How do you discipline your kids?

[BlackMagicWoman]

I am anti spanking. I don't spank. That being said my mother spanked me. I'm grateful that she didn't choose to spank me in public, for those who do spank yes, I think privacy is better.

Being spanked is painful. It doesn't also need to be humiliating. No kid wants an audience to punishment, much less an audience in Disneyworld. That was always the logic behind my own mother saying "wait until we get home." By going somewhere private, you also don't force other parents to have to discuss it with their children.

 

[Liltx]

My girls need protein. Without it they get very tired and whiny. I also limit the treats to one per day. Good nutrition keeps them very happy and well behaved.

I am very lucky to have calm, polite, obedient girls who are 8 and 10. We have visited DW every summer since the oldest was 1. They are even better behaved at disney than at home. Also, I do not ask them what they want to do while we are there. I know their favorites and they trust that they will eventually ride them all. I never thought about it before but this probably helps eliminate the conflicts.

Spanking is VERY rare at my house, in fact I haven't spanked anyone in at least 5 years. The only time I spanked was when they were too little to understand a danger and would not stop the behavior. Such as when my oldest took off down a sidwalk at two years old and would not stop when I called her. I dropped the baby carrier with my youngest and caught her but she could have hit the street if i wasn't fast enough. Jumping off the couch over to the chair was another spanking occasion because we had tile floor. Almost all of these happened at 2 years old. Once the language developed at around 3 then I could talk and reason with them.

I have noticed as a preschool teacher that the children with the most pronounced behaviors are the ones who have parents who spank them. I do not know if they have behaviors because of the spanking or if they are more likey to be spanked because they do not behave. Good question though.

Clear expectations, follow through, logical consequences, all given with love is the key to delightful children.

 

[joshsmom]

ScarletFire (or should I say Scarlet>Fire)- love the name

If my son is really out of line I tell him we're going to make him go on Stitch

That would be MORE than enough for me!!

 

[gorkt]

For WDW we set up the expectations before the trip. They know that if they misbehave they lose their snack for the day, and if they push again, we leave the park. We tell them what misbehaving is. We tell them to tell us if they are getting tired. We bring snacks and water and take breaks to fend off tiredness. We also offer long term incentive. If they behave the whole trip, they get an extra souvenir that we pay for.

I treat my children with respect instead of hitting them. It isn't hard.

P.S. if you are still hitting your 13 year old, it probably isn't working. I would suggest a parenting class or reading one of the many parenting books out there.

 

[mefordis]

To spankers: how can you get away with spanking your kid in public and NOT have another adult just pop off on you? Or call security?

 

[Guyton dis lover]

I was 42 when my daughter was born. My daughter is 21 years old a JR in college scheduled to complete her college work on time. My daughter does not smoke, drink and she loves WDW. That being said she fears her mother and myself more that she does the police. She was punished when she needed it. She was spanked but she never went to bed with out dinner. She was not dropped off with her grand parents. She has no problems talking to her mother or me. She follows the rules, she loves God and her country. The best thing is be cool with your kids, Love them watch over them and for all you rope drop folks give the kids a break. You can not do everything at WDW is a short vacation. Do not even try it. Take your time enjoy your trip to WDW and go easy on your children. If they get worn down retreat to your hotel and come back. You will find you will not have to punish if you go with these tips. Good Luke and have fun. Love your kids and they will reward you in turn. Be firm but do not abuse. If you are having a bad day keep it to yourself. Be positive. By the way you could not be as hard as I am. I am a retired U.S. Army 1stSergeant.

 

[JustAKid]

To spankers: how can you get away with spanking your kid in public and NOT have another adult just pop off on you? Or call security?

Although some disagree with how I parent and would say that I should never strike my child, in my case I have never been approached by another parent or had any other negative results with my parenting. In fact, I have actually been complimented on it. True story. Usually, though, it's by older folks.

I set clear rules, don't use spanking as the first step in my discipline, don't find it appropriate for every or any ol' situation, talk to my kids after the fact, etc.

I'm a no-nonsense kind of parent and have instilled into my kids that I mean business. I haven't had to spank my oldest since she was 3, I still sometimes have to spank my middle child and youngest but it's rare.

