How Do I Handle This?

[curemyreed]

I have the great good fortune of taking a WDW vacation next week & it will be special because it will be just my daughter and I....usually our family of five vacations together. I've been feeling so happy thinking about this. But I just remembered an aspect of our last trip that was very hard to deal with and now I am feeling anxious.

My daughter requires the use of a "companion restroom". It isn't apparent why to others; it is a "hidden difference/disability". Just looking at her no one would think she needs this type of facility. That being the case, just about daily on our last trip someone would either direct a comment to me or loud enough for me to hear that was rude or mean. My daughter did not have the cognitive ability to understand any of these incidences, so they did not affect her. But I sure did and was it ever hurtful! On the one hand I get it because it probably looks like a mom and her kid are figuring they don't have to go into the "normal" bathroom like everyone else and are inappropriately using a facility reserved for those with special needs. (We've all seen someone who operates like the rules don't apply to them.) Here's the kicker......the people feeling the need to comment were those waiting behind us to use the companion restroom or waiting for someone who was in the companion restroom.....the very people I would expect to NOT judge/assume regarding ability/disability! I tend to be reserved so it was difficult for me to deal with this. Twice a person was so mouthy I had to go ahead and respond. I said something along the lines of, "Not everyone who needs this type of restroom is in a wheelchair. Some people have conditions that may not be obvious." I just didn't know what to say. I still don't. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Thanks.

 

[bookwormde]

Do what you are comfortable with, and do not let it bother you, some people ignore it, some people speak up and try to educate, some people have small cards thay carry that they can hand to people to help them understand.

Have a great trip

bookwormde

 

[babyrich]

How about telling them to grow up. Say our reasons for needing this facility are none of your business. Or be sarcastic and say, we used this facility just to ruin your day.

Seriously, dont let it bother you. Your reasons are nobody's business. Anyone who mouths off to you should be ashamed of themselves. If the facility is reserved only for this type of use they should be smart enough to realize that, like you say, not all disabilities are evident. If they are not, than you should feel sorry for them. If the facility is accessable to everyone, even without special needs, than they should just be quiet.

Just enjoy yourself and dont let others ignorance get in your way of fun.

 

[jbrnhrt]

we have this same thing, other than surgical scars, and slightly "off" gait, my son does not look disabled, however he has many severe disabilities, all internal. He is 6 and needs help with catheter sometimes so either my husband or I take him with us in the bathroom(besides that I wouldn't let my 6 year old go into a public bathroom alone). When he was a baby and I would use the changing tables in the public restrooms to do his caths, I can't even tell you how many people said things like " what a horrible mother, I can't see how she can abuse her child like that" Now that he's getting older, he no longer wants to come in the girls bathroom, can't blame him. Now that we have a 2 year old who's potty training all 4 of us always use the family/companion bathrooms every where(after 6 years of bladder caths, and enema, and bowel irrigations, this sort of thing is no longer private in my house). I've learned to either ignore people, or what your response was is perfect. We decided a long time ago that we don't owe anybody an explanation for our son, especially rude people. Some people who ask in a nice tone, we will offer an explanation, sometimes people are curious. and we've learned to Never apologize for our child's disabilities (sorry we're taking so long, or sorry you have to wait). we don't want him to think something is "wrong" with him, or that he's a burden in any way. hope that helps, I"m just rambling

 

[nyrebecca]

My son will be 12 in a month, and with his Autism he is still delayed in the toileting skills area (needs to be reminded what needs to be done and help getting redressed). I thank whoever invented companion bathrooms, because even with his delays I know he doesn't want to go into the ladies room with mom.

I have gotten a few comments about why such a big boy would need his Mom to help him. Someone said it was wrong for me to go in with him. I either bite my tongue, or ask the person who said it for their name and phone # or business card so I can contact them since they are an expert on Autism.

****Please don't let the words of the uninformed, the ignorant, and the rude ruin any part of your vacation, or more importantly your life.

 

[Bete]

I find it most effective to not getting confrontational with anybody. To create any kind of scene with your child present is not a good idea. Even if she doesn't quite understand it all now; she knows you are engaging in conversation with someone who is not pleasant. Eventually, as she gets older she may be able to understand more and really be hurt by it all.

You do have to stand your ground; because, there are hidden, invisible disabilities.

