Housemate Common Space Issues

[vickalamode]

How do you deal with sharing the common space in a shared home?
I've been working 70 hours a week between my 9-5 job and a side project that I've been working on constantly for the past few months. I'm very rarely home. My roommate is unemployed and has the house to herself a vast majority of the time.
We haven't had internet in a while so I paid to have it set up. She doesn't want to split the bill, so I'm paying it and not sharing the password with her. I think this is fair. It's being set up today, and after months of working my tail off I was looking forward to an evening of relaxing and catching up on Game of Thrones.
So, yesterday I texted her and gave her 24+ hour advance notice that I would have an evening where I actually would be home, and that I intended on using the living room since I would be able to watch something for the first time in months.
She freaked out and told me she was having a date over, was using the kitchen to make an elaborate dinner for him and that they were then going to camp out in the living room. She didn't tell me about these plans in advance.
I don't really think it's fair for me to be forced to be exiled to my bedroom on the one night I've had a chance to relax and just be at home in a really long time, especially since she is unemployed and gets the place to herself most of the time. She also just had this guy over less than a week ago and monopolized the entire house entertaining him, making it so I couldn't use the common areas. And I then had to listen to them going at it all night.
I kind of feel like if I can't use the kitchen tonight and have to listen to them going at it I should at least be able to use the living room, especially when she never even told me about this guest until the last minute. I don't mind her having guests over but some advance notice would have been nice and I would have planned my time differently so that I wouldn't be home.

 

[kimblebee]

How do you deal with sharing the common space in a shared home?
I've been working 70 hours a week between my 9-5 job and a side project that I've been working on constantly for the past few months. I'm very rarely home. My roommate is unemployed and has the house to herself a vast majority of the time.
We haven't had internet in a while so I paid to have it set up. She doesn't want to split the bill, so I'm paying it and not sharing the password with her. I think this is fair. It's being set up today, and after months of working my tail off I was looking forward to an evening of relaxing and catching up on Game of Thrones.
So, yesterday I texted her and gave her 24+ hour advance notice that I would have an evening where I actually would be home, and that I intended on using the living room since I would be able to watch something for the first time in months.
She freaked out and told me she was having a date over, was using the kitchen to make an elaborate dinner for him and that they were then going to camp out in the living room. She didn't tell me about these plans in advance.
I don't really think it's fair for me to be forced to be exiled to my bedroom on the one night I've had a chance to relax and just be at home in a really long time, especially since she is unemployed and gets the place to herself most of the time. She also just had this guy over less than a week ago and monopolized the entire house entertaining him, making it so I couldn't use the common areas. And I then had to listen to them going at it all night.
I kind of feel like if I can't use the kitchen tonight and have to listen to them going at it I should at least be able to use the living room, especially when she never even told me about this guest until the last minute. I don't mind her having guests over but some advance notice would have been nice and I would have planned my time differently so that I wouldn't be home.

Sounds like you need to have a house meeting and write down a
LOT of rules. Either that or cut your losses and look for a new place to live. Sounds like too much stress to me and honestly, you don't sound happy. Sorry

 

[King Schultz]

How do you deal with sharing the common space in a shared home?
I've been working 70 hours a week between my 9-5 job and a side project that I've been working on constantly for the past few months. I'm very rarely home. My roommate is unemployed and has the house to herself a vast majority of the time.
We haven't had internet in a while so I paid to have it set up. She doesn't want to split the bill, so I'm paying it and not sharing the password with her. I think this is fair. It's being set up today, and after months of working my tail off I was looking forward to an evening of relaxing and catching up on Game of Thrones.
So, yesterday I texted her and gave her 24+ hour advance notice that I would have an evening where I actually would be home, and that I intended on using the living room since I would be able to watch something for the first time in months.
She freaked out and told me she was having a date over, was using the kitchen to make an elaborate dinner for him and that they were then going to camp out in the living room. She didn't tell me about these plans in advance.
I don't really think it's fair for me to be forced to be exiled to my bedroom on the one night I've had a chance to relax and just be at home in a really long time, especially since she is unemployed and gets the place to herself most of the time. She also just had this guy over less than a week ago and monopolized the entire house entertaining him, making it so I couldn't use the common areas. And I then had to listen to them going at it all night.
I kind of feel like if I can't use the kitchen tonight and have to listen to them going at it I should at least be able to use the living room, especially when she never even told me about this guest until the last minute. I don't mind her having guests over but some advance notice would have been nice and I would have planned my time differently so that I wouldn't be home.

Your room mate sounds pretty selfish to me.

She has the place to herself the vast majority of the time and the one evening you're going to be able to be home she throws a fit instead of changing her plans???

Find a new room mate.

 

[jrmasm]

How do you deal with sharing the common space in a shared home?
I've been working 70 hours a week between my 9-5 job and a side project that I've been working on constantly for the past few months. I'm very rarely home. My roommate is unemployed and has the house to herself a vast majority of the time.
We haven't had internet in a while so I paid to have it set up. She doesn't want to split the bill, so I'm paying it and not sharing the password with her. I think this is fair. It's being set up today, and after months of working my tail off I was looking forward to an evening of relaxing and catching up on Game of Thrones.
So, yesterday I texted her and gave her 24+ hour advance notice that I would have an evening where I actually would be home, and that I intended on using the living room since I would be able to watch something for the first time in months.
She freaked out and told me she was having a date over, was using the kitchen to make an elaborate dinner for him and that they were then going to camp out in the living room. She didn't tell me about these plans in advance.
I don't really think it's fair for me to be forced to be exiled to my bedroom on the one night I've had a chance to relax and just be at home in a really long time, especially since she is unemployed and gets the place to herself most of the time. She also just had this guy over less than a week ago and monopolized the entire house entertaining him, making it so I couldn't use the common areas. And I then had to listen to them going at it all night.
I kind of feel like if I can't use the kitchen tonight and have to listen to them going at it I should at least be able to use the living room, especially when she never even told me about this guest until the last minute. I don't mind her having guests over but some advance notice would have been nice and I would have planned my time differently so that I wouldn't be home.

