How do you control how much texting your kids do?

[Irishgrl6975]

My DD15 doesn't even have a cell phone! or a myspace, or email or IM... If her friends need to speak to her they can call her at home, and if she's not at home she is with her friends. I tell her she is lucky we have a cordless house phone cause I only had a corded phone growing up

On the rare occassion she does need a cellphone, she borrows mine. She is a great kid, involved in dance, gets good grades, and has a good group of girlfriends with NO drama, if you can believe that! She has tried everyway imaginable to get us to get her a cell phone. I told her she can have one when she is 18 and old enough to sign a contract and pay for it herself! Imagine that...

We all survived without cell phones as teenagers and so will she.

 

[mjkacmom]

Um, b/c they're KIDS?? Privacy comes with age and responsibility. When they are earning a living, not eating my food, living under my roof, and using my money for clothes, phones and personal hygiene products, then they get privacy.

It comes along with their own key for their own front door. Package deal.

Until then? My kids know- their butt belongs to me. It is MY job to keep them safe until they are old enough to have the sense to do it themselves. I am their parent. Not their buddy. Not their pal. And never, ever, their "Bro".

My kids have a lot of freedom - I am raising them to be strong, independent adults. HOWEVER, I have always told them that emails and text messages, in this house, can be read by myself or DH at any time. I remember being a kid, and my mom had the same rule for notes found in my jeans.

 

[genius118899]

My DD15 doesn't even have a cell phone! or a myspace, or email or IM... If her friends need to speak to her they can call her at home, and if she's not at home she is with her friends. I tell her she is lucky we have a cordless house phone cause I only had a corded phone growing up

On the rare occassion she does need a cellphone, she borrows mine. She is a great kid, involved in dance, gets good grades, and has a good group of girlfriends with NO drama, if you can believe that! She has tried everyway imaginable to get us to get her a cell phone. I told her she can have one when she is 18 and old enough to sign a contract and pay for it herself! Imagine that...

We all survived without cell phones as teenagers and so will she.

I know you survived, but cell phones are an excellent safety tool when used appropriately. A year or two back, I remember reading about a 16 or 17 year old girl abducted from a Target parking lot. The police were able to track her cell phone to find her. Unfortunately, it was too late for her, but that technology has promise in saving others' lives. Also, when I got my license, I had to call my parents every time I left somewhere and every time I got somewhere. It gave them extra peace of mind; isn't that worth giving in and letting her have a cell phone?

 

[Talking Hands]

No limits on texting as we have unlimited plans. Texting is the standard for us since I am hard of hearing and my older duaghter is a musician who will use it when working.

 

[DAPford]

long story short this week a boy at school ( DDis 12 in 8th grade) decided to send a picture of himself and it was not his face (use your imagination) to my dd. DD deleted the picture (which technically is against our house rules but thats another issue) but because of reading her textes I knew something was up ( teen girls using the phrase sexual harrassment really catches your eye) and asked her about it turns out boy is proud of what he did and is bragging about it all over school and myy dd's friends were encouraging her to tell someone now we are working with the pricipal on handling the situation but kids do dumb things and need to be monitored thats why parents check phones.

 

[MichelleVW]

My DD15 doesn't even have a cell phone! or a myspace, or email or IM... If her friends need to speak to her they can call her at home, and if she's not at home she is with her friends. I tell her she is lucky we have a cordless house phone cause I only had a corded phone growing up

On the rare occassion she does need a cellphone, she borrows mine. She is a great kid, involved in dance, gets good grades, and has a good group of girlfriends with NO drama, if you can believe that! She has tried everyway imaginable to get us to get her a cell phone. I told her she can have one when she is 18 and old enough to sign a contract and pay for it herself! Imagine that...

We all survived without cell phones as teenagers and so will she.

Not even email?? She's 15 not 5. How can kids learn to use these things responsibly if they aren't allowed to use them at all??

 

[DVCajun]

Not even email?? She's 15 not 5. How can kids learn to use these things responsibly if they aren't allowed to use them at all??

Ditto. I was raised in a super-strict environment, and I can tell you, I didn't benefit in the long run. I was clueless in many social situations because I wasn't prepared to deal with them. And I'm not talking about "wild" stuff, or parties, etc. I just didn't know the lingo, the rules, etc. of social behavior and I really struggled with this. I had to "raise myself" in my twenties, and catch up with my peers.

