Homework battles in a 4th grader

[ajk912]

I need advice from those who have battled the homework war!

I have three kids. My oldest son is the worst about doing homework. The only day he gets it done in a timely matter is on Tuesdays, because he has basketball practice. He knows I will not take him to practice till his homework is done. I am not really interested (unless his grades slip) in taking away his basketball priveleges because I am sure any of you who have boys know..those extracurriculars are VERY VERY VERY imporant to burn off steam, energy, and guy frustration.

After school, he is allowed to do two things..either homework OR go outside to play. (see above and burning off energy).

Yet it still takes him HOURS to get his homework done because he screws around with his pencil..folding his vocabulary words into figures and playing war... (he is doing that now, it is actually quite ingenious ). He does have a desk in his room for doing homework. His homework is NOT too hard for him, he doesn't struggle in school, he gets A/B honor roll. He just doesn't want to do homework.

I feel like I am walking a fine line between not doing enough vs. coddling him. On one hand, I think, he is getting good grades, if he wants to spend three hours of his evening screwing around at his desk..well, he is wasting his time, not mine. Yet, on the other hand...am I coddling him by not forcing him to get it done in a timely manner? It does eventually get done, it just takes ALL night.

Thoughts?

 

[hentob]

Set a timer (stove timer is fine) for 15 minutes. That is it. Tell him to see how much he can get done in that 15 minutes and then her earns a 5 minute break. After 5 minutes, back to homework.

Repeat.

This will work.

 

[tasha99]

Set a timer (stove timer is fine) for 15 minutes. That is it. Tell him to see how much he can get done in that 15 minutes and then her earns a 5 minute break. After 5 minutes, back to homework.

Repeat.

This will work.

I did almost the same thing with my son, but instead of a timer for the working part, we set a very doable goal (do three math problems out of 20, for example). My son can and would goof off for the entire 15 minutes, but with a very short goal, he hurries up to get his break. Sadly, homework that should take 20 minutes can take over an hour this way, but at least he does it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What time does he get done/go to bed? Having older kids that becomes the problem.
They are doing homework till late in the night.

Instead of punishment or letting him goof off, the best thing to do is help him organize his work. 4th grade is the beginning of "real homework", it is a transition time.

Sit down with him and go over what needs to be done. Assess the time you think it will take. Even sit down with him and "help" him.

Really what you are doing is monitoring to see if he is having some issues.

Now I know you are going to say...."but he gets good grades!"....however doing an assessment when he is taking too long should be at the top of your list.

That way you can catch issues right away and also you won't be punishing him for something that he may be having trouble with.

 

[golfgal]

We learned with our oldest that if he didn't do his homework right after school it would take him 3 hours to get 15 minutes worth of homework done. I would stop giving him the choice after school and have him get it done right away. He would then have 3 hours to burn off energy vs spending an hour doing that and 3 hour sitting there twiddling his pencil. It is just too hard for some kids to shift from the play mode back to the school mode like that. It is much easier for many kids to stay in the school mode for an extra 1/2 hour, get their homework done then have the rest of the evening to play.

 

[luvmy3]

I am going throught his with my 3rd grader, only its not just homework its his class work too. He gets it done and does get mostly A's he just doesn't get in done in a timely manner.

At home what I do is make sure he has no distractions. He does his homework in dh's office and has to do it right after he gets home. (He has a snack first). There was a time when I let him put it off because I figured he was at school all day, let him come and relax before having to do more work. It did not work for us he was still doing homework at bed time. If you find something that works, let us know.

 

[HeatherC]

Another mom of a 4th grade boy. Is his homework all due the next day? Reason I'm asking is because my son has math every night that is due the next day. But he gets a spelling/vocab/english package that comes home on Monday and is due Friday. He, of course, thought he could do it all Thursday night. NOT! Too much work for that.

What we do is snack when he comes home. Math homework done right after snack...no questions asked...can't play or do anything (including his sports) until that is done.

Then he has to do part of the spelling/vocab package. If there are 4 things in it, he can do one each day Mon-Thurs so it is ready for Friday. If there are more than that he needs to tell me what day he will do it after school.

I am like the homework police with this kid. But...it is really paying off. His 3rd grade teacher had a lot to do with it. She slammed them with homework...which I hated and disagreed with, but we got through it and now he is learning to organize his time and work.

There is a fine line with helping them take personal responsibility and nagging. I guess on different days I'm doing one or the other. But if it works in the long run...which I think it will, it will be worth it.

Hope this helps give you some ideas.

