How do you 'break up' with a soccer coach?

[jrmasm]

My oldest has switched teams several times. When she was ready to make a move, we would look for a break in the team's schedule to minimize disruption.

For those that say she needs to stick it out until the season is over, many teams are playing year round so there is no season to complete. Not sure if this is the case with the OP.

 

[Pumbaa_]

If you were offered a promotion, would you take it?

Your DD is being offered a great opportunity to improve her skills and advance in her sport. She is not being challenged and this is an opportunity to move up

I like the other comparisons - jv player being moved up to varisty. It is recognition of your DD skills

 

[Trish Bessette]

I totally support switching. The rules are you have until July 31st so I wouldn't think twice of changing.

 

[punkin]

If you were offered a promotion, would you take it?

Your DD is being offered a great opportunity to improve her skills and advance in her sport. She is not being challenged and this is an opportunity to move up

I like the other comparisons - jv player being moved up to varisty. It is recognition of your DD skills

This.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I think I have a problem with the coach who is trying to take a player from another team. I have never heard of this. The season has already started. Do coaches really scout and approach players to leave their team after the season has begun???

I agree with other posters. Your DD is the captain of a losing team. If she went to the other team, that would be abandoning them. That is not what a captain does. A captain always goes down with the ship, or he saves the sinking ship.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I like the other comparisons - jv player being moved up to varisty. It is recognition of your DD skills

I don't agree with this comparison. A jv player is playing for the same league. Representing the same school.

If you want to compare it to jv/varsity, to put it in context to the OP's situation, it would be like a varsity coach from a rival school coming in to take a JV player. Would it be then OK for the jv player to move up? Hey, it's a recognition of her skills, right?

 

[clutter]

I'm confused. Around here, soccer tryouts are in June, the season starts in September, and ends in June. So are you thinking about changing for next September? If so, that's fine. It still gives the coach the opportunity to add a girl who didn't make the cut at tryouts. If it's a summer league, tell the coach she can play up if she doesn't have a game that day (assuming it's the same league).

I'm confused, too.

But the MOST important thing is to check the league rules. In the league we played in, a coach cannot approach a player from another team without following a certain protocol. Generally, players switch teams during June tryouts, so I'm with mjkacmom, I'm confused. But the coach of the new team could get in trouble if the protocol isn't followed, so I'd make sure you know what it is.

You also don't say how old your daughter is, and I think that makes a difference, too. If it's a young team playing 8v8, there may be changes coming anyway. If it's a middle school team and she's looking at playing for high school, it's a different story, since she may need to play for the better team to make the high school team.

 

[stsomewhere]

sorry, i'm going to be the different voice here. You said it is well within the rules to change teams until july 31st. Sometimes, opportunity knocks but once, and you have to take it when it happens. Otherwise, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Your daughter was handed a marvelous opportunity. This isn't one level ahead, it's two. She has a right to be able to accept it. She has a right to be challenged at her own level and be amongst peers at her level who can help her to grow.

This isn't about her teammates. It's not personal to any of them or her coach. Although, it might be a kick in his butt to step up his game. If she wants to stay and be a caretaker, that's different. But, you indicated, she wants to leave.

I'd be very honest with her current coach and simply say, dd was given a fantastic opportunity to learn & compete with a team two levels ahead, and you and she want to accept that opportunity.

ita

 

[bonoriffic]

For those who are confused about the season, the OP lives in Canada. It is clearly a summer league that has just started.

I'm not clear on the league type, but as there are tryouts involved it sounds like a competitive league. You are also probably paying money to participate. Paying money for your kid to be miserable just to prove some non-existent point about sticking to a "commitment" is crazy. You were approached with an opportunity, she didn't seek it out on her own. The rules allow for the switch.

Do what is best for your kid, in this case that is moving on.

 

[Disneyrsh]

.

 

[Darcy03231]

DS was on a basketball team that did poorly the first year and not so great the second. For the third year he was going to change teams as he didn't think the coach was too good. We talked about it and he decided to stay with "his" team. They went on to win the City Championship this year.

I would encourage her to stick it out.

 

[punkin]

Not soccer but my DD11 is thinking of switching coaches next year as well. There is another coach who is a lot more aggressive and would probably be a better fit for DD's personality. Her current coach is very nice and laid back, and she loves him and doesn't want to hurt his feelings. There is no team to let down, but she is still hesitant to do it. It can be a hard emotional decision, but I would do what is best for your DD.

 

[minniecarousel]

Sounds like it's time for her to move on. If the team she's been on actually dropped down a level, and she is given the opportunity to move up a level from where she was last year, I think she should take. Just tell the current coach that she has been given this opportunity. What kind of a coach would object? wouldn't he want what's best for each of his players? It then gives the opportunity to another girl on the current team to take up the leadership role. Sounds like a win/win situation.