I do believe in spanking as an effective form of consequence/punishment but I am of the opinion that there is a line between spanking and beating/abusing. My kids are well behaved, mind their manners, know right from wrong (*cough* mostly *cough*) and I am constantly praised on how wonderful they are. Could another parent have raised my kids without spanking them and have gotten the same result? Absolutely. *I*, however, couldn't. I have raised my kids in the way I believe to be right, gotten the results I was after, and am proud of it just the same way, I am sure, those who have chosen different paths are about their kids and their lives. Overall, my kids are happy, healthy, and functioning members of their communities and I believe myself to be doing a good job *SO FAR*. Don't ask me in a couple of years, though, when I have 3 TEEN girls in my house, my views will probably be a lot different.

Thanks, everyone, for remaining civil about their opinions and perspectives. I know it's hard sometimes when we believe all so strongly about what is right and wrong. I am taking my leave now, though, because I do not want this thread to go from what individuals do to parent their children to a civilized debate about spanking. I am whole heartedly of the opinion that we are going to do what we think is right no matter what someone else says - my right just may be different from yours. Neither is wrong (abuse is ALWAYS wrong - the definitions happen to be cloudy in this instance), per say, just different.

 

[Kalea]

Wow, thank you for all the suggestions! I'm just now coming back to this thread from posting it earlier.

We are definitely planning breaks--my current line of thinking is that we'll head out around lunch every day and not come back 'til late afternoon.

We're going to have some snacks with us, and we're also planning to let the kids each buy 1 snack every day. I'm hoping that will stave off some of the hunger related crankiness.

This is also our first family trip where we all stay in one hotel room. I usually try to pick suites or rent condos so that everyone has some space.

My kiddos generally behave well enough. I expect they will be okay 90% of the time. Hopefully, the other 10% of the time there will be a quiet corner we can find that will help calm them a bit.

 

[toddinboston]

For WDW we set up the expectations before the trip. They know that if they misbehave they lose their snack for the day, and if they push again, we leave the park. We tell them what misbehaving is. We tell them to tell us if they are getting tired. We bring snacks and water and take breaks to fend off tiredness. We also offer long term incentive. If they behave the whole trip, they get an extra souvenir that we pay for.

I treat my children with respect instead of hitting them. It isn't hard.

So you BRIBE your kids to behave...I'm my kids dad, I'm not their buddy...I don't negotiate, bribe, beg or plead for my kids to behave in public...my wife and I have taught them how to behave, and they do...

To the OP, don't run your kids ragged, make sure they eat and drink, and hopefully have fun...

 

[cocoachip]

We've been MANY summers over the years since my youngest was 3. Drink water, "graze" most of the day, and take the nap (this goes for kids and adults).

 

[CuteAsMinnie]

My one and only sad Disney memory is this...

While I relaxing in the majestic WL lobby, a mom came barreling through pushing a stroller and dragging (yes, pretty much dragging) a sobbing 5year old behind her SCREAMING at the child, "Stop crying! Why are you behaving like this!!! You are embarrassing me!!!"

It was 11:00 at night!

Everyone needs hydration, food, a break and very often a nap to get them thru a Disney day. When traveling with children, you must approach your day according to their physical limits. They need to be fed before they are hungry, taken back to the resort before they need a break and you can't expect them to have the stamina to be at the park for a continual 8-9 hours. Throttle back your expectations of your first Disney trip being based on your needs/wants and tailor it to your kid's limits and you will have a super enjoyable trip.

 

[WDW in Pearls]

I was 42 when my daughter was born. My daughter is 21 years old a JR in college scheduled to complete her college work on time. My daughter does not smoke, drink and she loves WDW. That being said she fears her mother and myself more that she does the police. She was punished when she needed it. She was spanked but she never went to bed with out dinner. She was not dropped off with her grand parents. She has no problems talking to her mother or me. She follows the rules, she loves God and her country. The best thing is be cool with your kids, Love them watch over them and for all you rope drop folks give the kids a break. You can not do everything at WDW is a short vacation. Do not even try it. Take your time enjoy your trip to WDW and go easy on your children. If they get worn down retreat to your hotel and come back. You will find you will not have to punish if you go with these tips. Good Luke and have fun. Love your kids and they will reward you in turn. Be firm but do not abuse. If you are having a bad day keep it to yourself. Be positive. By the way you could not be as hard as I am. I am a retired U.S. Army 1stSergeant.

You sound a LOT like my mom, and I mean that as the highest compliment I can give. I love my mom, but she was always my mom before she was my friend. She never tried to be the "cool mom". And guess what? All the girls I knew who had "cool" parents now have dead end jobs, drug problems, arrests, or all of the above. I'm working on my masters degree and working at a great company making a decent salary for my age. I have NO hard feelings on how my mom raised me, in fact, I'm thankful for it every day!

