Holiday Vent...MIL!!! UPDATED OMG!!!

[DVCJones]

Venting...

Okay, so I invited my MIL to join us (kids and I) to the movies last Sunday. during that time, she acknowledged that I have always hosted a brunch on Christmas day, but told me she REALLY wanted to host Christmas and asked me what time I planned to leave town to travel and see my side of the family (2hrs away). I told her 2pm.

I know she is eager to host a holiday in her new house and told her it was no problem and asked her to think about what I should bring...

So today, I get her email saying she plans on serving appetizers at between 1-2 and dinner after that. She did this for Thanksgiving too!!!

Since we will see them all Christmas eve at my SIL, we are declining the invitation on Christmas Day and plan on exchanging gifts the night before.

It really irks me that they don't consider that I may want to see MY family and spend some time with them. I don't see them that often because of the driving distance. H's family is local. I only see my family during kid's birthdays and holidays. I usually see my family every 3 months or so.

Should I feel bad about skipping Xmas day? Do I really need to see them less than 14 hrs later? WWYD?

My H is fine with just seeing them on Xmas eve...

(i also posted this in "My inlaws are worse that yours" thread)

 

[Piglet4Ever]

I would go see your family on Christmas day and not feel bad at all about missing out on MIL's gathering.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Venting...

Okay, so I invited my MIL to join us (kids and I) to the movies last Sunday. during that time, she acknowledged that I have always hosted a brunch on Christmas day, but told me she REALLY wanted to host Christmas and asked me what time I planned to leave town to travel and see my side of the family (2hrs away). I told her 2pm.

I know she is eager to host a holiday in her new house and told her it was no problem and asked her to think about what I should bring...

So today, I get her email saying she plans on serving appetizers at between 1-2 and dinner after that. She did this for Thanksgiving too!!!

Since we will see them all Christmas eve at my SIL, we are declining the invitation on Christmas Day and plan on exchanging gifts the night before.

It really irks me that they don't consider that I may want to see MY family and spend some time with them. I don't see them that often because of the driving distance. H's family is local. I only see my family during kid's birthdays and holidays. I usually see my family every 3 months or so.

Should I feel bad about skipping Xmas day? Do I really need to see them less than 14 hrs later? WWYD?

My H is fine with just seeing them on Xmas eve...

(i also posted this in "My inlaws are worst that yours" thread)

Go...visit your family and enjoy the day. I wouldn't feel one bit guilty.

Your MIL sounds like mine.....very selective hearing. She hears what she wants and not what you actually said.

The holidays have been so much more pleasant since MIL and FIL packed up and followed SIL to the other side of the country 12 years ago.

 

[Pakey]

We rarely see our adult children and their families on Christmas day because they all have other families.

It's the time spent together that's important, not the calendar date. Christmas Eve is wonderful.

 

[abdmom]

Perhaps the time that worked for you didn't work for the rest of the family. Either you could drop in for appetizers or just get going to your family's earlier than you originally planned. I wouldn't worry about it either way.

 

[SpecialK]

Maybe she chose that time thinking you could join them for appetizers before you leave to have dinner with your family? Could this just be a misunderstanding?

 

[JessicaR]

As you said, she is local and you will be seeing her Christmas Eve. I would also decline the invite and go and see my family that apparently you do not see as often, without any guilt.

 

[chamonix]

Xmas eve is plenty, don't feel bad at all if you decline.

If it's convenient, or if you wanted to, just to keep the peace, stop by for a bit and leave at 2pm as you already told her that was your departure time.

It does sound like the rest of the family wants/needs it at that time. She knew your schedule, so she shouldn't be surprised when you leave at 2pm.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I would do Christmas Eve with MIL, and then Christmas Day with your family.
Wouldn't even consider trying to be both places at one time, running around like mad, instead of enjoying your Christmas.

Honestly, I don't know many people (especially those with kids) that would even consider trying to be anywhere by noon.
I would never have expected your MIL to plan for Christmas Morning, because your afternoon will be with your family.

Now, if MIL does, actually, 'expect', a command performance for both Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day, that would be a huge issue.

Enjoy your holidays!

 

[sparklynails23]

You are being unfair. She probably scheduled the appetizer just for you. Then you can go to your family's after. When was she supposed to have a meal? Most people open presents at home and the kids then play with the toys for awhile. Nothing before noon is at all reasonable.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I would have a problem being expected at someone's house for an early brunch on Christmas, because they had later plans with their family, and wanted to make that priority.

My MIL used to want us there early on Christmas Morning.
It is an hour drive.... And there is an hour time zone difference.

We would be leaving here at dawn....
Ummmmmm, yeah right....
Didn't happen.

 

[Bluestars]

I would consider stopping by for appetizers and leaving at 2 pm. If that would be too much running around for you, then I don't think you should feel guilty at all for skipping it and seeing your own family.

 

[Heidict]

I would do Christmas eve with DH's family and then head out a bit earlier to your family, so you can enjoy more time with then since you see them so rarely.

