How do you control how much texting your kids do?

[cruellababy]

I don't. We have Tmobile and it's only 9.99 mo for unlimited texts. But, she doesn't text in school- and I can/have checked.

 

[what about bob]

Why not just tell her "no?"

 

[disneybound2010]

There's a software out there called Radar that can be installed on a lot of phones. It captures every text message sent on a phone and lets a third party monitor phone usage online. It's not meant to be Spyware; it makes its presence known. The idea is that kids will be more careful what they do if you can see every click. (And that if something bad DID happen, you have a full log of all contacts.)

Not cheap, but I hear it is selling very well.

I just saw a news report on this. While it is a bit expensive, I defintiely think it is worth it. THey had a couple of parents with their children talking abotu it and the children said that while they didn't like it at first they did understand whjy it was there. One of the young girls had been mass texted by a pedophile(apparently this is a new way to lure in children)posing as another teenager. I would without a doubt look into this if I had a child old enough to have a cell phone.

 

[lindsmom]

Yes, I've actually had to google a few codes. Couldn't for the life of me figure out <3 - felt pretty stupid when I discovered that it was a heart.

Ditto on the heart! When I first saw the <3, i thought ALL SORTS of inappropriate things as well as "is this some drug thing?" etc. Then I found out it's a heart. Guess I need to give some of these teens more credit than I do.

 

[BuckeyeGuy28]

Well, Bro, when you're 12 and 14, you get no privacy!!!

Hahaha

 

[sk!mom]

Ditto on the heart! When I first saw the <3, i thought ALL SORTS of inappropriate things as well as "is this some drug thing?" etc. Then I found out it's a heart. Guess I need to give some of these teens more credit than I do.

I'm an Elementary math teacher so I didn't see anything inappropriate. I was hung up on "Less than 3, Less than 3".... "WTH does Less than 3 mean?"

 

[genius118899]

I'm an Elementary math teacher so I didn't see anything inappropriate. I was hung up on "Greater than 3, Greater than 3".... "WTH does Greater than 3 mean?"

I'm no math teacher... but isn't that less than 3???

 

[Nie0214]

I'm no math teacher... but isn't that less than 3???

Yeah, it is.

 

[CLEVERGIRL]

Well this method has proved effective for me set your daughter up on a plan with a set amount of messages and minutes and simply make her work for the bill trust me shell be a lot more cautious and sure to not run over every month

 

[SLK1]

OP here...I appreciate all the responses. Having said that, it isn't about money. We have the AT&T unlimited plan and it's really inexpensive. Money is not the issue. The issue is the obsession with the phone in general and the texting. But, then I thought, What if she had her nose in a book? She'd still be obsessed with reading the book (granted, getting more out of it than some lines on a text message). On the other hand, when I was growing up and someone wanted to talk to me, they had to call my house, my mom could answer, and she knew who was calling and when. In this day and age, it's very easy to be disconnected from your own children when they seem to be really connected to their friends! I'm just trying to keep those lines of communication open and have her still able to tell me whatever she wants to!

 

[mjkacmom]

OP here...I appreciate all the responses. Having said that, it isn't about money. We have the AT&T unlimited plan and it's really inexpensive. Money is not the issue. The issue is the obsession with the phone in general and the texting. But, then I thought, What if she had her nose in a book? She'd still be obsessed with reading the book (granted, getting more out of it than some lines on a text message). On the other hand, when I was growing up and someone wanted to talk to me, they had to call my house, my mom could answer, and she knew who was calling and when. In this day and age, it's very easy to be disconnected from your own children when they seem to be really connected to their friends! I'm just trying to keep those lines of communication open and have her still able to tell me whatever she wants to!

Well, back in the day, I had my own phone line, in my room, as did all of my friends. We DID disconnect with our parents, because we were teens, and that is what teens do. I just go out of my way to let dd12 know I'm here, and take advantage of "bonding" moments - riding in the van, sitting at the computer shopping. During those teens years, yes, of course my friends were WAY more important than my family. By the time dd is 18, my twins will be 12, so I'm hoping that when they're starting to pull away, dd will be coming back.

 

[luvs_eeyore]

OP here...I appreciate all the responses. Having said that, it isn't about money. We have the AT&T unlimited plan and it's really inexpensive. Money is not the issue. The issue is the obsession with the phone in general and the texting. But, then I thought, What if she had her nose in a book? She'd still be obsessed with reading the book (granted, getting more out of it than some lines on a text message). On the other hand, when I was growing up and someone wanted to talk to me, they had to call my house, my mom could answer, and she knew who was calling and when. In this day and age, it's very easy to be disconnected from your own children when they seem to be really connected to their friends! I'm just trying to keep those lines of communication open and have her still able to tell me whatever she wants to!

I think you're being very wise. It's important to know what our kids are up to, especially as pre-teens and teens. It's proven that this is the time they need our involvement the most.

