How do you discipline your kids?

[BlackMagicWoman]

I don't really do " you will get a toy if you are good." I do "you guarantee you won't get a toy if you misbehave."

 

[eliza61]

My kids (8 and 3) are not often perfect in relaxed situations, and with all the heat/humidity plus the excitement of being at Disney... I'm worried!

How do you approach discipline while at Disney? Those of you that are Disney vets, how do your kids usually do? Have you ever had to go beyond a time out? Ever had to leave a park?

I'm hoping mine will behave well, but I want to have a plan just in case.

I'm a bit older than most here so I guess I would seem cruel to some. lol

The same way I discipline them at home. I think that's one of the problems, parents say "well we're on vacation....."

I do not reward basic behaviour with toys. My kids are fully expected to be able to go to the supermarket for 20 minutes without throwing a temper tantrum. they are fully expected to act accordingly in a restaurant.

I do not reward for not running. "you'll get a treat if you stay by mommy"? nope. generally I give a few warnings, explain what the bad behaviour is and then what I expect them to do. If warnings are not heeded, punishment follows.

So basically we believe that children live up to the expectations you set.

We have left a park when a child misbehaved.

 

[eliza61]

By leaving a park early if your kids misbehave, aren't you punishing yourself too?...The biggest mistake parents make at the parks is over doing it, dragging their kids around like the Bataan death march...at that point, meltdowns are inevitable, no matter how good/bad your kids are...

Yes, but that comes with the job of being a parent. Your responsiblity is to raise well behaved kids and unfortunately that does mean some times you miss out. I can't tell you how many 1/2 eaten meals I've had because I've had to leave a restaurant for a misbehaving kid, howmany 1/2 watched movies etc etc.

Either way you are going to miss some thing. You are right about the overdo-ing it but people here are not big supporters of taking your time and having relaxing vacations.

 

[rainynight]

I don't really do " you will get a toy if you are good." I do "you guarantee you won't get a toy if you misbehave."

That's our approach to parenting too. I don't bribe my child to behave..its expected of him. I'm not opposed to spanking but for my child it doesn't work. He's crushed when I'm disappointed in him so that's what he reacts to.

So at Disney or anywhere we follow his pace rather than drag him around from thing to thing. We do the parks early, have an early dinner and go back to the resort for rest/swim time. We don't force him from morning to closing everyday pushing him in a stroller because he's too exhausted to walk...if I was forced to "rest" in a stroller as a child I'd have a tantrum as well. Give kids plenty of pool/resort time to really get rested up.

One day at Epcot he played around a water fountain in the World Showcase for over an hour. While hot and boring for us, he was having a blast so we gave him as much time as he needed and when he was ready he moved on feeling revived and ready to go again.

 

[Karbase8]

Don't have kids myself, but I've seen enough parents at WDW screaming at, and even smacking their kids when they get out of hand. I don't know why they think that yelling and, God Forbid, hitting a child will calm the situation-it makes me wonder what they'd do to them in private if this is how they "discipline" in public.

I agree that a quick Time Out in a semi-secluded location would probably work best. The child is out of the public eye where they are acting up, and is given time to calm down and think. I've been cranky on occasion there when my feet hurt, I'm hungry, or hot and sweaty. I wouldn't expect a child to handle it any better than me.

I have seen this time and time again and I want to say it's the parents misbehave not the children. I have seen more meltdowns by parents then kids at WDW. MY son DS13 knock on wood for this upcoming trip as we enter the teens has been very good on prior trips and he has noticed the parents beating their kids and screaming and cursing at them. But when me and my son get grumpy is usually we are tired or hungry. So I would do preventative things, breaks and hope for the best! Good luck. And if there are methods you use at home that are effective time out etc you can use them on vacation. I think parents go nuts when they have spent so much money on the trip and are tense on the trip and the kids feed off of that and act out. Remember it's vacation and sometimes things dont go as planned.

 

[mm1971]

My kids (8 and 3) are not often perfect in relaxed situations, and with all the heat/humidity plus the excitement of being at Disney... I'm worried!

How do you approach discipline while at Disney? Those of you that are Disney vets, how do your kids usually do? Have you ever had to go beyond a time out? Ever had to leave a park?

I'm hoping mine will behave well, but I want to have a plan just in case.

It has never been an issue to be honest. We have been over 10 times and if either of them needs a little nudging back to positive, we'll stop, sit and talk. For the most part, everyone is in a great mood and enjoying the atmosphere.