You didn't tell her your plans until the last minute.

 

[vickalamode]

Sounds like you need to have a house meeting and write down a
LOT of rules. Either that or cut your losses and look for a new place to live. Sounds like too much stress to me and honestly, you don't sound happy. Sorry

She's otherwise a really good roommate, I just feel like I was being fair by giving her notice that I needed to use the space and for her to give me backlash about it wasn't really nice since she gets to have everything to herself most of the time

 

[cluvsdisney]

I would still plop my butt down in the living room and watch Game of Thrones. Let them have their dinner than go hang out in her room. It's your place too. You gave her advance notice.

 

[vickalamode]

You didn't tell her your plans until the last minute.

I gave her over 24 hours notice, she didn't tell me she was planning on using all of the common areas of the house to host a romantic dinner date until after I told her my plans. I feel like there's a huge difference there.

 

[HM]

I also would sit and watch my TV show and make them figure out if they want to sit with you or go somewhere else to hang out together. You have just as much right to that space as she does.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

Use the kitchen and living room however you see fit, whenever you see fit. It's your place too.

If the roommate and her date don't like it, they can go out.

 

[jrmasm]

I gave her over 24 hours notice, she didn't tell me she was planning on using all of the common areas of the house to host a romantic dinner date until after I told her my plans. I feel like there's a huge difference there.

I fail to see why your roommate needs to tell you her plans first. She assumed that you wouldn't be around since you normally aren't. You assumed since you're never around that you should be to do whatever you want. I think you're both in the wrong.

I think the easiest solution is to put a tv in your bedroom and use the kitchen when you're hungry.

 

[VillainFavs]

I don't understand how her plans are more last minute than yours. You texted her to tell her your plans. She already had plans in place. She didn't tell you. You didn't tell her. Six of one...

It would have been nice of her to change her plans, but sounds like you're both making plans without letting the other know.

 

[HM]

another thought----Maybe a white board in the kitchen for you both to use for writing out plans for use of the shared space area? If there is going to be a conflict, then you take the time to talk to each other about it.

 

[Pumbaa_]

it seems shared space should be shared and available for common use. You shared your plans to actually be home and use the space. You did not ask her to clear out

She made plans on the assumption it was hers to solely use, that is where I see a difference

enjoy your night off and enjoy the couch

 

[mnrose]

A house meeting is in order. To my way of looking at things, the common space (kitchen and living room) is for BOTH roommates to use whenever they want. Private activities which don't involve the other person need to be confined to private spaces unless otherwise agreed at least "X" amount of time in advance. She's keeping you from space that you have just as much right to as she does. She can't do that. OTOH, neither can you insist that you'll be watching TV by yourself on a certain night unless agreed to in advance.

I don't think EITHER party has superior rights to common space. Get that worked out with her and it should be no problem.

 

[vickalamode]

another thought----Maybe a white board in the kitchen for you both to use for writing out plans for use of the shared space area? If there is going to be a conflict, then you take the time to talk to each other about it.

Thanks, I like this idea

 

[clutter]

Honestly, I would consider common space to be available to all roommates, unless requested otherwise. So OP didn't have to tell her roommate she was going to be home; the roommate should have let OP know that she was having a date over, so she wanted to use the common space. Whether you are unemployed or working 70 hours/week, its common courtesy.

 

[doxdogy]

You gave her 24 hours notice, she didn't. Stay home and watch the show in the living room.

 

[HarleenQ]

I think it's kind of weird to claim a common area, regardless of which one of you guys it is. Your room is "your" space. If you want to sit down alone and veg out, put a TV in your bedroom. If she's got a date over and you want to be in the living room, be in it. Isn't that the point of the common area?

I'd either hang out in the living room if you want or go into your room if you want some alone time to do whatever you please. I think you're both being kind of weird about it.

 

[MainMom]

Who's tv is it? Move it to your room if it's yours.

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

Was your intent to tell her that she needed to clear out of the living room and let you watch GoT in peace by yourself, or just to let her know you'd be home and that you'd like to use the TV for that purpose? If it's the latter, then there's nothing wrong with it, you're not asking to reserve the living room, you're asking her to allow you to use the TV and she's welcome to join you or do another activity in the living room. It sounds like she's asking you to clear out of the rest of the house with no real notice, only a reaction. In that case, yes, she's wrong, do your thing and ignore her while telling her you guys need some ground rules on future situations. If it's the former, then you've let her know, but because you don't have a rule about notice, it's still tough.

She freaked out probably because it never occurred to her to let you know, since you're always gone. In the interest of keeping the peace, I would sit down with her and figure out the best solution. If she can reschedule her dinner date for another night, that would be great given that you're not home often and don't have a time in the short term future that you can reschedule to, or, if she insists on the dinner date, then allow her to cook (maybe adding in the extra portion for you to make it equitable?) and them to eat together, then at the specific time, the living room is open for you to start your marathon of GoT, they're welcome to join you, you can make the popcorn, or retire to her bedroom for the continuation of their romantic evening.