The bathroom says companion restroom, not wheelchairs only. I'm saying this and my mom is in a wheelchair.

I think in some ways this behavior by others will continue to get worse at Disney; so, you do have to stand up for your rights, too, but you can do it in a polite way.

 

[Jonell]

It's no one's business why you need to use the companion restroom . My husband also uses this restroom for medical reasons and his disabilities are also not obvious . I don't recall him ever saying that he got dirty looks or rude comments. Just ignore those people and walk away . As far as I understand these restrooms are accessible to everyone and not just the handicapped.

 

[michelle9343]

I would ignore what people say.
I find it amazing that anyone would even coment. I use the compaion restrooms with my disable daughter and 90 times out of 100 I have to wait for a very long time to get into them because someone decided that it would be more comforible to use the "large" bathroom. 80% of the time i here "i am so sorry' . Please really jsut don't make any sense and please even though it is hard just ignore what they say!!!!

 

[ccgirl]

I know it's hard but just ignore it. Honestly, I use the companion restroom myself. Not for disability reasons but to take my children. My DD is 7 and my DS is 2. I am not comfortable sending my DD into the restroom alone. Or, my DH will even take my DD if I am not around. Are the companion restrooms just for the disabled? I thought it was also a family restroom type of thing??? I just didn't want to be using it if I shouldn't be. Bottom line...people are rude. By you ignoring them you are taking the high road and, if anything, those people will be frustrated because they didn't get a rise out of you.

 

[Bugsmom73]

No families can use them too. It is designed for people who have additional needs in toileting that can't fit into a regular handicapped stall. My son has autism and is not able to go to the men's restroom by himself. Heck, it has been within the last 6 mos that our DD who is now 9 started using the women's restroom alone.

 

[jmartinez1895]

We use the companion restrooms when we can because my son need it. When we are at Disney we use a stroller as a wheel chair and one time a rude person thought it was her job to tell us that we should not use that restroom just because we are to lazy to take our kid out of the stroller. At that moment I felt the need to explain his condition. I wish now that I just kept walking because it is really none of her business, but what is done is done. Also, one time we had to wait on the restroom and it was a man and his daughter. She was too younge to go inside a restroom by herself and too old to go in the mens room, so I understood him using it as well. Some people are just rude and you will never see them again so don't even give them a second thought.

 

[babyrich]

I used to work at a public venue that was an old building and never had a "family restroom". Over the past few years people complained. The major complaint I received was that men who took their young daughters out were not able to bring them into the restroom. They certainly couldnt go into the ladies room and did not want to bring their daughters into the men's room. I cant tell you the amount of times I brought these young girls into the ladies restroom so their dad's wouldnt have to worry. They have since torn down that building and the new one includes family restrooms.

 

[maxiesmom]

I know it's hard but just ignore it. Honestly, I use the companion restroom myself. Not for disability reasons but to take my children. My DD is 7 and my DS is 2. I am not comfortable sending my DD into the restroom alone. Or, my DH will even take my DD if I am not around. Are the companion restrooms just for the disabled? I thought it was also a family restroom type of thing??? I just didn't want to be using it if I shouldn't be. Bottom line...people are rude. By you ignoring them you are taking the high road and, if anything, those people will be frustrated because they didn't get a rise out of you.

Ok, when you say you are not comfortable sending your DD into the restroom alone, are you afraid to take your DS in with you? I really hope no one has made rude comments to you for taking your 2yr old son into the womens room.

Those restrooms at Disney are labeled Companion Assisted Restrooms. Meaning anyone who needs help with the toilet can use them. I think families using them are ok, as long as it isn't because they feel they can take their time in them, or use them to change clothes in. Because for some people those are truly the only toilets in the park that they can use. As long as you are respectful of that, and don't plan on throwing a party in there, you should be ok.

 

[SueM in MN]

I know it's hard but just ignore it. Honestly, I use the companion restroom myself. Not for disability reasons but to take my children. My DD is 7 and my DS is 2. I am not comfortable sending my DD into the restroom alone. Or, my DH will even take my DD if I am not around. Are the companion restrooms just for the disabled? I thought it was also a family restroom type of thing??? I just didn't want to be using it if I shouldn't be. Bottom line...people are rude. By you ignoring them you are taking the high road and, if anything, those people will be frustrated because they didn't get a rise out of you.

