House Guest Rant!

[Poohnatic]

My family would have brought groceries, offered to pay for them, AND taken our hosts out for a meal. That's what my folks instilled in us.

That said, my two boys will polish off a normal box of cereal in two days. This is including the 9 year old extremely picky, doesn't eat much kid.

Glad you're done hosting for a while!

Suzanne

 

[BuckNaked]

I would never expect guests in my home to bring their own food, nor would I expect them to ask me before opening something to eat. If they are guests in my home, they are "family", whether they are family or not. My home is theirs while they are guests.

I do understand though that everyone is different. This sounds a lot like my MIL - I wouldn't even consider going to her house without taking anything and everything that we'll want to eat while we're there. I'd much rather do that then deal with her attitude, sighs and dirty looks whenever the kids ask for something to eat or drink.

As for them leaving messes, I agree, that is way out of line. But I've also seen the extreme on the other side...on our first trip to my (at the time, future in-laws), MIL greeted us on our first morning with a list of household chores that needed to be done.

 

[poohandwendy]

I can only assume that the OP has not fed 3 kids on a regular basis, that is why she is so shocked at how much they can eat. My son, when he was 9, would have had NO problem finsihing off 1 box in 2 days, alone. I agree with BN, guests in my home are welcome to any and all food at any time. (unless it is earmarked for something special, (like a dessert I am taking somewhere)

The mess they made is totally not right. That would make me mad too.

I had to laugh when I got to this:

But I've also seen the extreme on the other side...on our first trip to my (at the time, future in-laws), MIL greeted us on our first morning with a list of household chores that needed to be done.

OMG, that is priceless...makes basic training seem like a warm hug, eh?

 

[Beth76]

I agree, but they didn't tell me they finished it. And all of them didn't eat it--just my 3 nephews--the 9 yr old & the 2 3 yr olds--so that's a bit much for 3 kids.

I'm sorry missy, but I swear I'm laughing with you not at you. I have two boys (4years and 10 months). Now that the baby is eating "real" food I'm astonished by how much the two of them put away. I am not joking but the baby sometimes eats more than the 4yo. (And no he's not fat). Kids (especially boys) can eat and eat and eat and eat. It might be surprising, but it's true. They really do eat that much. I'm sorry you had a stressful time with the guests, but hopefully you can unwind now that they're gone. Hey just be glad they don't live with you. That's what I say everytime my neices leave my house.

PS Be glad that they actually consumed it all. I know several kids who will ask for something, take a bite and not touch it again. So, it all goes to waste.

 

[clh2]

I would not expect any houseguests to ask to eat/drink anything in my house. As a matter of fact, they get a very brief tour of the kitchen. I also explain - that if they are expecting me to serve them, they'll be waiting a really long time. (Most of our houseguests know this about us!) I also ask explain the under-18 rule - which is noone under 18 can drink any sort of drink in the family room.

I would also not expect them to tell me about finishing up a food item and disposing of the box.

If I was preparing a special meal - that needed specific ingredients, I would mention to one of the guests - i.e. my SIL, and then I would not need to worry about the ingrediants becoming MIA.

 

[Caradana]

I deduced from your post that you live with your father, right? Does your younger brother think of the house you share as "Missy's" or "Dad's?" I think about the way I act in my mother's house vs. my sister's - @ my mother's, I'll serve myself from the fridge. That's the house I grew up in. At my sister's, I'd probably ask, though I have to tell you, a box of cereal and some granola bars = you did well. You should go to church and say thank you that your guests only put you out fruit and cheap carbos.

6:30 AM Saturday supermarket shopping - with all due respect, if I'm your guest, I'm staying in bed, have a great Saturday, thank you.

Can I take another wild guess = you don't like your younger brother much, and you like his wife even less, and your indignance with the food is related to that. If my brother in law left the bath mat in the shower, I think I'd call and tell him how cute he was (ha! Did he not know?) I've had a guest who flooded the bathroom because he didn't realize that the curtain liner needed to go WITHIN the tub. He grew up in and owns a house with shower doors - he never even gave it a thought.
In the grand scale of things, the bath mat sounds minor, and if I caught wind of the fact that my sister-in-law and father-in-law were making snide comments because I screwed something up involving the bath mat, I probably wouldn't like them very much. But I would appreciate their sharing their Honey Bunches of Oats.

 

[powellrj]

after reading all of these posts, I am glad I have never stayed at families houses and always rent a hotel room when we visit people!!

 

[IceQueen777]

If my sister made me ask permission to eat something when I was a guest in her house, I would wake her up at 2am and ask if it was ok for me to eat a snack. I bet that would be the last time she would make me ask before eating something!

I hope to never be in a state of mind where someone who is staying in my house can't even eat without me getting all mad.

