How could my own MIL do this to me!!!

[Nicolepa]

I would put away my nicer things whenever she was in the house. I have a nephew that can't be trusted and I hide everything before I know he'll be around. Jewelry in the closet behind a stack of sweaters, money, etc. all needs to be out of sight.

We practically need to frisk him before he leaves!

Ummm, this woman would never be allowed in my house again, never! And it would be made clear that if she was ever in my house when I wasn't around the police would be arresting her for tresspassing.

 

[sajetto]

Okay, I'm sorry, but I've been thinking about this...these are your NIGHTGOWNS!!! I mean, there's a chance that you may have had one on while...ahem......and she WORE them...

My ICK ICK ICK factor is going NUTS right now...

Yes, I understand the ick factor and I think its pretty ewwwey too. They are really beautiful gowns, but in no way would I wear someone elses gown no matter how pretty they are. My sister has some gorgeous sleepwear, but I sure don't want to try one on!

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

Speaking as someone who's FIL attempted to steal from him, I can definitely feel your pain!!! I haven't looked at the man the same way since. When we have family get-togethers and he sits there giving his "sage" advice to some of our younger family members, my emotions go from wanting to puke, to staring right through him like he isn't there. It's really unfortunate that you've got to go through this, but believe me, you're not alone on this one!!

 

[sajetto]

OMG Laugh O Grams, I'm sorry. I can truly say I've never felt so betrayed, hurt, angry, and suspicious of someone in my life. I totally understand how you felt then and I can say I would never wish this on anyone. I'll NEVER look at my FMIL the same way again.

 

[Laura]

OMG Laugh O Grams, I'm sorry. I can truly say I've never felt so betrayed, hurt, angry, and suspicious of someone in my life. I totally understand how you felt then and I can say I would never wish this on anyone. I'll NEVER look at my FMIL the same way again.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've had to deal with a thief for years--though not my MIL! And no, don't expect "I'm sorry" or an admission of guilt, only ridiculous excuses that a two-year-old can see through. It's never the thief's fault. I know that kind of person well, and though I haven't had anything stolen lately, I'll never let my guard down. I do keep an inventory of my stuff; I may look disorganized but it's all there in my head. Oh, and get a jewelry box with a lock!

 

[willis37862]

Stick them in a box, wrap them up and VOILA! Christmas is done!

I think this is a wonderful idea. Would love to see the look on MIL's face!

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

OMG Laugh O Grams, I'm sorry. I can truly say I've never felt so betrayed, hurt, angry, and suspicious of someone in my life. I totally understand how you felt then and I can say I would never wish this on anyone. I'll NEVER look at my FMIL the same way again.

Yeah...that's about how it is with me as well. Every ounce of respect I had for the man disappeared in an instant. Don't want to hijack your thread...I started my own about it a few month's ago...I gave him a job, he tried turning in falsified expense reports, and he went psycho when I calmly confronted him...blah, blah, blah. Better you and your fiance know now, rather than later. Unfortunately, you'll probably always have your guard up while around her from now on. It's really too bad.

 

[sajetto]

Oh, I remember that thread! How awful and for you its even worse because that is stealing cold hard cash rather than personal belongings. I am so sorry that happend to you. We need to start a support group for people whose family members steal from them JK

 

[Cass]

I don't see what else he can do. He already confronted her about it and told her to stay out of my things. He can't make her tell the truth and I'm just going to stay worked up if I expect anything else.

He can insist on a family group therapy, she needs help - she is not stealing because she's poor she is stealing compulsively. She needs to have a therapist get to the bottom of her problem.

 

[Micca]

Any chance you and DF could relocate to another city? I'm afraid she is going to thwart your long term relationship.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

We had a talk about this, but it probably wasn't the right time to do it because I was upset and hated her at the moment. I told him that any children are to be far far away from her! However, I've cooled off and we've come to the agreement that if we are lucky enough to have children that any visiting will be supervised and under no circumstances is his mother to be left alone with a child in our home.