Today, social behavior includes electronic communication. The fact that we didn't have access to these things when we were children is beside the point. If my mom had used that rule, I would have stayed home from school to pick strawberries and take care of my younger siblings because that's what she had to do.

My ideal is to prepare my kids for the "real world." I want to expose them to experiences and opportunities while they are still teachable, and still under my roof. I don't want to lead a trend (i.e. get my 7 year old a cell phone -- one of his friends has one, believe it or not), but I would be missing the boat if I completely eliminated modern technology from my parenting. imho.

 

[mjkacmom]

Ditto. I was raised in a super-strict environment, and I can tell you, I didn't benefit in the long run. I was clueless in many social situations because I wasn't prepared to deal with them. And I'm not talking about "wild" stuff, or parties, etc. I just didn't know the lingo, the rules, etc. of social behavior and I really struggled with this. I had to "raise myself" in my twenties, and catch up with my peers.

Today, social behavior includes electronic communication. The fact that we didn't have access to these things when we were children is beside the point. If my mom had used that rule, I would have stayed home from school to pick strawberries and take care of my younger siblings because that's what she had to do.

My ideal is to prepare my kids for the "real world." I want to expose them to experiences and opportunities while they are still teachable, and still under my roof. I don't want to lead a trend (i.e. get my 7 year old a cell phone -- one of his friends has one, believe it or not), but I would be missing the boat if I completely eliminated modern technology from my parenting. imho.

I can't agree more! I didn't have cable until HS, not because my parents forbid it because they didn't have it, but because it didn't exist! My kids have cable, cellphones, internet, access to email - even though I didn't. I want them to be able to fully function in today's world, not the world I grew up in. I'm not going to punish them just to push some weird agenda.

 

[jakoky]

This is an interesting topic and interesting to read everyones responses...i have 3 teenagers....a dd-17, a ds-15, and a dd-13...all 3 of them have cell phones and all 3 of them pay their own bill (minus 10 i give each of them for the peace of mind of being able to reach them or vice versa)...I truly believe that yes, cell phones, computers, instant messaging can cause problems BUT we need to teach our kids how to use them responsibly...My 17 year old just said to me the other night "mom, the kids whose parents are the strictest and dont let them do anything are the ones that end up getting their stomachs pumped because they go out and then drink too much" and then she went on to give me names...It is so hard to be parents of teenagers, trying to give them freedom while not giving them to much...If it wasnt for the cell phones my kids have, they would have far less freedom because i wouldnt be able to contact them...last night i sent my oldest daughter a text saying her dad was on the way and to be ready, and yep, she was My kids text a lot, especially my oldest...i think sometimes it keeps the kids home a little more because it is soooo easy to keep in touch with their friends and i love having my kids home so that is a great thing...
sharon

 

[SnowWhite607]

Not even email?? She's 15 not 5. How can kids learn to use these things responsibly if they aren't allowed to use them at all??

I dont remember this woman asking for parenting advice though. If she chooses not to give her child a phone, email, etc, thats HER business, no one elses!

Now can we get back to the original topic, pretty please??! Lets all play nice!

 

[DVCajun]

I dont remember this woman asking for parenting advice though. If she chooses not to give her child a phone, email, etc, thats HER business, no one elses!

Now can we get back to the original topic, pretty please??! Lets all play nice!

Um. I'm sorry -- I don't see anyone playing "not nice" here. This is a *discussion.* Feel free to participate as you are inspired to participate.

 

[SnowWhite607]

Um.. I'm sorry....I know it is a discussion.....about how do you control how much texting your kids do, not about IrishGrl treating her kid like she is "5" instead of 15 (I'm quoting here, not my words).

The OT was posted by SLK1, not anyone else. However, more than one person made mention that IrishGrl was either too strict, not teaching her children to be responsible or pushing some weird agenda. I do not remember IrishGrl asking for opinions on how she was raising her child. I do however, seem to remember SLK1 asking for advice so THAT is the person we should be giving advice to, not anyone who chooses for whatever reason to let her child have a cell phone or email.

Nothing chaps my butt more than unsolicited parenting advice. SLK1 asked for advice, IrishGrl didnt.

