How can I help my DD understand....

[Piglet]

and feel better about herself?? Some kids on her bus and in her class have been calling her fat and chubby. The thing is that she looks normal but she has a liver disorder and her liver is large making her belly look big and kids with this disorder tend to have cherub like cheeks.

I can't believe I have to deal with this already!!!! She is only 6 and in Kindergarten.

It breaks my heart. She is such a sweet kid and is so sensitive to others. I told her that maybe those other kids don't feel good about themselves which is why they need to pick on others. What do I say to a 6 year old to help her understand??
What do I tell her to say to them? I want her to take up for herself, but she is very quiet and won't say much.


Melinda

 

[vald1977]

That just about breaks my heart. Just make sure you tell her that she is beautiful every single day. People are all made different and she is perfect just the way she is. Tell her some kids are just mean and like to make people feel bad. I don't really know what she could say to the kids that would make them stop teasing her. Probably trying to ignore them is the best route. I hope things get better for her very soon.

 

[Mermaid02]

Your post brought tears to my eyes Melinda. Kids are so mean sometimes. I think you have done the right thing by telling her that those kids have low self esteem. I don't know if there is much else you can do. Tell her that what is really important is what kind of a person people are on the inside. I have been most proud of my children when teacher's tell me how "kind" they are. It's the greatest compliment they could be given.

 

[vald1977]

Oops. I forgot to add that maybe you should have a talk with the bus driver or the school. No child should have to put up with this kind of thing.

 

[JESW]

Oh my! That just makes me so sad!

Please talk with the school. At our schools there is ZERO tolerance for any type of teasing. I have found our counselors to be very good to talk with and to set things right before they get worse. My DS8 has been on both sides of this and the school was right on it and things have gotten much better.

Jill

 

[believe]

I would talk to the teach and see if she could handle it in a subtle manner. Maybe she could do a lesson on disabilities and have a discussion on that type of disorder. Maybe once the kids are better informed it would help.

 

[Saffron]

I think I would talk to her teacher about this. Maybe she/he can incorporate some sort of sensitivity training into the day, not just about your daughter, but people who are different in general. It sounds like the kids really need it. Let her know that it's happening on the bus too. He or she will know where to turn to help get it stopped.

That's just so sad. My heart aches for her. To help her understand, how about an online group of kids that have the same disorder she has? Are there any organizations in your area that can help hook her up with maybe a pen pal? It would be great if she could find someone. Mom and dad, sisters and brothers, grandmas and grandpas are the best, but maybe there is another little girl going through the same thing who would love to find someone that she can totally relate to.

{{{{Hugs}}}} to both of you.

 

[Dream]

Oh how sad. Kids can be SO cruel. And it is so difficult to be "different" in any way when you are young. I agree with making sure you tell her, sincerely, every single day, how beautiful she is. Don't just say the words....tell her why....make sure she believes you. Your words will ring in her ears when these kids are mean and will give her the strength she needs to get through. I also agree with intervening on her behalf at the school...she probably hears this more than just on the bus. At this age children cn still be "molded" fairly easily....they are too young to really understand the depth of their actions. The school guidance councelor can help here as well as the teachers and principal.....they can talk to these children and explain how hurtful they are being and hopefully prevent this behavior as they get older. By filling your daughter with a positive self esteem and strength and courage....as well as intervening for her on an adult level....she will come thru this just fine! As a Mom...it breaks your heart. Seeing her grow from this experience will be your reward for all of your efforts!! Good luck!!!!

 

[Piglet]

Wow, thanks for all your suggestions.

My DD has an excellent teacher and we have a great relationship with her, so I think I will send her an email and tell her that this is becoming an issue.

Most of the kids are really protective of her. Her liver disorder affects her ability to keep blood sugar stable so she drinks cornstarch mixed with Kool Aid there to help her control it. It doesn't digest as fast as food. They are always asking about it and checking with her to make sure she drinks it when she is supposed to. We have never hid it and always answered questions that they have had openly. I thought this would help them to just accept that this is Tessa.

