will make a donation for 1/2 of what the kids are expected to sell. If they are expected to sell 10 items in a catalog for $10 each I will send in a check for $50. The only time they have ever said no was last year in Drama club when you were expected to sell 12 cookie doughs at $10 each. I wanted to just send in a check for $60 and they said no I had to buy the product. OK, I bought 6 and send in my $60 check.

 

[Jenn]

Another idea is to buy something you will give as a gift. You have to buy a gift anyway, so kill 2 birds with one stone. For example, the holidays will be here before we know it. Pick up a gift for your sister, best friend, whatever.

Our school fundraisers almost always include something food related (like coffee cakes or pies), which come frozen and are usually sold near a holiday. I buy a pie, and use it for Thanksgiving or Easter or whatever. I have to get dessert anyway, right?

 

[patsal]

Have a conflict , even if you feel you have to create it--schedule your hair appt. for then or whatever. You really shouldn't have to feel like you need to explain yourself to these people. Just stop going/buying. As for the wrapping paper and stuff, just say no. I already have a stockpile of htat, or sorry some kids caught me last night withthe same stuff, etc.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

For the adult parties, i always just say no. it seems that my in-laws are all selling something and so are their relatives, it's easy to say no the first ten times (they think i'm a b**ch already) sooooo after that everyone just stopped inviting me.

When i was in school and had to sell crap my mother hated it. We had to sell X amount of dollars or it would be added to our tuition that yr. my mom always just paid the total of whatever was needed to keep us off the streets and keep her and my father from taking those things to work!

Now when kids come to our door i just politely decline. maybe i should have a card made up and kept at the front door next to the mail box:
sorry i will not be buying anything, i am trying to go to Disney World! hahahhaha

 

[d-man's mom]

Another vote for "just say no"!

"Thank you for the invitation, however, I won't be able to attend" is my standard answer.

Once you start saying no every single time, they will stop inviting you. Really, they will! You have to be consistent though.

I have been to THREE parties in the past FIVE YEARS... and that's because I wanted to attend them and had a specific item I wanted to purchase. I NEVER bring my checkbook with me, so whatever is in my wallet is what I can spend.

As for fundraisers- I will buy the wrapping paper only when I need to restock. My son has life threatening food allergies, so it's really easy to get out of buying candy/pizzas/etc since he's allergic to virtually every food item in those fundraiser books.

Another answer is "I have already reached my annual budget for non-profit donations and will gladly consider contributing to _______ next year".

Edited to add- I never sold anything as a child- no magazine drives, etc- I always opted out of it and intend to give that as an option to my son as well. Our school district hasn't had budget cuts in a while and the new budget (including school expansions) passed with no issues.

 

[mickeyluv'r]

I really hate the kids' funraisers too! But the sad truth is that many of them could be avoided if, as a society, we actually funded our schools/children's activities properly!

One School system I worked for tried to create a nice central place for teachers to get work done. It was a big deal , because most teachers couldn't access computers at their own school - imagine that! Having to travel to a central location just to access the internet is bad enough, but the school system HAD to give the bid to the lowest bidder, and got totally screwed! The server was so weak that it could only support about half of the computers! So only half of the computers could be used at a time.

But the school system had far bigger problems than that...
One classroom I worked in had 20 buckets to collect water when it rained! Imagine the mold!
Most classes didn't have enough desks and books. Kids had to sit on the radiators/floor.

At another school, a county executive came to visit his alma mater...some twenty years after graduating, he pulled a book off the shelf...and lo and behold...he had checked the book out as a student,and was the most recent person to do so...

I have yet to work in a school that has proper heating/AC. How many adults work in buildings where you can see your breath in the winter? how many adults work in buildings with no AC when it is over 80 degrees? I know some do, but do you really think this is healthy for your six year old?

 

[georgina]

I don't send my kids out for school fund raisers either, just send in $20 or $25 check (and I ran the fund raisers for 2 years!) The candy/wrapping paper sales are usually huge, there are kids who sold a lot and the large profit kept the number of fund raisers we had to do throughout the year down to one or two. I did let them sell boy scout popcorn and girl scout cookies because those are things people are more willing to support and I do think it is a good experience for the kids to learn how to deal with people.

I also struggle with saying no to the home parties - I just know if I go I will feel like I have to buy something. I'm getting better at it, though.

