Horrible Roommates

[4greatboys]

I would make them move either her or you.

My oldest son had a horrible roommate. We finally had enough when he started burning papers in his bedroom. I'm not sure why he couldn't just throw his stuff in the trashcan but to make an actual fire in your bedroom? No worry of the his room or the apt catching on fire. They moved him out.

 

[Agri]

Yeah, there are nasty texts, but sometimes you just have to get a little nasty, especially if the people that are supposed to help you don't.

Now, would I do that? Probably not, buy her, look at the nastiness on the Dis boards. It is everywhere. She needs to step up the game and start complaining loudly. I would start getting the names of exactly who and when I talked to them. Someone needs to take care of this situation.

So...because its 'everywhere' that makes it the 'mature'/'adult' way to handle things?

Yes, she needs to 'step it up' but not by threatening to get her mom and a lawyer involved - she needs to continue talking to the various administrators. Trading insults with her lackluster roommate isn't going to solve anything. Instead when she complains about the roommate, now the roommate has legitimate complaints about her as well.

The roommate has proven totally unreceptive so I doubt getting 'tough' with her and insulting her is going to result in anything else BUT her leaving the door open and continuing to be messy.

The OP should be going to everyone she can possibly think of at the school who could help her and to keep asking them until there is a solution.

OP, have you ever asked for a new roommate or asked to be moved?

 

[Pigeon]

OP--with all due respect, you need to stop texting your roommate, and have a genuine, face to face conversation. Maybe with an impartial 3rd party in attendance (RA or RD). As a previous poster said your relationship seems like it is VERY antagonistic right now, and the texting is not helping.

This. The texting is not going to improve the situation.

 

[Callie]

Well I have to text her because she is literally at the apartment Monday afternoon through Thursday morning. I confronted her face to face first when I was sitting on the sofa and she walked in through the door. I told her to please not do it, as it is a huge safety concern, and how there have been many reports of thefts and people coming home to intruders into their apartment because of this. The next morning, around 8:30, after she had left for class, I woke up, to find it unlocked again. SO I sent her a quick text telling her to please not leave it open. Then I found it open again when I got back from class, and said mentioned that if my things were to be stolen, my mother would be coming after her for the money.

I have tried to act like an adult with her, but she just doesn't get it. We discussed the cleaning situation, and agreed on it, and she hasn't held her end of the bargin. Her boyfriend also threatened to hurt me and my friends, along with this girl calling me every name in the book for no reason.

I talked with the director this morning, and basically all they can do is talk to her, and if it keeps doing possibly move me, which isn't right because I'm not the idiot leaving the door unlocked!

 

[Agri]

I talked with the director this morning, and basically all they can do is talk to her, and if it keeps doing possibly move me, which isn't right because I'm not the idiot leaving the door unlocked!

Life isn't always fair or 'right'. Personally, if I didn't like who I was living with that much I wouldn't care if I had to move. I'd pack my stuff up and be gone ASAP.

Having to move is a small sacrifice for not having to deal with someone like that.

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

Do you have security for your dorms/school? If you do, you can talk to them and ask an officer talk to your roomie. Maybe having an officer talk to her will get her to realize the seriousness of leaving the door unlocked as it sounds like she isn't taking the threat seriously.

Good luck. Only 2 months to go!

 

[yellowlabforever]

First of all:

Secondly: Last semester I had a terrible roommate (who moved out and now I have a single room. Never having a room that is not to myself again). She tended to get in at 3am in the morning, while I was sleeping, and was loud and obnoxious at times. She even became a representative for a thing that is not dis-appropriate, and adorned our door announcing that she is a rep

Needless to say, she only took it down when her parents were in town

Many times she'd have guests overnight without telling me, and her party friends were as loud and obnoxious as she was and put obnoxious things on our door.


I dealed with the first situation, it wasn't that bad, but I knew she was trying to be quiet.
The second situation I told her that I was against the concept, but that I was not going to be doing her job for her.
I just dealt with the third situation as well, because it was mainly petty more than anything. If it would've happened more times, I would've brought the topic up with her.

I know I wasn't the best roommate either, being slightly messy at times. However, she asked me to clean up a few times, and I did so.

Try talking with her about it again, that seemed to help me and my roommate. She seems to be wanting to be rebellious, so just have a sit-down-talk with yourself, her, and your RA if it needs to be. Or the head RA of the complex even. Drag her to the meeting if you have to. I agree with the PP saying that a campus police officer should attend. The safety issue is what is most important, and should be dealt with immediately.

 

[Kimberly]

I had the worst possible roommate you can imagine. Thankfully I only did one semester in the dorms before getting my own 1 bedroom off campus apartment.

1. Drinking as early as 8 AM? Check.
2. Locking me out for her "private time" with many of the guys that were on the floor with us? Check.
3. Smoking in the room? Check.
4. Random screaming matches with anyone that didn't agree with her? Check.
5. Psycho parents that called her several times a day, including in the morning to wake her up? Check.
6. Constantly asking to "borrow" money? Check.
7. Dropping out of classes, joining mine so she could copy my notes and other work? Check.
8. Drugs? More than I could count...