We try to reward the positive by allowing them to make decisions on what to do and where to go. If they are not behaving, that decision making goes away. And neither wants to watch the other sibling make all the decisions.

 

[natfrac]

After witnessing many kids behaving badly at WDW, I asked my grown kids why they never misbehaved on our many DL/WDW trips. They replied that they were so happy just to be at DL/WDW.
They had plenty of reasons to be grumpy, as we used to visit DL from open to close which often meant 8am-midnight. But even from a young age (preschool), it never occurred to them to be cranky because they were at the happiest place on earth.

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

Although some disagree with how I parent and would say that I should never strike my child, in my case I have never been approached by another parent or had any other negative results with my parenting. In fact, I have actually been complimented on it. True story. Usually, though, it's by older folks.

I set clear rules, don't use spanking as the first step in my discipline, don't find it appropriate for every or any ol' situation, talk to my kids after the fact, etc.

I'm a no-nonsense kind of parent and have instilled into my kids that I mean business. I haven't had to spank my oldest since she was 3, I still sometimes have to spank my middle child and youngest but it's rare.

I do believe in spanking as an effective form of consequence/punishment but I am of the opinion that there is a line between spanking and beating/abusing. My kids are well behaved, mind their manners, know right from wrong (*cough* mostly *cough*) and I am constantly praised on how wonderful they are. Could another parent have raised my kids without spanking them and have gotten the same result? Absolutely. *I*, however, couldn't. I have raised my kids in the way I believe to be right, gotten the results I was after, and am proud of it just the same way, I am sure, those who have chosen different paths are about their kids and their lives. Overall, my kids are happy, healthy, and functioning members of their communities and I believe myself to be doing a good job *SO FAR*. Don't ask me in a couple of years, though, when I have 3 TEEN girls in my house, my views will probably be a lot different.

Thanks, everyone, for remaining civil about their opinions and perspectives. I know it's hard sometimes when we believe all so strongly about what is right and wrong. I am taking my leave now, though, because I do not want this thread to go from what individuals do to parent their children to a civilized debate about spanking. I am whole heartedly of the opinion that we are going to do what we think is right no matter what someone else says - my right just may be different from yours. Neither is wrong (abuse is ALWAYS wrong - the definitions happen to be cloudy in this instance), per say, just different.

Particularly the bold parts.

We used spanking as discipline when necessary. My daughter who is now a teen hasn't had a spanking since she was about 7. Our rules are clear and we expect them to be followed. It is not to be a dictator about things, but because we want her to understand that when she fails to do what she is expected to do, there are consequences and the person making the rules will follow-through with them. Not that somebody else should/would spank my adult child.

I believe that raising children in an environment that involves talking to them over and over, giving them chance after chance and letting things slide, you are giving them the mindset that is how the real world works. I would have done my children a major disservice by responding in that manner..... the world is not going to be as kind and forgiving as mom and dad. I believe another poster mentioned "spare the rod & spoil the child" and I stand by that.

I do agree with the post above. There is a BIG difference between spanking and abusing your child. We NEVER believe in spanking out of anger or when angry.

 

[ItsNotMuchofaTail]

My DD has autism, so the usual things don't always apply. I find preventing upsetness is much preferable to curing it. So, I plan carefully how to stop and calm down. My DD is 10, so I can see the signs before usually. We find a bench in the shade and use calming techniques. I don't push her when she says she is tired, I don't make her wait when she says she is hungry. I might get less done than I would like, but the time we have is fun, not stressful.

While I don't bribe her with toys, she knows a reward of any type is dependent upon the best behavior she can manage (not perfection).

She might have been a kid who looked to outsiders to be having a tantrum while I stood by and did nothing, but sometimes she gets overstimulated and has to just get it out of her system by crying for a minute.

I don't threaten her with spanking or leaving the park, although we have left stores when necessary.

I think the best advice is to keep kids cool, hydrated, full, and not so overscheduled they are exhausted. That goes a long way to preventing meltdowns and misbehavior. When my DD was younger, I used a bingo chip system in public with her. She had a tiny drawstring bag and I gave her bingo chips for walking next to me, talking in an appropriate volume, keeping her hand off things, etc. If she got xx chips, she got a reward - pick a CD in the car, extra time to play before bed, a sweet drink (lemonade or the like), or even sometimes, the dreaded toy or item from the dollar store. Now that she is older we don't need this anymore. But I always prefer to notice the positive over the negative. And there is nothing wrong with stopping to get control of the whole family. I have seen just as many parents behaving badly as children...if not more.

