How close are you to your breaking point?

[Minniesgal]

I think we just have to get on with it and stay at home as long as is necessary no matter how hard we find it. I don't see the point in saying "I can't do this another x weeks" because if we need to we need to.

In Europe people managed a far more restricted lifestyle than this for 5 years during WWII so while hard it can be done it is just a case of deciding to get on with it.

I get wanting to go out the house and longer walks may well be one of the first things to come back but we can manage without mani pedis and restaurants surely. These are not I can't do without things they are wants not needs.

 

[maxiesmom]

I think we are all very lucky. Our isolation also involves internet, and being able to face time and use all sorts of other devices to see each other. TV with goodness knows how many channels. E-Readers where you can have as many books to read as you want. The ability to order groceries and have them delivered.

Still, I am beyond bored. Not used to all this sitting. But I also live with my elderly parents, and myself have asthma. So the idea of everything opening back up, before there is vaccine is plain scary.

All of those who feel they are going to have to go out, and will go crazy if they don't, need to ask themselves a question: How bad would you feel if you brought the virus into your house? All because you were bored and sick of being at home? Is you child/spouse/parent getting sick worth your going out and about?

 

[Pink Partridge]

Thank you! I do the same for my son. I make breakfast and lunch and dinner. We are vegetarians but I make two meals 3 times per day bc my son eats meat. I buy his favorite treats at the store. I listen to his music with him in the backyard even though I don't like much of it. I play weird Playstation games with him when he seems like he wants company. I listen to his opinions on this pandemic and validate them even if they don't match my own thinking. I've bought him a bass guitar and equipment for him to make music on his Macbook bc he enjoys that and can't afford it. I'm a pretty damn good mom and his life is easy at this point. It's me who is in the middle and has anxiety - I've shielded him from most of that.

You are a wonderful mother. And you are doing what you need to do right now to protect your child. Being quarantined with a situation that gives you anxiety can't be easy. Once again, I admire you. You're putting your child first. It will all work out once we get back to some normalcy and your choices expand.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

People have been told many times over the course of the last 6 weeks or so that a job isn't that important.

Who said a job isn’t important? Yes, some are considered “essential” in these situations, but I’ve seen no one say a job isn’t important. Why do feel that way?

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

Not a single person here has suggested that those of us affected by stay at home orders or self-isolation are going through anything comparable to that of a first responder or medical worker. Nor is it comparable to the risk and stress felt by those who don't have the choice to stay at home. If there was a single thing I could do to reduce the burden you face, I would do it and so would most of us here.

But you don't get to set the bar. You don't get to decide that the stress the rest of us feel isn't real and worthy of empathy and fellowship. You've got co-workers on ventilators, would you be less stressed by this locked in your home? We are all here watching the death toll rise. We, all of us, are worried that someday it might touch us as closely as you feel now; our friends, coworkers, parents, children, ourselves. Counterintuitively the anxiety is compounded by being penned up; we feel powerless and that can be terrifying.

You don't get to gatekeep coronavirus anxiety. Your profession and your sacrifice has earned you my greatest respect, but it does not excuse cruelty.

How was that cruel? I get the anxiety, and I don’t believe the poster thinks she’s the gatekeeper. I know I don’t have it worse than others nor do I deny people’s cabin fever. But when those anxious to get back out quickly threaten the progress that staying home has made, that’s frustrating. I can handle my job. I cannot handle protesters and deniers right now.

Right now, and for the foreseeable future, EMT job security is at an all time high

Not if you walk off the job right now. That would be insubordination and go against why we chose this.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I just caught up on this thread. I like that people have been forthcoming about how they're feeling - right, wrong or indifferent. It's nice to get to know people in a way that we don't or can't always, on regular threads. Some of your posts moved me. I don't think anyone should be criticized here. We're all coming from different places and have a right to our feelings. This thread's become kind of a sounding board, which we all need right now, since we've never seen anything quite like this before. Thanks for all who shared.

I don't even know where to start, which is unusual for me since normally when I'm ready to respond to a thread the words just come right out. But lately they haven't. And I've been mostly quiet throughout all of this. I just don't have much energy. It's zapped. My sleep is off. Apparently I was talking in my sleep about a ventilator the other night. I don't think I've done that since many years ago on my first real job out of nursing school that was very overwhelming and from which I cried myself home every day.

Not doing that now, thankfully, but feeling a similar type of work-related stress, as I'm now working in our Covid units, which would be really hard for me to describe to people unfamiliar with the hospital environment. I wouldn't really want to anyway, I'm just keeping it mostly inside for now, where it belongs. (And discussing privately w friends from work for support.) Over the years I've taken care of patients with every type of germ imaginable, and never worried about it. But not having the right equipment was tough to reconcile at the beginning of all this. And emotionally draining. I also lost my mother prior to this after caring for her at home for over a year so that didn't help. And more that I won't get into; I'd be here all day! But together it's enough to make me take pause and try to figure it all out and how I feel about everything, etc. Talking to people at work, everyone is in the same boat. All are stressed. We are going to have a lot of medical workers coming out of this needing support. All time off has been cancelled; people are working outside their areas of expertise, working overnight shifts which they hadn't done in 25yrs, working with people they don't know, etc. It does feel like how I imagine a war zone would feel. And I think we're all grieving in a way for our previous roles and jobs. We're unsure if it will ever go back to the way it was.