 

[mamamary]

We learned with our oldest that if he didn't do his homework right after school it would take him 3 hours to get 15 minutes worth of homework done. I would stop giving him the choice after school and have him get it done right away. He would then have 3 hours to burn off energy vs spending an hour doing that and 3 hour sitting there twiddling his pencil. It is just too hard for some kids to shift from the play mode back to the school mode like that. It is much easier for many kids to stay in the school mode for an extra 1/2 hour, get their homework done then have the rest of the evening to play.

This is best for us too. Homework right after coming in from school. Of course, if they need a quick snack or bathroom break that's ok. But no playing, tv, etc. until homework is done. Kids are so used to this now. It definately works for us.

 

[krcit]

I have 3 kids and have always made then do homework right after school. If it a nice day, I will give then a half hour to play in the schoolyard and burn off some energy but then it is homework time. This has worked well esp. with my youngest-he hates homework and really struggles in school but coming home, having a snack and then getting it over with works for him, lol.

 

[SpecialK]

Fourth grade was the homework battle year for both of my kids. I found if I just sat at the table with them they were able to stay on task. I read the paper or paid bills while they worked. I was right there if there was a question. Eventually, they each moved on to working independently.

 

[dismom2]

Fourth grade was the homework battle year for both of my kids. I found if I just sat at the table with them they were able to stay on task. I read the paper or paid bills while they worked. I was right there if there was a question. Eventually, they each moved on to working independently.

This is what we used to do---if we just sit next to them, they do the work. And we are there to help if there are any questions. Sometimes they just need or want some company---not just be left alone.

 

[shortbun]

Sounds like he's having fun. Set a time limit that is large but not ridiculous. Allow him to daydream, play and doodle. He probably needs that as much as he needs his exersize.Explain to him that there will be some nights when he needs to get down to it like basketball night. Why do you care if he's folding paper and playing war? He's an A/B student. Sounds like the homework is boring. Maybe the teacher could give him time in the classroom to do it and leave it at school thus accomplishing everyone's goals.

 

[MushyMushy]

I like the timer idea. That works for us when we're doing housework. Never thought of it in connection with homework.

I had homework struggles with both kids. What worked for the oldest was to just say, "Fine. Don't do your homework. You can deal with the consequences in school." Because he cared about his grades (only in elementary school ), he'd get right on the work. I think he just liked to argue. I also let the teacher in on it as well, and promised that if it didn't work I would find another way.

With my youngest, she just shrugged her shoulders and didn't care. But she was a lot more compliant anyway. She just dragged her feet and drove us crazy.

 

[luvmy3]

This is what we used to do---if we just sit next to them, they do the work. And we are there to help if there are any questions. Sometimes they just need or want some company---not just be left alone.

This has the opposite effect on my ds. If I am there with him, he is too tempted to talk to me about, or show me other things. I just ask if what he has to say is about his homework that he is working on, he knows when I say that I really mean, be quiet and focus on your work

 

[JCJRSmith]

The boy gets A's and B's - does he have to work to get those grades? Is he the kind of kid who could get straight A's with just the tiniest bit of effort? If so, it may be that the work he is getting is not challenging him and he is unutterably bored with it because he already knows it.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

From day one, my kids would come home from school. They would get a snack and a drink (I would push healthy, but not enforce it if they wanted chips or something.) While snacking they were allowed to watch 15 minutes of TV to decompress from the day. Then everything went off. If they did their homework in a timely manner, music was allowed. I would go through the homework with them and we would prioritize by easy to hardest. Start with something easy and I would ask questions on how their day was. This would give me insight on the attitude to expect. On and off with easy, hard, easy, hard to 1 1/2 hours max. Then we stopped. I would send a note if something was not finished. Please note projects were not included in this.

Just so you know, neither of my kids ever got near 1 1/2 hours. Homework was usually done before an hour.

Good luck to you...

Lastly, my children are now in 8th and 11th grade. They come home, get their own snacks, chit-chat with me a bit about their day, and go into their rooms and do their homework. I do not check it. I have faith in them and their grades are good. It was a great habit they developed.

 

[ajk912]

Thanks guys!!! I know a few of you suggested that he comes home and does his homework IMMEDIATELY but really....he's a boy, he NEEDS to go outside and burn off his energy or he is a hyper and driving me crazy by 7pm (assuming it's not a basketball night). Unfortunately, it gets dark at 5:15ish, so he gets home from school around 3:50 (dismissal isn't till 3:40, I know, late school day!) so I let him have a snack and go outside to play. If he is inside, he is doing homework. I really don't want to mess with that part, he really, really, really needs an outlet to burn off energy!

