Hoarders on A&E, do you watch?

[HelenePA]

Learned behavior? Ok so it is something your parents or grandparents teach you to do?

So you admit it is not a mental disorder and I totally agree with you on that! The people that want to say having (again god forbid) cancer vs keeping old newspaper clippings are living in another world..

Thank you Helene for helping me make my pint. I am very sorry about you missing your grandmother..

Oh no no I said for my GRANDMOTHER it was a learned behavior I did not say for everyone who hoards that is the case.. Oh hell no I am not helping you at all

 

[themilesfamily]

Edandcolleen1995, I wish everything in life were that simple and easily-explained. But I do empathize with your take on things -- you think it WOULD be as simple as just telling these people to get off their butts and clean, or for someone else to go in and clean the place.

My mother is a hoarder. Same story as everyone else's -- she gets extremely anxious at the idea of throwing anything away, junk knee-deep. We've gone into her house on a few occasions and cleared and cleaned the entire house. Every time she comes homes and cries, gets angry at us, and goes into a major depression. She insists that she has a "system" for finding things and now we've disrupted her system and she can't find anything. She also accuses us of throwing out things that are "important." Immediately she begins hoarding again. And within months the house is filled with junk again.

As a kid growing up that way, it was awful, embarrassing and really damaged our childhoods. We weren't able to have friends in the house, we could barely open the door to let someone else in, for fear they'd see the house. I would have felt SO much better at the time knowing how many people were dealing with hoarding -- I thought our family was the only one. We would have LOVED to have cleaned the house as kids, but my mother absolutely forbid it.

In my mother's case, I do see it now as OCD -- but I also do think her childhood is somewhat to blame. My mother's mother died in childbirth and she was farmed out to a variety of relatives. She would spend one month with one family, another with another family. She was rotated around. I just think she never had any space of her own and very few things of her own -- so now that she has her own space, she can't let anything go. It's kind of a separation anxiety with all of her belongings.

That's a bit of pop psychology, but who knows. It may be a contributing factor to why she hoardes. My mother is a very kind, loving, college-educated, maternal person and people LOVE her -- but I know there is disgust when people find out the truth about how she keeps her house, and I feel bad for her about that.

ETA: I read recently that there is a correlation between brain lesions and hoarding. I wonder if my mother may have suffered some kind of a brain injury during childbirth -- her mom was in labor for days and eventually died of a 4" cervical tear hours after she was born. Perhaps my mother sustained some kind of injury from a traumatic and prolonged birth process that has contributed to her hoarding??

 

[NotUrsula]

I have hoarding tendencies. I grew up in a very strapped and frugal household with parents who were serious recyclers, and I have a hard time throwing away ANYTHING that has any potential whatsoever for recycling. (Not in terms of industrial recycling such as newspapers or aluminum cans, but recycling in terms of using it for a secondary purpose, like cutting down adult clothing to re-use the fabric for children's clothing, etc.) I also always have plans to sell things that have resale value, but I'm so busy with work and the kids that I never manage to get around to it. My basement is also full of furniture that I plan to either repair or refinish so that my children can use it when they move out of the house: my oldest is 12. (I still have pretty much all of the clothing he has ever worn, too, just in case the younger one can one day use it.)

I don't keep trash, but I do keep financial papers, for just about forever. I was going through a box two days ago and discovered all of my credit card statements from 20 years ago. I've got a copy of almost every airline ticket I've ever purchased, too. If there is any chance I will need to prove something for a warranty or a lawsuit, I've got the documentation. Lately that is getting better, as I've started scanning this stuff instead of keeping hardcopies.

My house *is* really cluttered, and I'm trying very hard to deal with the fact that I just don't have time to re-purpose all these things, and especially that it is OK to sometimes just throw away clothing that is still in good shape. Lately I've been able to do it sometimes -- but I still cut off the buttons and zippers first, because I *do* re-use those frequently, and new ones are expensive.

I should say that I *don't* get upset with people who throw my stuff away, except for the occasional sentimental item (I don't have many of those.) I'm pretty good about accepting that when something is gone, it's gone, and I don't feel compelled to "restock" as it were.

 

[chisnpeke]

I had to erase what I had written the first 2 times I've never had points but I'm pretty sure I would have gotten them

The truth is I didn't know what to say that would be acceptable on this board.

 

[Briarmom]

The truth is I didn't know what to say that would be acceptable on this board.

Nothing would be.

Just a lot of hugs for all those that are going through this. It's hard for many of us to understand. The dead cats really got to me, but the mother who couldn't get through the Big Gulp cup to get her own children back really showed me what a horrid disease this is.

 

[zachnsamsmommy]

Although I've never watched the show, I do think I have some hoarding tendencies (and I need to watch it...just don't know when it is on).

I have a hard time getting rid of things, and my house is cluttered. I really want to get rid of things, but have the hardest time doing it. I am trying really hard to do it for my DH, so now about half the house is clean. I honestly wonder if hoarding is genetic...my grandparents just went to a nursing home, and my dad is having Junk Bee Gone to haul off stuff in a couple of weeks. There are rabbit trails in the whole house, and the basement you can't even walk thru. My dad has already taken out the stuff that matters...old pictures, antiques, etc. I really hope I don't end up being like my grandfather.

Anyways...I suffer from depression, and my doctor has said numerous times that depression/anxiety/OCD all have to do with seratonin levels in the brain. I wonder how much depression has to do with hoarding and OCD.

Anyways...