It's nice to drive down the street and see hearts and notes cheering us on, and we really appreciate all the support from the public. But we don't always feel cared about by everyone. Strangely enough one of the things that moved me the most was seeing our governor practically crying in frustration at a press conference trying to procure masks and other supplies for us. It felt like he cared. Once at work the feeling of cameraderie is pretty good among us worker bees. So it may be that we relate to other healthcare workers the most right now, and that's ok.

I feel fortunate we can still pay our bills and put food on the table, etc. I am glad to have a very supportive family. I like having us all together. I just have been so exhausted on my days off that I haven't been able to do hardly any of the many things on my to-do list that I'd already put off for a long time. I know I will eventually. We just need to get through this.

 

[mjkacmom]

It sounds like you're a great mom trying to do whatever you can for your son, but please understand all that "shielding," especially at this age, is just in your head. He knows, he feels it, he can see it in your face and honestly just as it would be harder on you to see him deal with a crappy person than for yourself to deal with him; it's harder on your son to see you deal with it. I know now is not the best time, but just understand that your son is not left unscathed by your shielding (not any disrespect to you, I know you're trying to protect him etc. but trust me it effectshim.)

I first read this post in a quote, and thought the son was 6 or so. I have 3 young adult children and 2 almost adult children, and I treat them like adults (Well, except ds17 because he’s a typical teen who is a complete slob, likes to play video games really late and sleep all day, and leave dirty dishes everywhere. He does make breakfast and lunch for himself, and tries to bolt from the dinner table without helping with clean up. I need to find more chores for him.

 

[ronandannette]

I agree with you absolutely but I am also aware of how easy it is to almost subconsciously slip back into the former ‘parent-child’ roles.

Yes, that is so true, especially for a mother, I think, and it’s easy enough for young adults to regress back to their teenage habits too. Do any of us really want to relive those days? One of the toughest things for a young adult to give up is their (perhaps) hard-won independence. As “cushy” as life might be, most of them would prefer not to be back home right now.

Nobody needs to excuse for how we all deal with this. Your post does cause some concern but don’t feel bad if your body and mind need to shut off at times. I have been not able to sleep early at night. My internal clock shuts off at 1am and I could sleep until 11. My DH, bless his heart, leaves me be. I am is that when I’m dealing with stress my body just shuts off along with my mind and I sleep a lot more than normal. I think we all need to just except that these are not normal times and that may mean not normal activity. You say you also have a highly stressful job maybe this is just the way of your body and mind taking a hiatus. Let it rest but also get the help if you feel you need it deep down- there’s no shame in that.

I understand what you’re saying. I’m what I call a “stress-napper”. The more upsetting the situation, the more I need to just sink into the oblivion of sleep to cope with it. Admittedly it’s an escape, but there are worse vices.

I think maintaining normal sleep patterns is tough for many right now with their other routines and household activities turned upside down. Lack of sleep can also seriously alter one’s immune system so erring on the side of a little too much is probably not a bad thing. I’m struggling to get enough right now, both for my physical and mental well-being. I go out to work every day and DS & DH are always home. My only quiet time is in the late evening after they’ve retired. The alarm still rings at 5:30

 

[Searc]

I hope things work out for you, one way or the other. I agree that many are likely in the same boat right now, whether or not they're talking about it.

I'm honestly struggling with some of the same things with my husband, and I am so so thankful that he's essential because as much as I love him, I don't think I could take him being home with the boys unemployed right now. He just doesn't know how to let go and let it be for now. For example, he's been snippy about the boys staying up all night playing video games, as though it is indicative of them being slackers, even though they don't have anywhere else to be and it actually helps me out to have them sleeping during the day when I want the house quiet for the girls' Zoom classes. He's also frustrated by the "mess" (drinks, books, etc.) in the living room when he gets home... but he's used to coming home to a house where no one's been all day. Some mess is unavoidable with five of us there all day! I know he's just as stressed as we are, for different reasons, but there are moments when I could cheerfully throttle him for his lack of empathy and understanding of how upended the logistics of our lives have been. Everything is normal for him, though more stressful at work (his three-man team was one short when this started and of course hiring is on hold now, and his boss has been out for weeks with COVID19; every time she plans to come back, something else happens, first a setback with her own health and then her sister falling ill and needing help and now their mother hospitalized), and he really doesn't seem to get just how different everything is for us. He wants "normal" after work and I just can't give him that.

Have you told him that? Things that are obvious to me are not always to DH and visa versa.

 

[sheilafri]

I can do it. Sure, I’m bored with not going out for coffee with friends, going to my book club and lunch group. I figure if our grandparents could tough out a depression and a world war, I can give up some gatherings and vacations. That said, the social isolation is wearing. I’m glad I like my DH and my dog.

