How can I get a copy of my husband's cell phone bill?

[NewJersey]

Wow, half of the posters on this thread should be detectives!

I would just ask to see it.

 

[mommy*RN]

Thank you to all who replied. I should mention that I thought something was going on earlier this month. On March 16th, I went to look at his cell phone and it wasn't where it always is. My DH is a creature of habit so I found this strange. He left for work and I went downstairs where he keeps the bills and found his cell phone bill. Upon opening it I found my DH was calling a number 5-6 times a day. I called the number and a female answered and I hung up. I then called my DH at work and confronted him. He claimed they are just friends and she was a student in a class he taught. Pretty strange to have to talk to a "student" 5-6 times a day sometimes for almost 2hrs. I kicked him out for two days and told him I did not want him to speak to her again. He said fine. I then told him I wanted to see all his incoming cell phone bills and he said "NO". He won't live his life under a microscope. The phone bill I originally found I copied...and thankfully so because it is no longer anywhere to be found. I figure if the mail comes and he gets the cell bill it will be placed with the original one I found...leaving me unable to see it.

When I said he is on to me, I meant that he knows I was trying to access his cell phone statement online. I don't think he knows I read all his email and such...

To the pp who mentioned stopping the mail...I've thought about that! I just don't know the turn around on cell phone bills. His statement ends on April 3rd, so when should I expect to see the bill in the mail? Sprint online offers an email option also...if I enter his email (which I have access too) will any password emails they send to me automatically be forwarded to his phone also? Can anyone with Sprint try it for me???

I'm sorry to see other ppl are going through this too. It sux in a big way. We have two young children and all my DH talks about is DIVORCE. Seems he wants to leave me...I'm the idiot here who still loves him...

 

[mrsltg]

I'm sorry to see other ppl are going through this too. It sux in a big way. We have two young children and all my DH talks about is DIVORCE. Seems he wants to leave me...I'm the idiot here who still loves him...

You have your answer. It's probably time to talk to a lawyer - you don't have to proceed, but if infidelity is a deal breaker for you, you need some advice. Also, the lawyer can tell you what you will need to prove infidelity which will be important in any settlement.

All that said - I am so, so very sorry. This is awful and unfair.

 

[Maggimus]

You seem to be handling this very rationally! I would be throwing things and going off the wall. Maybe you have known this inside for a while and are just finally coming to terms with it. Even if it IS one of his students-- 2 hours on the phone with a student 5-6 times a day is just plain wrong. He may have just admitted to you what hes doing. Maybe it isnt the girl from church- maybe its a student? I (female) had a great (male) teacher friend but we NEVER spoke on the phone- and i even knew his wife (worked at the ob where she was pregnant and going for care)-- but theres a line, a big line you never cross. Whether its the student or the female from church-- it doesnt matter. He sure is hiding something especially if he 'doesnt want to live his life under a microscope'... mine and my DH's life is open for free viewing-- i have nothing to hide therefore dont mind.

Im so sorry-- it seems like cheating has become the 'thing to do' for some. You dont deserve this-- im going to follow your story and I hope you and your children stay strong!! Ill pray for you!

 

[TallyLassie]

Upon opening it I found my DH was calling a number 5-6 times a day. I called the number and a female answered and I hung up. I then called my DH at work and confronted him. He claimed they are just friends and she was a student in a class he taught. Pretty strange to have to talk to a "student" 5-6 times a day sometimes for almost 2hrs.To the pp who mentioned stopping the mail...I've thought about that!
...

Sounds sooo similar to my situation. My husband says the other woman is just a friend, and they just "talk". But sometimes 10 times a day? Give me a break. If you are able to look at past telephone bills look at December 25 who he called. You might be able to tell by looking at that date who is important to him.

Here is some good info I found:

The Slippery Slope to an Affair

Most affairs are slipped into over time. A person talks to someone and begins to form an inappropriate emotional intimacy separate from their spouse. It is a process beginning with fantasy, dwelling on the possibility, elaborating the fantasy, formulating a plan, rehearsing the conversations and plan, rationalizing the “rightness” of the affair, and finally acting on all the above.