He has told his mother that he was very angry that she lied and that she had embarassed him to no end. She was screaming at him so much though that he just walked away. She knows that she has screwed up because we were the only people that she ever hung out with. We would go visit her at her home pretty often because she was lonely. She's going through her 3rd divorce and the ex-husband has already moved his fling into what was their 6,000 square foot mansion in Texas. She's been living here in NC for the past year (Michael had not seen her in 6 years until this divorce started) and they still have not reached a settlement. While she has been so upset we have taken her food, checked on her and her dog, mowed her lawn, and gone out to the grocery store for her. Well, no more of that! We've decided she's on her own now and good luck to her.

That's another thing that bugs me. I know she has enough money from the last marriage to go and buy her own stuff so why did she take mine?!

Sounds like you and DF have talked all this over and made some very wise decisions about how you will be relating to his mother from this day forward. I would be VERY concerned if DF was defending his mother, ignoring the issues, or acting as if nothing happened, but this does not seem to be the case--sounds like he is just understandably angry and embarrassed.

Anybody who would steal from you is MAJOR TROUBLE. Obviously you both realize this and plan to take measures to hold her at arm's length!

 

[PrincessKitty1]

He can insist on a family group therapy, she needs help - she is not stealing because she's poor she is stealing compulsively. She needs to have a therapist get to the bottom of her problem.

The OP and her DF need to distance themselves from this lady, not insist on family group therapy. Yikes. Individual therapy she obviously needs, but you can't make somebdoy change who doesn't want to (it's hard enough to change when people actually WANT to! ).

 

[N.Bailey]

My MIL thought she had joined AAA motor club, but only my FIL had the subscription (they thought they were both covered). My MIL paid like $200 (was 1 something, but I can't remember exactly) when her vehicle broke down to have it towed, then she called AAA for reimbursement. She was after all, a member. They explained that she wasn't, but they told her all she had to do was say that my FIL was in that vehicle. He could have been the driver, or the passenger, it didn't matter and they pretty much were telling my MIL to lie and they'd issue a check right out.

She simply told them if that's their policy, she'd have to withdrawal the claim because she couldn't lie. They again pleaded with her, but she would not lie for reimbursement. She then did join herself, but she wasn't willing to say 1 little lie to get almost $200 back. Personally, I'd have lied in a heartbeat if put in that situation.

I will never have to deal with the issues you're having to deal with and I am so sorry. I have more respect for my MIL than I have for anyone else on this planet. I'm sorry you can't say the same.

 

[sajetto]

I'm sorry you can't say the same.

I'm sorry too.


This is something I will never ever forget, but I'm ready and need to put it behind me. I'm not closely connected to this woman so I'll let her lie in her own misery. I don't feel as though my relationship with my DF is in peril just because of her and I know he and I are not willing to let it bother our lives together. We are very compatible and happy with one another and we are not letting someone outside of the relationship damage it. Thanks to all of you for your support. This has been an absolutely horrible experience and you've all made it just a little bit easier for me

 

[PaulaSue]

NEVER give her keys to your house or let her in when you are not watching her like a HAWK.

 

[Aimeedyan]

Good night, what a fruitcake!!!

Honestly, I think she has some mental issues. Really. I think you're wise to be overly cautious around her and with any future children.

I hope this doesn't put a damper on your wedding... family drama always seems to take shape right before a big event like a wedding, unfortunately!

 

[scifihippie]

I'm so sorry your FMIL is a psycho!

It seems like she's having some emotional problems since her last divorce. I saw where you mentioned she had money to buy things, so it wasn't stolen out of need, but out of craziness. My mom's best friend came from the richest family in town. Her friend's mom never left the house. They couldn't let her b/c she was a kleptomaniac. She had all the money in the world, but would steal things. Years of therapy - 20+ and she finally is able to go out on her own. This just reminded me of her. Sounds like your FMIL has some heavy emotional problems and this might be a cry for help. Has your DF talked to her about seeking some therapy?