How do you 'break up' with a soccer coach?

[tink1969]

I am so confused right now as is my daughter.
This will be her third season with the same soccer coach and the team is not doing well. We dropped a level this year and are playing in a lower division.
My daughter isn't happy at all. She is the captain of the team, is never off the field, and one of the best players the team has.
The team hasn't started this season off well and it is really bumming my daughter out. Now another coach, from two levels above us, wants her to go join his team. My daughter wants to go. But how on earth do I tell her current coach that we are leaving. In our leagues, you have until July 31 to change teams. It's rare for it to happen. Most people stay where they are and don't change until fall tryouts.
Anyways, our current coach has always said that we have to do what's best for our children and while he would be upset if families left the team, he would understand. He is very pro-family. But I don't think he meant leaving 'during' the soccer season.
I'm babbling now.....I could go on and on about it.
I'm wondering what other parents in my situation would do. Do I make her play out the season with a team she is not happy with (and it shows) or do I bring her to a better team that actually wins games, and where she wants to go?

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

My son was asked to join another team, somewhat like your situation. We made him wait until the season was over and let him join the next season. We felt that it would not have been fair to his other team-mates if he left during the season. Our coaches are also all very pro-family.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[Praying Colonel]

I am so confused right now as is my daughter.
This will be her third season with the same soccer coach and the team is not doing well. We dropped a level this year and are playing in a lower division.
My daughter isn't happy at all. She is the captain of the team, is never off the field, and one of the best players the team has.
The team hasn't started this season off well and it is really bumming my daughter out. Now another coach, from two levels above us, wants her to go join his team. My daughter wants to go. But how on earth do I tell her current coach that we are leaving. In our leagues, you have until July 31 to change teams. It's rare for it to happen. Most people stay where they are and don't change until fall tryouts.
Anyways, our current coach has always said that we have to do what's best for our children and while he would be upset if families left the team, he would understand. He is very pro-family. But I don't think he meant leaving 'during' the soccer season.
I'm babbling now.....I could go on and on about it.
I'm wondering what other parents in my situation would do. Do I make her play out the season with a team she is not happy with (and it shows) or do I bring her to a better team that actually wins games, and where she wants to go?

I would make (and have made) my kids finish out the season. IMHO you're teaching a good life lesson if you teach her to honor her commitment once the season starts. After the season, OK.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

100% this, IMHO:

My son was asked to join another team, somewhat like your situation. We made him wait until the season was over and let him join the next season. We felt that it would not have been fair to his other team-mates if he left during the season. Our coaches are also all very pro-family.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[Cooky]

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[MomofKatie]

Whatever you decide to do, please be upfront and honest with the coach and other parents/kids. They might not be too thrilled you are thinking of leaving, but at least they will know what is going on.

Our soccer team just went through a situation where 2 players left the team after tryouts. Neither of the girls' parents said anything to the coaches or the other parents beforehand. They just didn't show up one day- we got an email that said they decided to leave. It was pretty upsetting, especially because the girls had played together for 5 years. We thought we wouldn't be able to field a team (only had 7 girls left on the team, and play 8v8), but managed to add 2 new girls at the last minute.

We really wish they had said something earlier- we felt it was dishonest of them to let us think they were on board with the team, then bail out. If they had been upfront and told us they were thinking of leaving, we wouldn't have been thrilled, but would have respected them for doing what was best for their girls and giving us notice.

Just my .02- as you can see, this is a sore subject for me right now...

 

[Tink888]

I am so confused right now as is my daughter.
This will be her third season with the same soccer coach and the team is not doing well. We dropped a level this year and are playing in a lower division.
My daughter isn't happy at all. She is the captain of the team, is never off the field, and one of the best players the team has.
The team hasn't started this season off well and it is really bumming my daughter out. Now another coach, from two levels above us, wants her to go join his team. My daughter wants to go. But how on earth do I tell her current coach that we are leaving. In our leagues, you have until July 31 to change teams. It's rare for it to happen. Most people stay where they are and don't change until fall tryouts.
Anyways, our current coach has always said that we have to do what's best for our children and while he would be upset if families left the team, he would understand. He is very pro-family. But I don't think he meant leaving 'during' the soccer season.
I'm babbling now.....I could go on and on about it.
I'm wondering what other parents in my situation would do. Do I make her play out the season with a team she is not happy with (and it shows) or do I bring her to a better team that actually wins games, and where she wants to go?

I'd make her finish the season with the team she is with and switch after that if she's still unhappy.

How sportsmanlike is it to bail on your team and fellow teammates because they are losing? It seems like she'd be missing out on one of the most basic lessons of being on a team by switching mid-season.

 

[Imzadi]

In our leagues, you have until July 31 to change teams. It's rare for it to happen.

Sorry, I'm going to be the different voice here. You said it is well within the rules to change teams until July 31st. Sometimes, opportunity knocks but once, and you have to take it when it happens. Otherwise, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Your daughter was handed a marvelous opportunity. This isn't one level ahead, it's two. She has a right to be able to accept it. She has a right to be challenged at her own level and be amongst peers at her level who can help her to grow.

This isn't about her teammates. It's not personal to any of them or her coach. Although, it might be a kick in his butt to step up his game. If she wants to stay and be a caretaker, that's different. But, you indicated, she wants to leave.

I'd be very honest with her current coach and simply say, DD was given a fantastic opportunity to learn & compete with a team two levels ahead, and you and she want to accept that opportunity.