 

[PixieDust32]

I have become addicted to this show. I am in the mental health field but even if not, this form of OCD is very interesting, be it heart breaking also. What are your thoughts if you watch?

No, what time?
I'd seen shows about that in Oprah and such, I think is interesting.

 

[Jaclynfett]

My mother is an extreme hoarder. I imagine if it's ever discovered, it would make her local news.

 

[PixieDust32]

My Mom is too, not like those people on tv, but she likes to keep things and loves garage sales, she said that you never know when you need the stuff.

 

[Fintastic]

I understand keeping sentimental things like baby clothes. What I don't understand is why people keep trash. Plastic bags, candy wrappers, soda bottles, etc. That stuff is garbage - throw it out! It just seems lazy to me.

 

[PixieDust32]

I understand keeping sentimental things like baby clothes. What I don't understand is why people keep trash. Plastic bags, candy wrappers, soda bottles, etc. That stuff is garbage - throw it out! It just seems lazy to me.

Agree.
Some people can't help it, they buy stuff just to buy it, and they never use it or can't even find it

 

[disykat]

I understand keeping sentimental things like baby clothes. What I don't understand is why people keep trash. Plastic bags, candy wrappers, soda bottles, etc. That stuff is garbage - throw it out! It just seems lazy to me.

That's the problem - some of them literally don't see it as garbage!

I've known some horrible slobs - but they weren't hoarders. They had no trouble letting go of stuff when they got around to it. Totally different.

 

[MushyMushy]

I understand keeping sentimental things like baby clothes. What I don't understand is why people keep trash. Plastic bags, candy wrappers, soda bottles, etc. That stuff is garbage - throw it out! It just seems lazy to me.

Of course you don't understand it -- you don't suffer from the mental illness. I don't understand an obsessive compulsion to clean ones hands over and over again, but I'd never say they should just stop.

Don't you think if they could, they would? Do you think they are happy being in such a foul mess?

 

[Disney Ella]

For those of you whose parents hoard - have they always done it or is this something that started when they got older?

My parents have a neighbor up the road who is a hoarder. She inherited the farm when her parents died and has filled up the house, barn and several other buildings with junk she gets out of dumpsters. She lives in a motel room now because she can't live in the house anymore, but my parents still seeing her unloading more junk on the property. In this woman's case, she has had some form of mild mental illness since she was a teenager (at least, that's what another neighbor told my mother years ago), was able to keep a job, but always lived with her parents. Her mother was able to keep her in line, but once the mother died, this woman started filling the house with junk and her father was too frail to handle the situation.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I understand keeping sentimental things like baby clothes. What I don't understand is why people keep trash. Plastic bags, candy wrappers, soda bottles, etc. That stuff is garbage - throw it out! It just seems lazy to me.

It is OCD. It doesn't matter if it is trash or gold bars. It is not the item that is the issue it is the behavior.

It is a behavioral disorder.

 

[MushyMushy]

For those of you whose parents hoard - have they always done it or is this something that started when they got older?

My parents have a neighbor up the road who is a hoarder. She inherited the farm when her parents died and has filled up the house, barn and several other buildings with junk she gets out of dumpsters. She lives in a motel room now because she can't live in the house anymore, but my parents still seeing her unloading more junk on the property. In this woman's case, she has had some form of mild mental illness since she was a teenager (at least, that's what another neighbor told my mother years ago), was able to keep a job, but always lived with her parents. Her mother was able to keep her in line, but once the mother died, this woman started filling the house with junk and her father was too frail to handle the situation.

My parents didn't get really bad until they were older. Our house was always messy. So much so that my sister and I were always embarrassed to have friends over. There would be junk piled up along the walls, nothing was put away, our dining room table was used as a huge laundry basket. Every once in a while, my mother would sweep through and clean. Or she'd make my sister and I clean it up, then berate us for being lazy and not doing it to her satisfaction. My father was just a plain mess. He'd drop coffee grinds on the floor and just leave the mess.

They were always telling us how lazy we were for not trying harder, but nobody ever gave us the tools to deal with it. Couldn't throw things away, and we just didn't know how to deal with that big a mess. My sister and I both still struggle with organization around the house.

When they got older, they got so much worse. Not only were they holding on to all the old stuff, they were also bringing in more and more. For my dad it was car parts catalogs, magazines, newspapers and books. For my mom, it was food, knick knacks, kitsch, cookbooks (huge collection), and just all kinds of junk that filled the bedrooms and down into the living area. My sister and I go over once in a while to help my dad straighten his magazines. We'll put the older ones in a rubbermaid container and he'll go right behind us and tear them all out of the box.

My parents were NOT lazy people. They worked their tails off their entire lives -- from the time they were old enough to hold a job (and I'm talking young ages, like 10-12) to the time they couldn't physically do it any more! Anyone who believes that hoarders choose to live like that has no idea what they're talking about.

 

[diesel]

The people who hoard food just amaze me. They had a woman who would still eat out dated food. She had stacks of yogurt in her fridge and it was over 6 months old but she still ate it. Even when they tried to throw away a rotten pumpkin she stopped them and said she wanted the seeds. I'm assumng her issue come from not having enough food at one point in her life.

 

[wdwfan16]

I can't wait for the next episode and then when I watch I am sickened by the filth.

 

[metime]

I only watch because it really inspires me to clean. Kind of like seeing a terrible accident makes you check your seat belt.

 

[Amg120499]

I also watch the show and have to say I was really touched by the episode with the 21 year old man. My heart just ached for him.