How about a JOKE thread? Everyone loves Jokes :)

[HaleyB]

I changed the title because Mr. Silly (lurker and my DH) thought 'pg' might not be clear....

Bad Jokes, lord I love 'em
Bad Jokes, Can't get enough of 'em

(this is from "A Prairie Home Companion" and was the best part of the movie. I can't post those jokes here...)

My kids love jokes of all sorts, post them here!

Please, please,please keep it G/PG folks.

If in doubt don't shout it out.

Ok. Got it?

I also love the not exactly always funny jokes kids come up with, post those here too

 

[HaleyB]

Why did the chicken cross the playground?




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To get to the other slide!

 

[HaleyB]

What weighs 5,000 lbs and wears glass slippers?








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Cinderelephant.

 

[AC7179]

What's brown and sticky?




















A STICK! HAHAHAHAH

 

[snowwite]

Two blondes walk into a building















You think one of em would have seen it!

 

[HaleyB]

Is Windows a Virus
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.

 

[kimmikayb]

What do you call a bankrupt goldfish?

























A bronzefish

 

[paslea_pooh]

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johhny?"

"Well, my goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up,"and I've just buried him."

The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied... "That's because he's inside your cat!"

 

[aplejax76]

This the corniest joke I know!

A man and his best friend, who happens to be a snail, are having dinner one night. The man and the snail get in a huge arguement. The man is so upset he literally kicks the snail out of his house.

A couple months later there is a knock on the door! The guy opens the door, looks down to find the snail on his doorstep.

The snail looks up at him and says " What the heck did you do that for?"

 

[horsegirl]

Q: What's the problem with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes.

 

[horsegirl]

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.

A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"

Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers

Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.

Q: What?s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.

 

[diznygirl]

Why is Cinderalla such a bad athlete?




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Because she has a pumpkin for a coach!!!!!

 

[rustyc]

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

















































Pilgrims!

 

[HaleyB]

One from my11 year old:

What is the difference between a train and a teacher?






Ans: (highlight after this to see it)The train says "choo choo" and the teacher says "spit that gum out!"

 

[HaleyB]

My 8 year old made one up too...

What do you call a dog that eats flies?






Ans: A Venus Fly Dog!

(highlight above to see answer)

 

[momm2four]

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve strings here. You'll have to leave."

The string walks outside, ties himself into a knot, and unravels the top part of his string body.

He walks back into the bar and tries to order again. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey! Aren't you that string that was in here a minute ago?"

The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

(This is one of my favorite jokes.)

Lori P.

 

[Jabber_Jaws]

What do you call a cow that shakes?



Beef Jerky




What did the sick cookie say to his mom?



I feel crummy.

 

[snowwite]

This duck walks into a drug store and asks for a chapstick.The druggist asks him for 2.39 but the duck says.....


















I dont have any money so you can just put it on my bill!
I quack myself up....

 

[VolleyballQt07]

Why was TIgger looking in the toilet???
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He was looking for Pooh....

 

[HaleyB]

What do you get if you cross a cat with a canary?






























A peeping tom!