 

[RyMickey]

Sorry, I'm going to be the different voice here. You said it is well within the rules to change teams until July 31st. Sometimes, opportunity knocks but once, and you have to take it when it happens. Otherwise, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Your daughter was handed a marvelous opportunity. This isn't one level ahead, it's two. She has a right to be able to accept it. She has a right to be challenged at her own level and be amongst peers at her level who can help her to grow.

This isn't about her teammates. It's not personal to any of them or her coach. Although, it might be a kick in his butt to step up his game. If she wants to stay and be a caretaker, that's different. But, you indicated, she wants to leave.

I'd be very honest with her current coach and simply say, DD was given a fantastic opportunity to learn & compete with a team two levels ahead, and you and she want to accept that opportunity.

I completely agree...then again, I don't have kids, so what do I know?

But, it's not as if your daughter is simply changing teams within the same division/level. She wouldn't be playing against her former teammates (that might be something that would cause you to not change teams). She'd be moving up because she's a good athlete.

Make the move! But like someone else said, be upfront with the coach and stress the fact that she has been asked to move up within the league.

 

[Sparx]

I'd make her finish the season with the team she is with and switch after that if she's still unhappy.

How sportsmanlike is it to bail on your team and fellow teammates because they are losing? It seems like she'd be missing out on one of the most basic lessons of being on a team by switching mid-season.

I agree with this

 

[Bob NC]

As long as you are in the same association there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with moving up a level during the season.

In our association it happens frequently. It's an opportunity, and if current coach doesn't look at a player moving to a more competitive team as a good thing, then there is something wrong.

 

[Ceila]

It sounds like changing teams is very much allowed, and in fact you are well ahead of the deadline for doing so. While I have encouraged (OK, sometimes cajoled) my kids into finishing up a season of something they didn't end up liking, I think this is a different situation. The rules clearly allow this to happen, and your daughter is being given an opportunity to move up. If she wanted to switch to a team at the same level as her current team because the other team was winning more, then I would say stick it out. But that's not the case here - she has a great opportunity here and I would hope that her current coach is pleased that her talent is being recognized.

 

[mtemm]

moving up a level is different to me than simply changing teams. my son plays baseball. granted, he is only 8, but this spring he played AAA. there were several times this season where he and 2 of his teammates had an opportunity to move up to the minors for a game or 2. one I believe could have made it a permanent change. he chose not to, but we wouldn't have thought anything of it even though he was definitely one of the better, if not best, players on the team. we would have been happy for him, in fact! and yes, that includes my dh, who coaches the team.

to me that is a completley different reason than if, say, kid A decided to switch to the orange team (at the same level) because he no longer liked being blue.

 

[Pigeon]

I teach my kids to honor their commitments. If they sign on for something, they finish what they've taken on. When they are done with the season, they may switch.

 

[Minnie824]

I would let her change teams...you need to do whats best for her and you, not for your coach. If she's starting to complain alot you really don't want her to lose her love of the game. It sounds like she has a great opportunity to play with a good team and in my opinion that will help her better her skills as well.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm confused. Around here, soccer tryouts are in June, the season starts in September, and ends in June. So are you thinking about changing for next September? If so, that's fine. It still gives the coach the opportunity to add a girl who didn't make the cut at tryouts. If it's a summer league, tell the coach she can play up if she doesn't have a game that day (assuming it's the same league).

 

[padams]

Sorry, I'm going to be the different voice here. You said it is well within the rules to change teams until July 31st. Sometimes, opportunity knocks but once, and you have to take it when it happens. Otherwise, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Your daughter was handed a marvelous opportunity. This isn't one level ahead, it's two. She has a right to be able to accept it. She has a right to be challenged at her own level and be amongst peers at her level who can help her to grow.

This isn't about her teammates. It's not personal to any of them or her coach. Although, it might be a kick in his butt to step up his game. If she wants to stay and be a caretaker, that's different. But, you indicated, she wants to leave.

I'd be very honest with her current coach and simply say, DD was given a fantastic opportunity to learn & compete with a team two levels ahead, and you and she want to accept that opportunity.

I agree, especially since changing teams is allowed until July 31.

DS plays select soccer (he's 14). He changed teams mid-year a few years ago. You simply explain to the coach that your child has this opportunity to play at a higher level. Don't mention the current team's losses or that coach's abilities.

Players are called up during the year from lower teams, particularly when there are injuries on the higher level team or the higher level team has lost a player due to family relocation. Sometimes teams will pick up a player from a lower team just because the kid has skills (which sounds like your situation). DS even had 2 teammates last year move down a level mid-year because the families didn't like our coach. It happens. Do what's best for your child.

 

[padams]

As long as you are in the same association there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with moving up a level during the season.

In our association it happens frequently. It's an opportunity, and if current coach doesn't look at a player moving to a more competitive team as a good thing, then there is something wrong.

 

[rigs32]

I vote to make the switch.

Your daughter is with this same team for the third year and rather than improving, they WENT DOWN A LEVEL. As a young player, she's being challenged less and playing against less competitive teams. I think that plus being asked to move up two levels (so one from where she *should* be) is an acceptable reason.

Would athletes drafted during their second or third years of college be encouraged to turn down the opportunity in order to "honor their commitment"? I think the coach let your daughter down by failing to coach well enough so the team can improve.

 

[liamsaunt]

Since it is before the stated deadline to switch teams, I would move her to the more competitive team. If she is playing for a team that is not challenging her skills, she may get bored and decide to drop the sport entirely.