Ok, when you say you are not comfortable sending your DD into the restroom alone, are you afraid to take your DS in with you? I really hope no one has made rude comments to you for taking your 2yr old son into the womens room.

Those restrooms at Disney are labeled Companion Assisted Restrooms. Meaning anyone who needs help with the toilet can use them. I think families using them are ok, as long as it isn't because they feel they can take their time in them, or use them to change clothes in. Because for some people those are truly the only toilets in the park that they can use. As long as you are respectful of that, and don't plan on throwing a party in there, you should be ok.

That’s basically what I have written for a long time.
They are set up as ADA accessible bathrooms for people with various disabilities who need assistance in the restroom or need the features of that room. There are not that many of them (4-6 in each park) and they are the only toilet that some people can use in that park.

For example, some may be people with wheelchairs who can’t use the handicapped stalls in the bathrooms for some reason. Some may be people without wheelchairs or visible disabilities who need assistance in the bathroom, for whatever reason (like the OP’s situation).
Some may not have visible disabilities or need assistance in the restroom, but need some of the features of the companion restroom (like someone with an ostomy or urinary catheter who needs a bathroom with a sink).

The Companion Restroom are not reserved for people with disabilities and I would certainly never make any comments to someone who does not look disabled since many people who need those toliets may not have a visible need. Because they are the only toilets for some people to use, I have written for a long time to ask people to decide whether they have other choices, and if so, to please choose to use one of those so these few restrooms are available for people who have no choice.

 

[SueM in MN]

Now, to actually deal with the OP’s concerns.

Regarding getting a hard time from people with disabilities when you use the Companion Restroom:
People with disabilities are people first. Some of them are very nice people and some not so nice, the same as people without disabilities. Some might have other disabilities that make them ‘cranky’ when they can’t get into the bathroom right away (like anxiety, urgent need or inability to control their emotions). Some are only thinking about their own disability because that’s all they know.
Even if someone is rude, I would advise against saying or doing anything that could be considered rude, cheeky or snarky in return. All that will do is make the situation worse and you can never be sure how the person will react.

My DD has a very visible reason to use the Companion Restroom (a wheelchair); plus several invisible reasons. The wheelchair has not made us ‘immune’ to getting comments.
In all our trips to WDW, we have had one comment from a man who was using an ECV. He was with his extended family and he felt we were taking too long, so kept pounding on the door. After we came out and he went in, I did talk shortly with his daughter and explained that he should expect long waits for the people inside the Companion Restrooms since many people using them need extra time. She apologized for his behavior (being a nurse, my guess was that he probably had had a stroke). His family members were pretty embarrassed about his yelling at us. That was the only person with a disability who has ever given us a hard time - probably because DD has a wheelchair.

We have had lots of situations with people who do not have disabilities - and I am not making any judgements about people with invisible disabilities, these people have said they have no special needs either to me or in talking to each other. In several cases, someone has said something like “These are Family Restrooms. You people have handicapped stalls in the restroom you can use.”
Or, I have heard people talking while DD and I were inside the restroom about who would take the child into the ladies or men’s room and then deciding to use the Companion Restroom - you can hear what people are saying quite well from inside many of the Companion Restrooms. That’s fine if they choose to use it and are fast, but many of them pound on the door and I could hear their comments about “why does ANYONE need more than 5 minutes in the bathroom.” If I hear someone outside the door, I always explain that I am in there with someone who is disabled and then give an estimate of how much longer we will be. The nice people respond back with a “Thank You.” I often know the not so nice ones DID hear because I can hear them talking about what I said and wondering why anyone would need to be in there so long, but then in a minute or 2, they are pounding on the door again. In one of those situations, someone actually called Security and wanted them to open the bathroom door because we were taking too long. It was a man and a woman with a baby in a stroller.
I talked thru the door to Security and explained how long we would be, etc. He told the other guests and suggested they go in the regular restroom. They said they had heard me the first time and that they knew they could use the regular restroom, but they didn’t want to.

Because we have had so many situations like that, we feel somewhat uncomfortable using the restrooms at WDW. The ones at MK are the worst because there are many families there. My ‘in-retrospect-favorite’ comment was someone who wanted us to get out right away because her toddler was recently toilet trained and had to go “right now”.

