Holiday House Hopping- How do you decide?

[KingdomHearts]

How do you plan out or decide which in-laws you see for each holiday? Do you flip flop for each holiday? And How do you avoid fights about it?

 

[starann]

When I was single I went to as many houses as I could. Now that I am a mom and mykids are little....

Xmas Eve night we go to my DH's Aunt to see all the aunt and uncles and cousins..

We come home, put the boys to bed and Santa comes.

We stay home all day Xmas!!!!! Once I had kids I didn't htink it was fair that they get all these new toys and can't play with them, so we decided that we weren't going to leave the house on Xmas. Whoever is welcome at our house, but we don't leave. Some years we went to my cousins house at 6 or 7pm for snacks and to see them, but we didn't even do that last year.

The weekend after Xmas we go to my moms and do Xmas there!

 

[indimom]

We've always had a minimum of four parties to attend. DH parents and siblings, my parents and siblings and DMIL extended family and my mother's extended family (luckily my father and father-in-law's families do not get together at Christmas). For the first 10+ years of our marriage, we ended up with two parties on Saturday before Christmas and two parties on the Sunday before Christmas. It was a busy weekend and the kids were completely trashed with short naps and late nights. We managed, but it wasn't always fun.
This will be the first year that DMIL extended family have opted against a Christmas party which should make things a little easier. Our only complication this year is that DSis is dating again (post divorce) and we now have to coordinate our family party so that her boyfriend and his son can be included. And we have to coordinate our parties so that her children can attend both their father's family parties and ours. It can get a little crazy. This year, we had no choice but to schedule our immediate family party for the Saturday two weeks before Christmas, but we want everyone to be there...

Honestly, if your family is far apart or the parties overlap, I would probably rotate years. Especially when the kids are little. Trying to do it all can be exhausting, and does NOT get everyone in the Christmas spirit. Do Thanksgiving at one family's house and Christmas at the other, then flip those the following year. Something like that.

 

[RMulieri]

Simple..We don't travel.I am a nurse with a holiday rotation requirement..but even when it is not my holiday on, we stay home. When we didn't have DD we would drive to NJ ( we live in PA) and visit my parents, Dh's parents, grandma etc. They NEVER came to us.Even now they come out by us once a year.If we want to see them we travel,so I spend alot of the warmer months visiting family in NJ.When my daughter was born almost 6 yrs ago..I stopped the nonsense.We alternate Thanksgiving, but if they want to see us ON Christmas they come to us or we don't see them.It is funny that we see them now every Dec 26( my daughters bday)

 

[arcticdisneylovers]

We visit neither, we never travel at Christmas

 

[DisneyMOM09]

Christmas Eve we celebrate with DH's family. This is a holiday tradition for them.Then on Christmas day, we host Christmas dinner at our home, all of my brothers and sisters come, my mom and stepdad, my dad and stepmom and my husband's family all come to our house and we have a very large Christmas dinner. This year my grandma on my mom's side and my grandparents on my dad's side will also be in attendance. We make it one huge family dinner, with everyone involved. It's really wonderful for my children to get the opportunity to see thier whole family together on one day.

 

[taximomfor4]

One year, my mom was completely alone for Thanksgiving (had just divorced). We asked MIL a week or 2 in advance if mom could come with us to her house for dinner so she wouldn't be all alone .MIL said "No, we don't have room for her." I felt terrible the entire day, and my kids were cranky (we had 2 in diapers who still needed naps) and I spent a loooong time up in a darkened bedroom trying to keep one or the other calm. We decided we would stay home for all holidays, and do the open-house thing. Like for Christmas, we will cook brunch and dinner. Whoever wants to come over is welcome, just let me know so I have enough cooked! It has been 9 yrs now, and MIL/FIL are coming for the FIRST TIME this year. They chose brunch (my dad/stepmom AND my mom used to come for brunch but dad died last year, and mom moved to New Mexico several yrs ago).