We have a son who is almost 16. We do not have texting on his phone for the very reason you're posting. We allow him to IM on the computer (which he spends a LOT of time doing), but the computer is in the family room, which is the main room of the house. I do occasionally check his logs. He understands that it's our home and he has to be prepared for us to monitor his communication on the devices we pay for.

He's a good kid, but earlier this year we had a problem when he used harsh language with a friend in an IM argument and her father called us after reading her log, furious. My dh and I were really disappointed in our son and were shocked and embarassed that he'd said what he said to her. He called her and her dad and apologized and the kids quickly made up, but it really opened our eyes that we need to be even more aware of what's going on, even though we thought we were on top of things.

So, that's our experience. We have limits on the phone time and we have limits on where the IMing is used. If you want to manage your daughter's texting, maybe sit down with her and set some concrete limits that must be adhered to. You could also let her know what the consequences will be if she exceeds those limits when you get your bill.

Good luck -- it's hard to be the parent of a teen today!!

 

[beattyfamily]

We do not allow texting yet with our 12 year old DD. Maybe when she's older but not now.

She's lucky she has a phone!!

 

[amandaraye]

Where do you work that you see, um...'worse things'?

I work at a substance abuse facility where kids as young as 12 come in who smoke marijuana or even crack, shoot dope and are sex offenders or offenders of numerous crimes.

Also, three kids my son's age who we know died recently. 2 were related to drugs, one hung herself because of the first two deaths.

I guess that's why I let the texting thing slide. If I ask him to put it away so we're not interrupted, he does. If his schoolwork slides, then we'll take it away.

 

[SLK1]

I work at a substance abuse facility where kids as young as 12 come in who smoke marijuana or even crack, shoot dope and are sex offenders or offenders of numerous crimes.

Also, three kids my son's age who we know died recently. 2 were related to drugs, one hung herself because of the first two deaths.

I guess that's why I let the texting thing slide. If I ask him to put it away so we're not interrupted, he does. If his schoolwork slides, then we'll take it away.

Yikes!!! That really puts things in perspective...if the worst my kids do is text too much, we are very lucky. However, if they're so involved in "another world", how do you know when they have slid too far and are unreachable? I think a lot of kids hide it very well. Many times the parent or friends will say they had no idea. It's scary.

 

[geffric]

we have unlimited texting as I have 2 teen age high school boys.. the younger one texts the most.. over 4000 texts in a month.. but I pick my battles.. he is a football player, marching band, life scout and an A student..i really don't know when he has the time to text.. between sports and school work.. but if there is a change in grades or activites i will take away his phone..

 

[disneymom2003]

Well, Bro, when you're 12 and 14, you get no privacy!!!

My thoughts exactly! Also with Verizion you can go on line and see who they are texting (the number) and who is texting them. We had an issues with someone we did not approve of texting our daughter (she was texting him too) after she knew I was keeping an eye on it the texts and calls to-from him stopped. She knew there would be consequences if she didn't. I pay the bills. I get to make the rules. I also had her start leaving her phone in the family room at night. These kids text 24/7. She needs a good night sleep.

 

[BelleBeast]

Does anyone know how to print out text messages? We have Cingular and I would love this rather than reading from the phone.

I have 3 teens - DD17 DD16 DS 13 - DS is in the worst trouble with it as his girlfriend sends 350 texts a day and they are all sexual and it just amazes me.
I called the girlfriends Mom once and she said as long as it doesn't interfere with family time she can do as she pleases. She didn't at all seem interested her daughter is sending sexual texts. I told my son today, since is grades are
suffering, its time he breaks up with her...the lil S***!!

He know nows he has no privacy since she wanted him to come to her house "to go all the way" - At least when we were kids and on the phone you could hear us - kids these days know NO ONE IS LISTENING and its dangerous.

 

[marcyinPA]

We do not allow texting yet with our 12 year old DD. Maybe when she's older but not now.

She's lucky she has a phone!!

Same here with my 13 year old DS. He barely uses his cell phone....he's afraid to talk to girls on it! LOL I'm sure he'll ask for texting at some point, but he hasn't asked yet, so why open up that can of worms!

 

[roscoepc1]

Bro, why would you read your kids' text messages? That's kind of an invasion of privacy.

Plus, like I would do, she probably deleted all the good messages so you couldn't see 'em. You should go online and read them or get every message printed with your phone bill.

Um, b/c they're KIDS?? Privacy comes with age and responsibility. When they are earning a living, not eating my food, living under my roof, and using my money for clothes, phones and personal hygiene products, then they get privacy.

It comes along with their own key for their own front door. Package deal.

Until then? My kids know- their butt belongs to me. It is MY job to keep them safe until they are old enough to have the sense to do it themselves. I am their parent. Not their buddy. Not their pal. And never, ever, their "Bro".