For MK, we have mostly given up on using the Companion Restrooms and most of the time we use the restroom in First Aid.
If it is very busy at the Studio, we use First Aid there too for the same reason.
The CMs in First Aid are very nice about it. You do need to sign in their log book just a short note of why you are there (they have to log visits). All you need to explain is that you need to use their Companion Restroom because your child has some invisible needs and can’t use the regular restroom.
They have offered me a map of the Companion Restrooms; I explain that we already know where they are, but have had too much ‘flack’ using them. Sadly, the First Aid staff have said they understand and that many people with disabilities are not using the Companion Restrooms for the same reasons.

 

[ccgirl]

Thanks for the clarification SueM. I can't imagine saying anything to anyone about using restrooms. Some people are so insensitive and selfish.

To the PP that asked if I get slack for brining my DS2 into the women's restroom. None that I have heard. He is always with me though so trying to get all three of us in the restroom is a challenge. Sometimes my DD does need my assistance - not something you would see by looking at her.

I am careful not to judge others. I think I am no better than anyone else and really don't care why they do what they do as long as myself or one of my children doesn't get hurt.

 

[Schmeck]

Do what you are comfortable with, and do not let it bother you, some people ignore it, some people speak up and try to educate, some people have small cards thay carry that they can hand to people to help them understand.

Have a great trip

bookwormde

Just returned last week from our WDW trip - handing out literature of any kind is forbidden - it's even posted on the tollbooths entering the parks. Meant to take a photo of it, but my husband was obsessing about our resort parking pass and I didn't get a chance.

 

[KPeveler]

Whenever people ask about the Companion Restrooms or handicapped accessible stalls, this is the advice I give them:

If you CAN use another restroom, then you should, even if it is perhaps a little more inconvenient for you. By inconvenient, I mean that you must take your child (who is old enough to stand) out of the stroller to use a regular stall, as opposed to wheeling the stroller into the handicapped stall.

If you CANNOT use the regular stall or restroom, for whatever reason, then by all means, use the stall/restroom you have to!

Once I used the Companion restroom in Epcot because a person with several children ran into the handicapped accessible stall in front of me (clipping my chair as they went past - I was in the restroom first and there was no line). I was in something of an emergency, so I had to use whatever bathroom I could get to. I would not, however have used it in anything other than an emergency.

I know that things can be difficult when dealing with different and often invisible disabilities, so my advice is generally to ignore what others say and just do what you need!

It all comes down to common courtesy - If you can use something other than the Companion Restroom or HA stall, then do so. If you cannot, then do what you need and don't feel the need to justify yourself to others. It is none of their business anyway!

 

[dclfun]

I'm really sad to hear of the comments that were made to Sue and her daughter. I also remember the story she told of the mother/daughter who rushed in front of them saying, "hurry before that girl in the wheelchair... we don't want to miss the fireworks!". As Sue said, it was a girl changing out of her princess dress at Epcot. They made it to the fireworks but the "girl in the wheelchair" did not.

Fortunately I've not had issues in the companion restrooms other than to have people knock. That's somewhat understandable as I'd rather they knock that try the door, but there is an "occupied" red sign that shows by the door knob when the door is locked and...erm...it means someone is inside using it. I can't imagine someone knocking a second time after they've been told that it's being used!

I will second and third what KPeveler said- that it would be wonderful if people were considerate. As was mentioned, other than going to First Aid this is often the ONLY restroom a disabled person can use. As they aren't found as frequently as regular restrooms, sometimes by the time a person locates this restroom they are in a really big hurry. For myself, the accessible stalls are not large enough for me to get in the door and maneuver with my power wheelchair and service dog and for many who can only do a lateral transfer, there is not enough space next to the toilet in the accessible stalls for a transfer. As there is only ONE First Aid location in each park, it would be a real challenge if that were someone's only option because the companion-assisted restrooms are occupied every time by people who don't HAVE to use them. So if you have ANY OTHER options besides this restroom, then please do consider that others may not. If you don't, then of course you are in the same situation whether your disabilities are visible or not and should not worry about making that choice or what anyone else thinks. Still, I can understand that you would be hurt- it hurts to be wrongly judged.---Kathy

 

[monatexasgal]

I would definitely ignore them. Don't let it ruin your vacation. Enjoy!