 

[ronandannette]

Have you told him that? Things that are obvious to me are not always to DH and visa versa.

Sounds like perhaps he’s nearing his “breaking point” too. I think many of us are just going to have to buckle up for a bumpy ride until things normalize and hopefully emerge without too much permanent damage.

 

[KingLlama]

Well, to be honest, I was feeling pretty down about everything going on, but the other day I got an email saying that “we’ll all get through this together” from a noodles place where I ate once in New York City last July, so now I’m feeling much better.

 

[Searc]

Sounds like perhaps he’s nearing his “breaking point” too. I think many of us are just going to have to buckle up for a bumpy ride until things normalize and hopefully emerge without too much permanent damage.

Possibly, but it is a lot easier to cope when your normal doesn't change much. Yes, it will be bumpy for everyone. Being together all the time is rarely anyone's normal, even for retirees. It will cause extra stress and friction, but telling people how you're feeling instead of losing your temper helps and sometimes, pointing out the obvious needs to be done.*

*General 'you' and 'your', not you specifically, Annette.

 

[wvjules]

I was doing mostly ok. My DD and DGS moved in with us so that added some different dynamics to the household. I LOVED seeing them on a daily basis. But working was difficult for me and we were in a 2 bedroom apartment. So DBF and I moved to our house at the lake and left the apartment to DD and DGS. We were all much happier.

DBF was laid off and had been going biking on trails daily. Last week he wrecked his bike and fractured his right shoulder in two places. (He's right handed) Since then I have had to assist him with almost everything. He's still in considerable pain and also wears an immobilizer so I have to help him get settled in his recliner, cut up his food, open his pill bottles, get him dressed/undressed, help him dry off after showering, get his ice packs, etc. Plus do all of the household chores and cooking. I'm getting tired and it's not even been a whole week yet. I can't imagine trying to maintain this for at least another 5 weeks.

But we have a nice big yard and porch, and fresh air. So there's something positive.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

We are hanging in there here ...but I miss my friends and family. My husband always works from home, but I am a first grade teacher now working from home. It is hard to teach the little ones on a computer!
Im also 5 months pregnant and before this, my husband went to all of my appointments.We have our 20 week ultrasound coming up and he cant come. I understand it,but I still feel bummed about it. This may be our only child so I hate that he is missing out on parts that he would be there for if not for this situation. Ive been doing a lot of online shopping, cleaning,and organizing! But I can't wait to be able to go to out and shop for the baby!

 

[Pooh2]

Ready to find a bootleg hairdresser!

 

[kymom99]

Personally—I’m doing fine. I go to the grocery store about once a week and buy needed items for myself, parents, relatives. I’ve been trying new recipes and infusing vodkas. Reading more and trying to watch tv less. I’m not an exercise person, so no changes there. I was able to take a road trip. Some relatives a few hours away were repeatedly not finding things they need and I found them and vice versa, so we did a ice chest on he porch switch off.

professionally—I’m sure you’ve seen my posts all over the boards about working taking its toll on me. It’s not working from home, higher ups, workload or anything like that, it’s the constant attacks from parents that seems to have really hit a high level. That’s where I’m at my breaking point.

I’m a teacher teaching online too. I’m sorry you are dealing with difficult parents. Over my 30+ years I’ve had one difficult parent here and there and I can honestly say I have lost sleep over it. I can’t imagine a bunch at one time. I’ll count myself fortunate my parents are being great.

 

[kymom99]

Ready to find a bootleg hairdresser!

My niece is a hairdresser

I’m not worried about mine. I have little gray and the style doesn’t require a lot of upkeep. My son on the other hand is a mess. And he has to go out to work. So she will cut his tomorrow.

 

[Dole_whip_doll]

I’m a teacher teaching online too. I’m sorry you are dealing with difficult parents. Over my 30+ years I’ve had one difficult parent here and there and I can honestly say I have lost sleep over it. I can’t imagine a bunch at one time. I’ll count myself fortunate my parents are being great.

thanks! my experience has been same as yours through my last years of regular teaching. It’s been petty and almost felt like bullying.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Oh for Pete's sake... Some of our "children" are competent, fully-functional adults and we'd like them to stay that way. Nothing wrong with a little extra TLC but here we expect that courtesy to be a two-way street. I'm proud that my DS(23) who is a university student and living at home, is a grown man and infantalizing him in the name of "mother-love" is a ridiculous idea.

It definitely is a two way street. My child has ripped up an entire basement carpet and is installing Pergo. Painted the walls last week. Taking classes. Missing friends. Missing their very independent life 6 hours away. They are very competent and fully functional. And so very gracious.

We are all going through changes. Me treating them to special meals isn't going to ruin them. I do the same for my husband. He does the same for me. I woke up to a tray of coffee and biscuits this morning. It's a wonderful thing to go out of your way for the ones that you love. I feel fortunate to be able to use this time to do so. It will all be over soon.