 

[golfgal]

Most boxes of cereal have about 5 bowls in them. One box isn't going to last very long for 6 people. I guess I never thought that buying groceries and having people eat them while staying at my home was a big deal, they just go hand in hand. As for asking permission to eat food, I certainly don't want to have to worry about THAT! I am not going to wait hand and foot on family members like that. The first thing I tell guests is to make themselves at home. If you are hungry, help yourself. Yes, they should have been better behaved and cleaned up after themselves, but if the kids were doing something you didn't like, you should have spoken up. Every house has different rules and kids are going to test the limits seeing what they can get away with. Next time, don't have guests.

 

[SC Minnie]

If we are staying at someones home that doesn't have children we bring or buy ourselves things that DD likes- snacks etc. Then we usually take what the relative or friend won't eat back with us.

The relatives should have told you or gone with you to the store to pick up things for the family to eat. And as far as the behavior and messiness

 

[momof2inPA]

But I've also seen the extreme on the other side...on our first trip to my (at the time, future in-laws), MIL greeted us on our first morning with a list of household chores that needed to be done.

We get that. It's usually outdoor chores- clean gutters, mulch, spray bees, trim bushes, replace light bulbs.

When my family visits us, the first thing I say is, "Make yourselves at home," and I mean it. I would rather they opened every closet and cabinet, than come find me anytime they want a granola bar, towel, or bowl of cereal.

As for visitors making messes, they usually do, but I would rather have family coming to visit and a little mess to clean than family never coming to visit and no mess.

 

[BuckNaked]

We get that. It's usually outdoor chores- clean gutters, mulch, spray bees, trim bushes, replace light bulbs.

We get that now that FIL is gone - DH goes down there about every 3 weeks or so take care of any "outside stuff" that needs to be done. But on the trip I was on (back in 1988) the list consisted of things like dust the furniture, vacuum the carpets,

As for visitors making messes, they usually do, but I would rather have family coming to visit and a little mess to clean than family never coming to visit and no mess.

My sentiments exactly!! This was the way I grew up - my grandmother was always so thrilled to have her children and grandchildren come in from out of town, she didn't care about how much of a mess the little ones might make. My MIL isn't like that at all, and my kids (and I ) get tired of the constant harping about every little thing. Consequently, we haven't been back to her house since FIL passed away in February.

 

[Ted and Holly]

I agree that maybe they were a little hesitant about giving you a list to get at the grocery. Now, there is another side to that too. I've take guests to the grocery with me and had them fill my basket.

And be happy you do not live near WDW. For some reason, people that visit us think that since we live here, they can go there for free. Of course, I usually feel bad and buy a ticket for one of them. Obviously only family.

But it had gotten to the point where I will turn down a visit because "I just can't afford it right now."

Ted

 

[Marseeya]

We get that now that FIL is gone - DH goes down there about every 3 weeks or so take care of any "outside stuff" that needs to be done. But on the trip I was on (back in 1988) the list consisted of things like dust the furniture, vacuum the carpets,

That happens with us too! We live 6 hrs away & hubby gets upset on the rare times we're able to make the trip only to have his mom ask him to do some chore or other -- when she's relatively young, and her hubby (my DH's step-father) is in his early 40s! We wouldn't mind so much if she were older and unable to do things for herself.

 

[BuckNaked]

That happens with us too! We live 6 hrs away & hubby gets upset on the rare times we're able to make the trip only to have his mom ask him to do some chore or other -- when she's relatively young, and her hubby (my DH's step-father) is in his early 40s! We wouldn't mind so much if she were older and unable to do things for herself.

We're about 6 hours away as well, but DH promised his dad that he would help out his step-mom...she has two able bodied grandsons that live less than a quarter of a mile away, but they rarely make the trek to her house unless they are asking for money...well, in all fairness, the older one can't make the trek, because the ankle bracelet beeps at the police station when he leaves the house.

 

[minmate]

OP -- sounds like you were quite frustrated with your houseguests by the time they left!

And, boy, have I learned some new insights from this post about having and being a houseguest! It is interesting to see the different levels of comfort, etiquette and overall expectations people have of family and friends!

As for the behavior of the OP's houseguests... eating through her cereal in 2 days, failing to report food being gone, not asking permission to eat it, leaving messes, not putting things (like the bath mat) in their proper place, jumping on furniture... hmmm.... sounds a lot like my PERMANENT houseguests... My family! That IS life with young children sometimes.... for better or worse. I pick and choose my battles... for me, some of these are worth battling, others -- not really. But we all have different tolerance levels.

I recall the first time my family (me, dh and kids at the time ages 9 months, 2, 3, 4) stayed at my dad and his new wife's house. My ds2 was sitting at the counter eating a donut my dad had given him. He had spilled some crumbs on the floor (naturally) -- and my dad was perplexed as to how to clean it up. I couldn't understand why he got down on his hands and knees to pick up each and every little crumb... Come to find out, THEY DON'T OWN A BROOM! Apparently, they don't drop crumbs on the floor (their house is spotless) -- and what little mess they do make, the maids clean up on their twice weekly visits!

