Hey teachers, where is the line between "healthy interest" and "go away"?

[nuttylawprofessor]

A mom of a second-grader at our bus stop said that she is in touch with her son's teacher at least once a week, often more. This struck me as hovering. Am I crazy? Or is this something teachers want? Do you want to hear from parents every week?

 

[busyshrew]

Ummm.. I'm no teacher (the idea of being closed up in a roomful of small children all day long... , good for you who are!). But talking to your child's teacher EVERY WEEK?? sounds like crazy-talk to me!

Unless her child is special needs and she really needs to be in close contact with the teacher? But my own DD is in kindergarten and really, the most I usually do is a "hello" and "goodbye" when I'm picking up my girl at the end of the day. Maybe I'm the baaaad mommy here!

 

[angie@dvcstore]

Sounds a little to crazy for me

 

[luvmy3]

When my ds was in K he had some issues and his teacher and I would be in contact with eachother once a week. Who knows, maybe there is something going on.

 

[happygirl]

I don't see it as crazy. I think it's great they have such a good relationship

 

[Ceila]

Honestly, it depends on the teacher and the student. I know some teachers who have students with specific challenges, and they touch base with the parents weekly to report on progress, usually by e-mail. Not every teacher does this, of course. I also know parents of snowflakes who don't rest until they know every little detail of their kid's school life, and they are deninitely considered to be helicopter parents. It would be difficult to make any judgements about this particular situation without knowing the details of why they are in such frequent contact.

 

[Mermaid02]

Maybe it's a simple email Maybe the child is having difficulties. Maybe the teacher likes to update parents frequently. Maybe the teacher is so happy to have a parent that actually gives a crap that she likes the interaction........

I dont' think there really is an answer to your question.

 

[kpm76]

It does sound overboard, but without knowing if the child has special needs, IEP, behavioral or emotional issues etc it's really hard to pass judgement......

 

[walkerag]

I email DD's teacher every Monday to give her DD's after school schedule (when DH is home she rides the bus, when we're both at work she goes to YMCA). I also do not hesitate to email her regarding homework assignments and grades. DD is ADHD (inattentive) and frequently forgets things. She is in IEP for math which she has to do in class but she often forgets to bring home her regular homework. I check her grades online usually every Friday and if I see that she has no grade for a homework assigment, I'll email the teacher to see if she's forgotten to bring it home. It's not too often that I have to email for this reason though.
Now I'm worried, I hope I'm not being a "helicopter" parent. I just want to be certain she get's her work done

 

[ilovejack02]

I email DD's teacher every Monday to give her DD's after school schedule (when DH is home she rides the bus, when we're both at work she goes to YMCA). I also do not hesitate to email her regarding homework assignments and grades. DD is ADHD (inattentive) and frequently forgets things. She is in IEP for math which she has to do in class but she often forgets to bring home her regular homework. I check her grades online usually every Friday and if I see that she has no grade for a homework assigment, I'll email the teacher to see if she's forgotten to bring it home. It's not too often that I have to email for this reason though.
Now I'm worried, I hope I'm not being a "helicopter" parent. I just want to be certain she get's her work done

It is such a hard line to walk. At some point you have to let them just work it out and they have to start growing up and learning how to deal with ADHD without mom and Dad hovering , but it is hard to know when that is.

My kept up with my DS21 until prob 7th grade just like you, emailing teachers etc every week, but honestly I think we should have started earlier making him be more responsible with his homework etc. We really just babied him to long with his ADHD and we should have made him learn to stand on his own earlier.

Live and learn I guess, he is pretty well adjusted and moving on through life now after lots of stumbles.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'm a teacher, and a parent -- I'm definitely not a helicopter parent (more like borderline neglect).