If your MIL is the type to hold a grudge or make it all full of drama if you don't go, I would then go for appetizers and leave at 2. If she makes a fuss, I would explain to her that you already told her that you have to leave at 2 to see you family. Would she be offended or upset if your family doesn't go over on Christmas day?

 

[JaneBanks]

It may just be me but I don't see what the problem is.

 

[DVCJones]

You are being unfair. She probably scheduled the appetizer just for you. Then you can go to your family's after. When was she supposed to have a meal? Most people open presents at home and the kids then play with the toys for awhile. Nothing before noon is at all reasonable.

Since I have always hosted a brunch AND she asked me if she could host this year AND she acknowledged BRUNCH, AND she knows why I do brunch (so I can travel to see my family) AND we already see her whole side of the family the night before...I feel she has changed BRUNCH to a LATE lunch which works great for anyone who is staying local, but not so much if you are traveling that day. I think it is incredibly inconsiderate on her part.

I only stuck around until 2pm on that day so I could see them. I always felt like I should make an effort. Otherwise, I would enjoy my morning with my kids and H and leave my home around 11am and reach my destination by 1pm and enjoy my day. Not feeling like I just took part in a marathon.

Besides, I know to expect the guilt trip when it is time to leave. Chances are the appetizers won't be ready until 2 anyway. It also feels awkward to arrive, exchange presents and leave.

Sadly, this isn't my first time to the holiday rodeo...

 

[DVCJones]

Yes, I would have a problem being expected at someone's house for an early brunch on Christmas, because they had later plans with their family, and wanted to make that priority.

My MIL used to want us there early on Christmas Morning.
It is an hour drive.... And there is an hour time zone difference.

We would be leaving here at dawn....
Ummmmmm, yeah right....
Didn't happen.

Early??? Brunch to me starts at 11am and ends at 2pm. That has been the case in years past because MIL INSISTS that she HAS to see all her grandkids and kids on Christmas DAY!!! it doesn't matter that she saw them all the night before. It doesn't count. And since SIL just hosted Xmas eve, I don't blame her for not wanting to come out early on Xmas day. I just think my MIL needs to give up hijacking both Xmas eve night and day. Her kids have spouses with families too.

 

[DVCJones]

I would do Christmas eve with DH's family and then head out a bit earlier to your family, so you can enjoy more time with then since you see them so rarely.

If your MIL is the type to hold a grudge or make it all full of drama if you don't go, I would then go for appetizers and leave at 2. If she makes a fuss, I would explain to her that you already told her that you have to leave at 2 to see you family. Would she be offended or upset if your family doesn't go over on Christmas day?

I like this idea

 

[disykat]

Your MIL asked you not to host brunch so she could host and then chose to host at a time she knew you couldn't attend. No obligation whatsoever.

Just go, enjoy having only one family to visit on Christmas Day!

 

[bellebud]

If I were you, I'd let this become a new family tradition. Christmas Eve w/ the in-laws, exchange all your gifts then w/ them. Have a nice Christmas dinner. Christmas morning w/ just your girls and dh, then off to your family at whatever time is good for you.

Think of it as less work for you. I do think seeing the in-laws on the Eve and the Day is too much, but that's just me. It sounds like too much running around to me.

You guys have allowed her to hijack both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so of course she's going to keep going with it. I'd have dh tell her you guys just can't do it anymore. It's too much stress and running around for you guys w/ your kids. If you don't mind, have him ask mil which she prefers, the Eve or the late-morning of Christmas Day. If she "insists" on seeing the Grandkids on the Day, is there any possible way for you to see your family on Christmas Eve?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Venting...

Okay, so I invited my MIL to join us (kids and I) to the movies last Sunday. during that time, she acknowledged that I have always hosted a brunch on Christmas day, but told me she REALLY wanted to host Christmas and asked me what time I planned to leave town to travel and see my side of the family (2hrs away). I told her 2pm.

I know she is eager to host a holiday in her new house and told her it was no problem and asked her to think about what I should bring...

So today, I get her email saying she plans on serving appetizers at between 1-2 and dinner after that. She did this for Thanksgiving too!!!

Since we will see them all Christmas eve at my SIL, we are declining the invitation on Christmas Day and plan on exchanging gifts the night before.

It really irks me that they don't consider that I may want to see MY family and spend some time with them. I don't see them that often because of the driving distance. H's family is local. I only see my family during kid's birthdays and holidays. I usually see my family every 3 months or so.

Should I feel bad about skipping Xmas day? Do I really need to see them less than 14 hrs later? WWYD?

My H is fine with just seeing them on Xmas eve...

(i also posted this in "My inlaws are worse that yours" thread)

It is time to cut the cord. See the inlaws on C. Eve and TELL THEM YOUR PLANS.

You are an adult, you do not need their permission to live your life.

Now go...skip C. Day brunch and be happy.