Two totally different realities collided on that visit!

 

[grlpwrd]

My dad is turning 80 this month and we planned a party--it was yesterday. 4 of my siblings live in VA, and we were having the party here in NY. My sister's house was full--my sister, her husband & 3 kids, another sister and 2 members of the extended family were staying there. My older brother and his family went to a hotel. My younger brother, his wife and 4 kids (ages 9, 7 and twins, 3) asked if they could stay with my dad & me. We have plenty of room, it was only going to be Friday night, Saturday before & after the party, and they were going to leave after lunch tomorrow. So, no problem, right?

WRONG! I had to go to the grocery store yesterday morning, so I asked if there was anything they wanted. They asked for skim milk, no problem. Before I left, my nephew wanted some cereal. Dad & I don't eat it much, but I had a box (never opened) of Honey Bunches of Oats, I told him he could open it. There were 2 apples, my dad had a carton & half of OJ, I had grape juice (not too much left). Well, when dad & I left to go to my sister's this morning for brunch, I noticed the empty box of cereal in the garbarge! They ate the whole box in 2 days! The apples are gone, they finished the OJ, and my sister in law told my dad "I finished the grape juice because there wasn't any OJ left". They used every glass, my brother left a mess when he made sausages & peppers for the party, and my sister in law never took the bath mat out of the shower--which is how she found it when she went in. Dad & I were biting our tongues, but we did get a bit of good news--they decided to leave today, rather than tomorrow--so we have the house back! Thank goodness, they won't be back for a while.

It sure sounds like there are a lot of issues going on like what Caradana posted.

I'm wondering...why did you say yes? Surely you should have known families with kids are generally chaotic and kids eat a lot plus they sure sound like they have a reputation with you. For your dad's 80th birthday party I would have overlooked it all, especially since they travelled from VA.

Yes, your houseguests were imposing, but that's what family is for...

*edited for clarity*

 

[r3ngels]

I deduced from your post that you live with your father, right? Does your younger brother think of the house you share as "Missy's" or "Dad's?" I think about the way I act in my mother's house vs. my sister's - @ my mother's, I'll serve myself from the fridge. That's the house I grew up in. At my sister's, I'd probably ask, though I have to tell you, a box of cereal and some granola bars = you did well. You should go to church and say thank you that your guests only put you out fruit and cheap carbos.

6:30 AM Saturday supermarket shopping - with all due respect, if I'm your guest, I'm staying in bed, have a great Saturday, thank you.

Can I take another wild guess = you don't like your younger brother much, and you like his wife even less, and your indignance with the food is related to that. If my brother in law left the bath mat in the shower, I think I'd call and tell him how cute he was (ha! Did he not know?) I've had a guest who flooded the bathroom because he didn't realize that the curtain liner needed to go WITHIN the tub. He grew up in and owns a house with shower doors - he never even gave it a thought.
In the grand scale of things, the bath mat sounds minor, and if I caught wind of the fact that my sister-in-law and father-in-law were making snide comments because I screwed something up involving the bath mat, I probably wouldn't like them very much. But I would appreciate their sharing their Honey Bunches of Oats.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I recall the first time my family (me, dh and kids at the time ages 9 months, 2, 3, 4) stayed at my dad and his new wife's house. My ds2 was sitting at the counter eating a donut my dad had given him. He had spilled some crumbs on the floor (naturally) -- and my dad was perplexed as to how to clean it up. I couldn't understand why he got down on his hands and knees to pick up each and every little crumb... Come to find out, THEY DON'T OWN A BROOM! Apparently, they don't drop crumbs on the floor (their house is spotless) -- and what little mess they do make, the maids clean up on their twice weekly visits!

Two totally different realities collided on that visit!

LOL, reminds me of when we visited my in-laws last time (they live across the country and usually visit us). My MIL was so worried about the mess my then 2yo might make. I was even following him around to make sure he didn't do anything. He ws coloring while sitting at the glass-topped kitchen table and she kept putting newspaper under his coloring. My brother and his wife had stopped my to see us and my brother wondered what was up with my MIL to worry about her table like that since a glass table would be easy to clean if he got a crayon mark on it. I just followed her rules and vowed that I wouldn't visit them again until my son was a lot older. Too stressful.

And yes, I clean up messes my kids make. Most of my kids are old enough to clean up after themselves, too. She does buy tons of food, though, so we're never hungry!

T&B

 

[Disney Doll]

Well,sounds like you and Dad live in a nice little world there!!!

I would agree with the poster who thinks there are underlying "issues" there...your borther and his family are clearly not oyur favorite relatives.

Do everyone a favor next time...have them stay in a motel.

But don't complain if they don't want to make the trek to where you and Dad live too often in the future. Not much of a point to waste precious vacation time visiting people who aren't all that interested in seeing you.