I would say that I come close to communicating with my 5th grader's teachers every week. In Feb., we had PT conference, so I communicated with the homeroom teacher twice about that -- once to set it up, and once at the conference. I'm also the mom in charge of birthday snack, so I sent her an email to let her know when it was coming. And there was an issue where something came up with the PE teacher and his asthma, so I communicated with them -- back and forth a few times. Oh, and my son was sick on the day of school play tryouts, and so when I called to report him sick I also spoke briefly to the drama teacher to let her know that he wouldn't be there (he's the Assistant Director so doesn't actually need to try out).

So, that's way more than once a week, and we only had 3 weeks of school this month.

If she's talking about routine communication -- letting the teacher know your kid is sick, or setting up a volunteer thing, chaperoning a field trip, I don't think once a week is excessive. If it's in depth conversations, then yes, I think that's a lot to ask.

 

[shirleyb]

I definitely didn't talk to my kids' teacher once a week. If I needed something, I'd email, if they needed something, they let me know.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Is she the class mom? My wife did this when she was the class mom, but almost none of the conversation was about our son...

 

[Mandychelle79]

I try to keep in contact with my dd's teacher. Some times its more than others depending on the issue we are working on. At our last meeting I told him to please call me when Bradyn misbehaved as we were working on getting a med adjustment. He called me the next day because of a behavior that was abnormal for her. When I didnt hear from him the next week, I called him on Friday to make sure all went well during the week. I havent called since because her med adjustment seems to have done the trick. I usually talk to the school atleast 1 time per month though as a checkup on her.

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

Not a teacher or a parent...

Maybe something is going on, or maybe she wants to be sure everything is going ok.

When I was in 5th grade for instance, I would not turn in my homework. Each week, my teacher would have me dump out my desk and there would be my A-grade homework. My parents started contacting her once a week to make sure my homework was being turned in. She also sent home notes several times a week and had me get her signature on my homework planner daily. My parents continued this teacher contacting through 7th grade.

Of course, some parents are just worry warts or a little over-protective of their children.

 

[MM27]

I know when I'm calling too much when they stop answering the phone

I think the answer is, it depends. I have one student that I email the mother almost daily, but that is an extreme case. He is a huge behavior problem and does little work and the mother is finally realizing that he may be held back if it continues so she is beginning to get serious with him at home. I'll shoot her off an email at the end of the day so that she can hear the good, bad and the ugly of the day.

If a parent of most of the other students were calling several times a week, I would say they are asking for too much.

 

[Becky2005]

It would all depend on why they are in contact. I have no need to be in weekly contact with any of my kid's teacher but I also know some of the aides/support and have seen them at functions with my older kids since their kids are in the same school/grade. We don't usually talk school then though.

Of course, I'm the bad mom that stopped going to conferences for DD once she hit middle school. They actually sent a letter home saying that if you had no concerns to not bother (that was before they opened a 2nd middle school) -- considering I had heard for the last 6 years -- great kid, want 25 more like her, needs to work on her spelling....I could literally recite what they were going to tell me -- I figured no need.

DS on the other hand, I'm pretty sure I'll be at conferences all the way through HS but he is special ed. I do get a weekly e-mail from the resource teacher just stating what the weekly agenda is but it's a generic all "her" kids get the same e-mail.

 

[krcit]

I agree with pps that it's impossible to say not knowing the particular student or parent. When I used to pick up my kids from school there was always 'that mother' that monopolized the teacher at dismissal every day. Noone else could get to her to ask or tell her anything. However, I also saw some kids with learning or behavior issues that the parent needed to talk to the teacher quite often.

 

[ksjayhawks]

If there is a special reason, such as some mentioned here--bus riding, medicines, etc--that is fine. Otherwise sounds "helicopter" to me.

 

[Rora]

Third grade teacher here.

It really depends on the situation. If the child is struggling, then this frequent emailing is normal and expected. If I'm having problems with a child, you can bet I'll be in contact with the parent as frequently as the problem persists. Now, if the mom is just calling to check in, track the progress, ask how the week went, etc, it's crossing the line for me. I have too many other things to do that pertain to my classroom (and I DO have a personal life.. or try to at least ). That being said, I always appreciate a friendly email from a parent telling me that their student likes me, is doing well at home with homework, etc.