Here are some clear signs you are on the slippery slope to an affair.

Talking to the other person more than your spouse about personal intimate issues.
Complaining about your spouse especially deficiencies in attention, affection, or sexually.

Sharing every fight or disagreement between you and your spouse with the other person.
Deeper emotional sharing usually develops an emotional affair. Feelings of closeness, being understood, respected, not judged, accepted “for who I am”, a euphoric sense of unconditional love are believed to flow from the other person. Often a comparison to the spouse evolves and gradually an idealized belief develops that the other person loves me more than my spouse does.

Since humans tend to want to make love when they feel love, sexual fantasy often parallels the emotional affair. The slope becomes more slippery and steeper.

Sharing sexual fantasies, dreams or thoughts is especially dangerous when shared about the other person.

Buying sexually suggestive cards or gifts for the other person.

Crossing the physical line with a kiss or sexual touch heightens extreme vulnerability to an affair.

Verbalizing the possibility of an affair to the other person.

Planning the first meeting. Rehearsing, over and over, what to say, what it will be like.

The sexual fantasies are often accompanied by the freedom fantasy.

The freedom fantasy is obsessional thinking about being single, or that your spouse suddenly wants a divorce, or your spouse is killed in an accident or just disappears leaving you free to pursue the affair.

 

[Robinrs]

I have been (unknowingly) the "other woman"....

Men who are smitten call a LOT. They seem to like the anonymity of it and the fun of just being able to.

I wouldn't need the written proof. You already know the deal. And since he mentioned he's "on to you" he can get around this by using another phone.

If it smells like a duck, looks like a duck ... you know the rest.

I am so sorry you're going through this, it's not fun knowing that someone you loved and trusted is doing this to you. I hope it works out to your benefit.

Robinrs

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

 

[DeterminedOne]

I think since you have her number from the previous bill you should call her. You don't have to be confrontational. Just tell her that you see a lot of calls to her number on your phone bill and want to know who she is. If you approach it the right way she might just tell you who she is and what's been going on. Even if she doesn't, you could still confront your husband with the fact that you talked to her. It will drive him crazy and make him mad, but so what. It's pretty much the same thing he's doing to you by being so sneaky. Good luck!

 

[clutter]

We have two young children and all my DH talks about is DIVORCE. Seems he wants to leave me...I'm the idiot here who still loves him...

Well, it's ok to be an idiot about loving him but run, don't walk to an attorney to that you can at least be a protected idiot! If he's talking divorce, he is likely already meeting with an attorney. Make an appointment, bring as much financial information as you can, salary, 401k, bank accounts, credit cards, other debt. You don't want to find out that he's moved joint assets in preparation for filing. You really need to protect you and your kids.

 

[sugarpie]

Well, it's ok to be an idiot about loving him but run, don't walk to an attorney to that you can at least be a protected idiot! If he's talking divorce, he is likely already meeting with an attorney. Make an appointment, bring as much financial information as you can, salary, 401k, bank accounts, credit cards, other debt. You don't want to find out that he's moved joint assets in preparation for filing. You really need to protect you and your kids.

I agree. Protect yourself and your children.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

OP, unfortunately you have the answer whether you get the bill or not. He wants a divorce Hugs to you and your little ones.

 

[rt2dz]

You have your answer. It's probably time to talk to a lawyer - you don't have to proceed, but if infidelity is a deal breaker for you, you need some advice. Also, the lawyer can tell you what you will need to prove infidelity which will be important in any settlement.

All that said - I am so, so very sorry. This is awful and unfair.

I have to agree. If you have suspicions in advance, it is always good to talk to a lawyer before any confrontations. They can tell you how to proceede and get everything you need (proof of cheating, records, etc) before you start anything so nothing can "disappear". And you can always end things (lawyer wise) at any time. But always good to have all your ducks in a row.