 

[cinnderly]

Just my two cents:

I don't do tantrums. My son is expected to not throw a tantrum at the supermarket, at a theme park, at a restaurant and at home. I don't spank (I was abused as a kid, I think hitting does nothing but instill fear). I don't bribe, because I think that teaches kids to begin a negotiation anytime they are asked to behave differently, and that just seems like a bad habit to start. I don't even do time-outs.

I do express my disappointment or anger at undesirable behavior. I am very honest with my son. I explain everything -- he shouldn't speak condescendingly because it can make people feel stupid, he shouldn't yell or slam things when he's grouchy, let's find a better way to express out anger, etc. He's 11 now, and I've had comments on how well-behaved he is since he was little. He is wonderful with other children, always helps out people around him, holding doors open, picking up things that were dropped. He stands up for himself and doesn't tolerate bullying or meanness. And most importantly, he doesn't follow the crowd. If kids are doing something he doesn't like or isn't interested in, he does his own thing. And I absolutely love that he compliments other kids on things they are good at that he isn't so good at.

I saw all of this because I had arguments with people who were pro-spanking when he was little. They assumed I was in for serious trouble down the road, and I can say confidently they were totally wrong. You do not have to spank to have a well behaved kid who can contribute to society.

 

[AntePrincess]

I don't do tantrums. My son is expected to not throw a tantrum at the supermarket, at a theme park, at a restaurant and at home. I don't spank (I was abused as a kid, I think hitting does nothing but instill fear). I don't bribe, because I think that teaches kids to begin a negotiation anytime they are asked to behave differently, and that just seems like a bad habit to start. I don't even do time-outs.

Love it. We don't do tantrums either. Tantrums resulted in a timeout (the classic, psychologist definition which is more about removing all attention than expecting the kid to sit in one place... we ended up giving them too much reenforcement trying to get them to take a timeout 'the right way' so we stopped) and now we don't see them anymore. We get some pretty annoying whining still, but we've been working on that one too.

We don't spank. Refusing to spank doesn't mean a parent is soft on misbehavior or that their children are coddled, it usually means that a parent has read up on the research related to discipline and decided to go with an evidence based method that had limited negative side effects. Nine times out of ten, we practice positive reenforcement. The kids earn 'points' by listening and doing what they're told, chores, etc which even the two year old understands and they turn them in for rewards, typically extra storytimes, getting to bake with me (even if I hadn't been planning on baking), 'helping' their father out with one of his hobbies (coins and watches, both fascinate the kids). In other words, free things, not snacks or rewards.

I've found that we had less need for disciplining the kids at Disney World. There was always a convenient distraction around the corner to nip a brewing storm in the bud before it got out of hand. That said, time outs worked a hundred times better in Disney World than they worked at home - because they were REALLY missing out by sitting out. I always made sure we went somewhere out of the way in case they did throw a fit (which I warned them would result in a longer timeout), sometimes even sat down in the bathroom areas (not in the line or in a stall, just where it was boring and the air was cool).

Good luck!

 

[BlueStarryHat]

Did I mention you are doing an amazing job? Cause you are! And I bet your kids are amazing.

Thanks , but-I'll have to say again I don't actually have children of my own. I helped to raise my sister's kids though because they lived with us. Many a time they tested my patience, but it was absolutely forbidden to hit, spank, or use any sort of physical force on them. My mother, who was a spanker and sometimes a slapper when we were growing up didn't quite get why this should be so but she went along with it.

Thanks to everyone for not flaming me-I came here this morning with my flame-retardant suit on just in case, but thankfully it turned out not to be necessary.

 

[Princess Disney Mom]

We plan ahead. Plenty of rest and snacks. We make sure the kids understand we will do their favorite ride but the parks are huge so they may have to wait. Also it is understood that they will do some rides that someone else likes that may not be their favorite. This worked for us.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

Yeah -we've had to do time outs in the park and even took them back to the room a time or two.

The thing was most of the time when they acted up it was because they were tired of walking in the parks and needed a break.
Except when they just decided to pick on each other to see how ticked off they could make my husband or constantly whine because they wanted something I'd said no too.

I sure don't miss those days.

