High school graduation "shower"

[megthewonderful]

Registering for gifts for going away to college? Sheesh! Usually for high school graduations I give a $25 to Bed, Bath and Beyond and they can go pick out some towels or something useful for the dorm. If it's a close family member I'd give them a larger amount of cash. But, registering? I don't know. I think that is reserved only for weddings and babies. This party better be the graduation party. If this is a second party or you already gave a graduation gift, I'd politely decline.

 

[Lisa06468]

Ive never heard of it either. I dont have a problem at all with high school graduation parties. Its a milestone and should be celebrated whether a child goes to college or not. Registering for gifts though -- no way. Backyard picnic is the way to go. Let the attendees decide what they want to give as a gift.

 

[christa112]

That is ridiculous!!!

 

[ilisao]

When does it end? When will all this gift-grabbing stop?

When I graduated in 1987, my parents had a BBQ in honor of my and my friends. Yes, my family came, but there was no expectation of gifts. I don't think I received any. The point of the evening was just to celebrate our milestone and enjoy each other's company.

My parents and I outfitted my dorm room. We knew college was coming so it wasn't exactly a surprise that snuck up on us. Never did it occur to us that it was the responsibility of others to do it.

 

[Pigeon]

.

I'd mail her a showercap and forget it.

 

[Todd&Copper]

I'm wondering, should I have a shower for the 5th Anniversary of DH's hip replacement surgery? Oh, or for my next dental appointment (I'll register my PayPal acct so people can just donate straight to my "tooth fixin' fund). Maybe I should have one b/c my dog had a bowel movement this morning.

This is so ridiculous.

A graduation shower is what you do to clean yourself the morning of the ceremony. It is not a gift grab. Save your own money and buy your own junk. It shouldn't "take a village" to outfit your kid's dorm room.

 

[jessily]

When I graduated from HS ('02) I think graduation parties in general were out of control. I probably got invited to about 30, attended maybe 15 (those of my closer friends). I showed up at 14 of those parties with gifts because that is what was expected. How many of my close friends got me a graduation gift (I didn't have a party)? 0! which is teh way I wanted it. we're all graduating, it's kind of silly to buy each other gifts. But after those few weeks I definitely came out feeling like the point of the party was to get gifts. A family party w/ a few close friends... sure! but inviting your entire graduating class, seems kind of silly to me. The best was that 15th party where I didn't take a gift. It wasn't someone I knew especially well and I stopped by for a few minutes to say hello to everyone so I took a card. A few weeks later I got a thank you card from him, "thanks for the great gift, it will be so useful, etc."

 

[Tinkermommy]

I think the real problem I am having with this is the expectation of a gift (and only certain "approved" ones at that). If you have a backyard BBQ, then people will make their own decision whether to give a gift or not and how much to spend. In general, other than wedding or baby showers, I think it is tacky to mention anything about gifts on an invite since you are assuming people owe you one.

I didn't have a wedding (got married by a magistrate and still married 21 years later ) so no wedding registry. When I got pregnant I wasn't going to register as it seemed greedy/picky to me and some people ask for very expensive gifts only! Several people told me to that it was easier for them to go and pick something and be done. So I did, but I didn't put the big ticket items (we or my parents bought those) and included lots of lower price items (bibs, etc) so people could really spend what they could afford!

 

[eliza61]

ITA. Reminds me of The Incredibles:

Helen: I can't believe you don't want to go to your own son's graduation.

Bob: It's not a graduation. He is moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade.

Helen: It's a ceremony!

Bob: It's psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity...



OP, I hope you plan to decline the "opportunity".......

Yes I fully plan on declining.
First, she had a really nice party the night of the actual graduation. Which we gave an extremely nice gift.
Next, I'm still a bit peeved because she needed $475.00 Manolos to graduate in.
lastly, they didn't even bother to put what college this child will be attending, just an invitation to bring a gift.

As a side note: I went to college in the 70's (University of Pittsburgh ), we were lucky if we had a wash clothe that matched a towel. When did a dorm room start to look like a Pottery barn catalogue cover.
I'll say it again, no wonder these young ladies graduate with no idea of the word "budget"

 

[shirleyb]

I hope you find a way to let the parents know how tacky this is!

My big splurge when I went to college was Mom gave me a $20 bill to go to KMart and buy new towels. I didn't have to take the worn out ones from home. I'm still using some of them almost 25 years later!

 

[emh1129]

Wow. That's just tacky.

The quote from The Incredibles made me laugh

 

[PastorsWife]

It may be a regional thing.

Where I grew up (southeast Michigan), it was customary to have an "open house", and it was a big deal. My parents rented a wedding tent, and we had a buffet for 150. All my relatives were invited (with "Wedding" type invites) and I was allowed to invite some close friends. I received checks from between $25 and $1000, and a few gifts.

I just received an invitation to a friend of the family's daughter's 2008 Open House, so I'm pretty sure it's still done there.

 

[Belle5]

I just graduated my third senior several weeks ago. We had a cold-stone creamery cake and subway, watermelon, etc. and invited 6 close relatives to celebrate. The rest of his family cards (and close friend cards) came in the mail. That is how my son wanted things. My older son had a full buffet at hotel ballroom. (We did this because we were living at the hotel at the time due to house damage) We cooked everything and ordered the cake. That was for family and friends. We celebrated my second son by renting out a recreation center with basketball court, etc. and served more picnic type fare and cake and punch. Everything was great and folks brought what they wanted--cards mostly.

