Holidays after a loss

[Pin Wizard]

Hugs to you! I would be thrilled if the holidays were wiped off the calendar. My husband had died on 11/16. Ten days later was Thanksgiving. I certainly didn't feel thankful for much at the time. I was glad to spend it with a friend from high school and her parents, me and my mom. But it didn't feel like Thanksgiving at all although my friends dinner table certainly looked like it. Then for Christmas I was back home, alone and pregnant. A neighbor said a few families in the neighborhood who would be away from their families were getting together for a buffet type dinner at the club house. So that's where I spent Christmas. Didn't feel like Christmas at all either. The holidays still don't feel right or special. It's now almost 12 years since my husband died. Have also lost both parents, a sister, and both grandparents. Not looking forward to those days this year either. However, Disneyworld was a GREAT escape a couple years ago between Christmas and New Years!! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...will have to think on that. Actually, I'd like to just work through those days. Better find a job before then!!!! And I can completely skip any decorating!!!

 

[CookieGVB]

This is our first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my Dad. His birthday is next month, too. I know my mother is already having a hard time with the thought of the holidays without him around.

I'm going to try and convince her to let my son decorate the holly tree outside with red bows. It's something my Dad did every year, and a few years my son helped him out. I think he'd get some comfort in doing it on Dad's behalf this year. Not sure if my mother would be able to see the tree though.

I'm having a tough time thinking about all this already...

 

[Tinkertude]

Originally posted by snoopy
The year after my mother died I made sure I invited all of the "strays" I knew to my house for Christmas. Not just my own extended family, but friends whose parents had passed away, or friends who could not get home for the holidays. I decided after my mother died family is what you make of it -- best to open up your heart to all possibilities.

Snoopy, you are a nice person

 

[Tinkertude]

Originally posted by snoopy
The year after my mother died I made sure I invited all of the "strays" I knew to my house for Christmas. Not just my own extended family, but friends whose parents had passed away, or friends who could not get home for the holidays. I decided after my mother died family is what you make of it -- best to open up your heart to all possibilities.

Snoopy, you are a nice person

 

[MerryPoppins]

I haven't read this whole thread yet, so I'm sorry if this has already been said. We found it helped to throw tradition to the wind and do things differently. After all, it was going to be different anyway. So we went to my home instead of my mom's the year after my dad died. We changed the menu. We did away with the things that my mom didn't think she could deal with. It was hard, but we got through it. That's been about 15 years ago. We've gone back to most of the old traditions now. It does get easier. I'll be thinking of you.

 

[Planogirl]

My Dad was always real big on holidays and family so it was really hard after he died. We traditionally spent Thanksgiving and part of Christmas day with my parents but my mother moved to Hawaii after he died and shealso traveled a lot during the holidays rather than visit family. We decided to do the same on Thanksgiving and chose a place that is special to us (the Ozarks) and we really look forward to that now. Christmas we spend with DH's family and some friends so it has gotten easier. But truthfully it's never been the same.