How do you deal with a lying teenager?

[Forevryoung]

My parents had a theory- they gave me and my sister enough rope until we hung ourselves with it. They didn't expect us to fail but they wanted to give us as much slack to make our own decisions as possible. And they expected us to always tell the truth, the trust of my parents is way too valuable.

I never had a curfew (my sister did but thats cuz she was a little wild). I was allowed in my friends cars (driving age is 17 here though). In today's world of cell phones my parents knew that I would call whenever I changed location. They knew who I was with. They had an estimate of the time I would be home. They knew they could reach me easily (and I better pick up the phone). The first rule was "dont give us reason to worry about you". So I tried my hardest not to.

It was an interesting way to parent and it meant that my parents and I are super close and avoided much of the teenage arguments over control.

 

[mtblujeans]

After reading the original post, I guess the answer would depend upon your relationship with your child. I have been so fortunate that my boys adore their parents and would never do anything to hurt them purposely! Trust me, I was not that kind of kid....as my mom will tell anyone who will listen!

I tell my kids that if they want the truth from me, I want the truth from them. I also throw in the word "compromise" when talking to them about doing things with their friends. For instance, "I think you have been spending alot of time with your friends this week but I will agree to let you get together with them once more this weekend if you agree you will not ride in a car with one of your friends driving"....that type of thing.

I also do not hesitate to let them know I have found something out that seemed as though it was secretive. I always have told them "your mom has eyes in the back of her head". But, if you go there, you have to be willing to apologize if what you heard about your kid was incorrect and they tell you 'the whole story'. Kids get really frustrated if you come across as accusatory and then won't apologize. Don't throw frustration into the mix, if you can avoid it. Try to keep your communications with them at a mature level, as much as you can, anyway!