Now, having said all that--OP--this is your niece you are talking about! Roll your eyes on this board and at home all you want (I know I might). I think you should go to the "shower" and take a gift w/in your budget and paint a smile on your face. If I could go back and re-make some of my decisions to boycott certain celebrations (because of the "principle" of the thing), I would. What if your niece never gets married? I have several nieces (beautiful and educated) right now in the 28-35 year range--with no prospects for marriage. I would save your indignation for invitations you receive from non-relatives and people you are not close with. The wording on the invitation is tasteless. I'll bet way-back-when there were probably people up-in-arms about baby shower invitations and wedding shower invitations. Maybe your nieces parents want to make sure that instead of cash, the gifts are more personal. I don't know... If you have already sent cash or another gift, take a card and remind them of it. "I hope you will take the money we sent you earlier and purchase one of the darling items on your registry list!" Go and be there for your niece!

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Next, I'm still a bit peeved because she needed $475.00 Manolos to graduate in.

What are Manolos?

Like you, I'm from South Jersey too. This is definitely not a regional thing!!! OMG, I couldn't believe what I read. I think it's sooo tacky. Kids need to get a job and buy all this crap themselves. I don't even think parents should have to pay for it all, including the college tuition!!

We've only been invited to my close friend's son's HS graduation party which was back yard BBQ/Tiki Bar style. Ping pong, horseshoes, etc.

My neice just graduated from college and my sis/bil just had our immediate family w/kids, same on his side, my grandmother (neice's great-gmom), my neice's 3 closest friends, and my sister's 3 close friends. Nothing fancy, backyard type.


I would politely decline and definitely not send a gift. Hopefully enough people will do the same and they'll realize how greedy they're being.
UGH!!

 

[jcc0621]

I have just got a new job. You are all invited to my "New Job Shower."

Since I need a new wardrobe, please come and shower me with gifts and good wishes!

I am registered at Ann Taylor, Banana Republic and Bloomingdales

Regrets only!

This kind of "shower" has been a family tradition in my family- since I graduated in 88. My first cousin's son is this weekend. However- we don't send out invitations...close family members decide when we will all get together with the kid going off to college. (We are a pretty close knit family.) The graduate gets some of the stuff he or she will need for going off to college. Gifts are often inexpensive towels, sheets, laundry baskets....anything like that that he or she will need. We do it to help out our family members (in a very small way) with the outrageous cost of college...

This isn't a bad idea especially since it is something that you do and only family is involved.

OP - I hope this trend doesn't make it over to this side of the Deleware

------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmmmm. I wonder if I could register for some DVC points

 

[Todd&Copper]

What are Manolos?

Expensive designer shoes.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

Expensive designer shoes.

OMG!!!
Wow, I spent less than that for me and my 2 boys to fly RT to Orlando this Sept!

 

[isyt]

ITA. Reminds me of The Incredibles:

Helen: I can't believe you don't want to go to your own son's graduation.

Bob: It's not a graduation. He is moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade.

Helen: It's a ceremony!

Bob: It's psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity...



OP, I hope you plan to decline the "opportunity".......

My hubby and I say this line all the time. Hubby just got an award at work and we joked that they were celebrating mediocrity!!!

 

[Shyvioletisme]

It seems to be a newish trend. I'm probably going to get flamed at some point, but I don't think that registering for gifts for every milestone is appropriate. Weddings, yes.....babies, yes. Graduating from High School...not so much! But I also don't agree with celebrating preschool or kindergarten "graduations". I wonder how much longer it will be before kiddos are registering for those!! LOL. ( I plan on taking my son to Great Adventure for the day if they try and have a graduation ceremony!)

As an aside, when I graduated, I got a few checks from relatives, and someone bought me a new backpack (my uncle, who had just graduated from college, who knew the value of a high quality backpack!). Guess what got the most use and I kept the longest??? Yep, that backpack!!! And we had a BBQ in the backyard, but that was all the way back in 1991 !!!

I agree with you here...I graduated in 2000 and all we did was have a little get together at my parents house with my immediate family and had lunch and some cake...I got a couple of checks, but nothing was asked for and nothing was expected from people...I think people are getting so carried away these days expecting people to just buy them stuff for every little thing...

I'd politely decline the invitation.

 

[prncess674]

Graduation parties have gotten out of control. I was very hesitant in 1992 to have one, but my parents were really wanting to throw a party. My parents are party people and have lots of parties anyway. They saw it as a way for them to celebrate their joy with friends and family. I was working at a local department store during the high school year and had done a good job of scouring the sale tables for sheets, towels, etc for my dorm so I already had a color theme.

A bit off topic but I received lots of checks from friends of my parents as grad gifts. My mom held the checks hostage till I wrote each and every thank you note. She even reviewed them to make sure they were appropriately written. To this day I won't use a gift till I have written a thank you note from that experience.

You should be disappointed with the parents for the invites for sure, but it peeves me even more when I am not appropriately thanked for gifts.