How do you 'break up' with a soccer coach?

[Liberty Belle]

I wouldn't let my child switch teams mid-season, especially if she were the team captain. Explain why it's necessary she stay (commitment, the team needs her, etc) and then let her switch before next season starts.

I think when you play a team sport, you need to do what's best for the whole team, as long as no one is being harmed.

I just read your second (third?) post and I'm kind of torn now. I think I'd probably sit down with daughter and coach, explain things and see what happens.

 

[Disneyrsh]

Just.Do.It.

 

[LBAK]

My DD, now 15 has moved teams twice. Both moves were for her to play at the highest competitive level possible. It was hard to tell the coaches but they both told us they knew it was a matter of time and they totally understood.
While I agree that she is part of a team this opportunity might not come again. If she doesn't take that spot somebody else will. There are some amazing opportunities at that level.
Good luck!

 

[Paul (tigger fan)]

My DD, now 15 has moved teams twice. Both moves were for her to play at the highest competitive level possible. It was hard to tell the coaches but they both told us they knew it was a matter of time and they totally understood.
While I agree that she is part of a team this opportunity might not come again. If she doesn't take that spot somebody else will. There are some amazing opportunities at that level.
Good luck!

Good advice,

As a youth coach for a pro-team here in Scotland i see this problem all the time as the best kids move from local Boys Club to Pro-Youth with a senior club, i think she should move.

Just be upfront with the coach, explain the opportunity she has to be challenged at a higher level playing with and against better players and how you feel this will improve her development as a player and i am sure he will wish her all the best.

If i was him i would use her as an example of how dedication, commitment and hard work can lead too opportunities to progress and use this as motivation for my teams best players to achieve the same if not in football then life and that you cant rely on the talent of one to make a team no matter how good that player may be.

The most impotant thing is that your daughter enjoy's the game and the roller coaster ride it takes you on. Good luck too her.

Ps here in scotland you need to pay for players as young as 12 to move from pro-club to pro-club currently £10,000 per year the child has been in your clubs academy as compensation for the clubs investment in his development. That is if you choose to retain him as a club and he wants to move or another club wants him. This is an agreement the clubs have in place between themselves. This practice is currently being looked at in the scottish parliment thats how serious football is here as these kids may be worth a lot of cash even millions for the very best in transfer fees when older.

 

[smschex]

That is a tough one. Our daughter just left the team she has been on for several years. She had the same situation--one of the best players on a team with very mixed levels of commitment. I understand the dilemma. It was frustrating because the poor coach never knew exactly who was going to show up to play! However, she did finish the season with her old team before trying out for (and making) a more competitive team.

For us, I think the more important lesson we wanted her to learn was that you are part of team, win, lose, or draw and you honor your commitment to your team mates by finishing the season. We had no control over the attitude of the other players and their dedication (or lack thereof!), but we could teach her that when she says she will be a part of something she gives it her best effort. That is really one of the reasons for our kids to play team sports. There are a million opportunities these days to make it all about the individual and what is best for me and me alone. We want our kids to learn loyalty and sticking it out even when you aren't always having the most fun.

If she is really talented there will be other great opportunities. Why not think about the other girls on her current team and encourage her to be an encourager and helper to them? Then at the end of the season, pursue the other options.

 

[MadtownMama]

I believe in sticking to your commitments, and teaching children to finish things, with that said I would have no problem allowing my child to move up in rank! She was given the opportunity to advance, it's "legal" within your league rules so why not?! Wouldn't you accept a promotion at work, or would you just stay at entry level to "fulfill your commitment". She has worked hard and earned this advancement. I would have no resentment if another kid on my daughter's team advance to a higher level/team. In the end you are still teaching her a valuable lesson, she worked hard, earned a higher position that will challenge her in new ways.

 

[cats7494]

We have run into a similar situation with volleyball. We let our DD16 move up to the next level. Honestly, I did not even hesitate.
It was a very good switch for her and it honestly even improved her play!

Go with what is best for your daughter. Good Luck

 

[Imzadi]

I am reminded of this great scene from Good Will Hunting.

(Warning: explicit language. F-bomb thrown around quite a bit.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOfFkVCdLQo

If this team can't get behind the OP's daughter, and rally for her, they aren't very good friends.

If a team was playing together and they realized one member had what it takes to go for Olympic gold, would they really sit around and say, "Oh, no, you have to stay here with us. We can't make it, but you're part of our team, we need to stay together, no matter what"?


There is also this quote from Marianne Williamson's book, A Return to Love:
(This quote is NOT Nelson Mandella's, as was incorrectly attributed to him for a long time.)

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”


"We are all meant to shine, as children do." But, not the OP's child? She has to stay small, so as not to upset the coach or the team?


Maybe the problem isn't the leaving, (although the OP & DD haven't made the choice yet.) But how to leave gracefully?