I felt really mean, but was done choosing between my mom (and her new dh), my dad (plus stepmom), and the inlaws. I figured if my parents and their respective new spouses could get along on the holiday enough to celebrate together, the inlaws could as well.

THIS may not be the best solution for everybody. My family has had my mom coming around for 2 decades (since she divorced my dad) because she had no other family. We often had strays over for holidays. ANd we tend to do things in a very informal way. I loke it!

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

I'm fortunate in that my parents and my sister's family live in the same city as we do. We've been doing Christmas Eve at my parents' house for as long as I can remember. My brother's family has come most years from wherever they live (Orlando, VA, now OR) and we have a huge family Christmas together. Since this tradition was long established before we had kids, now it's nice that it's a given we'll be home for Christmas Eve and Christmas. We come home from my parents' house, put the boys to bed and they get to wake up to the magic of Christmas. We also stay home for Thanksgiving. My in-laws live about 7-8 hours away and we only see them maybe 2-3 times/year. We try to see them around the holidays, but it depends on how it fits with our schedules. We have gone at the beginning of December, mid-December or right after Christmas. Once or twice they've come to see us prior to Christmas. My husband and his brothers don't see each other often as they all live a good distance apart, so even when we go to see the ILs it is just be us and them, and us in a hotel room. It just works better for us to make the trip when it's convenient for us.

 

[C.Ann]

Once the kids came along going out on Christmas Day was something we made a choice not to do.. Christmas Eve we would host a large party at our home - and anyone who wanted to come to our home on Christmas Day was more than welcome..

My kids are all grown now - my DH has passed away - and I live with my DD, her DH, and my DGD during the winter months.. They have the same policy.. DD's IL's always come over on Christmas morning so they can be here to see their only grandchild opening gifts..

I'm not sure how we would have handled Christmas if we had grandparents/parents that lived hundreds of miles away though.. I suppose we would have had to travel there for several days and switch off from year to year.. It must be hard on people who are in that position..

 

[foltzy]

Before we had children we traveled everywhere. To my dh grandmother's, to his dad's, to his mom's, to my parents. We'd literally leave around 5:30 am and not get back until 10:30 pm or so.

Then once we had kids we decided if they wanted to see the kids they could travel to our place. We do go to my parents for Christmas dinner because they live all of 3 minutes from us. However, that will be stopping in the next year or so and we'll just do Christmas at our house.

 

[Dizney4evr]

Before my MIL moved to Arizona, my DH, DD, DS and I would spend Christmas Eve at my mom's and Christmas Day at my MIL. Now, we still spend Christmas Eve at my mom's, but now spend the day home. The kids love to play with all of their new toys. My DH's family that are still around us sometimes come to our house in the evening. A lot less stress this way.

 

[donac]

My family has always celebrated on Christmas Eve so we go visit with them. It is sometimes the only chance to see some of my siblings.

For a long time we had in laws here for Christmas Day. Last year we decided that mil couldn't travel so well so we brought the food that we would have served to her house. Our kids are older so it is no big deal.

Both families are less than an hour away.

 

[MrsPooh]

The last time we did crazy visiting on Christmas was 18 years ago. Dd was three at the time and that year I was feeling very sick with a cold.

Christmas Eve we had dinner at my grandmothers, drove half an hour to dh's aunt's home to celebrate with his dad's family, drove another half hour to attend an eleven o'clock church service with my immediate family and then arrived home about 12:30 am. Christmas morning we opened gifts at home, drove nearly an hour to celebrate with dh's mom's family and then drove another hour to have Christmas dinner with my family. At the end of the day I said "never again". It felt like we just ran in places to get gifts and leave. We didn't enjoy visiting with anyone and everyone was tired and crabby.

Since then we go to dh's aunt on Christmas Eve, celebrate at home on Christmas morning and go to my parent's home in the afternoon. We see my mil at the aunt's home on Christmas Eve but she is also invited to my parent's home on Christmas day since she has no other family in town. We'd never want anyone to be alone on a holiday.