 

[bettymae1121]

If it's in the league's rules then I don't see a problem with it.

But then I'm not a parent and haven't played socer since I was 11 (layed back park district team)....so what do I know?

 

[MushyMushy]

I don't think I'd hold her back. Although I'm not familiar with sports, I'm familiar with commitments in other areas. If she's that good and able to move up a few levels, then good for her!

 

[tink1969]

Thank-you all for your comments. Some very valid points made. Just to clarify, this is a competitive team, not recreational. We do pay quite a bit of money for her to be in 'rep' soccer, not including all the money spent on hotels/food/gas for out of town tournaments. (some in the U.S.!)
Yes, we are concerned about the commitment we made to the team. My DD is worried about how the other girls and coach will feel should she leave.

The team she has been asked to join will likely be playing at the provincial level for next season. They are ranked #3 in Ontario whereas her current team is ranked #53. If she stays on her current team, it will take two years to even have a chance at getting to the provincial level.
My DD loves her soccer. This is what she does. She is miserable and doesn't even want to go to practices/games because she doesn't think the other girls are putting in the effort. She says only half the team is serious and the other half could care less.

We will be making a decision by the end of the week......still confused

 

[Imzadi]

Thank-you all for your comments. Some very valid points made. Just to clarify, this is a competitive team, not recreational. We do pay quite a bit of money for her to be in 'rep' soccer, not including all the money spent on hotels/food/gas for out of town tournaments. (some in the U.S.!)
Yes, we are concerned about the commitment we made to the team. My DD is worried about how the other girls and coach will feel should she leave.

The team she has been asked to join will likely be playing at the provincial level for next season. They are ranked #3 in Ontario whereas her current team is ranked #53. If she stays on her current team, it will take two years to even have a chance at getting to the provincial level.
My DD loves her soccer. This is what she does. She is miserable and doesn't even want to go to practices/games because she doesn't think the other girls are putting in the effort. She says only half the team is serious and the other half could care less.

We will be making a decision by the end of the week......still confused

Just bolding your own words. What are you still confused about?

You have to think in the longer view, not about what it feels like temporarily. We don't always get to feel good about the decisions we make, but we have to do them anyways if it's for the better. I don't feel like drinking cough syrup, but I do when I have to. I wouldn't feel good about firing someone, but I'd do it if I have to. I don't feel good about quitting/leaving (or staying) in a situation, but I do it, if that is what is best overall.

 

[ksjayhawks]

Sounds like it's time for her to move on. If the team she's been on actually dropped down a level, and she is given the opportunity to move up a level from where she was last year, I think she should take. Just tell the current coach that she has been given this opportunity. What kind of a coach would object? wouldn't he want what's best for each of his players? It then gives the opportunity to another girl on the current team to take up the leadership role. Sounds like a win/win situation.[/QUOTE

I agree with this, especially with the added info you gave about the new team being #3 and old #53 and soccer being your dd's passion. Sounds like the season is just starting and that movement among teams is not uncommon (given the league rules). Leaving now is different than leaving midseason.

If this is her passion and she has a chance to play on a great team that could help her enhance her skills, she needs to do it. Leaving the other team will be hard. It is good that she is concerned about what her teammates will think, shows she is not just "all about her and forget the others". Talk with the coach first and tell him of your decision. Let him handle telling the team.

 

[Imzadi]

There is also a big difference in being #53 and being #3. Realistically, if she stays, how likely is her team going to move up in rank and by how much? So they move up to #50. That's still not #3 or #2. And if her current team moves down from #53 to #55 after she's gone, is that really going to make that much difference on that end?

 

[Liberty Belle]

I am so confused right now as is my daughter.
This will be her third season with the same soccer coach and the team is not doing well. We dropped a level this year and are playing in a lower division.
My daughter isn't happy at all. She is the captain of the team, is never off the field, and one of the best players the team has.
The team hasn't started this season off well and it is really bumming my daughter out. Now another coach, from two levels above us, wants her to go join his team. My daughter wants to go. But how on earth do I tell her current coach that we are leaving. In our leagues, you have until July 31 to change teams. It's rare for it to happen. Most people stay where they are and don't change until fall tryouts.
Anyways, our current coach has always said that we have to do what's best for our children and while he would be upset if families left the team, he would understand. He is very pro-family. But I don't think he meant leaving 'during' the soccer season.
I'm babbling now.....I could go on and on about it.
I'm wondering what other parents in my situation would do. Do I make her play out the season with a team she is not happy with (and it shows) or do I bring her to a better team that actually wins games, and where she wants to go?

I wouldn't let my child switch teams mid-season, especially if she were the team captain. Explain why it's necessary she stay (commitment, the team needs her, etc) and then let her switch before next season starts.

I think when you play a team sport, you need to do what's best for the whole team, as long as no one is being harmed.