 

[ponyboy]

To spankers: how can you get away with spanking your kid in public and NOT have another adult just pop off on you? Or call security?

I wouldn't ever spank a kid in public, but......if another adult ever interfered in matters that didn't pertain to them then I'd let them know that their turn was next

That said, I did have to step in once when I witnessed a man hitting his kid several times at a public fishing area. He wasn't spanking him, he was open handed slapping him on the arm, back, whatever, over stuff like getting his hook snagged or losing his bait. After about the third time I told him that if I saw him hitting that kid again then he was next.

There's a big difference between spanking and abusing.

 

[dadddio]

I think seeing a parent spank a child, however deserved it might be, would ruin most people's day. And might very well get the perpetrator and child whisked backstage by the Disney undercover cops.

For parents who use spanking as a disciplinary tool: If you absolutely must spank, please retire to your hotel room first. Be considerate of other vacationers.

I disagree with this post on a few levels, but I think that primarily, I see it as people having different definitions of what spanking is and what it is used for.

First, spankings are not beatings. No adult is likely to have their day ruined if they see someone get a few quick waps with an open hand to their clothed tooshie.

Second, a spanking is a form of discipline that is meant to immediately shock the perpetrator into correcting bad actions, in my opinion. It is not a punishment that is appropriate to put off until later.

I'm not going to give "good vibes" to anyone who would strike a child. It's that easy for me. I don't care how much you're at the end of your rope, it's never okay. You're an adult and you're hitting a little kid. I may get get some serious flames for this opinion, but it's how I feel. I got my butt beat when I was a kid, and you know what? It freakin' hurt. There are better ways to discipline your kid.

It's perfectly fine that you feel that way, but it's also perfectly fine for others to disagree with you.

The fact is, prior to our having kids, I agreed with your position. I've since softened my stance considerably and understand that spankings (not beatings) have their place in the parenting toolbox.

The truth is, our kids rarely ever get spankings. A tantrum or crazed rambunctiousness will certainly never going to result in a spanking. What results in a spanking is when one of the kids purposefully injures the other.

Case in point: Yesterday, my beautiful, brilliant, sweet, little prince and princess were playing together. My 2yo son accidently hit my 3yo daughter with a toy. It no doubt hurt a little. She retailiated by biting him HARD on his shoulder. No spanking was meted out. A conversation was had (after chilling him out). There was much blah blah and I felt pretty good about the result of it. She agreed never to bite anyone again and she apologized to him.

Later on, they were alone in the bedroom while Mommy and I cleaned up the bath mess and otherwise prepared for getting them to bed when my typically laid back little guy started screaming bloody murder. She had bitten him on the finger hard enough that it had left a little mark. Wap, wap, wap to her little bottom.

To spankers: how can you get away with spanking your kid in public and NOT have another adult just pop off on you? Or call security?

Imagine that you are out and about and just happen to see a parent give his/her kid a couple quick swats on the behind. What are you going to say? Why would it be your place to say anything? What would you tell security? What is security supposed to do when they show up a few minutes later to find a parent and his/her now behaved child?

 

[DakotaRose]

For our kids 99% of the time we find that grouchiness in the parks is related to hunger or being tired or both. We address the situation whether it is food or some down time. Downtime can be just letting loose in a play area for a bit or time at the hotel pool. So we keep an eye on it and try and nip it in the bud. It's amazing how everyone is happier after a mickey bar

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure = food, drink, rest. Also, sometimes a meltdown is just a kid's way of decompressing from all the overstimulation. It's no different than how adults need to unwind after a long work day. All it takes for them to regroup is some mental quiet: 15 minutes of a boat or train ride, or a bench and a Mickey bar, or a cold drink sit-down and "let's see how many Mickey Mouse shirts walk by".

 

[BlueStarryHat]

It's perfectly fine that you feel that way, but it's also perfectly fine for others to disagree with you.

Of course. I never said it wasn't.

 

[dadddio]

Of course. I never said it wasn't.

I really don't want to belabor the point, but in the post that I quoted, you sorta did.

I don't care how much you're at the end of your rope, it's never okay. You're an adult and you're hitting a little kid.

While you may end up never spanking your child (if you end up having kids), it actually IS okay if other parents choose to spank their children.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

I really don't want to belabor the point, but in the post that I quoted, you sorta did.

I sorta gave my opinion, which others did just as forcefully saying it *is* okay. I didn't quote their posts or single them out.