Complete drama queen, and I had the last straw when I saw her snorting a white powder on the desk I had brought up from home. It was around Thanksgiving break when I finally made the move to get out of the room as soon as possible. My grades suffered that semester, and was put on academic probation. Thankfully my University was very understanding of my predicament, and allowed me another semester to bring my grades up.

On a sad note, I actually found out she had killed herself not even a year later. Apparently jumped out of a car at night at highway speeds.

 

[CrazyDuck]

Next time she leaves the door unlocked, take her laptop (ipad, or something of value) and throw it in the dumpster... then you can pretend someone broke in and stole it!

BTW you can't say you have the worst roommate unless you've had one that has tourettes! Turst me... Very Irritating!

 

[bumbershoot]

Their last big brewhaha was something to do with papertowels, toilet paper and hand soap. .... I bought their house a case of each to keep the peace.

My mom always wanted to make sure I had my own shampoo...she had many roommate at one time in San Francisco in the years before I was born, and shampoo was always a huge sticking point with roommate situations...

Since she has said she isn't doing it, I would feign concern that someone is getting in your room. I would text her back with thius concern and tell her, since it's not her, you are going to be contacting the police the next time it is happening since obviously someone is breaking in. See what happens and if she doesn't respond and you find it open - do it. You will have a written record that she said it isn't her so you need the police.

After reading the updates, I go with RF.

First, you thought it was her. Now she has told you it's not being done by her, so this means you have someone else getting into your apartment. And it might be true! It could easily be her boyfriend, or a friend, or just about anyone.

So it's time to behave as though someone unknown to you is getting in and out of your apartment...because someone IS.

On a sad note, I actually found out she had killed herself not even a year later. Apparently jumped out of a car at night at highway speeds.

That is so sad.



You don't even go on the list of bad roommates if you don't start dating a man in his late 20s who lives in the Crips part of town AND does drugs AND runs away from his dealers bringing them to your house (shared with 6 other women) at 3am to ask for money. (which she provided him with) And then, as if that isn't bad enough, you give DETAILED reports on things you do in your alone time. We would have forgiven her the spam sushi she made, if only she hadn't made it specifically for those times that she wanted to tell us all that they'd been up to (like we didn't know already).

HOWEVER, being cagey about leaving a first floor door open while no one is there brings you up pretty close to it!


(one summer I lived in a house with about 9 other people, some male, and while one guy was the cleanest guy ever (former Marine), the other guy liked to play games like...."when you go hiking and see an Alpine stream, you never see algae growing, so ice cold water is BETTER to wash your dishes in, because you see stuff growing in the more tropical waters"... It was so fun to watch on the day the former Marine insisted that the hiker wash ALL the dishes over again, when he noticed he was washing in cold water...)

 

[Disneyland Princess]

I had the same problem with my roommates last year! Pain in the behind that's for sure! I lived with 3 other girls and 2 of them refused to lock the door! Some times it seams you get stuck with people who dont want to live with others and sadly they make living with them hard.
2 of the girls I lived with would write nasty notes about me and the other girl on my side of the room on our bathroom mirror, when I confronted them face to face she cussed me out and I ended up called a roommate meeting with our RA to try and calm down some of the hostility (most of the hostility came from the fact that me and the other girl moved in half way through the year, no one had told these girl ahead of time and they assumed they were going to be able to live alone, they were not happy when we moved in). The one girl started crying during the meeting and I felt bad, said I was sorry if I offended her in any way but if she needed to say something to me, say it to my face not write it on the mirror.
Ended up the crying was only an act to get sympathy from our RA, the girl told me strait to my face. I was hurt and the hostility, name calling and harassment continued. I finally was approved to move out but it was a long process and I still have the pictures of the hateful things they wrote on the bathroom mirror.
I truly wish you luck and I hope it works out, sometimes people are just not very nice!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Well, I never had roommate problems, but my room was often a haven for those who did. OP, I think you don't have it nearly as bad as you think. I'll never quite forget the night my friend came over in tears because her roommate (after months of bad acts) latched the safety chain of their room and escaped out the window onto the roof and just left with my friend unable to get into the room.

 

[doxdogy]

You do realize that throwing something of hers away is a crime? And depending on the value could be considered grand theft. On your second paragraph, I sincerely hope you are making a sad attempt to be funny. If not, all I can say is WOW that is pretty darn cold.

Next time she leaves the door unlocked, take her laptop (ipad, or something of value) and throw it in the dumpster... then you can pretend someone broke in and stole it!

BTW you can't say you have the worst roommate unless you've had one that has tourettes! Turst me... Very Irritating!

 

[TheIncredibles!]

You do realize that throwing something of hers away is a crime? And depending on the value could be considered grand theft. On your second paragraph, I sincerely hope you are making a sad attempt to be funny. If not, all I can say is WOW that is pretty darn cold.

Agreed. I saw that and was just flabbergasted. IMO the worst room mate ever is NOT the one with a condition that they have absolutely no control over......