 

[Gillian]

I work in direct sales, and to network and help out friends in the business I often host parties, demonstrations, whatever you want to call them.

I would never be upset if someone said they weren't coming. I don't need a reason! We all know that the main purpose it to sell products and if people don't want to shop, that's fine. For some it's a fun night out, and the chance to see the items in person.

Some companies have wonderful things that aren't overpriced and I wouldn't know about them if I hadn't gone to a party. Usborne books comes to mind. It's difficult for me to get to a bookstore with my young kids, and amazon.com just isn't the same!

I think that if you are polite, it is not necessary to say anything other than, "no, thank you."

 

[lbgraves]

I know that the letter we send out to the kids for fundraisers says that they are NOT to go door to door. I usually just ignore anyone who knocks on the door to sell somethng no matter what age they are. It just isn't safe to have your kids out selling anything today no matter what it is.

 

[kkaisu]

Home Parties - Nicely give an "I won't be able to make it" - no reason needed. Enough times of this and the invitations stop. My very best friend has these parties all the time, but she knows to not even ask.

Child Fundraisers - I do not bring my childs fundraisers to work and I don't buy from anyone at work. My child sells to family and close friends only. If she needs a minimum to attend a party or get a prize between Grandma and myself we make make sure she meets the goal.

 

[Ardenne]

I'm in the 'just say no' camp when it comes to those selling 'parties,' too. I'll always buy from any child who comes to my door as long as I can think of a use for the item and they're polite, though. I just wish the schools would consistently choose reasonable stuff for their fundraisers. Candy and wrapping paper are so much easier to sell (and to find uses for) than a lot of the other stuff they come up with. If they pick something I don't want my kids selling, I just make a donation directly to the school and skip trying to sell the stuff.

For the record, I don't think it has to be unsafe to let kids go door to door -- when my daughter was selling Girl Scout cookies for the first time this past winter, she really *wanted* to go door to door, so I spent literally hours following her around and keeping a careful eye on her. I had my cell phone in my pocket in case of emergency, but we live in a safe family-oriented neighborhood to start with and have a pretty good idea of who lives where (ie, 'This house belongs to that nice old lady with the white poodle,' even if I can't remember her name), so I wasn't too worried. I'd definitely never let her go door-to-door alone, though.

 

[Carolinagirl1063]

I rarely go to home parties anymore unless I am very interested in what they sell. When I do go to these parties I do not feel obligated to buy. I do use the parties to shop for showers/birthday/christmas. I have friends who love scrapbooking and Pampered Chef.

Endless fundraisers, I buy from the first child who knocks on my door. It takes courage for them to do that then I politely tell each other child that I bought from someone else. I buy from my two best friends kids if they are selling the wrapping paper because I love the Sally Foster paper simple as that. My dd has another year before she has to do this then I will buy the wrapping paper from her or make a donation. I had my dd later than most of my friends and I have been buying their stuff for many years and I expec them to buy from my dd. I will not solicit my customers or co-workers for dd. She will sell her own stuff.

 

[quiltymom]

When I was working in a very small office (and quite broke since I was trying to pay back grad school loans), I was continually approached with fundraisers. I only purchased from one person/child a year if I needed any of the product they were selling, then would purchase from a different child the next year, etc. The same thing went for Girl Scout cookies.

If they questioned me, I told them that since I made a fraction of the salary they did, I could not afford to make any frivilous purchases that would cause me not to eat that month.

Now I am a Creative Memories Consulant, and I tell all my coordinators 1) NOT to put pressure on anyone to attend, and 2) if someone does attend, they will not be pressured into purchasing anything. That has meant that some of my Home Shows only have 2 or 3 people, but you know what, it's a blast since they want to be there!

Now with my kids in school and scouts, we figure out which fundraiser(s) are top priority and that's it. Otherwise our friends and neighbors would run away from us whenever we approached them!

 

[wearegoingtoDisney]

A more appropriate name for home parties is "Personal Fundraiser".

 

[lbgraves]

Ardenne, you do watch out for your child when they go out to sell for their fundraisers & that is great! If more parents did I wouldn't worry about the kids as much. Every single one that has come to our door didn't have a parent with them, no adult at the door with them & no car in the circle that was out of place and could have been following them around.

I was in GS for 12 years & spent hours riding all over town selling calendars & cookies, then delivering them. My parents never went along with me. It's sad how the world has changed since then...but that is another thread.