How are we expected to attend an out of town wedding when no kids are invited?

[MushyMushy]

I agree with your frustration-esp after making hotel reservations.

I am still baffled by ya'll in the North and these fancy schmancy $50-plus a plate sit down weddings. No wonder kids are an issue!

Every wedding in the South I've attended are passed heavy appetisers and a buffet.

Don't blame the north. I'm in PA and we don't behave like that.

 

[java]

No it is because we value family and that includes our children.

Here in the NE we value family as well. Have you seen our Christening parties?
Not wanting a bunch of kids at a wedding running all over the dance floor is something that I understand. I have 4 children and enjoy the night out with DH that I get when there is a wedding to attend. My children are not surgically attatched to me and they would be bored to tears at a wedding.
But there have been times when my mom can't babysit so we say no. Simple as that.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

If you can't (or won't) find a babysitter then I'd guess this wedding isn't all that important to you. There are many, many options for you in this scenario but instead you are making yourself a victim and insinuating that the bride has done something wrong. I am sure she has loads to think about and plan and worrying about babysitters for others probably isn't up there on her list. I understand that you are close to this cousin but it's months before the wedding and invites haven't gone out yet. If there really are no children invited, you'll know that by the invitation and you get to make a choice -- personally, I'd be very offended if my CLOSE cousin chose not to come to my wedding because she lacked a sitter. Are you serious that Dad cannot take a day off months from now for a special occasion (or to stay home with the kids)? Wow. As you can probably see, I'm definately a "no-kids" wedding type of person If there's a will, there's a way

Then since you're such an expert. and you know my family situation so well, tell me what my options are.

If my family is at the wedding and DH is working what am I supposed to do with my kids? Maybe you have an infinite number of people who watch your kids, or just don't care who you leave your kids with. I'm not real fond of leavng my kids with strangers to attend a wedding.

Yes, dad cannot take off months from now. Maybe its a newsflash to you but the economy is bad and with the lay-offs he is low guy, meaning NO SUMMER VACATIONS, for any reason.

Wow nasty rude post, Have your coffee yet today?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Here in the NE we value family as well. Have you seen our Christening parties?
Not wanting a bunch of kids at a wedding running all over the dance floor is something that I understand. I have 4 children and enjoy the night out with DH that I get when there is a wedding to attend. My children are not surgically attatched to me and they would be bored to tears at a wedding.
But there have been times when my mom can't babysit so we say no. Simple as that.

And that is not a problem. However Charade telling me that we have kids at our weddings because there is plenty of BBQ is ignorant.

 

[jrmasm]

OP, I did the same thing a few years ago. Cousin getting married 8 hours away, entire extended family invited except kids.

I wasn't offended but I also wasn't comfortable leaving my kids with someone I had never met before. Usually I'm pretty relaxed about stuff but that was outside my comfort zone.

I sent my regrets.

 

[MELSMICE]

Well that is offensive.

No it is because we value family and that includes our children.

I don't think us in the NE value family any less. I think it's just a cultural thing & a personal choice. We had a few kids at our wedding, (close cousins) but otherwise, children just don't attend weddings in our area.

That being said, when we went to my cousin's wedding out of town when my oldest was just a baby, she hired a sitter to watch the children of out of town guests (there were only a handful of kids). They were in the same building as us, just in another room. We could check on them any time we wanted.

Another cousin (same family) knew that if we were coming we would have to bring our kids as all "sitters" would be a the wedding. She opted not to hire a sitter & invited our kids. Our kids & another families were the only kids there.

It's really a matter of choice, IMO.

 

[Loverly]

-- personally, I'd be very offended if my CLOSE cousin chose not to come to my wedding because she lacked a sitter.


Are you serious that Dad cannot take a day off months from now for a special occasion (or to stay home with the kids)?

It's her cousin's DAUGHTER getting married.

I'm in a similar boat. My cousin's son is getting married in another city, and though I'm close to her, I don't think i'm going to shell out $$$ for hotels etc for her son whom I've seen only a few times in the last 15 years.

Also the comment about her DH not taking vacation time so she can attend a "no kids" wedding far away .... Would a man really want to use up valuable vacation time for that?(Instead of a relaxed family vacation-like to WDW )

 

[Keli]

I honestly don't think your cousin has done anything out of line. You don't include information about the wedding itself on save the date cards. Usually it only mentions the couple's name, and the city and date of the wedding.
Typically that info doesn't come until the invitation but in your case you are getting it months in advance.
Personally, I think you should take the trip with your mom and if you don't like the childcare available (I would have been a little picky about that myself) then one of you attend the wedding and the other attend the reception. That way the beach vacation is still on.
Really, I can see where it's an aggrivation you hadn't counted on to deal with childcare but I do understand why brides do the no child weddings.
Often there are some very good reasons to do so.

 

[tiggerunner]

You have to make a decision and do what's best for you and your family. There should be no hard feelings that kids aren't invited and no hard feelings that you won't be there.
Too much drama is put into these things sometimes and there shouldn't be.
Just love one another and give blessings to the new couple and visit them some other time or invite them to visit you.

 

[Jennasis]

And that is not a problem. However Charade telling me that we have kids at our weddings because there is plenty of BBQ is ignorant.

We had a BBQ wedding! Invited kids too... Don't take it as an offence. It was the BEST wedding I'd ever attended. WAY better than my $25K first wedding at a catering hall on Long Island (to which I invited no kids, by ex-BIL brought their infant daughter anyway and then ahd the GAUL to ask my DJ to make the music lower so the baby could sleep)

 

[jrmasm]

I honestly don't think your cousin has done anything out of line. You don't include information about the wedding itself on save the date cards. Usually it only mentions the couple's name, and the city and date of the wedding.
Typically that info doesn't come until the invitation but in your case you are getting it months in advance.
Personally, I think you should take the trip with your mom and if you don't like the childcare available (I would have been a little picky about that myself) then one of you attend the wedding and the other attend the reception. That way the beach vacation is still on.
Really, I can see where it's an aggrivation you hadn't counted on to deal with childcare but I do understand why brides do the no child weddings.
Often there are some very good reasons to do so.

