Holiday gift advice please

[Kitzka]

Morning everyone:

I thought you all might be the best to help me with this. Each year DD buys gifts for friends of hers. She recieves a budget and carefully picks out what she wants to buy for everyone.

Due to the great sales at LT2 earlier this season she was able to buy great items for everyone under budget! (a budding budget boarder!)

well, last night i get a call from the mother of one of DD's friends (K). She tells me that she is too busy and doesn't have time to shop and her DD, K, will not be buying friend gifts and she does not want my DD to give her daughter anything. I told her i understood but as it was late I would need to talk to her more about it later.

I have not told my DD about this yet and wonder what I should do? I know that DD will want to give her friend the gift she picked out for her whether or not she gets something back (it's not why she does it). it's something she looks forward to each year and it's become part of our holiday tradition. She considers it part of her Christmas gift to be able to buy things for her friends.

that being said I also don't want to have the mother feel obligated to go and buy stuff for my DD just because her child is recieving a gift. I also don't want to hurt the mother's feelings.


So, what would you do? Abide by this mother's wishes and explain to my DD that she and K wll be not be exchaning gifts or let DD give K the gift anyway? I am freindly with the mom but I would not consider us to be good friends. I am the girl scout leader for K so I see the family often.

edited to add that the items are not large or extravagant, a shirt as well as a kooky pen and a little lip gloss are what we purchased.

I am just not sure what to do. DH is all for donating the gift to an angel tree which may be a good solution or even returning the items.

Thanks

Lara

 

[cheermom1]

Why not talk to the mom and explain to her what you explained to us ...she just might understand - then if not donate the gift

 

[xanman]

Maybe the Mom is just trying to trim the budget and can't afford to exchange this year, and "too busy" allows her to save face. I would call her and tell her that you already have a gift for her daughter and that your daughter knows that there will be no exchange, but still really wants to give her present to her friend. I would tell her that this year will be the last year you will buy anything, but you would like to give her what you already bought. I would also say you do not expect anything in return and that your daughter is fine with it. If she still says please don't, then I would donate it, and have that become your daughter's new tradition, picking a gift to give in honor of her friendship.

 

[clh2]

Maybe return the shirt, but still give her the pen and the lip gloss (which I am assuming are the littler gifts) But - please talk to the mom first.

Please be careful to not have the mom and her daughter feel guilted into getting your DD a gift especially if they cannot afford it.

 

[horseshowmom]

My perspective is a little bit different, I guess. I feel like since the mother has already made her wishes known to you that I would respect those wishes. Whatever her reason is, she has asked that this be the way it is.

I commend your daughter for wanting to give just for the sake of giving, but it does put the other person in an uncomfortable situation. I'm with your husband on this one. I would just explain the situation to your daughter.

 

[Darcy03231]

My perspective is a little bit different, I guess. I feel like since the mother has already made her wishes known to you that I would respect those wishes. Whatever her reason is, she has asked that this be the way it is.

I commend your daughter for wanting to give just for the sake of giving, but it does put the other person in an uncomfortable situation. I'm with your husband on this one. I would just explain the situation to your daughter.

I agree It sounds to me like the mom is trying cut back this year.

 

[Kitzka]

Thanks everyone. Sometimes you just need to hear another perspective.

I honestly don't know if the mom is cutting back. we aren't that close.

thanks again

lara

 

[DisneyGal358]

Can you hold on to the gift (or part of it) for the little girls birthday?

 

[Kitzka]

Can you hold on to the gift (or part of it) for the little girls birthday?

That is an option. My only problem with that is K's birthday is in jUly and the clothing item is a long sleeved shirt.

I appreciate the thought and had it not been seasonal then it would have been a great idea.

Lara

 

[Jsme]

I feel like since the other parent made the effort to call there is a good reason why (maybe more than she has told you) she does not want her daughter to recieve a gift. Times are hard right now and it might be she just can not afford the gifts this year. Or it might be true that she does not have time due to some other issues in their lives. Since the mother has called you I think you should respect her thoughts and do not give her daughter the chosen gift. I would then explain to my daughter the wishes of the parent. If you still feel strongly about the gift or your daughter does, why not over the holiday, take the girls to the movies, skating or even out to lunch. This would not be a per say gift but might help to appease your daughters willingness to give her friend a gift and no one will think of this as a gift.

 

[Maude4Disney]

Could you maybe do the gift in a "Secret Santa" sort of way? Not to go against the mother's wishes, but that way your daughter can still give her friend the gift and the parent wouldn't have to feel obligated to give in return.

 

[Tink-n-MrIncredible]

I feel like since the other parent made the effort to call there is a good reason why (maybe more than she has told you) she does not want her daughter to recieve a gift. Times are hard right now and it might be she just can not afford the gifts this year. Or it might be true that she does not have time due to some other issues in their lives. Since the mother has called you I think you should respect her thoughts and do not give her daughter the chosen gift. I would then explain to my daughter the wishes of the parent. If you still feel strongly about the gift or your daughter does, why not over the holiday, take the girls to the movies, skating or even out to lunch. This would not be a per say gift but might help to appease your daughters willingness to give her friend a gift and no one will think of this as a gift.

I agree with Jsme maybe they are having hard times. I would respect the mothers wishes.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think the mom just wants to end this tradition. My kids can buy their friends gifts when they're old enough to do it themselves. I have 5 children, plus their teachers, the crossing guards, etc., plus the grab bag gifts they end up doing in their classes. It's overwhelming as it is! When dd12 was younger, she'd make things on her own, or give away small toys, to her friends.

 

[Kimkimba]

I think you should respect the mother's wishes. The mother called for a reason, and while she may be "busy," she may also be on a tight budget this year.

Donating the gift to an angel tree sounds like a great idea.

 

[donald&daisy]

I think you should respect the mother's wishes. The mother called for a reason, and while she may be "busy," she may also be on a tight budget this year.

Donating the gift to an angel tree sounds like a great idea.

ITA!

 

[disprincessatheart]

Maybe return the shirt, but still give her the pen and the lip gloss (which I am assuming are the littler gifts)

I like this idea - your daughter gets to give a gift, but it's not so large the other girl or her mom will feel like they have to reciprocate. Donate the shirt to the angel tree.

 

[abbybeth]

Regardless of the reason behind the other mom asking for this - I would respect her request. Many times people have other factors in their lives that they wouldn't feel comfortable sharing and especially since you mentioned that you and this mom are not close, it should be a flag that she called you to discuss this - it probably wasn't an easy call for her to make.

Your DD will probably be disappointed to not be able to give her friend the gift she so carefully picked out, but explain it as you feel best and maybe your DD can still make her a Christmas card or small gift. You also have to consider that it may embarass her friend if she receives this lovely gift from your DD and has nothing to give in return.

Sounds like your DD has a good head on her shoulders with her thoughts on the gift giving process (in actually wanting to make someone happy as opposed to just being able to receive things in return) and will likely understand.

 

[clownchk]

it sounds like you have raised a wonderful little girl. Maybe you can donate the gifts in the little girls name that would have received them,?

 

[dzorn]

According to me in Holidays you will be free to spend time and that one also free for whom you are going to take gift. So as per me to give a any tour or trip is the best gift. It gives the great fun and make the holiday special also.

Why are you pulling up ancient threads?

Denise in MI