 

[disneyfan67]

To the OP: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this and sadly, things are going to get worse before they get better. You probably know inside what has to be done and I wish you a clear mind, strong heart, and a lot of mental strength in your upcoming legal battles you will be facing. Even if you and and your DH work things out, the trust you had for him will always be damaged. There's just no way around that. As a married man, as soon as I read your first post, I knew you were in trouble.

When married men find another bed to jump into, it's almost like their 16 again with the stupid things they do. I've seen long time married, church going, men in their 50's who on the outside seem like pillars of the community, have affairs. It's like they found the fountain of youth or something. The multiple phone calls a day are a sure sign and I've seen it many times.

Now to get off topic a little bit:
The one thing that gets me about this thread is how many talk about different bank accounts, separate bills, etc. I don't understand why or how married people allow that to happen. In my marriage everything is on the table and my wife and I don't keep secrets. If she wants to look at my cell phone, have at it. I have nothing to hide and neither does she. When it comes time to pay the bills, we do it together for the most part so we both know what is going on. If I wanted to have privacy and keep secrets, why get married? I just don't understand that type of thinking. If you want secrets get a room mate, not a wife or husband. Maybe I'm old fashion, but I thought marriage was a partnership and a merging two separate people into one team that works together. Sorry to get off topic on my little rant. I just wanted to get that off my chest.

 

[Robinrs]

I think since you have her number from the previous bill you should call her. You don't have to be confrontational. Just tell her that you see a lot of calls to her number on your phone bill and want to know who she is. If you approach it the right way she might just tell you who she is and what's been going on. Even if she doesn't, you could still confront your husband with the fact that you talked to her. It will drive him crazy and make him mad, but so what. It's pretty much the same thing he's doing to you by being so sneaky. Good luck!

Leave the woman out of it.... if it wasn't her it would be someone else. The OP needs to deal with the person who made the vows to her in from of God and everyone else, not the woman who he chose to lose his vows with.

It does her no good to go to the woman anyway. She might find out the truth but what difference does it make. It just cause more pain. If there is an affair or not a husband who is even talking about divorce will not become the perfect husband just because she found out the ugly truth.

Take it from someone who had a meeting with my former fiance's OTHER fiance... She just considered it be a jealous woman coming after her and it then becomes a competition. Not good.

 

[TeresaNJ]

Haven't read through all the posts, so don't know if you've seen the bill yet, but people with nothing to hide hide nothing.

 

[disneyfan67]

Haven't read through all the posts, so don't know if you've seen the bill yet, but people with nothing to hide, hide nothing.

I'll second that.

 

[Maggimus]

 

[floridafam]

Did he just tell you that he wants a divorce today?

Is there any chance of you seeing that bill?

Sorry you have to go through this.

 

[ilovejack02]

You can go to the post office and have the mail HELD for a few days and that way you can pick it up when you want to...

I did that for a birthday present for DH and since he is always checking the mail, I had to do that so he would still have a surprise for his B-day.

i hope this workd out for you. If you are suspicious, there is probably a problem.

As oprah says...(quoted from another site)
"you need to listen to every whisper, every intuitive feeling, every feeling. If you do not listen to the whisper, you will then get a message, and if you don't pay attention to the message, you will get a crisis, and eventually if you ignore that you will get a disaster. The first hint of fear, the first whisper that something is out of order, pay attention! "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time."

You have had a whisper (you sensed something was up), you have the brick upside the head (he won't give you the phone bill), don't wait for the brick wall or entire building to fall on you.


We should all listen to our instincts more and really listen when we hear something wrong.

Hugs...

sneaky girl.... I LOVE THAT IDEA!!!!

 

[emilymad]

I just want to second the thought of getting a lawyer immediately! My ex DH filed for divorce without telling me. I just got served the papers. Right after this happened he stole my engagement ring while I was in the shower, changed the locks while I still had things in the house. Luckily he didn’t move any money but I basically had no recourse on the other things. My point is that even if you are in the right, which you obviously are, people can be sneaky and you can get screwed. Protect yourself and don’t be naïve like me!