 

[Magpie]

I'm not going to give "good vibes" to anyone who would strike a child. It's that easy for me. I don't care how much you're at the end of your rope, it's never okay. You're an adult and you're hitting a little kid. I may get get some serious flames for this opinion, but it's how I feel. I got my butt beat when I was a kid, and you know what? It freakin' hurt. There are better ways to discipline your kid.

I made the decision not to spank my own children when I was 11 and my mother started spanking me. I felt nothing but contempt for her when she did it, though now I can see that she was truly desperate and at the end of her rope for a lot of reasons that had nothing to do with me. But at the time I remember thinking, "If I have kids, I don't ever want them to feel about me, the way I feel about my mom now."

My kids are now 15 and 17 and I think they're turning out pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. They weren't easy, compliant or mellow, but we made it work.

So you BRIBE your kids to behave...I'm my kids dad, I'm not their buddy...I don't negotiate, bribe, beg or plead for my kids to behave in public...my wife and I have taught them how to behave, and they do...

To the OP, don't run your kids ragged, make sure they eat and drink, and hopefully have fun...

Begging and pleading are obviously not something a parent wants to ever resort to, but bribery's just one more tool in the box. As is negotiation - which is an important skill everyone needs to learn. Bribery has its place. Would I use it at Disney? No, since Disney itself is reward enough. I like natural rewards and consequences whenever possible.

That said, bribery worked wonders for toilet training!

 

[GoldieLocks5]

My 3 boys are just under 4 (twins) and 6 and behavior has been ok this trip. When they have become over tired and wild we have threatened to return the stuffed animals we let them get etc.

Another threat has been to call a Disney babysitter to come to the room and only the well behaved boys will go to the park/pool etc then they shape up.

We don't overdo it... We know their limits and when we need to go back for naps which is more helpful than anything.. As is lots of positive reinforcement for good behavior making everyone happier.

 

[gschon]

did not read the whole thread......But, it seems lke something a parent should address before, during, and after a trip to Disney.

 

[gschon]

Now, that I got that out of the way...Here's my advice..Spankings!!!

joking, take breaks, snacks, water, etc...and always talk about how great the "next" thing is.

 

[gschon]

seriously, spankings work best when the kid knows they are a real possibility, but rarely used...In my opinion

 

[gorkt]

So you BRIBE your kids to behave...I'm my kids dad, I'm not their buddy...I don't negotiate, bribe, beg or plead for my kids to behave in public...my wife and I have taught them how to behave, and they do...

Yep, positive reinforcement generally works better than fear in my experience. If you read the rest of my post, I combine a reward with expectations and/or removal of privileges for misbehavior. My kids both behave very well, and I feel good knowing that I am raising kids that behave because they know it is the right way to be, not because they are afraid of me. I don't see the combination of rewards and punishments as a bad thing; that is the way life works after all.

 

[SweetGarrettGirl]

If they know how to act at home then they'll know how to act at Disney. That being said, there might be meltdowns and you just have to remind them that they know how to act and that they better get to it.

Speaking of discipline at Disney...the second year that we went my DH had a conference so for three days it was just me and my two DDs in the mornings at the parks. On day three my youngest had a bad attitude the entire morning and after trying to "tease" her into a better mood wasn't working I finally lost my patience right before we got on the teacups, well that was an enjoyable ride. Anyway, when we got off I proceeded to sit her down and remind her of how she knows to behave. I was pretty angry with her and I made the mistake of growling at her, "How many kids do you think have the privilege of going to Disney World?" I'll never forget when she looked around at the throng of children all around us then looked back at me as if to say 'I'm not sure how to answer that question without getting into more trouble'. Needless to say that was something my DH and I had a big laugh about later that evening.

(BTW, her attitude did improve because we ended up leaving the park right after that. When I say "If you don't straighten up we're leaving!" I mean business.)

 

[toddinboston]

Yep, positive reinforcement generally works better than fear in my experience. If you read the rest of my post, I combine a reward with expectations and/or removal of privileges for misbehavior. My kids both behave very well, and I feel good knowing that I am raising kids that behave because they know it is the right way to be, not because they are afraid of me. I don't see the combination of rewards and punishments as a bad thing; that is the way life works after all.

By leaving a park early if your kids misbehave, aren't you punishing yourself too?...
The biggest mistake parents make at the parks is over doing it, dragging their kids around like the Bataan death march...at that point, meltdowns are inevitable, no matter how good/bad your kids are...