Now my oldest is facing the same issues. She has three places to be on Christmas Eve and other three on Christmas Day.

 

[LWatson]

Not doing it this year (and kind of feeling relieved about it a bit), but here is what we normally do if we are in town.

DH's Grandma in the morning to see her and his Dad, Then his Mom's house for a little bit, and then over to my Mom/Dad's if they are there, and then to my Grandmother's. Its VERY overwhelming. Last year I was there w/o DH so I did his grandmother's Christmas eve, Mother's Christmas morning, and then my Grandmothers that night (staying w/ my parents so we did christmas early morning). The one year it really killed me was when I had just had DS2 about a week earlier and we did all of it because DH wanted to since he was in on break. I passed out asleep at his mom's and my grandmother's w/ our LO. We get to repeat all of this in a year. FUN (eyeroll).

 

[cmaee]

We live several states away from our family and we do not visit family on holidays so we don't have the worry about making the other set of parents upset by choosing to go to one and not the other. We told our parents right from the start that we would welcome them in our home for Thanksgiving or Christmas anytime they wanted, but we were going to be celebrating those holiday's at home. Thanksgiving isn't such a big deal to me to go out of town for, but my DH refuses to fly and the drive would take up at least 2 days, so by the time we get there, we have turn around and come home again...not my idea of fun. We have never had either one of our parents come here for Thanksgiving or Christmas either because of the traveling schedule. Our families are not exactly close, but I have some close friends who struggle with this battle every year. No matter what someone ends up getting their feelings hurt. While it stinks that we don't see our family much, at least we don't have hurt feelings over it.

 

[locolala]

We spend Christmas Eve with my Dad's side of the family. Christmas morning we spend with DH's dad and brother. We will drive home Christmas day and just chill out at home until DH has to go to work around 4pm. We'll go see my mom sometime around Christmas, she normally works Christmas eve and day, so we'll just work around her schedule. We don't really have much contact with DH's mom, so we don't worry much about going to see her.

 

[crisi]

Christmas Eve with my parents, my in laws come over Christmas Day.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

We stay home. Anyone is welcome to come for a meal but we are not going anywhere. The only time that we don't invite anyone is for Christmas morning. That is our time alone as a family.

 

[viviensmama]

I'm currently trying to decide what the heck we are going to do this year. In past years we have done insane visiting, leaving at eight or so in the morning and coming home after dark. We have always visited everyone and tried to make things run smoothly but this year with an infant it is NOT going to happen. I'm trying to talk my family into allowing us to host this year, but everyone is fussing about breaking tradition. Apparently it's not tradition unless I'm losing my mind! I had to put my foot down and say we would attend one event at my in laws on Christmas eve and one at my parents on Christmas day. Any other visiting is just going to have to be at my house!

As for family out of town, I usually go to visit them with my daughter myself since my husband has so few vacation days as it is.

Oh to be a kid again when the holidays were so fun and easy.....

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm currently trying to decide what the heck we are going to do this year. In past years we have done insane visiting, leaving at eight or so in the morning and coming home after dark. We have always visited everyone and tried to make things run smoothly but this year with an infant it is NOT going to happen. I'm trying to talk my family into allowing us to host this year, but everyone is fussing about breaking tradition. Apparently it's not tradition unless I'm losing my mind! I had to put my foot down and say we would attend one event at my in laws on Christmas eve and one at my parents on Christmas day. Any other visiting is just going to have to be at my house!

As for family out of town, I usually go to visit them with my daughter myself since my husband has so few vacation days as it is.

Oh to be a kid again when the holidays were so fun and easy.....

Oh honey- they don't get to allow you to do anything. If you want to host a dinner then host it. Whoever comes comes. I would not be hauling all over town. They clearly don't care that you don't get to enjoy your holiday. Don't let your child grow up and the only memories you both have of the holidays is running from house to house. Visit them another day.