 

[MichelleVW]

Um.. I'm sorry....I know it is a discussion.....about how do you control how much texting your kids do, not about IrishGrl treating her kid like she is "5" instead of 15 (I'm quoting here, not my words).

The OT was posted by SLK1, not anyone else. However, more than one person made mention that IrishGrl was either too strict, not teaching her children to be responsible or pushing some weird agenda. I do not remember IrishGrl asking for opinions on how she was raising her child. I do however, seem to remember SLK1 asking for advice so THAT is the person we should be giving advice to, not anyone who chooses for whatever reason to let her child have a cell phone or email.

Nothing chaps my butt more than unsolicited parenting advice. SLK1 asked for advice, IrishGrl didnt.

Sorry your butt got chapped, but if someone posts something on the internet in the year 2008 that their high school child isn't allowed ANY electronic communication they are going to get an opinion if they like it or not. Technology is a fact of life these days and I want my kids to know how to use it wisely before they leave the safety of my house. How is that possible if they aren't allowed any access?

Back to the original topic, I don't limit my kids texting other than, don't text during class. I don't see the harm in texting as long as they aren't going over whatever text limit they have on their phone plan.

 

[Irishgrl6975]

I guess the fact that I give my cellphone to my daughter on the rare occasion she needs one went unnoticed? However, for those of you who stuck up for me or are concerned, or just gave your unsolicited advice (which is your opinion, and everyone is entitled to that)...My daughter is very well adjusted..she is quite the social butterfly and has no problems adapting socially. She is well versed in the electronic age, and is as knowledgable as her peers about cell phones, email etc... We have open and honest discussions about teenage sex, drugs, drinking and my daughter comes to me about concerns she has for herself, for friends or others she goes to school with. Most recently was concerned about a girl in her class who apparently took a sexual photo of herself with her cell phone and sent it via her cell phone to another boy's cell phone.

I hear story after story of nude pics being sent via cell phones, or kids giving out personal info through emails, or myspace, no matter how diligent their parents are. I am not knocking any parent that makes the choice to allow their children to have cell phones, etc. Sometimes the electronic age jeopardizes our personal safety more than we realize. I would rather have my daughter walk to her car in the mall parking lot paying attention to her surroundings than mindlessly chatting away on a cell phone while a potential predator is following behind her.

I know all my daughters friends, where their going and what they are doing. I am appalled when my daughter has a new friend sleepover and the parent doesn't even take the time to come to the door to meet myself or my husband. They don't even ask to speak to us prior to dropping their child off! For all they know I could be sitting around in my robe, drinking beer and doing drugs! or providing their kid with alcohol(I'm not, but you get the point...) There are other children's houses that I do not allow my daughter to go to because of the lack of supervision, but those children are always welcome at my house. I always speak to and meet the parent of any new friend my daughter wants to hang out with. I am not naive in the ways of teenagers, you can have the best kid in the world and they will do something you would never expect them to do. Didn't we all do something we knew our parents would not approve of?

The one thing we can all agree on is that we love our children and want the best for them. Let's just all agree to disagree...

 

[Clio]

If you want to limit texing messaging. Most carriers have things like smart limits which limit not only the amount of texts but also the times that kids can text. You can set it up so that a kid can't text during school or after certain hours. I sell cell phones but still have trouble why young kids need cell phones. My daughter got a cell phone when she was able to pay the bill.
Liz

 

[TanyaLovesPooh]

My DD15 doesn't even have a cell phone! or a myspace, or email or IM... If her friends need to speak to her they can call her at home, and if she's not at home she is with her friends. I tell her she is lucky we have a cordless house phone cause I only had a corded phone growing up

On the rare occassion she does need a cellphone, she borrows mine. She is a great kid, involved in dance, gets good grades, and has a good group of girlfriends with NO drama, if you can believe that! She has tried everyway imaginable to get us to get her a cell phone. I told her she can have one when she is 18 and old enough to sign a contract and pay for it herself! Imagine that...

We all survived without cell phones as teenagers and so will she.

My son is 14 and has no cell phone either, course it is my 10 yr. old daughter that really wants one. We decided that when they have a job and can pay for a phone and monthly fee that is when they can have one. My son would rather spend his money on video games. We keep telling the silly boy that he better start saving for a car.