She didn't. And OP didn't either when she decided not to go.

 

[designermv]

We got married on an island in new england, a nine-hour drive from where we and most of our friends live. Many people came up and made a vacation of it, and brought their kids. Our wedding and reception were "no kids", but we hired licensed babysitters to watch children offsite (at a house our friends had rented for the week) during the ceremony and reception. It worked out wonderfully. The babysitters were from an agency and had excellent references. Maybe you could speak to your cousin and see if this type of service is available in her area.

 

[mommasita]

I feel for you. When there is NOBODY to watch them, there is NOBODY. I am in the same situation as you. A week or several month's notice does not change that.

I have never heard of no kids either, but I think it is fine, if that is what you want. Our weddings are all large Italian ones, with tons of kids.

I personally would not and could not attend, and as suggested, you will have more $$ for your family vacation.

 

[JoiseyMom]

OP...I know how you feel. As soon as they knew there would be no kids invited they should have informed the people that had kids, especially ones that were coming from out of town. Or she should have something set up at the hotel for group babysitting.

At my wedding the only kids that were invited were my 2 sons, my neice who was the flower girl. We have a small wedding..under 100 people. I did tell one good friend..that if she didn't have a plus 1 to bring, then to bring her DD who was a friend of my DS's. I also had a friend call the day before telling me that her babysitter got sick. Well I wanted her at my wedding and I told her to bring her ds..he was very good by the way. I did have one friend that was upset that I didn't include her 2 kids.

I also had this issue with a cousin's DD wedding in 2007. I had asked lots of times if kids were invited. I have 2 adult DS's that I knew would be included..I was more interested in my DD11 at the time. I had no issues with my DS5 not being included for a black tie late night affair. Well I was told they aren't sure..yada yada yada. I was finally told that there would be no kids. Ok..not a problem. Then I found out that not kids except my 2 neices. One of whom is the a few months younger then my DD and they go to the same school. I was actually anticipating this. And once it was confirmed I told DH you no longer have to go to this wedding. I then had to decide what I was going to do. After much soul searching I decided that if I went I wouldn't have good time without my DH, and knowing that my DD would be home and have to deal wth her cousin talking about this shindig at school. I decided to stay home. It didn't go over well with my family. They made me out to be the bad guy...or at least my Aunt and the brides parents did. The bride called me, and I told listen..it's your wedding, you can invite anyone you want too. I understand you are closer to older DN and felt if you invite one, you have to invite the other (not true..but her wedding). I said that with DD and DN being in the same school and such..I didn't want to deal with DD being upset about why she was excluded. Kids are cruel and self esteem at this tween stage sucks. So I picked my DD and her feelings. We went to Great Wolf Lodge and had a ball!!

I put my families interests ahead of family. When my family starts to even consider my feelings..I will give them the same consideration.

OP...make the choice that is best for your family.

 

[MommaSnowwhite]

I understand the no kids policy, but the cousin and her mother could have mentioned the no kids policy. I totally agree with the OP. I think is rude to exclude children and not make options available for out of town guests. At our wedding (only 100 ppl) we even supplied info about taxi service so we wouldn't have to worry about DUIs. I don't understand why wedding have become such "affairs" - when I throw a party I think of my guests first and myself last. Shouldn't a wedding be similar? If you want people to attend make it easy - think of their needs too?

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

We got married on an island in new england, a nine-hour drive from where we and most of our friends live. Many people came up and made a vacation of it, and brought their kids. Our wedding and reception were "no kids", but we hired licensed babysitters to watch children offsite (at a house our friends had rented for the week) during the ceremony and reception. It worked out wonderfully. The babysitters were from an agency and had excellent references. Maybe you could speak to your cousin and see if this type of service is available in her area.

At first the the cousin (brides mom) thought about doing a service, but found out it was too expensive.

Like I said, in my numerous posts, the bride can do anything she wants, but I agree that these $50.00 a plate $60,000 weddings are getting out of hand. Everyone tries to out do the next one, then in 18 months the couple are divorced.

I think its more about the party sometimes then the actual event .

And for the record, yes, I did have kids at my wedding. The bride was a kid at the time of my wedding and was invited, because I understood, what would the parents do with her if all the other family was at the wedding.

 

[Charade]

And that is not a problem. However Charade telling me that we have kids at our weddings because there is plenty of BBQ is ignorant.

Lighten up Francis. It was a joke.

 

[kpm76]

If in fact children are not invited, I would send my regrets with an appropriate gift and not feel one bit guilty about still taking the beach vacation. It is absolutely the bride and groom's choice to not have children; however, their choice may mean that a lot of people will not be able to attend and they have to accept that. We are fortunate to have alot of family around us but it surprises me that some posters assume that everyone has that benefit. I also would never leave my child with a random babysitter, regardless of the credentials.

FTR, we live in the east and had a pretty big wedding (225 people) and had lots of kids! I have a very close family and would never dream of excluding them. We did not invite infants but anyone over 4 yrs old got an invite and it was up to the parents to decide what they wanted to do. It was so nice One of my young cousins caught my bouquet. We did not toss a garter so no worries about that getting out of hand.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Lighten up Francis. It was a joke.

I didn't find it funny.

 

[Charade]

I didn't find it funny.

Sorry. But that still doesn't make me ignorant.