He doesn't work hard at all to get his good grades. I have always taken the attitude that if you are able to pull the grades, I will trust you to get your work & studying done. Once you pull less than a C in that class, you deal with the Nag. Then I start checking work, making sure you study before a test, etc. He maybe glances at his study guides before a test. I don't know if they go over them a LOT at school, or he picks up the stuff easily. Then, I started second guessing myself because I want him to pick up good study habits, but I don't think I want to set a timer for a 4th grader. He isn't in first grade anymore, I don't know how long it should take him to get his work done. A math sheet I can figure out, maybe 20 minutes or so? But studying for this quiz, that test? Just study till you know it! It may be five minutes, it may be 45. So that's why I am thinking that if he wants to waste his OWN time goofing off at his desk, well..at least he is being imaginative instead of hurrying up and getting his work done so he can play Wii... (which he does on those nights after homework, that's his incentive.)

BTW, my daughter is completely different. She struggles in school, so every night she and I sit and do her homework together. We study with her for every test, so she will pass it. It's a struggle and a HUGE accomplishment every time she gets an A or a B on a test. I think my son kind of gets shoved to the backburner, because he does do so well at school, and I devote so much energy afterschool to helping my daughter.

 

[HeatherC]

AJK912 - Please don't take this the wrong way....but....you asked for suggestions and seemed to have just discounted everything everyone has said.

I know kids need to run around. I do have a boy in 4th grade who is extremely active. But homework is a top priority in our house. Our rule is get your work done before you play. It fits for adults as well.

Is it possible that your son may think you would rather help your daughter with her work....or could he be thinking that you think her homework is more important?

I'm not trying to be judgemental or argumentative, but you are kind of sending a message that it's not worth arguing about. You kind of asked for help and now don't want to hear any of it.

I do hope it works out for you however you decide to handle it.

 

[ajk912]

AJK912 - Please don't take this the wrong way....but....you asked for suggestions and seemed to have just discounted everything everyone has said.

I know kids need to run around. I do have a boy in 4th grade who is extremely active. But homework is a top priority in our house. Our rule is get your work done before you play. It fits for adults as well.

Is it possible that your son may think you would rather help your daughter with her work....or could he be thinking that you think her homework is more important?

I'm not trying to be judgemental or argumentative, but you are kind of sending a message that it's not worth arguing about. You kind of asked for help and now don't want to hear any of it.

I do hope it works out for you however you decide to handle it.

Actually, I was trying to decide if I was nagging or coddling..I know I gave a lot of extra information that could have made my post confusing. I do appreciate the advice, but there are some things I really won't mess with UNLESS his grades slip: I won't take him out of extracurriculars and I DO think daily exercise is important, and unfortunately it gets dark an hour after he gets home from school, so that has to come first. If his grades slip, well, maybe I will think about making him do homework first.

What I am really trying to decide is if it's harming him somehow to let him play war with his vocabulary words for an hour or whatever. Somehow, it seems wrong..but I think about it and I am thinking why am I rushing to have him hurry up and get his work done? So he can play Wii? Ummm..actually, he is probably better off just playing war with his vocabulary words. But is this coddling him? Should I nag him? My post may not have been clear..and for that I apologize.

My son HATES when I force him to study with me ( I do that before big tests no matter what) so I really doubt he harbors any resentment that his sis requires more homework time. But it was a good thing to think about!!!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I have boy/girl twins in the 5th grade. We went through this last year with both of them. Good news is that things got a lot better this year.

The problem for us last year was that school started late and ended late, so during the winter, there was a very small window of daylight left when they got home. Being of the camp that they needed some time to unwind/get some exercise outside after school, they had 1/2 hr to go outside with their friends, then they had an hour and a half to get their homework done before dinner (enough time in our estimation, with rare exception). Whatever wasn't done in that time, they went to school without (which the teacher was onboard with and they knew we would do).

Other things we did was make all extracirrucular activities on the weekends so that the only thing they had on one weekday was CCD (this was necessary to save my DH's sanity as the stress in the house surrounding the never ending homework was really getting to him). We also got them each set up with a nice "homework station" in their rooms so they could work there instead of the kitchen table which seemed to invite fooling around.

Miraculously, things improved a lot. Part of it was that they knew we were serious. I was kind of itching to try out the "go to school without your homework" thing, but they were wise enough to not test me on it.

This year, they come home, still have 1/2 hr to go out, then come in an get their work done independently and fairly efficiently. The work has gotten harder this year and the grades aren't coming as easily as they did before, so they're finding out this year they really have to put some effort into it if they want to keep their grades up. Not bad lessons to learn.