There isn't a lot of kids with this disorder, but we did have the chance to attend a conference in Rochester last September and it was so amazing for her. Just to see other kids drinking their cornstarch and playing with them. She has talked about it ever since.

I "talk" to a few parents and adults with this disorder through emails and I hope to help her find someone to talk with, but she is not yet ready to email or write letters. We get cards and pictures at Christmas from the families.

I think she has a personality that makes her very sensitive to every comment. She also tends to want to be at home and not be away from my DH and myself very much. She has had a lot of hospitalizations. She really needs self esteem.

Melinda

 

[Dream]

Originally posted by Piglet
We have never hid it and always answered questions that they have had openly. I thought this would help them to just accept that this is Tessa.

. She really needs self esteem.

Melinda

Just doing this ONE thing....being open with others about her condition and encouraging her to do the same....will do WONDERS for her self esteem!!!! She will eventually follow your lead here. This is such a wonderful gift that you are giving her! Be proud of yourself!!! I have a chronic condition that began in childhood and while my parents did a great job with almost all aspects of this, their reaction was to "shield me" from the pain of other's reactions and encouraged me to "hide" my condition. While done out of love, this one thing has caused me so many problems. Hang in there!!! Sounds like you are a great Mom!

 

[doxdogy]

I would definitely talk to the teacher and the bus driver. Also, how about talking to the kids that are teasing her and explaining to them about her liver disorder. I also think that you are on the right track about explaining to her that when someone doesn't feel good about themselves that they tend to poke fun at other people. I also, have a disorder that caused me numerous teasings in school. So, I know what your daughter is feeling right now.

 

[nkjzmom]

Melinda, my heart goes out to you and your sweet daughter.

Two of my brothers have serious health conditions. The "baby" (13) is diabetic....but keeps it under control and his friends have always been really great about it.

DB just younger than me suffered from kidney failure at age 3 and had his first transplant at age 4, from our dad, then again at age 12, and I just donated my left kidney to him in December. Because of the anti-rejection medications he was alot smaller than his classmates and always had those chubby cheeks....I cannot tell you how many people would come up to him and touch them and say how cute they were. We ALL hated it!!!!!

My mom did speak with all of his teachers and administrators...but they really can't do much when the kids are alone. I think giving kids a lesson on disabilities can do alot. My son's 2nd grade class has been learning about heroes and even went part of the day blindfolded while learning about Helen Keller. They've invited me to come and talk to them about my donation. I don't consider myself a hero....it's Jeremy, my brother, and I will tell them that over and over. These kids who deal with illness and difficulty day in and day out are the heroes.

Tell your daughter I think she's a hero!!!

 

[Piglet]

You guys are great. Thanks so much for your encouragement.


nkjzmom - thanks so much for your story - I am going to tell my DD about you.

Dream - thanks for you compliments - I just hope that I can make the right decisions and say the right things to help her.


I will keep you updated and let you know how things go after I talk with her teacher.

Melinda

 

[Sal]

No new advice, here, but wanted to relay a personal experience. A good friend's son has been diabetic since the age of 2. My friend went to school and gave a talk to his class every year when he was in elementary school. Basically, she just explained how he needed to have blood drawn at school and stuff like that. She let them look at his machine and other things they would be seeing him use.

It worked great, and kids seemed to think it was fun to be around him, he was special (in a good way).

I know this is not the same as with your sweet daughter, but I second the opinions of others that intervening at school is the way to go.

Best of luck to your DD. She sounds precious.

 

[grinningghost]

That poor little girl. I know the pain of having your child teased. It's unfortunate, but it happens all over. It's the one thing, as a parent, that you have no control over. I would speak with her teacher and the principal of the school and let them know what's been going on. Most often, they will handle things in an appropriate way. Until then, make sure you remind her how pretty she is, and how much you love her just like she is.

This kind of thing went on up until my DD was in 7th grade. Once she entered middle school, it almost came to a complete stop. The kids seem to have matured over the summer. Now that she's almost done with 8th grade, I see a huge difference in the girls. They are more into extracurricular activities and shopping at the mall and they get along in groups much better. And they've discovered looking at boys is more fun than teasing other girls. Better days are on the way for your DD - tell her to keep smiling.